Six Roommates and a Baby (Book 33) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: They're brand new godmothers!

From the Back of the Book: There's nothing the 407 girls can't handle.  Is there?  All the girls of 407, old and new, converge on Boston to be godmothers at the christening of their former housemother Alison's new twins.  And not everyone is happy about it.  Then Alison sprains her ankle and her wrist, and her husband has to go on a business trip.  Who will take care of the twins?  The girls of 407 volunteer.  But a romantic rivalry is brewing between Shelley and Jane, Toby is avoiding the babies, and the older girls are acting so superior.  Before they can become the perfect godmothers, Andy, Jane and Toby, and Faith, Dana and Shelley have a lot to learn about babies - and themselves!

I find the title of this book to be totally misleading.  My guess is that they were trying to ride the tails of 3 Men and a Baby but the fact is that it was Six Roommates and TWO Babies.

This book was published in 1989 and it's my first time reading through it. It's the last one of the series. I don't know if they knew it was the last one when they wrote it or if that came as a bad surprise later but maybe we'll be able to tell at the end. All I can say is they better tell us what that tea bag means or I recapped this bloody series for nothing. I won't be happy if that's the case. The ghostie for this book is Lynn Zednick again. She gave us But She's So Cute, The Roommate and the Cowboy and Surprise!. I 100% cannot remember if I like her or hate her and I'm not about to reread those recaps to find out.

Hey, y'all, TOBY GOT A COVER!!!! It took a hundred books but she's finally the most important one!!! Do you think that's what ended the series? Is it kind of like hell freezing over? When Toby gets a cover, everything ends? PS That baby is huge and Andy looks like a 30-year-old.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy was completely self-absorbed and bitchy because she was heart-broken over losing her one true love Ramad (or whatever his name was). #fuckMatt #fuckSteve She volunteered the other girls for some committee they didn't want to be on and then threw epic fits when she thought they weren't working hard enough on it. There was a lame secret admirer named Todd that I didn't care about at all. In the B plot, Toby thought her dad was dying but it turned out he was only engaged. #samediff Oh, and Neal and Cary were absolutely amazing during Toby's crises and I fell in love with them all over again.

Where was Randy during said crises you ask??? Good fucking question. #digupRandy

Oh. On second thought, DON'T dig up Randy. Dana-the-life-ruiner is in this book and I don't want her to get her disgusting hands on him again. Poor Randy.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Um.....So our six roommates, Neal and Alison were the only recurring characters in this book.  Randy was mentioned twice and Cary was mentioned a few times but NO ONE else was even brought up.  Not even Maggie whose sister was in town for an entire week.  They are all, missing, presumed dead.  #amomentofsilencefortheentiretownofGreenleafMassachusetts

I didn't get to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes.  Sigh.  Rest in peace, Maggie.  I'll miss you.  Kind of.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: THEY'RE ALL BURIED FOR ETERNITY!!!!!!

Here we go. Our last rodeo, y'all.

We begin with our protagonist Toby. She's a little melancholy as she often is in the winter. She's trying to work on a paper but her mind keeps wandering. She's happy to be at Canby Hall – a fact that surprises her a little given her rocky start there a year ago – but she still misses home. Home is changing now that her father is getting married and she has very real concerns about her place in his new life. I think everyone goes through this when their parent remarries.

Jane and Andy eventually join her. Jane is excited because Alison (former housemother-extraordinaire) is going to christen her babies that weekend in Boston and she's invited the girls to attend. The babies (Nicole and Jennifer) are six months old now and Alison wants them to be honorary godmothers.

God, please help those poor babies.

I cannot imagine worse godmothers for a child.

Jane and Andy are pretty thrilled at the honor of being asked. Toby is slightly terrified. She thinks it involves a little more than the occasional birthday card that the other girls are imagining. Godparents mean different things to different people and I have a feeling Alison intends them to serve in name only but I guess we'll see.

We skip ahead to the weekend. The girls are going to stay with Jane's parents and Toby is super excited to see Neal. I can't blame her. He was a total asshole for one book but then he morphed into this marvelous person that I adore. They eat lunch at Jane's house and then head over to Alison's apartment. They're surprised when Faith-the-sanctimonious answers the door.

Here we go.

Sigh.

Dana-the-life-ruiner and Shelley-the-drama-llama are both present as well. There are some tense moments as the girls realize they've all been asked to be godmothers but then they relax and start to chat. Finally someone asks to see the babies and Alison leads them to the nursery. Nicole has blonde hair and Jennifer has brown hair. That's all I really get from these pages.

Naturally the younger girls bumble about and wake the babies up in the most clownish ways possible and the older girls are annoyed because they just got them to sleep. Any chance for those original girls to be superior and condescending.......

