Here Come the Boys (Book 13) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Will Canby Hall ever be the same?

From the Back of the Book: They're letting boys into Canby Hall!  Dana, Faith and Shelley are in for a shock.  Canby Hall has gone co-ed!  Only three boys arrive, but who would have thought they could turn a girls' school upside down?  Having boys on campus brings new fun, new romances - and new problems.  And when the roommates' old boyfriends become jealous and want to get revenge, the girls start to wonder.  Are the problems outweighing the fun?

I know I'm not the goddess of grammar or anything but there's a pretty glaring error in that book blurb and it's making my eye twitch.  I kind of want to fix it so you all won't think I fucked up and did it myself.  But.....I'll just let it sit there.

Sigh.

This book was published in 1985 and I read it back then but I don't remember anything about it at all. The ghostie for this book is a very familiar "face" – Carol White. She wrote Something Old, Something New in the Toby/Jane/Andy series and Roommates, Summer Blues and Four is a Crowd in the Dana/Faith/Shelley series. Pretty sure most of those sucked.  So do with that what you will.

The cover isn't bad. Has Dana always been that tall? I feel like she's extra tall this time. But otherwise it's an okay cover. The model for Shelley looks a lot like a very young Meg Ryan.

Or maybe she looks like a very young, blonde Courteney Cox.

I'll leave this one up to you to decide.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). For now, Dana is dating the magically delicious Randy, Faith is seeing wannabe-cop Johnny and Shelley is dating Tom from Greenleaf High while on a break from her one-true-love Paul. In the last book, Shelley continued her unhealthy view of food and body image as the trio prepared for a winter break trip to Ft Lauderdale. A new girl named Nicole arrived from France and immediately started flirting with all the guys while making the 407 girls' life miserable. It turned out she was actually from Kansas but, of course, all was forgiven and she decided to leave Canby for good in order to avoid being buried under the tulips with Mary Beth, Ginny and Ellie. Oh, and Dana and Shelley cheated on their boyfriends AGAIN. Or at least, they would have if they hadn't gotten stood up.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Michael the semi-creepy guidance counselor was gone from this book.  He wasn't even mentioned.  Ginny also seems to be Thanos-snapped out of existence for this book.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Ellie and Mary Beth have clawed their way back to the surface.  Neither had any dialog but they were both mentioned once in the book.

This book picks up directly after the last one with our intrepid trio arriving back in Boston from Florida. It's snowing which is just the end of the fucking world. Gale is already mentioned on page two and I really hope that she won't be taking over the entire book again.  (((Note from Future Me: She's only mentioned this one time.)))  Dana spends all her time being gloomy because her stepmother Eve is pregnant and Dana thinks this means she won't get all the attention from her father anymore. I guess she's forgotten about her sister. It's a shame because someone really should #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes.

When they get back to the dorm they see piles of stuff in the hall as if someone is moving in. There are basketball shoes and boxing gloves so they automatically assume that the new residents are male. I mean, they're right, but that's just really small minded of them. Plenty of girls like to play basketball and box.

They decide to track down Casey for the inside information since she returned a day earlier for some inexplicable reason. Casey tells them that three boys have been admitted on a trial basis to see if it makes sense for Canby to become coed. It's an effort to supplement the money the girls raised a few books ago so Canby can become more financially viable. Casey says that one is “gorgeous.....and black”. They all immediately look to Faith because clearly one of the white girls can't date him. Not in Massachusetts.

Faith reminds them that she has a boyfriend and she isn't as inclined to cheat as the other two. Anyway, Boy 2 is “kind of cute” with brown wavy hair and Boy 3 is “Nerd city. Mr Science.” which naturally makes him completely undateable. She says they've been put in the old maid quarters in the basement.

Faith, out of the clear fucking blue, comes up to Casey and starts running her fingers through her hair. She asks Casey if she's “had a whole bunch of these hairs cut off” which is just the strangest terminology I've ever heard for asking someone if they've had a haircut. Casey said her mom took her to have it done. I guess she left the class trip early to meet her mom at Palm Beach which is news to me since in the last book her parents were touring Europe or something. #fuckcontinuity Shelley says it looks like “feathers all over your head” and makes some crack about how she'd only get her hair cut like that if she was trying to impress a boy. Casey says she's not into guys but I don't think that means what we wish it meant.

