Three of a Kind (Book 16) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Who said three is a crowd?

From the Back of the Book:  Who is the real Mac McAllister?  Dana is in love...again, with Mac, a gorgeous boy in town.  Shelley and Faith are happy for Dana, at least at first, but there's something a little odd about Mac.  Why doesn't he ever remember Dana's friends after he meets them?  Why does he forget where he and Dana are supposed to go on a date?  Is he just very absent-minded?  One night, when Faith and Shelley see Mac with Pamela, when he's supposed to be with Dana, they start to wonder.  Mac seems to be a boy with a secret, and the roommates want to find out what it is.  When they do, Dana is in for the biggest surprise of her life.

((((Um....Faith and Shelley never caught Mac with Pamela.)))

This book was published in 1985 and this is my first time reading it. The ghostie for this book was Barbara B. Hiller. We've encountered this one before. She also ghosted for Friends Times Three and Here Comes the Bridesmaid in the Andy/Jane/Toby series. I'm pretty sure we've come across her in the other blog too but I might be making that up.

The cover of this book presents the girls in their true form – stupid clowns. They should be forced to walk around like that all the time so everyone would know to stay away from them. My only real comment about the artwork is that the makeup looks really poorly done. Then again, Shelley is doing it so that might not be a mistake on the artist's part.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). Faith is dating Johnny the future police officer from town and Shelley is still stringing along her hometown boyfriend Paul while dating Tom at the same time. Dana is....complicated. I think she and Randy are just being friends right now but who the hell knows?  In the last book, the entirety of Baker House (with the exception of Pamela) agreed to tell the truth for 48 hours. Our girls were originally smug about it and then discovered that they lie a lot more than they thought. PA suffered a minor medical emergency and the cafeteria decided to start serving pizza. It was riveting.

Missing, Presumed Dead: There was a massive massacre in this book y'all.  Sheff, Terry, Michael, Johnny, Tom, Ginny and Elizabeth are all absent from these pages.  I fear Shelley finally lost it and went on a rampage.  At least the tulips are well fertilized.  

Risen from the Tulip Bed: Everyone was present and accounted for last book so there were no zombies to resurrect.

We begin with Faith in the darkroom printing photographs. It's spring and she is thinking about the summer internship with a newspaper in Washington DC that she wants to apply for. She needs to submit a portfolio soon to be considered and she's trying to get everything just perfect. On her way back to Baker House she runs into Pamela. Pamela seems more friendly than usual and tells Faith that she's madly in love. Faith thinks to herself that it's a miracle that anyone could love Pamela but doesn't spare anymore brain power toward it even though Pamela never named her boo.

Faith gets back to 407 in time for the ghostie to remind us that Gale is still firmly attached to Shelley. Why are they all so obsessed with Gale? Are they trying to make Shelley more relatable? Because it isn't working. As a bonus, ghostie tells us that Shelley's face needs some work too and that's just savage.

Faith tells them about the summer internship and then asks if someone will go to town with her tomorrow to pick out a portfolio to put the pictures in. Shelley has a biology lab and Dana has apparently agreed to babysit for her Latin teacher's son, Lester. Welcome to the series, Lester. Don't get comfortable. I'm sure you'll be choking on dirt and worms soon.

The next day, Dana is bitten by spring fever. She decides she needs to do something outdoors with the 💫magical💫 boy she's been stringing along. She calls Randy to ask if he wants to do something after she finishes babysitting Lester but he tells her he's too busy. She notices how distracted and apathetic he sounds and she's a little butthurt about it. She actually tells us that she can't imagine that he has anything to do that's more important than her.

#Danacandie

I seriously hope Randy isn't the one Pamela is in love with. That would suck. He deserves better.

Dana is still fuming as she goes to Mr James' house to babysit Lester. They have a dog named Tuff chained to a tree in the front yard and he keeps getting all tangled up. At one point he gets the chain wrapped around his neck and all of his struggles just make it worse. Dana can't get close enough to free him because he's agitated and snapping at her. She finally waves down a neighbor who is out mowing his grass.

Neighbor, naturally is gorgeous. He has a “soft, reassuring voice” that soothes both Dana and the poor dog. He's able to get the chain from around the dog's neck and then introduces himself as Mac McAllister. Which clearly isn't his real first name. Maybe she should ask him for his real first name. She invites him in for snacks and they flirt a lot. He eventually gets her digits and leaves.

We skip ahead two days and Shelley and Faith are already very tired of hearing about Mac because Dana cannot shut up about him. Faith is still ensconced in her photography portfolio for the internship and can't spare many fucks for Dana's newest victim. Shelley also has a project on her mind – making their costumes for the upcoming “costume dance”. Seriously??? Costume dance? What a stupid name. And why a costume dance in the spring? None of this makes sense, Hiller. Anyway, Shelley wants them to be clowns which just seems extremely fitting to me.  I approve.

Dana and Shelley walk to town to look at fabric and makeup for the costumes. They are also going to check out Friedland's (((??? never heard of it in my life))) to see if there are any portfolios in stock that Faith might be able to use. On their way, they run into Pamela. She asks what they're up to and when she hears the part about Friedland's, she gets super cagey.  (((Maybe it's because it never existed before today???)))  She tells them she was just there and the place is a wreck because they are understaffed. When this doesn't seem to deter them, she claims there's a gas leak in the neighborhood and it's dangerous. Clearly she doesn't want the two of them to go to Friedland's. They are super suspicious but forget about it two seconds later.

They complete their first two errands and then head for Friedland's. To their surprise, Mac is there looking at some kind of clamp. He doesn't seem to recognize Dana but quickly plays it off. Dana decides that he was just distracted by his errands and doesn't find it weird. She also doesn't connect the Pamela thing with Mac's presence in the store which is just an idiot move.

Faith, meanwhile, is still sorting pictures for her application. One of the categories is “portrait” so she asks Allison to model for it. For some reason the super helpful housemother extraordinaire turns her down and suggests that Faith take a picture of PA instead. Faith is a little intimidated to even approach the head bitch in charge with a request like that but Allison really encourages her to think about it. We never really find out why Allison wouldn't help. I'm guessing she's in the witness protection program. She was probably the mistress of a mafia don and now the feds are keeping her hidden so she can help bring him down once and for all.

#thingsIwishweretrue

Faith also needs a “human interest” photo. Shelley suggests the drama club but Faith wants something that's not related to the school since so many of her photographs revolve around Canby. Dana says Faith should get some shots of Lester. She's pretty sure Mr James would agree to trade photos of Lester for free babysitting. Faith figures this is as good an idea as any and books the gig.

Dana has volunteered to babysit for Lester again herself hoping to run into Mac. He's not outside when she gets there and she's super disappointed. Not too long after her arrival, however, his mom sends him over to borrow eggs and flour for something she's baking. They flirt a bit more and Mac asks her on a date the next night.

We skip to the next night. Mac takes Dan to the Hamburger Shop which has literally not existed in Greenleaf EVER.  What is going on with ghostie just inserting all these new places into a town we've spent 16 books in?  Not only have these two places never existed before, they never exist again.  Were they just pop ups that disappeared overnight or what?

#fuckcontinuity 

After dinner, where they have a riveting discussion about the Yankees vs the Red Sox, Dana suggests they go bowling. A fun time is had by all. When bowling finishes, Mac suggests they go to Pizza Pete's. Um.......they JUST ate at the hamburger place. Either they were bowling for a fucking long time or they're going to eat dinner twice???? Pay attention to your story, Hiller. 

#itsnotthathard #that'swhatshesaid

Pamela is at Pizza Pete's and she's instantly upset when she sees Dana with Mac. It's pretty evident to anyone reading with an IQ over 3 that Mac is the boy that Pamela is madly in love with. Mac, however, seems to disagree since he acts like he has no clue who Pamela even is. Pamela marches right up and says that she expected better of him and he's hella confused.

I'm sure you guys guessed this from reading the back blurb already but Mac is definitely an identical twin. Hiller doesn't tell us that. She's assuming that we're fucking idiots. But it's SO OBVIOUS. 

Dana and Mac leave right after Pamela because they already ate hamburgers and weren't hungry for pizza in the first place. He drives her back to campus and they kiss goodnight. He asks her on a second date and she says she wants to see The Pride of the Yankees.  I guess it's playing at that retro theater in town that definitely does exist.

We skip ahead a day or two. Faith is making Shelley and Dana crazy with all her requests to look over her photographs. She's constantly asking them to help her pick a photo for a particular category and then arguing with them about their choices because she knows better. If she knows better, why is she asking them at all??? She has her photos spread all over the room which is annoying Shelley who is trying to sew their costumes. Faith even demands that Shelley clear off her own bed for more photos which pisses Shelley off royally. Faith is angry that her roommates aren't more enthusiastic about helping her and angry that they aren't making her project their priority.

Dana tells the girls about running into Pamela at Pizza Pete's and Shelley is the only one to put together the fact that “Mac” is obviously dating Pamela too. It's a sad, sad day when Shelley is the brains of the group, y'all. Dana ignores this and makes excuses because she's in 💖LOVE💖. Again. Sigh.

The next weekend, “Mac” arrives for their date only he doesn't seem to remember where they're going. He also doesn't remember their exceedingly riveting conversation about the Yankees vs the Red Sox. Dana just assumes he's been busy with school because Dana is a massive fucking spoon. They barely get seated in the theater when “Mac” excuses himself. Dana assumes he's going to the bathroom but he doesn't come back for 25 minutes. He says there was a long line for popcorn which makes no sense because they already had their popcorn. Why would he need to buy more?

Back at the dorm later, Shelley tells Dana that she and Faith saw “Mac” downtown during the time period that he was supposed to be at the movie with Dana. She immediately makes an excuse saying that the theater must have been out of popcorn so “Mac” must have driven to the Soda Shoppe to get some more. In what universe does this make ANY sense. I didn't realize Dana was this stupid. This is a new low.

The next day, Pamela announces to Dana that “Mac” called her and asked her out for Wednesday. Dana just chooses not to believe this because Pamela is a lying liar who lies.

