Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book. Because you know at least one of them did.
Tag Line: Friendship doesn't end with graduation.From the Back of the Book: For every beginning, there's an ending. Senior year at Canby Hall means lots of fun, excitement and problems. Faith has to win a scholarship to go to college, and Shelley isn't sure if she even wants to go. Dana has pressing worries on her mind, too, but the biggest worry on all three girls' minds is: What will become of their friendship? The roommates have studied hard and learned a lot during their three wonderful years at Canby Hall. Now they've got to learn the hardest lesson of all - how do you say good-bye to your best friends? And how do you accept the new girls who will be taking your place?
This book was published in 1986 and
I've never read it. At the time, I was so invested in the series
that I didn't want to read the book where Dana, Faith and Shelley
left. I was a stupid 11-year-old okay? I had no idea that these
books were trash back then. The ghostie for this book is Patricia
Aks who has written a couple of previous books (Keeping Secrets
and Best Friends Forever). I don't particularly like her but
I don't hate her either. She has a hard task with this book. If you
remember, we left off in spring of their junior year so Aks has to do
more than a year in one single book. Which pretty much guarantees
it's going to suck.
The cover is pretty awful. Why does
Faith look so much bigger than the others? And why is Shelley so
much smaller? #fuckcontinuity They're back to using the bad model
for Dana and I don't think I've ever seen that model for Shelley. Is
it really so hard to be consistent with these things? At least they
got the color of the robes right. I thought they messed that up too
but it was the Arch Day robes that were green.
Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the
drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated
fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley
(small-town farm girl). Faith is dating Johnny the future
police officer from town and Shelley is still stringing along her
hometown boyfriend Paul while dating Tom at the same
time. Dana is....complicated. I think she and Randy are just
being friends right now but who the hell knows. In the last book,
Dana met an amazing boy who turned out to be a set of identical twins
who were stringing both Dana and Pamela along. The girls got
revenge by dressing up as clowns and broadsiding poor Pamela. It was
epically stupid.
Missing, Presumed Dead: Ginny
and Elizabeth are still six feet under, y'all.
#amomentofsilenceforGinnyandLizzie
Risen From the Tulip Bed: Sheff,
Terry, Johnny and Michael all dig their way out
of the ground for this book.
THIS IS IT, Y'ALL!!!!!!!!! The final
book for this blog!!!!!!!!
We begin with the roommates getting
back from Christmas Break. Oh. So, we're just going to skip ahead 8
whole months. Wow. That's cheaty. I guess we'll never
know how junior year ended, how that internship went for Faith or how
senior year began. Did they just forget to write a couple of books
in there or what?
Aks starts out by reviewing all their
romantic relationships for us which just highlights the number of
times they've cheated on their boyfriends. It's kind of staggering
really. Dana and Shelley are the biggest offenders but even Faith
caught a bit of the virus a couple of times. Remember that super
creepy thing with the doctor?
We only get to page 5 before Gale
is mentioned. Shelley describes herself as a Cabbage Patch Doll and
no one corrects her which tells me her roommates are complete
bitches. Oh, wait. I already knew that. I cringe when I think of
all the adolescent girls reading that Shelley is “fat” and then
looking at the skinny girl on the cover to compare themselves with.
These books really could have done better. The 80's were a dark
time.
The girls move on to what they did on
break. Or in Dana's case, who. She dated a guy named Norm
who she describes as “short, fat and pimply” but fun. She
says he was “ugly/adorable” and he made her understand
what Casey sees in Keith. Um...that was a really
bitchy thing to say. Poor Keith.
#Danacandie
They discuss their plans for the rest
of the year. Faith needs a scholarship to go to the University of
Rochester, Dana might defer college for a year to live in Hawaii with
her Dad and Shelley wants to move to New York to launch her acting
career. We've seen the future and we know some of those things
happen. Once that is taken care of, they literally review the entire
series for us like we haven't been reading all along. It's done
super awkwardly and it doesn't even remotely sound like a real
conversation that real people would have. They worry a bit about
splitting up at the end of the year but decide that their “forever
friendship” is unshakable.