That entire conversation was completely out of place and I can only imagine it was ghostie's clumsy attempt at foreshadowing a romance between Casey and one of the guys.

On Sunday mornings the girls of Baker House all gather in the lounge to have an impromptu brunch or something. They usually do this in their pajamas or robes complete with hair curlers and face masks. Apparently Casey was the ONLY resident of the entire dorm that noticed the arrival of three boys (#BULLSHIT) and the 407 girls were the only ones she told. So they are all dressed and ready to watch the rest of their housemates – their supposed friends mind you – get humiliated when they arrive for the brunch in their jammies. Pamela in particular is embarrassed to be seen in her green mud pack. I maintain that someone like Pamela would NEVER go out in public in a mud pack. Boys or no boys.

Oh, and Ellie is topside again. She showed up in footie pajamas with a back flap and a pair of goose slippers. Nice to see you out of the tulips, Ellie.

The 407 girls decide it's their civic duty to introduce the guys to how wonderful they are. The nerdy boy is Keith, the black guy is Sheff and the generic brunette is Terry. Keith is there because his parents think he's too studious and they want him to find a girl. This seems like an odd reason but whatever. Terry is there because his family recently moved from Tucson and this was the only “good school” accepting students for the spring term. He didn't even know it was an all-girls school until a few days ago. Sheff is there because his parents think he's too involved with his trumpet and jazz music and needs the discipline of a boarding school.

Already Dana is flirting pretty hardcore with Terry and Faith seems to be trying to suck Sheff into her orbit.

I guess that leaves Keith for Casey.

It turns out that Terry likes to write stories and this prompts Dana to fantasize about the two of them married and living in some cabin or something. They'll each have their own rooms to write in and they'll live a remarkably romantic life where Terry will worship the very ground Dana walks on for the rest of her life. They share a writing class together and Dana is determined to impress him with her superior poetry.

Hey, Mary Beth showed up in writing class! Nice to see you alive, zombie girl.

Ghostie spends a few paragraphs briefing us on how the boyfriends are handling the new development..........

Tom isn't super thrilled about the addition to Canby Hall. He rightfully assumes that Shelley might be persuaded to cheat on him with one of her new housemates. I mean, she's cheated on him before so this isn't super unreasonable of him. She assures him that he has nothing to worry about but we all know that's just because one of them didn't happen to catch her eye. If one did, she would have dropped Tom like a hot potato in a heartbeat.

Randy calls, a little hurt that Dana never called him when she got back from her trip. He doesn't even know that boys have moved into Canby because he doesn't go to school in Greenleaf anymore. He asks her to have dinner with him but she says she needs to write a poem. He tells her she can surely take a break for dinner and she starts yelling at him about how he doesn't take her art seriously and she “won't have it” and then she hangs up on him.

#runRandyrun

Johnny seems pretty chill about the whole thing. He's confident that the girl he chose to give his heart to will take good care of it.

#pressFinthechatforJohnny'sheart

As the days go by, Dana falls pretty hard for Terry. She's sure he's madly in love with her too. After all, he constantly shows her the short stories he's writing so she can critique them and he always sits with her and the other girls at dinner. Surely this means true love. He rarely talks about his family but sometimes mentions someone named Chris who Dana is sure is his best friend.

This is the wrong blog but........

Odds that Chris is a girl: 75%

Dana is still stringing poor 💫magical💫 Randy along by the way. She isn't humane enough to tell him that she's pretty sure she's going to marry Terry and have lots of writer babies. She and Randy have kind of put things back together since their “phone fight” which was mostly just Dana being a bitch as usual. One evening she's headed out to his ranch to have dinner with his family when she runs into Casey and Keith having some kind of conversation together. Naturally Dana assumes this means they're banging each other because a boy and a girl can't have a conversation for any other reason.