Faith goes to Lester's house to take photographs. She gets some great ones of him on the swing but the McAllister's laundry line is in the background of the shots which makes them unusable. She has to make arrangements to reshoot them. Shelley looks at the pictures and notices that there's two of every article of clothing. She proposes that “Mac” might actually be twins and Dana finally has an epiphany. Again, when Shelley is the only one to have a clue, the world is in trouble.

Dana decides to test the theory when “Mac” calls next. She feeds him a bunch of lies about things he said and did on their last date and he doesn't contradict any of them. She's crushed when she realizes that Shelley's theory is probably true. The girls come up with a plan to get revenge on “Mac” and I'm sure it will involve stupid costumes because all their “Amazing Plans” involve stupid costumes. Does anyone remember when they dressed up as gorillas to get back at Bret who has been under the tulips so fucking long he must be dust by now? Or when Dana dressed up like Chewbacca or something to apologize to Terry who is currently residing right beside Bret under the ground?

On Saturday, “Mac” arrives to take Dana to the symphony and she tells us that he is clearly “thunderstruck” by her beauty. “She was a naturally beautiful and graceful girl, but the addition of a smashing outfit, including the elegant silver of the fox fur and the residual glow from her run, made Dana even more striking than usual.” Um.....doesn't “residual glow from her run” mean she's all sweaty? How does that make her more beautiful than usual?

The fox fur is on loan from Casey, by the way. I hope PETA doesn't catch wind of it.

As soon as he picks her up, “Mac” says that he forgot the tickets on his dresser and he has to go back to his house for them. This is so dumb. Why bother picking her up only to switch immediately after? There's really no reason for this other than they're being dicks.

Dana sets their plan into action. She mentions to “Mac” that Pamela is still obsessed with him and that she'll be going to the costume dance as a clown. Dana knows that Pamela isn't going at all so she's not worried about Pamela ruining their #brilliant plan. Which includes pretending to be Pamela apparently. Dana lies and tells him that she won't be able to go to the dance at all, knowing he'll feel safe to go be with Pamela and know he won't be caught by Dana.

A week passes. Shelley has the costumes finished and Faith has mailed off her application so things are wrapped up on everything but “Mac”. Keith has done some detective work and discovered that “Mac” is definitely a set of identical twins named Harold and Malcolm. They go by Hal and Mal. I'm glad Keith isn't under the ground. I was starting to worry.

The 407 girls all dress up as clowns, using make-up, wigs and gloves to look identical. You know, except for the fact that Dana is so much taller and Shelley is so much chubbier. I guess those costumes are magic. They go to the dance separately because they're all pretending to be Pamela. Dana finds a “Mac” dressed as a magician and asks him to dance. She's speaking in whispers, pretending to have a cold, so “Mac” won't be suspicious that Pamela's voice is different tonight. Meanwhile, Shelley finds the other “Mac” and flirts him out onto the terrace, also in whispers. Casey appears on the terrace dressed as a painter and accidentally swipes “Mac” with paint, marking his cape. Now they can tell the twins apart even though this really doesn't prove necessary or relevant at any point in the evening.

From here on, it's just a bunch of idiotic changing of places on everyone's part. The “Mac”s change places. The clowns change places. It's stupid and meaningless. I guess they are aiming to make the boys feel stupid but I really think just confronting them would have been much more effective, less stupid and a lot easier. Dana, Faith and Shelley continuously meet in the bathroom to congratulate each other on their cleverness too which is just dumb. I bet both boys think “Pamela” has some sort of intestinal problem.

Dana eventually goes home, cleans off the make up and changes out of the costume. She goes to Pamela's room and asks her to come to the cafeteria so they can talk things out. For some reason, Pamela agrees to this. I think she thought Dana was just going to give up and she wanted to gloat about it. Shelley and Faith lead both “Mac”s to the cafeteria as well and there's a big reveal that stuns poor Pamela so much she almost faints.

The “Mac”s realize they've been caught but they don't seem to recognize that they've done anything wrong. They think it's hilarious and actually laugh at how they tricked both Dana and Pamela. It's really disgusting. No apology is offered and Dana just eventually leaves the cafeteria entirely. Later they congratulate each other on their success but what did they succeed at really? Neither Hal nor Mal were bothered at all by their little charade. The only one they truly upset was Pamela because they didn't bother to clue her in beforehand in private so she wouldn't be so gobsmacked by the entire thing. She was actually innocent in this and I feel bad for her embarrassment. What revenge did Dana get exactly? I'm confused.

The book ends by telling us that Faith got her internship because of course she did.

#allhailroom407

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I'm giving this to Pamela because the 407 girls humiliated her in a cafeteria full of people for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  She was being nice to them all book long and they're just bitches.

The Bitch of Baker House: This goes to Faith for being so fucking self-absorbed and assuming her project meant as much to everyone as it meant to her.  No one cares, Faith.  No one.

Coming up Next:  We've reached the end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Somehow graduation day is approaching even though this book ended in the spring of their junior year.  Either the series just ignored that we all KNOW they're in their junior year and they're trying to pretend they're in their senior year or we're just going to skip ahead an entire year.  Stay tuned to find out which.

To Tell the Truth (Book 15) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.***

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a complete bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Who said being honest was easy?

From the Back of the Book: Telling the truth is easy as pie, right?  Wrong!  At least that's what Shelley, Faith and Dana begin to discover when they take part in a 48 hour "Truth Pledge" as part of a psychology research experiment.  Although it may be the best policy, honesty isn't always easy.  Will a simple experiment lead to heartbreak, fights and real trouble for the roommates?

This book was published in 1985 and I've definitely read it before. When I first read the series as a ten-year-old, this book was my favorite. I can't remember why it was my favorite back then but I do know I only kept 2 or 3 of them and this was one. Don't worry that this will be like a Joan Lowry Nixon or Christopher Pike recap though. I'm sure I'll hate it when I read it as an adult.

The ghostie for this book was Eileen Hehl. She wrote one other book in the series – Troublemaker in the new girl series. I think that was the book where they introduced Penny but I can't really remember. (((Nope. It was the one where they introduced GiGi and Laura Lee. #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee))) Since I can't remember which book that was, I have no idea whether to be optimistic for this one or not. She wrote a bunch of teen romance novels in the 80's so I'm a little hopeful and I do know I liked this book once upon a time. Then again, I also liked that Cusick monstrosity with the triplets in the old castle so you can't trust my past-self judgment.

The cover of this book has always been one of my favorites. I think it sums up the girls really well. Shelley is oblivious, Dana is mocking and Faith is judging. The room isn't even remotely right. If you remember, awhile back there was a major plot point of them painting the room completely black and putting their mattresses on the floor so there's no way their beds are that high and that wall looks taupe. So the artist really should have been given some kind of spec sheet but whatevs. I like how this series doesn't play favorites as hard as the new girls series did.  I will say that this scene didn't happen ANYWHERE in this book, so there's that.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). Faith is back to dating Johnny the future police officer from town and Shelley is still stringing along her hometown boyfriend Paul but Tom has exited the picture for now.  (((Or has he????)))  Dana is justifiably forever alone.  (((Or is she???)))  In the last book, the girls took a volunteer position at the local hospital and Faith fell hard for an intern who was at least 10 years older than her. Unfortunately, he did not dissuade her and it all felt very creepy and nasty. The school voted 'no' on uniforms and Dana struggled with the news that she might have to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes next year. Shelley was passed over for the lead in the school play and then Tom fell for his new co-star Elizabeth. Shelley and Tom broke up but things didn't work out with Elizabeth so I'm sure they'll be back together soon.

Missing, Presumed Dead:  I think everyone was present and accounted for in this one.  All the major peeps anyway.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Michael and Randy both dig their way out of the netherworld for this one.

We start out in room 407 where ghostie slaps us right across the face with a review of all the girls' traits. She mentions Dana's 'sophistication' (I hope you could sense my air quotes around that) and Shelley's naivete but, honest to God, the only personality trait she could come up with for Faith was her afro. That's.....that's not good. That's not good at all. The girls are getting ready to go up to Alison's 'penthouse' room to meet her cousin. Before we leave page 3, Gale makes her first appearance as Shelley tells us that her face is “mildly round” and she still has too many pounds around her hips.

It's sad when Shelley's 15 extra pounds is the most consistent thing in these books.

They meet up with Casey along the way and walk together up to Alison's room. There's a sign on the door that reads: “Beauty is truth, and truth beauty....or, abandon all hope ye who enter here.” Dana, ever the scholar, tells them it's a mixed up quote from Keats and Dante's Inferno. They walk in and find the entire dorm is already there. In Alison's room. The entire dorm is somehow in her room. Fucking hell, ghostie, this doesn't make sense at all. You can't fit an entire dorm full of people into one fucking room.

Alison introduces her cousin Maura who is an undergrad at the nearby university. Maura is doing an experiment to gather data for a psychology paper and she needs some teenaged volunteers. To participate in the study, they have to promise to tell the truth, no matter the circumstance, for 48 straight hours. The study will run from Friday morning to Sunday morning. At the end, Maura will come interview them about their experience.

The 407 girls all think smugly to themselves.....and then out loud to the group....that being honest for 48 hours will be no problem because they are exceptionally honest people. I'm honestly surprised the entire room didn't go up in flames from all the lightning bolts that must have hit them at that point. I've never encountered three more dishonest characters in my reading life. Pamela, treasure that she is, immediately calls them out on it and says if they're honest people, she's Princess Diana.

Everyone but Pamela agrees to sign up, though Casey is a little reluctant. Casey has a feeling that bad things will come from this truth pledge but the others pretty much scoff at her for having concerns. In the end, she agrees to sign up because she knows if she doesn't, people will think she's some kind of lying liar who lies.

We skip ahead to Friday and the beginning of the truth pledge. The 407 girls are still feeling super smug about their levels of honesty and Shelley makes a sweeping statement about how their friendship is so magical that My Little Ponies spring from their assholes and they can withstand any amount of truth telling. She then challenges Dana and Faith to tell her something they don't like about her because she's a fucking idiot. Dana and Faith are understandably reluctant but Shelley decides this is the hill she intends to die on and she insists.