Eventually the babies wake up from their naps and everyone but Toby fights over them like they're toys or something. I guess Alison just lets it happen. I bet she's exhausted. One baby is hard enough, I can't imagine two. Finally the younger set leaves to have dinner at Jane's house.

The next day they go over early to help get the babies ready. From the very beginning there's a lot of static with the older girls. They're all acting smug and superior and telling the younger girls that they're doing everything wrong. While everyone else is fighting over baby duty, Toby slips out to the living room. She wants no part of any of this.

The doorbell rings and it's some handsome 18-year-old godfather named Ryan that I'm sure everyone but Toby will fight to the death over. Who will be the first to succumb to cheater fever?  Please.  We all know the answer.  Ryan is David's (Mr Alison) nephew and godfather to Jennifer. David's brother Ted is going to be Nicole's godfather. All the girls (except Toby) seem pretty hot for Ryan.

Shelley goes full-on flirt and Jane is PISSED. She saw him before Shelley and that means he belongs to her.

Sigh.

Poor Cary.

The christening goes as most christenings do. The babies cry the entire time. During the reception we take a turn in Alison's head. She's warm and the crowd feels a little suffocating to her. She decides to step outside and get a breath of fresh air. The stairs are slick with snow and she ends up falling down them, feeling a horrible pain in her ankle and wrist.

We flash into Jane's head for a bit. She's furious that Shelley is flirting so shamelessly with Ryan. Ryan is a year younger than Shelley and Jane finds that disgusting. She thinks Shelley should find someone her own age. #fuckCary

We spend about eight pages reading descriptions of various people searching for Alison and of Alison feeling stupid for going outside and getting hurt. There's a lot of shuffling twins around and Jane glaring at Shelley and then Alison is finally located and rescued. She's taken to the hospital where it's discovered that she has a severe sprain to her ankle and a regular sprain to her wrist. They put her foot in a cast and she's not able to use crutches because of her wrist. Naturally, David is set to go on some business trip for five days so she's in a hopeless situation until the 407 girls (old and new) volunteer to stay with her to help. Then we get this....

“How could anything possibly go wrong with six of the best girls Canby Hall ever had coming to her rescue?”

Are these girls seriously the best Canby Hall ever had?

That school must SUCK, y'all.

I wouldn't send my kids there if that's the best they can turn out.

Also.

So we settle into a comfortable routine of the older girls being condescending and the younger girls being butthurt and the innocent lives of two babies hanging precariously between them. Seriously, Alison should have hired a home health aide for five days. I get the feeling she doesn't love her children much.

During all the bumbling, the phone rings at Alison's house. Jane answers and is pleased to find it's Ryan. He's called to ask one of the godmothers for a personal tour of Boston and Jane pounces on that fast. She tells him to meet her at her house, though, to make sure Shelley doesn't get a chance. Then she tells everyone else that she has to go home and meet her sister for awhile but she'll be back later. Cheater Fever always comes with a side effect of lying-out-of-your-ass.

Shelley's on to her though. She heard Jane give her address to whoever she was talking to on the phone (that was EXCEPTIONALLY stupid of Jane – she needed a better lie) and she suspects it was Ryan and Jane is bogarting her hunk. I guess this must be our B Plot. Sigh.

Dana is having a life crises right there in the middle of  a Boston condo. She's been living with her dad for a couple of years now at his request but now she's really missing being in school and meeting new people and doing things with friends. Andy suggests it might be time to consider college and Dana bites her head off and basically tells her it's nunya.

A little simple, free advice, Dana. If you want something to be none of someone's business, then DON'T TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT. #commonsenseisn'tsocommon

We briefly join Jane and Ryan during their tour of Boston. They eat and walk and she buys a scarf because he tells her it matches her eyes. It's riveting. She tells us that she's well on her way to being in love with Ryan already.

Someone go hug poor Cary for me. This guy really needs a new girlfriend. One that doesn't go to Canby Hall.

Baby care is exhausting and it doesn't take long for the girls to get tired of doing it. They spend a very sleepless night all getting up every time the babies cry and then one of the geniuses finally realizes they should be doing it on a schedule so some of them can get some sleep. #worksmartnothard Toby is petrified but can't see a graceful way to get out of baby care.

Neal calls to ask Toby on a date and she's grateful for the time away. It takes her awhile to actually get away though. First he and Jane spend forever catching up and then she can't get him away from the babies. Neal loves babies and that's the last nail in my coffin.  💖#swoon💖

When they finally get away, he says he can tell she needs a little TLC. She hasn't been complaining but it's pretty evident that she's really stressed out. He takes good care of her for the rest of the evening. When she keeps falling asleep in the movie theater, he puts his arm around her and offers his shoulder as a pillow (💖) and just cuddles her as she sleeps instead of getting mad or taking it personally. He's pretty much perfect and I'm so glad he got away from Jane.  #saveCary

The next day Ryan calls again. This time Dana answers the phone so Shelley actually gets a chance to talk to him. He warns her not to let Jane know it's him or she'll barge in on their date. So apparently Ryan is playing both of them. Ordinarily this would piss me off but I HATE both Jane and Shelley and they're both cheating on boyfriends (remember Paul, Shelley???) so they kind of deserve what they get at this point. I hope he takes them both down, yanks out their cheating hearts and stomps them into oblivion.