That Sunday is the annual pancake festival. They make pancakes out on a grill in the grove which just sounds like an exceptionally bad place to grill. The girls can invite friends or family from town and we're told that the 407 girls invite the men in their lives. But then we're also told that they have clean-up duty after everyone eats and the boys still aren't there. So did they just invite them to come AFTER the pancakes? I think the boys got shafted here. As usual. Faith and Dana are a little worried about Johnny and Randy showing up. Both think that their boyfriends will know immediately that they have crushes on the new boys.

Johnny and Tom come wearing football cleats for some reason I don't really understand. They wouldn't have had practice because it's a Sunday morning and no public high school has football practices on Sunday.  But even if they did, why would they walk all the way from Greenleaf in cleats? No one would do that. Randy arrives on horseback. The Canby girls are all pretty swoony over this and Dana is intensely proud of how sexy he is but then Terry calls him a “goober” and makes fun of him and she abruptly becomes embarrassed of Randy. She tells Terry that Randy is “just some guy from town” that she doesn't really know very well.

#Danacandie

Before Dana is caught in her lie by Randy coming up to her, PA (head bitch in charge) makes an announcement that all the Canby girls need to get ready for the Spring Pageant. Apparently they have to sing songs, do dances or perform skits about the coming of Spring while wearing horrible old costumes from the drama department. Dana dresses in tulip dress and sings with the choir. Faith wears a duck costume and wanders around the stage while they sing. Shelley wears a costume made of scarves and recites poetry. Sheff plays his trumpet.

After the performance, Randy asks Dana if she wants to go for a ride with him. His entire family has colds and he's been busting his ass trying to take care of all of them and he needs a little break. For Randy, break=horseback. Dana has a “date” to go over writing assignments with Terry so she naturally lies to Randy and tells him she's going into town with Faith to get her hair cut. Then Terry walks up. The three of them make small talk for a super short amount of time and then Terry says he's going to change out of his woodpecker costume but he'll meet Dana in the lounge in a few minutes. Randy knows the score from here and he just gets on his horse and rides away.

#saveRandy

Sheff is sitting all alone as everyone else is chatting with their guests.  As soon as Johnny and Tom start playing catch with a football they brought for some inexplicable reason, Faith goes over to make sure Sheff's okay.  He tells her she's lucky she has a boyfriend. If she didn't he would make a play for her and she'd be so over-the-moon in love with him that it would ruin her life. Faith is sort of simultaneously turned on and repulsed by this.

Casey and Keith are spotted holding hands and making goo-goo eyes at each other. So there's that. I'm actually pretty happy for her. Keith seems like a nice guy – the best of the bunch – and Casey deserves some attention that isn't toxic.

We're back in 407 and the B-plot has emerged......and it's a can. A mystery can with no label on it. Faith bought it from the grocery store as a lark. They were apparently selling an entire cart of unlabeled cans for dirt cheap and she couldn't resist the mystery of it. Ghostie devotes PAGES to the girls trying to guess what might be in the can. Can anyone say #paddingthepagecount?

Dana tells Faith that Randy is getting sick of being constantly cheated on. She seems to feel like this is a character flaw of Randy's. Apparently he should be so in love with Dana that he doesn't mind that she's a little “fickle”. Yes, that's actually how she described herself. She says that all teenage girls are fickle though, so it should just be okay. She admits that she's going to shoot her shot with Terry and make a “big play” for him and that the right thing to do would be to break up with Randy first. But in the next breath she says she isn't going to do that because he's “sweet and steady” and she likes having him in her back pocket when she crashes and burns with the guys she actually likes.

#Danacandie

Dana's “big play” is a poem. I'll just put it here.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I'd like to go.

For a pizza with you.

Yep, folks. This is our resident poet. Canby Hall is an amazing school, y'all. It produces amazing talent like Dana.

Dana waits all day for writing class to get Terry's response. She's practically foaming at the mouth by the end of the day. But he doesn't say anything in class and he dashes off right after, saying he's going to be the new assistant coach of the soccer team and he has practice. She reasons that he didn't go to his mailbox yet and hasn't received the note, but when she goes back to Baker House to check his slot, it's empty.