#gag
The first day of class goes smoothly.
Alison (housemother extraordinaire) gathers all of the seniors
together that evening to discuss plans for Arch Day. Arch Day is a
Canby tradition that takes place after finals but before graduation.
A flower arch is placed on the stage of the auditorium and all the
classes pass through it to symbolize moving on to the next grade.
The underclassmen pass through and then return to their seats while
the seniors pass through and leave the building to symbolize them
moving away from Canby. Each class has to decide on the color of
their robes and then prepare a reading or a song for the class to
perform. The seniors are also responsible for decorating the arch
itself. They pretty quickly decide on “cool green” for their
robes and Dana and Terry volunteer to write the class song. Shelley
volunteers to decorate the arch and the meeting is adjourned.
Time really slips through our fingers
in this book. We skip ahead days, weeks, sometimes months in the
blink of an eye. It makes it super hard to keep track of time. I'm
just warning you all now because you're not going to have any idea
what month or season it even is from here on out.
As the days pass, Faith gets more and
more tense about her scholarship application. Apparently she needs a
bunch of landscapes for it and that isn't her strong suit. Plus, she
can't seem to get high enough to really capture anything worthwhile.
She's pretty wrapped up in this since it's her only hope of going to
college so she isn't really paying attention to her roommates.
Dana is waffling back and forth about
going to Hawaii for a year and it's pretty stupid. She's acting like
she can never go to college again if she doesn't go right now and
that's just not true. She doesn't have any scholarships that will
expire or any acceptances that will be revoked so there's really no
issue here. Her biggest gripe seems to be that her parents aren't
together anymore which was valid in book one but seems like petulance
in book seventeen. She's pretty much an adult now and her father is
married to a new woman and has a baby so it's time to accept that her
mom and dad will never be a romantic couple again and move on.
Shelley is once again turned down for
the lead role in the spring play. This time she's given the part of
the lead's mother and she's stung a bit by that but happy to have the
biggest supporting role. She wants to go out and celebrate but her
roommates are just too busy with their own issues and Shelley
immediately decides they're the most selfish people on the face of
the earth for having their own lives and not putting hers first. As they
leave the room, she sits down to write a bitchy letter to Paul. She
calls Faith “borderline
hysterical” and whines about how they don't care about
her at all. Casey interrupts the letter writing to take Shelley out
to celebrate (arranged by Faith and Dana since they couldn't) and
Shelley just leaves the letter on her desk. I fully expected this to
come back and bite her in the ass later when one of them found the
letter but that never happened. It was if Aks forgot it existed.
#missedopportunity
And.....
The errand that took Dana away from
Shelley's celebration was the senior song for Arch Day. She and
Terry can't agree on anything. Terry wants “something really
mod, something that has meaning for our generation” but Dana
says that “these punk tunes have a very short life span”.
How long does she expect this song, which will be sung ONCE, to last?
And who the hell talks like that? Mod? Tunes? Aks really has her
finger on the pulse. Pamela wanders in but really has nothing to
say. It's like Aks was just told Pammy needed to be in the story so
she has her drift in and out of every chapter doing absolutely
nothing and saying nothing that moves the story along at all. It's
bizarre.
Since they can't agree on anything,
Dana and Terry go up to see Alison, thinking she can set them off in
the right direction. Alison suggests they use a Gilbert and Sullivan
song because that's what the kids like in 1986. They pick the Major
General's Song as their basis and set off to write the words.
Crises averted I guess.
This is the Major General's Song in case you aren't familiar with it. I'm a full-service blogger.
Major General's Song
Major General's Song
Faith, meanwhile, has decided that the
roof is the only place to get the shot she wants. Unfortunately,
there is no roof access for students due to safety regulations. She
sees a groundskeeper and asks him if she can borrow a really big
ladder. When he hears what she's needing, he offers to help her
because she's from room 407 and everyone MUST bow to their every
whim. Even if it means they could get fired.