Finally Faith gives in and says that it bugs her that Shelley always forgets to buy shampoo and then uses theirs. Dana rapidly says this is the thing that bugs her too and they consider the whole thing done. Shelley instantly gets defensive and says that Dana and Faith eat all her goodies from home so that makes them even. Because the goodies Shelley receives for FREE from her mom and dad are completely equal to the shampoo that Faith and Dana have to PAY to replace. Whatevs, Shelley. Dana tells them to stop being so stupid. After all, she never complains when they borrow her expensive perfume.

Well, this is starting out bangers.

Truth Pledge 1. Room 407 girls 0.

We go to Creative Writing class with Dana and Terry next. Terry reads a science fiction short story aloud to the class and then everyone gives him feedback. Several people compare his work to Ray Bradbury and Dana, literary genius that she is, has NO fucking idea who that is or what constitutes a good SciFi story but she decides that Terry's story is just “a downer”. He asks her what she thinks about it and she tries to get out of giving her opinion but the teacher insists because critique is part of the class grade. Dana finally declares that his story made her want to throw herself under a truck and he counters with the fact that she knows nothing of the genre and should maybe educate herself before she speaks about it. Which......is a valid point. She could have just said that she isn't familiar with the genre but found his story dark or something like that. Dark is still diplomatic and some people would even see it as a compliment. Saying it made you want to throw yourself under a truck is super harsh. Terry is upset and Dana is upset that he's upset.

Truth Pledge 2. Room 407 girls 0.

We skip over to Sheff and Faith after science class. She asks him how the truth pledge is going and he says he isn't finding it too problematic because he doesn't tell many lies. She pounces on this and tells him it's “shocking” that he's admitting to telling some lies. He laughs at her and says everyone tells some lies. She replies in a “prissy tone” that she does NOT, thankyouverymuch. He gives up and asks her out to dinner which she refuses because she has a date with Johnny. As he walks away, she admits to herself that she's still torn between the two of them even though she's said over and over that she loses herself when she's with Sheff because she's too busy pretending to be someone she's not. #fuckcontinuity

The girls meet up for lunch and run into Pamela who looks like she's up to no good. She's standing with the head cook Mrs Merriweather who we've never been introduced to before and will probably never see again after this little plot device wraps. I hope you like tulips, Mrs Merriweather. Pamela has told the sweet elderly lady that the 407 pals have formed a committee to improve the school meals and she is very eager to hear what they have to say. The girls are in a panic because they don't want to hurt the nice old lady's feelings but they are bound by the pledge to tell the truth. They tell her that they haven't finished gathering data yet, hoping to put her off until at least Monday but she insists that they meet the next day instead.

When they get into the cafeteria, Keith pulls Dana aside and asks to speak to her privately. It turns out Casey's birthday is the next week and he's wanting to take her somewhere fancy for dinner but he doesn't want her to be ashamed of the geeky way he dresses. He wants Dana to help him pick out a new outfit because she's so “stylish”. She agrees and agrees to keep it a secret so Casey will be surprised. I'm sure this won't come back to bite her in the ass or anything.

We skip ahead to that afternoon. Shelley is struck by spring fever and decides to take a walk in the gardens around PA's house. Apparently the tulip garden is doing EXTREMELY well this year. I wonder what they use for fertilizer? ::coughRANDYcough:: ::coughMICHAELcough:: As she's walking, she hears a weak call for help and finds PA laying on the ground in the garden. PA is having chest pains and wants to go to the hospital in Greenleaf but she doesn't want the entire school to find out. She asks Shelley to drive her and to keep it all a secret. PA ends up getting admitted. She again tells Shelley that she can tell no one about this and then instructs Shelley to take the car back to her house and park it in the garage. She tells Shelley to hang onto the keys so she can come get PA when she's released. Again.....I'm sure this won't come back to bite her in the ass or anything.

We skip ahead to that evening. The girls all have dates and........here is where my head explodes, y'all. Tom is downstairs waiting for Shelley like the ghostie was never told they broke up last book but that isn't the most egregious sin. RANDY IS DOWNSTAIRS WAITING FOR DANA!!! WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK??? THEY PARTED WAYS BOOKS AGO AND THERE'S NO WAY HE'D BE THERE. Ghostie describes him as Dana's “special friend” and says they have a “warm friendship”. BULL FUCKING SHIT. SHE BROKE HIS FUCKING HEART AND HE DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER!!!!!!!

Of course, Keith is waiting for Casey and Johnny is waiting for Faith but both of those are okay.

Shelley still isn't back from her adventure with PA but none of them know about that so they're all a little worried that she hasn't shown up for this weird quadruple-date thing. They all decide to wait for her except Casey and Keith. Casey says they'll go ahead because she needs to talk to him about something. Dana assumes Casey has heard about their little conversation in the cafeteria and she wants to grill Keith about it.

Pamela rocks up and informs Johnny, Randy and Tom about the truth pledge. The girls were really hoping to keep that to themselves. Johnny immediately snags the opportunity and asks to speak to Faith outside. When they get out there, he asks if she has feelings for Sheff. Faith can't seem to figure out how to answer the question honestly which should make her realize that she's not as truthful as she thinks she is. She finally says that she's “dazzled” by Johnny's sophistication and that she likes the idea that he intends to be a musician when he grows up. She thinks they would relate to each other because they're both creative and admits that she's still concerned that Johnny wants to be a police officer since her own father was killed in the line of duty. Johnny is a little hurt by this and decides to just go home instead of going out for ice cream.

Truth Pledge 3.  Room 407 girls 0.

Ginny suddenly runs up which is startling because I'd completely forgotten she existed. Was she under the tulips or have I just been ignoring her? She yells at them all to follow her and then she leads them over to PA's house where Shelley is parking PA's car. Shelley, naturally, can't tell anyone why she was driving the car alone at night and everyone assumes she was up to something nefarious. Pamela threatens to turn her in and Dana wonders if Shelley will be arrested along with being expelled. Shelley is pretty unconcerned.

Pamela goes to tattle to Alison who calls Shelley up to the penthouse to get to the bottom of the situation. Shelley tells Alison that she can't reveal why she was driving PA's car and asks Alison to trust her. Alison is dismayed and tells Shelley she's ground to Baker House until PA can be reached. Shelley protests that she has a “real special date” with Tom the next night but Alison is unmoved.

Truth Pledge 4.  Room 407 girls 0.

We skip to the next day. Casey and Keith are playing frisbee on the lawn because they're bored like that. Casey sees the school handyman carrying a chainsaw toward the maple tree that grows under her window. She asks him what he's doing and he says that PA ordered him to cut it down because the branches were in the electrical lines. Casey is furious that anyone would cut down “one of her special friends” and now suddenly I'm very worried about Casey's mental state. She and the handyman get into a screaming match about it and Casey throws her arms around the tree declaring that he'll have to chainsaw her in half too. He's pretty flummoxed and goes off to find PA.

By that afternoon, several other girls have joined Casey's cause. Ginny says they'll chain themselves to the tree if they have to but the handyman just seems perplexed at this point. Shelley, meanwhile, is being super dramatic and martyrish about her grounding of course. It's super annoying but she kind of has a point this time. PA has put her in an awful position and now she's missing out on her entire weekend when all she did was help out in an emergency. It's kind of stupid. When Tom finds out Shelley can't go to the play they have tickets for, he says he'll invite Elizabeth and I'm impressed her hole in the tulip bed hasn't been dug yet.

Dana goes over to the library where she is literally stunned to hear that they have a whole Sci-Fi section. She just assumed that since she wasn't interested in it, that it must not be very popular. I wish I was making this up but the book literally says this. She goes to the section and browses some of the short story collections and finds many stories similar to the one Terry wrote. She admits to herself that she made a mistake and her solution for solving it is to dress up like Chewbacca and go stand outside Terry's room. When he comes out, she apologizes.

Why did she need a Chewbacca costume for that?

Couldn't she just apologize as an actual person?

This is the stupid thing I've ever read.

Terry accepts her apology and offers one himself for being childish about the entire thing. I mean.....he didn't dress up like Chewbacca or anything so I don't think Dana can accept it. Stupid costumes are obviously mandatory for accepting apologies and I think Dana should hold out until Terry whips his hair into some Princes Leia buns.

Later that evening at dinner, Mrs Merryweather approaches to get their opinion on her food. They start out by trying to phrase everything in a truthful but deceptive way – like telling her that no one else makes chicken like she does. She's pleased by what she interprets as praise and says that she will go on as she's been doing since they think the food is fine. This prompts Shelley to tell the entire truth about how they really feel about the food but then she softens it by saying that she thinks Mrs Merryweather does the best she can with the budget she has and the amount of people she has to cook for. Mrs Merryweather decides to do some kind of poll to determine what kinds of things the student body might like to eat. Crises averted I guess and that plot point gets wrapped up in a neat bow.

Truth Pledge 4.  Room 407 girls 1.

Back at the maple tree, Alison appears to shut down the protest. She confronts Casey with the rumor that Casey uses the tree to sneak out of her room after hours. Apparently Pamela has ratted her out. Forced by the truth pledge, Casey admits that she has used the tree to sneak out. When the other girls hear this, they abandon the cause. Alison orders Casey to cease the protest because it's for selfish reasons or something but then assures Casey that she'll tell the handyman to wait until they can talk to PA and see if there's another solution. Casey ends up grounded for sneaking out.

Truth Pledge 5.  Room 407 girls (and Casey) 1.

Dana and Keith head to Greenleaf for their little shopping expedition. Dana gets him all fixed up with a nice suit and then he asks her to pick out a sweater for herself as a thank you for helping him. She also helps him pick out a red silk blouse for Casey's birthday present which just seems like such a weird present for a sixteen-year-old boy to give to his girlfriend. Ghostie is a bit out of touch here. Naturally, Pamela sees them at the store because we need some more conflict here. Somehow she gets back to campus before Keith and Dana and tells Casey all about their little 'date'.

When Dana returns, Casey confronts her about going out with Keith. Dana can't lie but she can't spill Keith's secret either. She admits they went to town and when Casey asks if Keith bought Dana a sweater, Dana admits that too. Casey is enraged. She throws a huge fit where she threatens to throw herself off a cliff (nice one, ghostie) and then she runs off to her room. Dana goes down to get Keith so he can straighten everything up right away. He does and that gets all tied up with a nice bow too.