She toys around with the theory that his mail might have been stolen but decides that's “lunatic thinking”. Sigh. She finally decides that he's merely shy and didn't want to profess his love to her in a crowded classroom. So she figures the best course of action is to wait in the lobby and pounce on him as soon as he returns from practice. When he does, he's surrounded by girls from the team and Dana is sad knowing his shyness won't allow him to fall prostate at her feet and declare his undying devotion. As he passes her, he waves, winks and says a cheeky “loved the poem” with a laugh. #ouch She's devastated and I honestly enjoyed that VERY much.

Faith lies to Johnny that night saying she has a sore throat and can't go out with him. In reality she's going to the Oakley/Canby mixer hoping to meet Sheff. I really thought she got her vaccine against cheater fever but apparently the only thing keeping her from cheating was the lack of African-American boys on the premises. She's sure Johnny won't show up there because he's working at the movie theater that night (they were going to go out after) and because he goes to Greenleaf High, not Oakley Prep. She's less sure that Sheff will actually be there but that doesn't stop her from going.

Odds Johnny will inexplicably show up at the mixer: 75%

Faith gets there and sees Sheff pretty much immediately. So she pretends not to notice him and spends half the night ignoring him. He eventually calls her on it and asks her dance. As they dance, he tells her that they have the same “soul prints” and he wants to get to know her better. They decide to go for a walk. Tom sees all this happening and immediately goes to a payphone to call Johnny. Shelley tries to stop him but he insists it's bro code and Johnny deserves to know what his girlfriend is doing. Shelley in incensed that he would do something to sabotage one of the illustrious 407 girls.

#allhailroom407

Outside, Sheff tells Faith that smells are like sound to him and the woods "smell like a clarinet riff". Faith doesn't understand what the fuck he's talking about but she swoons anyway, thinking he's heckin' cool. Sheff suggests they sneak away some night, hitchhike into Boston and go to some nightclubs and Faith finds herself agreeing out loud even though internally she knows it's a stupid idea. They talk a little more and then he kisses her and she tells us it was the best kiss of her life.

When they get back to the gym or wherever this stupid mixer is, Johnny is waiting for them. He doesn't say much but he does punch Sheff right in the jaw. Sheff refuses to be drawn into the fight, telling Johnny that Faith will decide who she wants to be with and then he just walks away. Johnny ends up taking off too and Faith goes back to 407 to cry.

Some days pass and then, for some reason, Faith and Dana decide to go into town to consult a psychic. I'm surprised tiny Greenleaf Massachusetts has a working psychic. All of Madame Irene's dialogue is written in pretty awful dialect (lot's of “zee” instead of “the” and the like). It's pretty tortuous to try to read. Madame Irene reads Dana's palm. She sees Randy but not Terry and Dana is confused by this because surely Terry is madly in love with her. She tells Dana that she will be happily married with children and dogs in the future. Faith asks to have her fortune told by crystal ball. Madame Irene tells Faith that she has taken a picture of the man she will marry but she hasn't met him yet. Faith knows this is possible because she's taken pictures all over the place of people and events and she doesn't always know the people in them. She also knows this means she won't marry either Johnny or Sheff.

Madame Irene ends the session by telling Faith to look to Shakespeare for answers. “To thine own self be true.” Dana thinks it's just something Madame Irene says but Faith takes it to heart. In an effort to look cooler to Sheff she's been changing her clothes and wearing more makeup and she even put relaxer on her afro. She suddenly sees that she shouldn't be doing any of this stuff and she should just stay true to who she is. It's a good take away from the probably bogus reading.

Dana thinks about it for a few days and then decides she needs to break up with Randy. She thinks the only reason Terry hasn't thrown himself at her is because she already has a boyfriend. If she eliminates the boyfriend she'll have the new boy wrapped around her finger. The ego on Dana just kills me. It really does. She can't picture an scenario where Terry just might not be into her. I think he's dating this Chris person and since this series can't even comprehend interracial dating, I know there's no way they'd give us same-sex romance. Therefore, Chris HAS to be a girl.

Early Saturday morning Dana runs out to Randy's ranch. He's not there but his mother invites her in for breakfast. Dana is saddened because she knows when she breaks up with Randy she won't be able to come out here anymore and his family has become important to her. They tell her that he's out checking a neighbor's foal and, after she eats, she sets out on their oldest and slowest horse. She's only made it a little distance when a freak storm comes up, completely soaking her. She can't get the old horse to move faster and things seem doomed but Randy rides up out of fucking nowhere and takes the reins from her. He urges his horse into a run and hers has no choice but to follow. He leads them to a lean-to somewhere on the property and Dana is a little breathless at the super sexy rescue.