#allhailroom407
He takes her to a staff-only area and
leads her up a staircase to the roof. She gets her pictures and asks
the groundskeeper how she can repay him. He asks for a copy of the
pictures because he's worked at Canby most his life and he loves the
place. She agrees. Again, I expected something to come from this. Maybe PA would see the pictures and know that Faith was someplace she wasn't supposed to me. Maybe Faith would get in trouble or the poor groundskeeper would get fired. But, no. Aks forgot about this too.
#issheevenpayingattentiontowhatshe'swriting?
And.....
After Faith drops off her camera, she meets Johnny
at the Tutti Frutti and they talk about how they won't be able to see
each other after graduation. It depresses both of them. The days
before cell phones and social media were tough, y'all. They're planning to give the whole long-distance-relationship a go but we all know how that usually plays out.
More time passes. The play is going
well except for stupid Diana who has the lead can't learn her
lines. Maybe it's because SHE'S NEVER FUCKING EXISTED BEFORE. It's
hard to learn lines when you're just two sentences old. Shelley
thinks she'll make fun of stupid Diana with Tom but Tom is pretty
smitten with the other girl. This is just on-brand for Tom who falls
in love with the lead of the play every damn time. Shelley is upset
about it because Tom is not allowed to date anyone but her even
though she's also dating Paul. She knows she and Tom won't be
together past graduation because Paul is her one true love but that
doesn't mean Tom can fucking talk to stupid Diana. Tom further pisses her off when he says her dream of moving to New York right away isn't very realistic and she should go to college to get more training first.
She goes home to whine to her roommates
about Tom's betrayal and Faith makes the mistake of pointing out what
a hypocrite Shelley is for not wanting Tom to see anyone else. Shelley does not take that well and yells
that Faith can't possibly understand what it's like to lose someone
important. Faith yells back that her situation with Johnny is much
more tragic because they actually love each other and they're being
separated by geography in a few months. Dana decides this is the
best time to sing the senior song to her roommates because she's just
that bad at reading a room. Of course, they don't really care because they're in
the middle of a fight and Dana gets pissed that they aren't falling
over themselves to praise her.
Yes, clearly these girls are the model
of friendship that we should all aspire to.
Dana is upset and decides the best
thing to do is invite Randy for a run. She starts to tell him about
the “insufficient praise” (that's a direct quote) she got from
Faith and Shelley but stops herself because she realizes how childish
she's being.
I never expected that to happen. I'm a
little speechless.
#araremomentofselfawareness
When Dana gets back to 407 the fight is
over and everything seems fine again. It turns out that Casey had a
much crappier situation to deal with and Faith and Shelley set their
differences aside to comfort her. Casey's parents are going on some
kind of European trip and won't be there for graduation. Her parents
are truly awful. I genuinely feel bad for Casey.
We skip ahead a couple of weeks. At
least. The boys of Baker House decide they want to throw a luau to
help everyone shed the winter blues. I didn't know any of them had
winter blues. Aks never bothered to write that part. Shelley wants
to make their hula skirts and Dana volunteers to get the hay from
Randy. Shelley jokes that there isn't enough hay in the state of
Massachusetts to cover Gale and decides to go on a crash diet.
Again. Because she's clearly learned nothing. But never fear, it
doesn't happen. It's another thing that Aks just completely forgets
about and it's never mentioned again.
Ten more days pass as they're
constructing their outfits. Shelley works on the skirts while Faith
makes paper flower for their hair and Dana choreographs a hula dance
for them to perform. Aks tells us that Shelley attaches the hay to
one of her cotton dirndls. First, why does she even have a dirndl
and second, how would that even work as a hula skirt? This is a
dirndl........
They've already said they're wearing bikini tops. Are they just going to wear them over the top of the dirndl? Do you think Aks really
knows what a dirndl is?
#nofuckingway
Nearly every chapter now ends with one
of them wondering what they're going to do without their friends when
they leave Canby. It's repetitive and annoying and I'm over it.