I feel like the Truth Pledge won one and then promptly lost one in that skirmish.

Truth Pledge 6.  Room 407 girls 2.

The book is 90% done and we're on Chapter 17 or something and guess who shows up? MICHAEL!!! He obviously dug his way to the surface in order to stop by and see if anyone is having any major issues with the truth pledge. They tell him about their issues with Terry, Casey and Johnny. He asks about Shelley's issue but Shelley refuses to talk. He mentions that he has to go visit a friend in the hospital and Shelley has a very visible reaction to that. She asks him what floor his friend is on and he says the second floor which is where PA is. Michael had no idea that PA was in the hospital but Shelley's reactions cause him to wonder if the hospital has something to do with why she was driving PA's car. Oblivious to all this, Faith asks him if he will deliver a letter to Johnny in town. She's decided writing is better than calling because she organizes her thoughts better on paper.

Acting on his hunch, Michael inquires at the front desk about PA's room number which he is given. He goes up to see her and, after assuring her that Shelley kept her secret and he just figured it out on his own, he tells PA about all the trouble Shelley is in. PA asks for a phone so she can straighten everything out. Also, in case you were wondering, she's fine. She didn't actually have a heart attack and all her other tests were negative so I'm not even sure why she's still there.

PA clears everything up and Shelley is ungrounded. Alison praises her for keeping her head in a crises and for keeping her word afterwards even though it meant some sacrifice. Shelley calls Tom and finds out he hasn't asked Elizabeth to the play yet so he can take Shelley after all. I'm not sure why she wants to go since 1) they broke up LAST BOOK and 2) as soon as she was grounded, he said he was going to out with the girl he broke up with Shelley for in the first place. I'd tell him to fuck right off but that's just me.

Truth Pledge 6.  Room 407 girls 3.

Johnny receives the note which Faith poured her heart into. She said that she gets dazzled from time to time by Sheff but ultimately knows that Sheff is self-absorbed while Johnny has always had Faith's feelings in mind. She tells Johnny that he owns her heart and she's sorry if she hurt him. He ends up sending her a big bouquet of multi-colored daisies and that's all tied up with a bow too.

Truth Pledge 6.  Room 407 girls 4.

When the girls get back from dinner, Alison gives them the official verdict on the maple tree. The tree will be left standing but the branches will be severely trimmed. Also, the branches near Casey's window will also be removed so she can no longer sneak out. By the way, ghostie never bothers to tell us how Pamela knew about Casey sneaking out. I guess we're just supposed to accept that it happened and not ask questions.

I HAVE QUESTIONS!!!!!

1. How the hell did Shelley and Tom get back together?
2. Why is Randy all chummy with Dana again?
3. How the hell did Pamela know about Casey sneaking out?
4. How did Michael breathe under the ground for that fucking long?
5. WHY DID I LIKE THIS BOOK????????????????????????????

There was another few pages about Casey getting back at Pamela by somehow misdirecting her boyfriend (WHO WE'VE NEVER FUCKING HEARD OF IN OUR LIVES) so he couldn't come visit Pamela. It was supposed to be their “big revenge” but it was just childish and stupid as usual.

The book ends with Maura coming back to get the results of the experiment. The 407 girls admit that they aren't as honest as they thought they were but that's okay because sometimes lying actually makes them better people. That's what they learned apparently. Sigh.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Keith. Let's face it, it could pretty much always be Keith. He's definitely the most underappreciated member of the cast.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I can't give it to our queen Pamela so I'm going to hand it to PA. She never should have put a young girl in the situation she did and she definitely should have anticipated that it might get said young girl in some trouble.  It was a major dick move on her part.

Coming up next:  Dana gets a new boyfriend.  Yay.

What's a Girl to Do (Book 14) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: When things get tough...

From the Back of the Book: What are best friends for?  Shelley, Faith and Dana volunteer to work at the local hospital.  It's a big responsibility but each of the roommates is worried about something else - Shelley with the upcoming spring play tryouts; Faith with the possibility of a new romance; and Dana with the news of a new student at Canby Hall who might not be so welcome.  With all these problems, will the girls remember to turn to each other, not on each other?

***I'm going to be up front with y'all.  I'm half asleep as I post this.  It's probably full of errors.  Just pretend they don't exist.  You know, like the dust bunnies under your bed.***

This book was published in 1985 and this is my first time reading it. The ghostie for this book is Julie Garwood which is definitely a name you would recognize if you read historical romance novels in the late 80's. I'm pretty sure my grandma had a few of her books and I know I've read at least one. So I'm hoping the writing will be much better in this book. Don't let me down, Garwood. I'm counting on you.

The cover is okay. It makes Dana look much thicker than Shelley so maybe Gale has found a new host. Also, I'm glad Shelley is in a hospital because she's clearly been in some kind of freakish accident that completely obliterated her neck.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). This is the part where I usually mention their boyfriends but after the last book, Shelley may be the only one still actively dating (Tom from town, not her one-true-love Paul back home). In the last book, three boys (Keith, Sheff and Terry) were admitted into Canby on a trial basis. Dana immediately fell for Terry and broke up with the 💫magical💫 Randy in order to facilitate her new romance. The only problem was that Terry had a girlfriend back home and was completely and hilariously uninterested in Dana. Faith also had a crises as she fell for Sheff but then she realized that she had to change pretty much everything about herself in order for him to be attracted to her. Her boyfriend, Johnny found out and broke it off with her but the end of the book made it sound like they might have a chance at getting back together. Also, Casey started dating Keith and they are sweet and cute together.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Michael the guidance counselor and Randy were not even mentioned in passing in this book.  I fear they are well and truly dead now.

Risen From the Tulip Bed:  Ginny was mentioned, but not seen.  So maybe she's just half out of the tulip bed?  Like she's just a head sticking up out of the ground/

We begin with Faith and Casey early on a Sunday morning. Faith has been out in the snow trying to take pictures of any hint of spring she can find. Casey is up early to hit the sign up sheets in the Admin building. Apparently one of the social studies teachers does a thing every year where his students can sign up for 6 weeks of community service instead of taking the final. The sign ups are first come, first served so students like to get there early so they don't get stuck with a crap job for 6 weeks. Casey is waiting on Keith in the lobby so they can sign up together and work the same place.

Faith isn't sure she even wants to sign up. She has so much to do with her school work and her work as a photographer for the paper that she thinks just taking the final instead might be the better idea. Casey tells her that there's a reason this little “pet project” gets 100% participation from the students – the final is hellishly hard. I have no idea how she knows this. If 100% of the students participate every single year, that means no one ever takes the final and therefore no one could know how hard it was. But she manages to scare Faith enough that Faith decides to go up to 407 and wake up her roommates so they can go sign up together.

It takes them more than half an hour to get their asses in gear. As they walk over, they pass Casey and Keith who are heading back. Keith tells them that most of the spots are already gone. When they get there, the only two assignments that have enough room for all three of them are the hospital and the local vet office. They decide that they'd be more comfortable with the hospital so that's what they sign up for. It's not the most time consuming assignment – from eight to noon on Saturday mornings.

As they walk back toward the cafeteria for breakfast, the B-Plot emerges. The spring play is coming up and Shelley is convinced that she is definitely going to get the lead. Her roommates aren't so sure and worried that she'll be disappointed.

Ghostie gives us three pages of review about the girls and their families at this point. I'm going to skip recapping it because we know it all already.

Later that night, Dana's mother calls. She tells Dana that her little sister Maggie will be coming to Canby the next year, clearly expecting Dana to be excited at the idea of having to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes but Dana has the opposite reaction. She's angry and upset at the idea of having Maggie on campus with her. She immediately thinks to herself that she's going to have to do something to stop it from happening because there's no way her sister can be in the same school as her. It would ruin everything.

#Danacandie

I thought this was just a throw-away conversation but the way Dana continues to obsess over it makes me think we might actually have our first ever C-Plot. Weird. After a book or two where barely anything happened, this one is really throwing things at us. Maybe it's because they finally have a ghostie who can handle multiple storylines at once.

Shelley, meanwhile, is having fantasies about the auditions for the spring play. She's certain she'll do such an amazing job that she'll get a standing ovation (at an AUDITION) and Tom will hand her a dozen roses “in appreciation for her magnificent performance”. She doesn't even know what play they're doing yet but she's sure she and Tom will get the leading roles. I forgot that Canby uses Greenleaf and Oakley students to play the male roles in their plays.

Okay, y'all, we've just been hit with a D-plot and I'm flummoxed. This has never ever happened before and I don't know how I feel about it. Apparently some of the parents have requested that Canby adopt school uniforms. I'm actually surprised this wasn't a thing before since boarding schools usually do this. Or at least television shows and movies about boarding schools have led me to believe that they usually do this. Apparently PA (head bitch in charge) is going to pick out three different uniform styles. Each dorm will nominate one girl to test out the uniform and that unlucky girl will be forced to wear the uniform for a month. I have NO idea why this would be necessary. At the end of the month, everyone will decide which uniform they like the best. Casey suggests they nominate Pamela for the “honor” of wearing the uniform for a month and the other two practically rub their hands together in glee at the thought.

Chapter three brings us a few paragraphs of Dana fretting about Maggie and the C-plot👭 while simultaneously talking to Faith about the D-plot💂 uniforms until Shelley walks up blathering about the B-plot💬 play. It's a lot in just a few paragraphs but it's handled so well that I barely bat an eye. The play is called “Spring Fancy” and it's a rom com. There's one song in the opening act because apparently we need some kind of plot device here to throw an obstacle in Shelley's way. Shelley can't sing for ish but she doesn't let that deter her. She assures her roommates that she has the lead “sewn up” despite the pesky song.

The girls of Baker House gather in the lounge to discuss the D-plot💂 some more and vote for the girl that they want to be stuck in the uniform for a month. Pamela does not attend this meeting. Everyone except Terry and Keith vote for Pamela to wear the uniform. Terry and Keith vote for Sheff to be stuck in the skirt and knee socks or whatever it will be. Alison (housemother extraordinaire) asks one of the girls to track down Pamela and bring her to the lounge so she can learn her fate. Pamela goes full-Karen on everyone, screaming that she'll get Alison fired and then stomps off to speak to the manager or something.