Andy is pissed because the older girls are doing all the baby care while the younger girls keep getting stuck with the menial jobs. She stages a coup – without talking to Jane and Toby – and forces the older girls to turn over the babies. The only problem is that Jane and Toby were both happier doing the other tasks. Neither of them knows anything about baby care. Jane is clueless but willing while Toby is petrified. She ends up ducking out to tackle the laundry.

Dana is still struggling with all her life choices. She decides to seek Alison's counsel. She tells Alison that she really wants to go to college but she's afraid she won't fit in because she's a couple of years behind. Alison reminds her that people of all ages go to college and she'll be just fine. Is this our C Plot? If it is, it's almost wrapped up. Dana decides to check out some colleges in Boston and she goes off on her merry way.

The next day Neal calls to ask Toby to have lunch with him and then Ryan calls and asks Jane to go to a little restaurant he discovered with his “aunt” the day before. Stupid, Ryan. You never go to the same place with both girls you're seeing. You could get busted by the staff. Dana is pissed to hear they're both leaving and makes a comment about how the younger girls are irresponsible. Dana, Shelley and Andy get into a huge fight with the older two saying the younger ones are no help and Andy saying the older ones don't let them do anything. Faith finally steps in and calls a truce, saying they'll divide up the work more fairly from now on.

Jane and Ryan end up at the same restaurant as Neal and Toby. Toby helpfully gives us all a rundown of all the times Jane has cheated on a boyfriend and that takes awhile. Later, Jane catches up with Toby and gives her the same story about Ryan that Shelley gave Dana.  He's clearly told each girl that he's hiding from the other one.  He needs to work on his originality. Jane tells Toby that this is 💫it💫. True love. She and Ryan are going to be together forever. Toby manages not to roll her eyes and thinks that Jane and Ryan will last until Jane gets back to Canby and sees Cary again. She also thinks about how sorry she feels for poor Cary sometimes.  #truth

That night it's Toby's turn for baby duty. She's scared but Andy gets up with her and kind of talks her through it. Everything goes fine and Toby gets a huge confidence boost from it. She thinks she might even be able to have kids someday.

The next day, Dana decides to go apply to some college or other and she asks Andy and Faith to go with her since they've been encouraging her to get her life together. Andy hesitates because that will leave Jane, Toby and Shelley alone with the babies. What Andy doesn't know is that Shelley has plans to sneak out and see Ryan.

Jane and Toby decide to do laundry while the babies nap. Jane has no idea what she's doing so Toby talks her through it. A baby cries before they get the load started so Toby goes to attend the baby while Jane finishes up getting the washer going. Naturally Jane adds three cups of detergent because she's just that inept.

Again, these are the best Canby Hall has to offer, people. Girls who can't even read the directions on a bottle of laundry detergent and follow them correctly.

Meanwhile Ryan and Shelley are going to all the places he went to with Jane a few days ago. She even buys the exact same scarf that Jane bought because he tells her that it matches her eyes.

Apparently Ryan has a thing for blue-eyed blondes.

How very Aryan of him.

Back with Jane and Toby.....the twins are super fussy so they decide to feed them. For some reason they choose beets which is a huge mess. Then the twins have to be bathed and redressed. They're still fussy so the girls give them bottles. Then one of them spits up and they both panic because it looks like blood. Eventually they figure out it was because of the beets and all is well.

Shelley comes back with the scarf and Jane is hella suspicious. Alison is bummed because David will be back the next day and all the girls will leave. Dana offers to stay a few more days to help out and Alison pounces on the idea.

You know, it just occurred to me that Toby, Jane and Andy are missing ANOTHER week of school.  Do their parents even know where they are?  Does no one care about their education.  I mean, they're the best Canby Hall has to offer.  They have standards to uphold.

The twins begin teething and the girls all have a very restless night trying to calm them. Everyone is exhausted and irritable the next morning. Jane and Shelley discover they've both been dating Ryan and it leads to a screaming match between all six girls. Alison hobbles out of bed to mediate it.

Eventually everyone calms down. Jane sobs that now she knows how Cary feels when she cheats on him and vows to be a one-man woman from now on. #I'llbelievethatwhenIseeit

PS Right after I typed that hashtag, I went back to the book and Andy said the exact same thing out loud to Jane.

David comes home and the younger girls get on a train to head back to school. The book ends with the girls dreaming of getting a good night's sleep in room 407.