She doesn't let that distract her from her purpose, though. She blurts out that she doesn't want him to be her boyfriend anymore which is pretty ironic because the fucking ghosties keep claiming he isn't. Randy is very, very hurt and he does something kind of mean here. He takes the horses and leaves Dana sitting in the lean-to all alone. When she wails that she's wet and it's a long walk back to campus, he tells her to “suffer”. I know, it's not very chivalrous but he just got dumped and he's hurt and sad and angry. I can't really blame him for doing it. In fact I enjoyed that too.

Dana sits there for awhile but then rushes back toward the school. She's going to tell Terry she's available now and she's sure they will “throw themselves into the romance they'd been holding back from”. Yes, it really said that. #Danaisdelusional

Later that day, Tom and Shelley get into a fight. He's heard about the Johnny/Faith situation and Randy called him to talk out what happened with Dana. Tom is pretty pissed at the girls and Shelley is defensive. He then asks her how long before she cheats on him again too and she's very indignant about that despite almost cheating on him just a few weeks before in Florida. He's not allowed to call her out on her behavior and she slams the phone down. So now she has no date for Saturday night.

Faith is also dateless. Johnny hasn't spoken to her for 8 days and she's not even sure if they're together or broken up. She's seen Sheff quite a few times in the meantime but always feels like she's putting on some kind of performance for him and she doesn't like it. He seems to like fake Faith more than real Faith. She tells Shelley that it's exhausting being with him and having to pretend she's hipper than she really is.

The cafeteria is serving something called “Surprise Surprise” for dinner that night so the dateless 407 girls, Casey and the boys of Baker House decide to go to Pizza Pete's. Dana makes sure she gets the seat next to Terry. She tells him she's broken up with her boyfriend and he offers sympathy which she doesn't need or deserve. She then smiles and says “I guess I'm finally going to get that pizza with you”. He doesn't immediately start kissing her so she explains that she's referring to her poem. He looks really uncomfortable and mutters something about pizza always tasting better when you're in a big group of people and then starts talking to Sheff. Dana can't even buy a fucking clue at this point.

#Danaisdelusional

In the meantime, Randy, Johnny and Tom are heading into Pizza Pete's. They see the group in the back and walk right back out before anyone from Canby notices them. Johnny is super pissed and Randy is still licking his wounds from earlier so when Johnny suggests they “nuisance” the boys by trashing their room, Randy goes along with it. They leave town and head straight for Canby.

When the boys get to their room their doorknob has been greased. Keith pulls out a handkerchief and opens the door. The entire room has been TP'd and written on the wall in shaving cream are the words “Hi guys! You're so cute!” I guess this is an attempt to make it look like a girl did it. There are opened cans of sauerkraut and sardines hidden all over the place and the bathroom walls are smeared with sundae toppings. They immediately assume Casey and the 407 girls did it despite the fact they were with them all night. Sigh. They vow revenge. I'm sure it will be stupid.

It's now some random morning and Dana is waiting for her roommates to finish getting ready so they can go get breakfast. Shelley keeps falling asleep and Faith is having 'shiny squirrel' syndrome as she tries to get around. Dana is crossing the floor when she kicks some box that has appeared in their room. How? I don't know. I guess someone sneaked it in there while they were sleeping which just seems a little terrifying to me. The box has a very stupid note attached.

“Kisses for the princess of 407, my sweetest Faith.”

Faith decides to open it in the closet which is the only place that offers any privacy. She goes in while the other two wait. Suddenly she screams, throws open the door and tosses the box. It apparently contained a frog. The frog gets loose and they can't even stop to find it because they're late for class.

In creative writing, Dana gets her poem back. She's expecting a lot of praise but she gets a lecture on taking class seriously instead. The teacher then reads her poem aloud which just seems like something a real teacher would never, ever do.

“Elmer Fudd

Slips in the mud

Falls with a thud

Feels like a dud

Gets covered in crud.”