OVER IT.
The luau happens and naturally the 407
girls are the “most smashing of all”. Everyone admires them and
tells them how awesome they are for simply existing. Michael is
there serving faux poi and it's nice to see him alive. I was
starting to wonder about him. Pamela arrives in a slinky black dress
to do her typical wander in, say one thing and wander out routine.
Why can't Aks actually write Pammy? It's not that fucking hard.
It's now March 15th. I'm
not sure how that happened. Time really flies in Massachusetts. The
girls keep bragging that they're an unbeatable team but they're
picking stupid fights with each other over the most minor things. It
all boils down to them each thinking that the other two can't
possibly understand their problems and don't care enough about them.
This book has been the biggest waste of time ever.
Faith ends up getting into the
University of Rochester but she only gets a partial scholarship.
She's devastated because this means she'll either have to go to a
cheaper school instead or she'll have to take night classes at
Rochester while she works full time during the day. She tells us
that Dana and Shelley can't possibly understand this issue because
neither of them need scholarships. Um.......when did Dana and
Shelley become rich? Shelley's parents live on a fucking farm and
own a drugstore or something and Dana's mom is a single parent. Are
you telling me that these two girls have enough money to attend
college without scholarships or loans? How does that make sense?
Dana is still struggling with her
Hawaii dilemma and it's put her in a perpetual bad mood. At one
point Maggie (who apparently now goes to Canby) borrows a green
jogging suit without asking and Dana goes apoplectic. She yells at
Shelley who clearly didn't #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes and storms
out of the room. It turns out Maggie borrowed the jogging suit
because she and her roommates are going to a party dressed as
vegetables. Wow. Those Canby girls party like maniacs. Dana feels
stupid for getting so angry about it and admits to Maggie that she's
all torn up about her parent's divorce which happened years before
this series even started.
Maggie tells Dana that she's
overreacting to everything which is the truest statement ever made.
Dana whines some more and Maggie tells her that this is all very much a first
world problem. Waa waa Dana gets to live in paradise for a year and
then go to college after. Let's all play a tiny violin for her.
Honestly, if Maggie wasn't related to the life ruiner, I would love
her.
Suddenly it's April. I didn't even
skip stuff. We went from jogging suit rage to an entirely new month.
The 407 girls have pretty much stopped talking to each other entirely
but no one else has noticed. Pamela drifts in one evening to borrow
a book of poetry for Dana and so far that's been her most significant
scene in the entire book.
Then we hop to the end of April. I'm
getting motion sick from all this shooting through time and space.
The girls are avoiding each other and Alison finally notices
something is amiss. She tells them all that they're being extremely
childish and she can't believe they've learned absolutely nothing
about friendship and conflict resolution in three years.
Me either, Alison. Me either.
She finally convinces the girls to have
a one-on-one chat with her up in her room. Dana pouts that she
doesn't get to go first because she is the most special. Each girl
basically tells Alison that the other two don't care enough about her
problems. They're all so self-absorbed it makes my head hurt.
Fucking hell. Especially Dana who doesn't even have a real problem
at all.
Naturally Alison works her housemother
magic and soon they are all best friends forever again. Dana decides
to live in Hawaii for a year, Shelley decides to go to the University
of Iowa to take acting classes before trying her hand at New York (which is exactly what Tom told her to do by the way) and
Faith decides to take out loans to go to Rochester. Alison is proud
of them and says that they've “enriched one another's lives”
and they are “the perfect example of what we should look for in
matching roommates.”
Um....has she even read these
books?????????????????????
Then we get this: “their
friendship not only helped them endure any personal ordeal, but was a
source of joy”.
#gag
The next chapter starts with Aks
telling us there's just six weeks left of school. The play goes on
and Shelley is lauded as the best actress that ever attended Canby
Hall. The newspaper even writes about her, praising her skill. This
is beyond unbelievable. My disbelief won't suspend this much, Aks.
It just won't.
Then we skip to the last week of May.