With the D-plot💂 handled for now, the girls go back to discussing the C-plot👭. Shelley, who loves and misses her family, can't understand why Dana doesn't want Maggie around so Dana tries to explain it. She tells Shelley that she's always been responsible for looking out for Maggie and she's had to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes for her entire life. She's enjoyed being at Canby where the only person she's responsible for is herself. I get that. I felt the same way when I first went to college and I didn't have to look after my sister anymore. Shelley doesn't get this at all and calls Dana selfish. The two of them argue until Faith puts a stop to it. She tells Shelley that Dana has the right to her own feelings and just because they aren't the same as Shelley's doesn't make them wrong. Then she tells Dana to stop worrying about something that might not even happen.

Suddenly it's Friday and Shelley is getting ready for her date with Tom by writing a letter to her boyfriend-back-home Paul. Interesting preparatory methods she has. She casually mentions to Dana that her skirt feels tight in the waist so I guess Gale is back even though Shelley looks smaller than Dana on the cover. Shelley decides that she and Tom can mail the letter to Paul on their way to dinner and this seems like an appropriate thing to her. She muses that having two boyfriends is perfect for her because it means she doesn't have to choose which one likes her best. Paul is also seeing other people but Tom is faithful to Shelley. She says it's because he'd never want to date anyone else because the two of them are so perfect together. Then why do YOU need to date someone else?

#Shelleyisinsufferable

Faith has a date with Johnny. This book doesn't waste any time telling us how they managed to patch their relationship back together or anything because #fuckcontinuity. It doesn't even bother to mention that they broke up in the last book. There was a brief mention of Faith having a short crush on Sheff but nothing about how that caused her to cheat on her boyfriend. I guess we're just ignoring that happened. Dana is also catching a movie with Terry who definitely has a girlfriend back home that probably wouldn't appreciate him hanging around with a girl who tried to get into his pants a book ago.

We make to to chapter five before the A-plot😷 reemerges. It's finally Saturday morning and the girls have to get up at 6:00 to get ready in time and walk to the hospital in Greenleaf. Terry has also signed up to volunteer at the hospital and he walks with them, keeping them company on the chilly morning. When they get to the hospital, the coordinator (a patient advocate) gives them their assignments. Terry will be in x-ray and occasionally pediatrics. Shelley will be working the “gift cart” whatever that is. Dana will be helping out the dietitian and Faith will be helping the coordinator herself.

Mrs D (the coordinator) takes Faith to her office to store her purse and coat and then hands her a lab coat to wear so she'll look more professional. Then they head out to see their first patient. He's complaining that he didn't get enough breakfast so, instead of calling down to the kitchen or whatever, Mrs D sends Faith on foot to get him another tray. A “tall black man” in a lab coat gets on the elevator with her and Faith instantly gets a tongue boner and can't talk because he's so gorgeous. He says his name is Frank and he's working an ER rotation which means he's at LEAST ten years older than Faith who is very, very underage. I really hope we never see him again because this feels very scummy to me.

Faith manages to get through the rest of her day without committing any felonies. (((Note from not so future me: I looked up whether statutory was a felony or misdemeanor in Massachusetts because I'm a full-service blogger like that. In the actual statute it says: “Statutory rape (defined as sexual activity with a person too young to consent legally by the way) of any person under 18 who is “of chaste life” is also a felony offense.” So it's only a felony if the victim is a virgin at the time? What if he/she/they isn't? Then is it a misdemeanor or a free pass? I couldn't find a quick answer and I just got bored so we may never know.))) She meets back up with Dana who tells her that Shelley will be meeting them in the cafeteria for lunch. They go to tell Terry and find him in the process of taking a young patient back from x-ray to the ER. When Faith hears this, she immediately offers to go with him because she's hoping to find Dr Statutory....I mean Frank....again.

She and Terry run into Frank and Terry is filled with questions about medical school and ER things. He invites Frank to eat with them and Faith is thrilled but also a little upset because she wants all of Frank's attention for herself. They all catch up over lunch and compare details about their assignments while waiting for Frank to join them (he had to “wrap an ankle” first). Shelley basically sold juice, magazines and candy bars from a little cart as an extension of the gift shop. Dana was totally brainwashed by the dietitian and starta telling them all how horribly they eat and how she's going to “balance their diets” for them. Sounds charming. Frank finally arrives and, again, Faith is irritated that she can't have him all to herself. Terry monopolizes the conversation with more shop talk because I guess maybe he's thinking about going pre-med in college.

They all go back to Canby and resurrect the B-plot💬 for us as Shelley tries super hard to learn how to sing. There's a little improvement with practice but she's still pretty awful. Auditions come and sure enough, a girl named Elizabeth gets the part Shelley was sure was hers. Shelley is forced to be Elizabeth's understudy which probably means she didn't get any other part either. So much for having it sewn up. Shelley immediately bursts into tears right in front of the rest of the people auditioning and then runs out forcing Tom to run after her. Professional.

A few days pass and Dana is extremely fed up with Shelley's constant crying. Faith is trying to be a little more understanding but even she thinks it's been excessive. Apparently Shelley finds being an understudy to a freshman to be highly humiliating. One afternoon, Faith steers them away from the B-plot💬 to remind them that the C-plot👭 exists. Shelley immediately comes down hard on Dana telling her how ridiculous it is that Dana's upset about Maggie coming to Canby and that she should be old enough to handle her disappointment in a mature way.

#hypocritethynameisShelley

#potmeetkettle

Dana fucking loses it. She yells that Shelley definitely isn't handling her disappointment in a mature way since all she's done is cry like a baby. Shelley yells that it's different because the play is the most important thing in the world to her. Dana counters with the fact her independence is the most important thing in the world to her and it will be threatened if she has to spend a year looking after Maggie. Shelley doesn't budge, insisting that she's right to be upset but Dana isn't and Dana ends up storming out of the room.

We skip ahead to Friday. Faith tells us that she's the only level-headed, responsible, clear-thinking member of 407 which isn't sanctimonious at all. \\sarcasm font// Then, just to prove her fucking wrong, she gets a phone call from Frank. He says he remembered she was a photographer and he wondered if she'd be willing to take some photos of him at the hospital after her volunteer shift. He says his mother wants them. Baby's first stethoscope and all. Faith agrees and gets all starry eyed and butterfly-ish about it. He tells her that he'll take her to dinner for payment which is just incredibly stupid of a man in his position to do. Unless he's planning to also bring his mother. Or wife. Or Faith's mother.  ANYONE.  This is just ridiculous.

Johnny arrives to take Faith on a date and she finds herself confused during the evening because she can't possibly “feel warm and excited about two men at once”. First of all, sweetie, Johnny is still a boy. Second of all, you're apparently forgetting the last book when you felt all “warm and excited” about Sheff and Johnny at the same time.

#fuckcontinuity

This is why you shouldn't have different authors for every book.  There's no continuity at all.  It's frustrating.

Faith and Johnny end up at Pizza Pete's because of course they do. Faith sees Tom and Elizabeth sharing a booth together and immediately gets suspicious. See, it's okay for Shelley, Faith and Dana to have two boyfriends at once but their boyfriends can only date them. Tom doesn't see them because he only has eyes for Elizabeth. They're holding hands all through their dinner and when they leave he puts his arm around her. Faith is shocked and upset.

When she gets back to the dorm, she tells Dana instead of Shelley. Dana begs her to wait one more day before saying anything because Shelley just now stopped crying about the play. Dana doesn't want her to start again over Tom. She figures everyone needs one night of peace. Meanwhile, Tom has told Shelley that they need to talk the next day too. So I'm guessing Saturday isn't going to be a good day for our drama llama.

The next morning comes and Shelley is in a disturbingly good mood. The way she switches from the highest highs to the lowest lows so quickly is a little concerning to be honest. Volunteering goes pretty uneventfully for the girls. Terry, however is worried that something might be wrong with his eyes after he helps out a little boy who just had eye surgery. Last week he thought he might have tonsillitis despite the fact he had no tonsils. I think Terry might have some Mystery Diagnosis Syndrome going on here. You know, like when you watch the show and then imagine that you have every disease that's depicted? He's picking up every disease he hears about while volunteering.

Faith takes Frank's pictures. She's planning to make two sets and keep one of them like some kind of creeper. She doesn't tell him this, of course. He repeats his offer to pay her with dinner out and they settle on the next Saturday evening. She'll have his pictures developed by then and can deliver them.

Faith finally clues Shelley in to the Tom/Elizabeth situation and Shelley reacts just as you think she would – sobbing, dramatic wailing and crying out to the heavens that Tom could never love anyone but her. It's exhausting to read and I have no idea how Faith was even able to walk home after that. Shelley gets back to Canby and immediately calls Tom. She tells him that she wants to talk to him and he says he'll come over in about an hour and they'll go for a walk.

Before Shelley can say anything on their walk, Tom admits that he went out with Elizabeth the night before and that he's going out with her again that night. He says he still cares for Shelley but Elizabeth is sweet and nice and different. Clearly even Tom knows that Shelley is none of those things. She gets pissed and says that they agreed not to date other people. You know, other than Paul. And Randy. And that guy on the beach in Ft Lauderdale. And.....I can't even keep track anymore. Tom says that he still wants to see Shelley, he just wants to see Elizabeth too. Like Shelley's doing with him and Paul. But she isn't into that and just goes stomping off.

We skip ahead to Monday and find ourselves revisiting the D-plot💂. Pamela is forced to wear the first uniform choice and she's madder than a wet hen about it. I can't blame her. It's a brown and white pleated skirt, a long-sleeved white blouse and a brown vest. It sounds super hideous. I keep picturing different variations of what a brown and white pleated skirt might look like and none of them are good. Pamela is miserable and the little masochists of 407 enjoy it immensely because they're all about getting off on other people's pain.