The entire class laughs and Dana is humiliated.

Shelley gets her surprise during play rehearsal. Every time she opens her mouth to say a line, a clucking sound is played over the loud system. They finally send her home and continue rehearsal with her understudy. By the time she gets back to 407 she is sobbing dramatically and claiming her entire career is over forever.

Casey's surprise was supposed to be a rubber hand sticking out of her stroganoff at dinner but because PA and a bunch of important board members cut in line, one of them gets it instead. Mayhem ensues. Because PA doesn't know who did it, she restricts everyone to campus until someone confesses.

The next day, Terry falls into step with Dana. She's pissed because he laughed when her fake poem was read aloud instead of being “ her champion” so she decides to “give him a frosty”.

What?

Like a frozen treat from Wendy's?

Or is it a sex thing?

I don't want to judge anyone's kink but this seems like something they should do in private.

Terry admits that he and the boys did all the pranks to get back at the girls for trashing their room. Dana says they didn't do and immediately decides that it was Johnny, Tom and Randy. I have no idea how she would come to this conclusion. Yes, I know it's accurate but it shouldn't have been the first thing that came to her mind. Terry is in a panic. Chris was going to come to Canby next year so they could finish out high school together. They've been together since 7^th grade and he can't imagine ever being with any other girl. If he confesses and gets kicked out, their plans will be ruined.

Dana is devastated. I enjoy it.

I have to say, this book might become my favorite in the entire series just because I got to watch Dana crash and burn.

Dana encourages him to confess and appeal to PA's mercy. If they don't and she figures it out on her own, the punishment will be much worse. She might be lenient if they turn themselves in. Then she goes back to her room to lick her wounds. Faith is the only one in there. She tells Dana that she called Johnny and begged his forgiveness. She figured out that she couldn't be herself with Sheff and she didn't like that. And she missed Johnny who has always just been a genuinely nice guy and good friend. Dana tells Faith about Terry and whines that she broke up with Randy thinking Terry was a “sure thing” and now she's all alone again. As gently as possible, Faith tells Dana that she might be fucked in the head due to her parents' divorce and the perceived abandonment by her father. She thinks Dana is needy for approval and that's why she throws herself at everything with a penis. Dana takes that better than I thought she would.

Shelley comes back and Dana tells her about the boys pulling the pranks because they thought the girls pranked them first. She again puts the blame on “three guys from the friendly town of Greenleaf”. Faith says they've messed with the wrong girl because, being from the city, she knows the “heavy duty pranks”.

The boys go to PA's house to confess. She tells them that she'll have to think about an appropriate action to take. She's seriously reconsidering the idea of having boys at Canby. The boys meet with Casey and the 407 girls because clearly they are the only ones who can save the day. #allhailroom407 The girls come up with a plan. I'm sure it won't be stupid. \\sarcasm font//

The next morning, PA wakes up to find a huge bouquet in her yard. I don't know if it is actually made of real flowers or not but I know the stems are made of cut up garden hose and the ribbon is made of crepe paper. Next to the bouquet is a posterboard sign that says: “P. Allardyce, please forgive your bad boys.”

Fucking hell. That just sounds........stupid. And wrong. And a little illegal or something.  I feel like I need a shower.  It doesn't surprise me that this is the level of genius that our intrepid heroines have risen to though.

Ghostie tells us that PA laughs and all the culprits hear it from the bushes they are hiding in. Then this.

“To see it was to know that no one was going to be expelled from Canby Hall that day.”

To SEE it.

To SEE the laugh.

These girls are so fucking advanced that they can see sounds, y'all. They're practically superheroes.

The book ends with the girls revealing their plan to paint Tom, Johnny and Randy's cars with a special kind of paint that looks real but washes off. That's the big city “heavy duty prank” Faith planned. Sigh. These girls are useless.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Giving this one to Casey and Keith to share. They were adorable together and I love that Casey didn't care that Keith was a “nerd” who was several inches shorter than her. Good on ya, Casey.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This goes to Dana and Faith to share for cheating AGAIN.

Coming Up Next:  Shelley's worried about getting a part in the play she already had a part in during this book and the girls volunteer at a hospital.  I also hope they find the frog and open that can.