The gang (407, Casey, boys) decide to have a party to celebrate the
end of finals. They start out in the boys' room with Alison
chaperoning. After awhile they decide to walk around campus and
reminisce about how wonderful Canby is. Casey suggests a movie and
then they walk around Greenleaf a bit. Shelley tells the others that
she's so hungry she could faint so they decide to go to Pizza Pete's.
Sheff and Terry goof on her by picking her up between them and
carrying her along. She orders them to put her down and they deposit
her in a bush. Then we get this:
“A small crowd had
gathered and was fascinated by the scenerio.
'Almost as good as a
movie!' one person commented.
'Better,' said another.
'This is real-life
drama,' said a third.”
Seriously????
Because two guys dropped a girl in a bush?
#bullshit
#r/thathappened #everyoneclapped
By the
time they finish their pizza, it's already getting late. They know by the time
they make it back to campus, they will have already missed curfew.
Instead of going back immediately and explaining to Alison why they
are ten minutes late, they decide to go to Tutti Frutti instead. It
seems like a really stupid decision to me when they are so close to
graduation but whatevs. Casey knows a way to sneak back into the
building – climb a fire escape to the top floor bathroom window
which doesn't lock and is always open – so they all feel
invincible.
Naturally
when they get back to 407, Pamela is in there. She says she came to
return the book of poetry and became concerned when no one was there.
She waited around for awhile to see if they were just in the
bathroom or something but it quickly became clear that they weren't
on the floor at all. She was worried something bad might have
happened so she reported it to Alison. Dana is pissed and makes a
crack about how ridiculous it would be to assume one of them was
kidnapped and I would like to remind her of book #2. The whole
series tries very hard to pretend it never existed but it did. It's
a thing that happened.
Pamela
says that Alison went looking for the girls and discovered that
Casey, Sheff, Terry and Keith were all gone as well so they're all
busted. She smugly leaves the room and the girls freak out that they
might not be allowed to graduate.
Alison
comes in pissed and marches all them over to PA's house. PA was
clearly in bed and she's wearing a robe with her hair down. They're
all stunned to see her hair because it's always pulled up in a french
twist. PA expresses her disappointment and tells them that she would
be justified in taking graduation ceremonies or Arch Day
celebrations away from them because of the number of rules they
violated. In the end, however, she says they've suffered enough and
she doesn't punish them at all.
What?
In what
universe would that happen?
Now it's
Arch Day. Dana dedicates the senior song to PA to repay her for her
kindness. The song gets a standing ovation because the entire
auditorium knows it's supposed to shove its nose directly up 407's
ass.
Then we
skip to the day before graduation. The girls are packing up their
room and trying not to cry when there's a knock at the door.
IT'S JANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's
there to scope out the room so she can tell what improvements she'll
need to make next year when she moves in. The girls are appalled
that their room isn't being retired and that Alison is going to allow
anyone else to live there.
We
immediately skip to graduation. Everyone says goodbye to each other.
Dana is sad to leave Randy. Shelley feels nothing about leaving Tom
and decides she's over him. Faith is devastated to leave Johnny.
The girls cry, hug and go their separate ways. As they're leaving,
Dana says there will never be friends like them again and I'm not so
sure that's a bad thing really.
The
Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Looking at the series as a whole.....I'm going to give this to
Casey. I feel like Casey was one of the better characters throughout
this series and I loved her romance with Keith. It was sweet.
The
Bitch of Baker House Award: Again, looking at the series as a whole......I'm going to go with Shelley. She was the most self-absorbed of any of them and was constantly whining that she wasn't getting enough attention and forbidding Tom to date anyone else while she dated Paul. She's definitely my least favorite character of the entire series and that's saying a lot since the life-ruiner is standing right there.
And
that's it!!!!!!!!! We survived Canby Hall!!!!!!!!! I didn't think
the end would ever come.
Coming
up Next: We move into Sweet Valley. I won't be recapping the entire
series because it's hundreds of books long but I'll do what I have.
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