After that, we go back to our C-plot👭. Dana finally goes to talk to Alison (housemother extraordinaire) about the Maggie situation. Alison suggests calling Maggie and inviting her up to Canby for a weekend. Then she and Dana can talk about Dana's concerns and come up with some solutions maybe. Dana thinks this is brilliant and then heads back to 407 to lay down the law.

She informs her roommates that things are going to change around here. Shelley in particular needs to “change her attitude” and start acting happy no matter how she feels. Shelley reasonably points out that Dana has no right to tell her what to do and that she should be able to feel whatever she's feeling when she's in her own dorm room. Dana pretty much tells her she's wrong. Dana can tell her what to do because she “cares about her” and Shelley is just going to have to accept that no one in that room gives a damn about her real feelings. They want her to just act fine so they don't have to recognize the fact that she isn't fine. Super helpful. \\sarcasm font//

#Danacandie

The week passes and Shelley is completely miserable but doing what Dana demanded and pretending to be fine. It's eating her up inside because that's what happens when you suppress your true feelings like that. Shelley is going to get an ulcer and it will be all Dana's fault. At play practice Friday evening, Elizabeth throws a little diva tantrum and stomps off the stage. I'm sure ghostie isn't setting up a situation where Elizabeth will get replaced because of her attitude or anything.

#sigh

Tom comes up to Shelley after practice and asks her if she wants to go out that evening. Shelley says no because she knows she's Tom's second choice and that doesn't make her very happy. Then she gets home and yells at Dana that she doesn't get to boss her around anymore. She's going to feel how she feels and eat what she wants to eat and Dana can just go suck a dick. It's pretty satisfying to be honest. I live for seeing Dana get put in her place. Dana, of course, believes she did nothing wrong and Shelley is just being her usual dramatic self. For some reason, Faith backs up Dana. It's weird.

They go to volunteer again and Terry loses a patient – like physically can't find him – but nothing else interesting happens. As they're leaving, Frank tells Faith he'll pick her up at 7:00 and Dana gets super excited about Faith's date with the doctor. Why do none of them recognize that this is weird????? She dresses in a white wool dress that she thinks makes her look older and sophisticated but just sounds really itchy to me.

Frank picks her up and takes her to a restaurant that Faith has never noticed in the tiny town of Greenleaf. Somehow. She shows him the photographs at dinner and he compliments her way too much. He tells her if he had a sister he would want her to be just like Faith. She blurts out that she'd rather be his girlfriend than his sister and he doesn't immediately react. Then he says that he's too old for her but she can look him up in 10 years and then maybe it will happen. This still feels creepy to me.

After dinner, they go to the Tutti Frutti for ice cream and naturally Johnny walks in and sees them. He leaves without a single word and Faith is upset. She gets distracted, though, by the huge fight going on between Elizabeth and Tom in the back booth. She decides not to intervene since Tom dumped Shelley and all. He can just take it. Terry shows up with another bizarre ailment (his arches are falling) and then Johnny reappears. Faith brings him over to the table to meet Frank and she explains how he took her out to dinner to repay her for taking some photographs for him. Johnny is relieved and says “it wasn't a date?” to which Frank replies “not yet”. He repeats that in 10 years he and Faith will probably smash each others brains out and it's just pretty disturbing.

On the drive back to Canby, Frank asks Faith if she has a crush on him and when she says yes, he rubs her leg or something. Again. DISTURBING. He tells her to be sure to look him up in 10 years and then he drops her off.

On Monday the D-plot💂 is all wrapped up. The student body unanimously votes 'no' on having uniforms and that's that despite the fact that the trial period was supposed to last a month and it's only been two weeks.

On Friday, the C-plot👭 shows up at the dorms for the weekend. I know it feels abrupt, like I left a bunch of stuff out but I didn't. It literally skips from them voting 'no' on uniforms to Maggie arriving five days later. She'll be sleeping in Casey's room apparently since Casey has a single so they take all her bags there. Then Terry shows up to take her to a soccer game but Dana and Shelley are tagging along so it's not a date or anything. They have a fun evening.

We don't get to see Saturday at all. In fact, we skip right to Sunday evening because there are only a few pages left and ghostie has ish to do. Dana talks to Maggie about the plans to come to Canby and Maggie shocks her by saying she isn't sure she wants to come. She likes not having Dana around because Dana is “too bossy”. Yes, it actually said that. I love Maggie. Dana says she promises not to interfere in Maggie's life if she does come to Canby and Maggie pretty much calls #bullshit on that before I can. She tells Dana that she can't stop interfering in people's lives and I couldn't agree with her more. But I guess that wraps up the C-plot👭.

The B-plot💬 is next. The opening night for the spring play arrives and Elizabeth is refusing to go on. Tom grabs Shelley and tells her to get ready to take Elizabeth's place. Unfortunately, Shelley's been so busy moping about not getting the part that she never actually bothered to learn the play. She doesn't know a single line. So instead she gives Elizabeth a huge pep talk and basically slaps her up and sends her out onto the stage. Elizabeth does a great job and the play is well received. Thus concludes our B-plot💬.

I guess our A-plot😷 is concluded as well. It's weird because they only went three times that I know of but suddenly they're done? I guess? The book just ends without mentioning it so I really don't know. It's funny, for a book that was ostensibly about them volunteering, there was very little volunteering involved. Not that I'm complaining. There was a lot going on in this book and I'd like to argue that it was a little too much. Despite that, it felt like not much happened. Tom and Shelley broke up. Faith acted like an idiot. Dana and Maggie pretty much agreed that Dana's too bossy and they decided not to wear uniforms. I mean, that's pretty much it and it only took a few sentences to say.

I miss Randy😭.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I'm giving this to Terry.  He was hilarious in this book with all his weird "ailments" and losing patients all over the hospital.  

The Bitch of Baker House Award:  I'm going to give this to Dana.  She was hella annoying in this book.

Coming Up Next:  The girls of 407 sign a pledge to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Here Come the Boys (Book 13) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Will Canby Hall ever be the same?

From the Back of the Book: They're letting boys into Canby Hall!  Dana, Faith and Shelley are in for a shock.  Canby Hall has gone co-ed!  Only three boys arrive, but who would have thought they could turn a girls' school upside down?  Having boys on campus brings new fun, new romances - and new problems.  And when the roommates' old boyfriends become jealous and want to get revenge, the girls start to wonder.  Are the problems outweighing the fun?

I know I'm not the goddess of grammar or anything but there's a pretty glaring error in that book blurb and it's making my eye twitch.  I kind of want to fix it so you all won't think I fucked up and did it myself.  But.....I'll just let it sit there.

Sigh.

This book was published in 1985 and I read it back then but I don't remember anything about it at all. The ghostie for this book is a very familiar "face" – Carol White. She wrote Something Old, Something New in the Toby/Jane/Andy series and Roommates, Summer Blues and Four is a Crowd in the Dana/Faith/Shelley series. Pretty sure most of those sucked.  So do with that what you will.

The cover isn't bad. Has Dana always been that tall? I feel like she's extra tall this time. But otherwise it's an okay cover. The model for Shelley looks a lot like a very young Meg Ryan.

Or maybe she looks like a very young, blonde Courteney Cox.

I'll leave this one up to you to decide.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). For now, Dana is dating the magically delicious Randy, Faith is seeing wannabe-cop Johnny and Shelley is dating Tom from Greenleaf High while on a break from her one-true-love Paul. In the last book, Shelley continued her unhealthy view of food and body image as the trio prepared for a winter break trip to Ft Lauderdale. A new girl named Nicole arrived from France and immediately started flirting with all the guys while making the 407 girls' life miserable. It turned out she was actually from Kansas but, of course, all was forgiven and she decided to leave Canby for good in order to avoid being buried under the tulips with Mary Beth, Ginny and Ellie. Oh, and Dana and Shelley cheated on their boyfriends AGAIN. Or at least, they would have if they hadn't gotten stood up.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Michael the semi-creepy guidance counselor was gone from this book.  He wasn't even mentioned.  Ginny also seems to be Thanos-snapped out of existence for this book.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Ellie and Mary Beth have clawed their way back to the surface.  Neither had any dialog but they were both mentioned once in the book.

This book picks up directly after the last one with our intrepid trio arriving back in Boston from Florida. It's snowing which is just the end of the fucking world. Gale is already mentioned on page two and I really hope that she won't be taking over the entire book again.  (((Note from Future Me: She's only mentioned this one time.)))  Dana spends all her time being gloomy because her stepmother Eve is pregnant and Dana thinks this means she won't get all the attention from her father anymore. I guess she's forgotten about her sister. It's a shame because someone really should #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes.

When they get back to the dorm they see piles of stuff in the hall as if someone is moving in. There are basketball shoes and boxing gloves so they automatically assume that the new residents are male. I mean, they're right, but that's just really small minded of them. Plenty of girls like to play basketball and box.

They decide to track down Casey for the inside information since she returned a day earlier for some inexplicable reason. Casey tells them that three boys have been admitted on a trial basis to see if it makes sense for Canby to become coed. It's an effort to supplement the money the girls raised a few books ago so Canby can become more financially viable. Casey says that one is “gorgeous.....and black”. They all immediately look to Faith because clearly one of the white girls can't date him. Not in Massachusetts.

Faith reminds them that she has a boyfriend and she isn't as inclined to cheat as the other two. Anyway, Boy 2 is “kind of cute” with brown wavy hair and Boy 3 is “Nerd city. Mr Science.” which naturally makes him completely undateable. She says they've been put in the old maid quarters in the basement.

Faith, out of the clear fucking blue, comes up to Casey and starts running her fingers through her hair. She asks Casey if she's “had a whole bunch of these hairs cut off” which is just the strangest terminology I've ever heard for asking someone if they've had a haircut. Casey said her mom took her to have it done. I guess she left the class trip early to meet her mom at Palm Beach which is news to me since in the last book her parents were touring Europe or something. #fuckcontinuity Shelley says it looks like “feathers all over your head” and makes some crack about how she'd only get her hair cut like that if she was trying to impress a boy. Casey says she's not into guys but I don't think that means what we wish it meant.

That entire conversation was completely out of place and I can only imagine it was ghostie's clumsy attempt at foreshadowing a romance between Casey and one of the guys.

On Sunday mornings the girls of Baker House all gather in the lounge to have an impromptu brunch or something. They usually do this in their pajamas or robes complete with hair curlers and face masks. Apparently Casey was the ONLY resident of the entire dorm that noticed the arrival of three boys (#BULLSHIT) and the 407 girls were the only ones she told. So they are all dressed and ready to watch the rest of their housemates – their supposed friends mind you – get humiliated when they arrive for the brunch in their jammies. Pamela in particular is embarrassed to be seen in her green mud pack. I maintain that someone like Pamela would NEVER go out in public in a mud pack. Boys or no boys.

Oh, and Ellie is topside again. She showed up in footie pajamas with a back flap and a pair of goose slippers. Nice to see you out of the tulips, Ellie.

The 407 girls decide it's their civic duty to introduce the guys to how wonderful they are. The nerdy boy is Keith, the black guy is Sheff and the generic brunette is Terry. Keith is there because his parents think he's too studious and they want him to find a girl. This seems like an odd reason but whatever. Terry is there because his family recently moved from Tucson and this was the only “good school” accepting students for the spring term. He didn't even know it was an all-girls school until a few days ago. Sheff is there because his parents think he's too involved with his trumpet and jazz music and needs the discipline of a boarding school.

Already Dana is flirting pretty hardcore with Terry and Faith seems to be trying to suck Sheff into her orbit.

I guess that leaves Keith for Casey.

It turns out that Terry likes to write stories and this prompts Dana to fantasize about the two of them married and living in some cabin or something. They'll each have their own rooms to write in and they'll live a remarkably romantic life where Terry will worship the very ground Dana walks on for the rest of her life. They share a writing class together and Dana is determined to impress him with her superior poetry.

Hey, Mary Beth showed up in writing class! Nice to see you alive, zombie girl.

Ghostie spends a few paragraphs briefing us on how the boyfriends are handling the new development..........

Tom isn't super thrilled about the addition to Canby Hall. He rightfully assumes that Shelley might be persuaded to cheat on him with one of her new housemates. I mean, she's cheated on him before so this isn't super unreasonable of him. She assures him that he has nothing to worry about but we all know that's just because one of them didn't happen to catch her eye. If one did, she would have dropped Tom like a hot potato in a heartbeat.

Randy calls, a little hurt that Dana never called him when she got back from her trip. He doesn't even know that boys have moved into Canby because he doesn't go to school in Greenleaf anymore. He asks her to have dinner with him but she says she needs to write a poem. He tells her she can surely take a break for dinner and she starts yelling at him about how he doesn't take her art seriously and she “won't have it” and then she hangs up on him.

#runRandyrun

Johnny seems pretty chill about the whole thing. He's confident that the girl he chose to give his heart to will take good care of it.

#pressFinthechatforJohnny'sheart

As the days go by, Dana falls pretty hard for Terry. She's sure he's madly in love with her too. After all, he constantly shows her the short stories he's writing so she can critique them and he always sits with her and the other girls at dinner. Surely this means true love. He rarely talks about his family but sometimes mentions someone named Chris who Dana is sure is his best friend.

This is the wrong blog but........

Odds that Chris is a girl: 75%

Dana is still stringing poor 💫magical💫 Randy along by the way. She isn't humane enough to tell him that she's pretty sure she's going to marry Terry and have lots of writer babies. She and Randy have kind of put things back together since their “phone fight” which was mostly just Dana being a bitch as usual. One evening she's headed out to his ranch to have dinner with his family when she runs into Casey and Keith having some kind of conversation together. Naturally Dana assumes this means they're banging each other because a boy and a girl can't have a conversation for any other reason.

That Sunday is the annual pancake festival. They make pancakes out on a grill in the grove which just sounds like an exceptionally bad place to grill. The girls can invite friends or family from town and we're told that the 407 girls invite the men in their lives. But then we're also told that they have clean-up duty after everyone eats and the boys still aren't there. So did they just invite them to come AFTER the pancakes? I think the boys got shafted here. As usual. Faith and Dana are a little worried about Johnny and Randy showing up. Both think that their boyfriends will know immediately that they have crushes on the new boys.

Johnny and Tom come wearing football cleats for some reason I don't really understand. They wouldn't have had practice because it's a Sunday morning and no public high school has football practices on Sunday.  But even if they did, why would they walk all the way from Greenleaf in cleats? No one would do that. Randy arrives on horseback. The Canby girls are all pretty swoony over this and Dana is intensely proud of how sexy he is but then Terry calls him a “goober” and makes fun of him and she abruptly becomes embarrassed of Randy. She tells Terry that Randy is “just some guy from town” that she doesn't really know very well.

#Danacandie

Before Dana is caught in her lie by Randy coming up to her, PA (head bitch in charge) makes an announcement that all the Canby girls need to get ready for the Spring Pageant. Apparently they have to sing songs, do dances or perform skits about the coming of Spring while wearing horrible old costumes from the drama department. Dana dresses in tulip dress and sings with the choir. Faith wears a duck costume and wanders around the stage while they sing. Shelley wears a costume made of scarves and recites poetry. Sheff plays his trumpet.

After the performance, Randy asks Dana if she wants to go for a ride with him. His entire family has colds and he's been busting his ass trying to take care of all of them and he needs a little break. For Randy, break=horseback. Dana has a “date” to go over writing assignments with Terry so she naturally lies to Randy and tells him she's going into town with Faith to get her hair cut. Then Terry walks up. The three of them make small talk for a super short amount of time and then Terry says he's going to change out of his woodpecker costume but he'll meet Dana in the lounge in a few minutes. Randy knows the score from here and he just gets on his horse and rides away.

#saveRandy

Sheff is sitting all alone as everyone else is chatting with their guests.  As soon as Johnny and Tom start playing catch with a football they brought for some inexplicable reason, Faith goes over to make sure Sheff's okay.  He tells her she's lucky she has a boyfriend. If she didn't he would make a play for her and she'd be so over-the-moon in love with him that it would ruin her life. Faith is sort of simultaneously turned on and repulsed by this.

Casey and Keith are spotted holding hands and making goo-goo eyes at each other. So there's that. I'm actually pretty happy for her. Keith seems like a nice guy – the best of the bunch – and Casey deserves some attention that isn't toxic.

We're back in 407 and the B-plot has emerged......and it's a can. A mystery can with no label on it. Faith bought it from the grocery store as a lark. They were apparently selling an entire cart of unlabeled cans for dirt cheap and she couldn't resist the mystery of it. Ghostie devotes PAGES to the girls trying to guess what might be in the can. Can anyone say #paddingthepagecount?

Dana tells Faith that Randy is getting sick of being constantly cheated on. She seems to feel like this is a character flaw of Randy's. Apparently he should be so in love with Dana that he doesn't mind that she's a little “fickle”. Yes, that's actually how she described herself. She says that all teenage girls are fickle though, so it should just be okay. She admits that she's going to shoot her shot with Terry and make a “big play” for him and that the right thing to do would be to break up with Randy first. But in the next breath she says she isn't going to do that because he's “sweet and steady” and she likes having him in her back pocket when she crashes and burns with the guys she actually likes.

#Danacandie

Dana's “big play” is a poem. I'll just put it here.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I'd like to go.

For a pizza with you.

Yep, folks. This is our resident poet. Canby Hall is an amazing school, y'all. It produces amazing talent like Dana.

Dana waits all day for writing class to get Terry's response. She's practically foaming at the mouth by the end of the day. But he doesn't say anything in class and he dashes off right after, saying he's going to be the new assistant coach of the soccer team and he has practice. She reasons that he didn't go to his mailbox yet and hasn't received the note, but when she goes back to Baker House to check his slot, it's empty.

She toys around with the theory that his mail might have been stolen but decides that's “lunatic thinking”. Sigh. She finally decides that he's merely shy and didn't want to profess his love to her in a crowded classroom. So she figures the best course of action is to wait in the lobby and pounce on him as soon as he returns from practice. When he does, he's surrounded by girls from the team and Dana is sad knowing his shyness won't allow him to fall prostate at her feet and declare his undying devotion. As he passes her, he waves, winks and says a cheeky “loved the poem” with a laugh. #ouch She's devastated and I honestly enjoyed that VERY much.

Faith lies to Johnny that night saying she has a sore throat and can't go out with him. In reality she's going to the Oakley/Canby mixer hoping to meet Sheff. I really thought she got her vaccine against cheater fever but apparently the only thing keeping her from cheating was the lack of African-American boys on the premises. She's sure Johnny won't show up there because he's working at the movie theater that night (they were going to go out after) and because he goes to Greenleaf High, not Oakley Prep. She's less sure that Sheff will actually be there but that doesn't stop her from going.

Odds Johnny will inexplicably show up at the mixer: 75%

Faith gets there and sees Sheff pretty much immediately. So she pretends not to notice him and spends half the night ignoring him. He eventually calls her on it and asks her dance. As they dance, he tells her that they have the same “soul prints” and he wants to get to know her better. They decide to go for a walk. Tom sees all this happening and immediately goes to a payphone to call Johnny. Shelley tries to stop him but he insists it's bro code and Johnny deserves to know what his girlfriend is doing. Shelley in incensed that he would do something to sabotage one of the illustrious 407 girls.

#allhailroom407

Outside, Sheff tells Faith that smells are like sound to him and the woods "smell like a clarinet riff". Faith doesn't understand what the fuck he's talking about but she swoons anyway, thinking he's heckin' cool. Sheff suggests they sneak away some night, hitchhike into Boston and go to some nightclubs and Faith finds herself agreeing out loud even though internally she knows it's a stupid idea. They talk a little more and then he kisses her and she tells us it was the best kiss of her life.

When they get back to the gym or wherever this stupid mixer is, Johnny is waiting for them. He doesn't say much but he does punch Sheff right in the jaw. Sheff refuses to be drawn into the fight, telling Johnny that Faith will decide who she wants to be with and then he just walks away. Johnny ends up taking off too and Faith goes back to 407 to cry.

Some days pass and then, for some reason, Faith and Dana decide to go into town to consult a psychic. I'm surprised tiny Greenleaf Massachusetts has a working psychic. All of Madame Irene's dialogue is written in pretty awful dialect (lot's of “zee” instead of “the” and the like). It's pretty tortuous to try to read. Madame Irene reads Dana's palm. She sees Randy but not Terry and Dana is confused by this because surely Terry is madly in love with her. She tells Dana that she will be happily married with children and dogs in the future. Faith asks to have her fortune told by crystal ball. Madame Irene tells Faith that she has taken a picture of the man she will marry but she hasn't met him yet. Faith knows this is possible because she's taken pictures all over the place of people and events and she doesn't always know the people in them. She also knows this means she won't marry either Johnny or Sheff.

Madame Irene ends the session by telling Faith to look to Shakespeare for answers. “To thine own self be true.” Dana thinks it's just something Madame Irene says but Faith takes it to heart. In an effort to look cooler to Sheff she's been changing her clothes and wearing more makeup and she even put relaxer on her afro. She suddenly sees that she shouldn't be doing any of this stuff and she should just stay true to who she is. It's a good take away from the probably bogus reading.

Dana thinks about it for a few days and then decides she needs to break up with Randy. She thinks the only reason Terry hasn't thrown himself at her is because she already has a boyfriend. If she eliminates the boyfriend she'll have the new boy wrapped around her finger. The ego on Dana just kills me. It really does. She can't picture an scenario where Terry just might not be into her. I think he's dating this Chris person and since this series can't even comprehend interracial dating, I know there's no way they'd give us same-sex romance. Therefore, Chris HAS to be a girl.

Early Saturday morning Dana runs out to Randy's ranch. He's not there but his mother invites her in for breakfast. Dana is saddened because she knows when she breaks up with Randy she won't be able to come out here anymore and his family has become important to her. They tell her that he's out checking a neighbor's foal and, after she eats, she sets out on their oldest and slowest horse. She's only made it a little distance when a freak storm comes up, completely soaking her. She can't get the old horse to move faster and things seem doomed but Randy rides up out of fucking nowhere and takes the reins from her. He urges his horse into a run and hers has no choice but to follow. He leads them to a lean-to somewhere on the property and Dana is a little breathless at the super sexy rescue.

She doesn't let that distract her from her purpose, though. She blurts out that she doesn't want him to be her boyfriend anymore which is pretty ironic because the fucking ghosties keep claiming he isn't. Randy is very, very hurt and he does something kind of mean here. He takes the horses and leaves Dana sitting in the lean-to all alone. When she wails that she's wet and it's a long walk back to campus, he tells her to “suffer”. I know, it's not very chivalrous but he just got dumped and he's hurt and sad and angry. I can't really blame him for doing it. In fact I enjoyed that too.

Dana sits there for awhile but then rushes back toward the school. She's going to tell Terry she's available now and she's sure they will “throw themselves into the romance they'd been holding back from”. Yes, it really said that. #Danaisdelusional

Later that day, Tom and Shelley get into a fight. He's heard about the Johnny/Faith situation and Randy called him to talk out what happened with Dana. Tom is pretty pissed at the girls and Shelley is defensive. He then asks her how long before she cheats on him again too and she's very indignant about that despite almost cheating on him just a few weeks before in Florida. He's not allowed to call her out on her behavior and she slams the phone down. So now she has no date for Saturday night.

Faith is also dateless. Johnny hasn't spoken to her for 8 days and she's not even sure if they're together or broken up. She's seen Sheff quite a few times in the meantime but always feels like she's putting on some kind of performance for him and she doesn't like it. He seems to like fake Faith more than real Faith. She tells Shelley that it's exhausting being with him and having to pretend she's hipper than she really is.

The cafeteria is serving something called “Surprise Surprise” for dinner that night so the dateless 407 girls, Casey and the boys of Baker House decide to go to Pizza Pete's. Dana makes sure she gets the seat next to Terry. She tells him she's broken up with her boyfriend and he offers sympathy which she doesn't need or deserve. She then smiles and says “I guess I'm finally going to get that pizza with you”. He doesn't immediately start kissing her so she explains that she's referring to her poem. He looks really uncomfortable and mutters something about pizza always tasting better when you're in a big group of people and then starts talking to Sheff. Dana can't even buy a fucking clue at this point.

#Danaisdelusional

In the meantime, Randy, Johnny and Tom are heading into Pizza Pete's. They see the group in the back and walk right back out before anyone from Canby notices them. Johnny is super pissed and Randy is still licking his wounds from earlier so when Johnny suggests they “nuisance” the boys by trashing their room, Randy goes along with it. They leave town and head straight for Canby.

When the boys get to their room their doorknob has been greased. Keith pulls out a handkerchief and opens the door. The entire room has been TP'd and written on the wall in shaving cream are the words “Hi guys! You're so cute!” I guess this is an attempt to make it look like a girl did it. There are opened cans of sauerkraut and sardines hidden all over the place and the bathroom walls are smeared with sundae toppings. They immediately assume Casey and the 407 girls did it despite the fact they were with them all night. Sigh. They vow revenge. I'm sure it will be stupid.

It's now some random morning and Dana is waiting for her roommates to finish getting ready so they can go get breakfast. Shelley keeps falling asleep and Faith is having 'shiny squirrel' syndrome as she tries to get around. Dana is crossing the floor when she kicks some box that has appeared in their room. How? I don't know. I guess someone sneaked it in there while they were sleeping which just seems a little terrifying to me. The box has a very stupid note attached.

“Kisses for the princess of 407, my sweetest Faith.”

Faith decides to open it in the closet which is the only place that offers any privacy. She goes in while the other two wait. Suddenly she screams, throws open the door and tosses the box. It apparently contained a frog. The frog gets loose and they can't even stop to find it because they're late for class.

In creative writing, Dana gets her poem back. She's expecting a lot of praise but she gets a lecture on taking class seriously instead. The teacher then reads her poem aloud which just seems like something a real teacher would never, ever do.

“Elmer Fudd

Slips in the mud

Falls with a thud

Feels like a dud

Gets covered in crud.”

The entire class laughs and Dana is humiliated.

Shelley gets her surprise during play rehearsal. Every time she opens her mouth to say a line, a clucking sound is played over the loud system. They finally send her home and continue rehearsal with her understudy. By the time she gets back to 407 she is sobbing dramatically and claiming her entire career is over forever.

Casey's surprise was supposed to be a rubber hand sticking out of her stroganoff at dinner but because PA and a bunch of important board members cut in line, one of them gets it instead. Mayhem ensues. Because PA doesn't know who did it, she restricts everyone to campus until someone confesses.

The next day, Terry falls into step with Dana. She's pissed because he laughed when her fake poem was read aloud instead of being “ her champion” so she decides to “give him a frosty”.

What?

Like a frozen treat from Wendy's?

Or is it a sex thing?

I don't want to judge anyone's kink but this seems like something they should do in private.

Terry admits that he and the boys did all the pranks to get back at the girls for trashing their room. Dana says they didn't do and immediately decides that it was Johnny, Tom and Randy. I have no idea how she would come to this conclusion. Yes, I know it's accurate but it shouldn't have been the first thing that came to her mind. Terry is in a panic. Chris was going to come to Canby next year so they could finish out high school together. They've been together since 7^th grade and he can't imagine ever being with any other girl. If he confesses and gets kicked out, their plans will be ruined.

Dana is devastated. I enjoy it.

I have to say, this book might become my favorite in the entire series just because I got to watch Dana crash and burn.

Dana encourages him to confess and appeal to PA's mercy. If they don't and she figures it out on her own, the punishment will be much worse. She might be lenient if they turn themselves in. Then she goes back to her room to lick her wounds. Faith is the only one in there. She tells Dana that she called Johnny and begged his forgiveness. She figured out that she couldn't be herself with Sheff and she didn't like that. And she missed Johnny who has always just been a genuinely nice guy and good friend. Dana tells Faith about Terry and whines that she broke up with Randy thinking Terry was a “sure thing” and now she's all alone again. As gently as possible, Faith tells Dana that she might be fucked in the head due to her parents' divorce and the perceived abandonment by her father. She thinks Dana is needy for approval and that's why she throws herself at everything with a penis. Dana takes that better than I thought she would.

Shelley comes back and Dana tells her about the boys pulling the pranks because they thought the girls pranked them first. She again puts the blame on “three guys from the friendly town of Greenleaf”. Faith says they've messed with the wrong girl because, being from the city, she knows the “heavy duty pranks”.

The boys go to PA's house to confess. She tells them that she'll have to think about an appropriate action to take. She's seriously reconsidering the idea of having boys at Canby. The boys meet with Casey and the 407 girls because clearly they are the only ones who can save the day. #allhailroom407 The girls come up with a plan. I'm sure it won't be stupid. \\sarcasm font//

The next morning, PA wakes up to find a huge bouquet in her yard. I don't know if it is actually made of real flowers or not but I know the stems are made of cut up garden hose and the ribbon is made of crepe paper. Next to the bouquet is a posterboard sign that says: “P. Allardyce, please forgive your bad boys.”

Fucking hell. That just sounds........stupid. And wrong. And a little illegal or something.  I feel like I need a shower.  It doesn't surprise me that this is the level of genius that our intrepid heroines have risen to though.

Ghostie tells us that PA laughs and all the culprits hear it from the bushes they are hiding in. Then this.

“To see it was to know that no one was going to be expelled from Canby Hall that day.”

To SEE it.

To SEE the laugh.

These girls are so fucking advanced that they can see sounds, y'all. They're practically superheroes.

The book ends with the girls revealing their plan to paint Tom, Johnny and Randy's cars with a special kind of paint that looks real but washes off. That's the big city “heavy duty prank” Faith planned. Sigh. These girls are useless.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Giving this one to Casey and Keith to share. They were adorable together and I love that Casey didn't care that Keith was a “nerd” who was several inches shorter than her. Good on ya, Casey.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This goes to Dana and Faith to share for cheating AGAIN.

Coming Up Next:  Shelley's worried about getting a part in the play she already had a part in during this book and the girls volunteer at a hospital.  I also hope they find the frog and open that can.