So I don't think they knew this was going to be the last book, y'all. I think they would have had some kind of send-off or super cheesy line to end it all and they just didn't.

Also.

WE NEVER FOUND OUT WHAT THE FUCKING TEA BAG MEANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We didn't get to say goodbye to ANYONE.  We haven't even seen Randy for ages and I need my Cary fix, y'all.  This is so unfair.

I have NEVER been so pissed off at a book in my life.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This is going to be a triple.  Clearly Toby and Neal get it because they're awesome always.  But....and I can't believe I'm even typing this....they have to share it with Faith.  I know, I know.  It shocked me too but out of all of them, she was the most kind and the least condescending.

The Bitch of Baker House Award:  It's a two-fer for Jane and Shelley.  They were both awful through the entire book.

I can't believe it's over.  In some weird way I'm going to miss some of these people.  Not most of them, but some of them.

Who's Got a Crush on Andy? (Book 32) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Andy has a secret admirer!

From the Back of the Book: How do you mend a broken heart?  Andy found her prince at the royal wedding, but it didn't work.  So she's never going to fall in love again.  And she's keeping very, very busy to make sure she doesn't.  The new, too-busy-for-love Andy is making her roommates, Toby and Jane, crazy.  But how can they get her to slow down and act like her old, warm, caring self?  Nothing works!  Then a secret admirer starts sending Andy terrible love poems and beautiful flowers.  Andy says she's not interested.  But if her roommates have anything to do with it, she will be.  Jane and Toby know that the best cure for Andy's broken heart is a new love - and a little help from her friends.

It's amazing how many people subscribe to the theory that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.  I'd just like to say that the best way to get over someone is to allow yourself time to heal before you rush into the next relationship.  Okay, Agony Aunt out.

This book was published in 1989 and I've never read this one before. We are two from the end, y'all. Just this one and one more and this ride will be all over. (I'm refusing to acknowledge that I have to recap the old girls.) The ghostie for this book is Carol Ellis. She's done two book so far in this series (Princess Who and Help Wanted). We know her well from the PH books I've done on my other recap blog so I won't bore you with details. I mostly like her. Usually.

The cover seems pretty typical. Andy and Jane are front and center while poor Toby is pushed to the background again. I'm trying decide if Toby is wearing a dress or a nightgown. If it's a dress, that seems pretty out of character for her. If it's a nightgown, it looks super uncomfortable. Also, Jane and Andy look like they're about to start making out.....which I could get behind. It would set Cary free.

Also, Andy is never given roses at any time in this book.  Just sayin'. 

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy was invited to be a bridesmaid in Princess Allegra's wedding so the girls left school and flew off to Montavia. These three American teenagers who can barely function as human beings were asked to give Allegra lessons on how to be a queen which caused me to call #bullshit an unprecedented amount of times. They were assigned escorts for all the wedding events. Toby's turned out to be a decent guy and they became friends. Jane's was annoying and almost ruined the reception. Andy's was a sexist prince who was determined to make her his sheltered and controlled princess. And she almost turned her entire life over to a guy she met FOUR TIMES. But the most remarkable thing of all was that JANE DIDN'T CHEAT ON CARY!!!!!!!

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee is just bones and dust now, y'all.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee  Yolanda is definitely buried under the tulips again and poor Randy wasn't mentioned even once so I fear he's fertilizer as well.  But I 💖Randy.  {{{Pouty Face}}}

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gigi is topside again but most surprising of all, PENNY is back!!!! After four books with no mention, I thought we were going to have to have a moment of silence for her as well.  Nice to see you on the ground instead of under it, Penny.  We've missed you.

We begin with two of our protagonists (Jane and Toby) hanging out in their room on a Saturday. It's snowy and cold outside and there isn't much to do inside, so they're waiting on the mail to come. I actually get this. When I was living in the dorms at college, sometimes the best part of the day was when the mail came. Then again, I was always hoping for a letter from the love of my life, so..........

Anyway, it's cold in the room. The heaters aren't working properly and, again, I call #bullshit. I've said it before and I'll say it again – this is an expensive private school. Parents would not be standing for this nonsense when they pay so much for their kids to be fed well and kept warm.

They give us a review of the last book and then settle in to start talking about Andy. She's so morose over leaving her one true love (#fuckMatt #fuckSteve) that she hasn't been herself lately. She's been trying to keep herself very busy and they barely see her. She's putting on a fake front of cheerfulness that's giving her roommates the creeps.

With that, we hop on over to Andy's head. She's mooning over Ramad (the prince from the previous book) and generally moping around. She doesn't want to talk to anyone because her heart is just too raw and broken right now, so she's thinking of everything she can to stay away from the dorms and her roommates. I can't really blame her there. She's leaving the studio and trying to figure out what to do next when she runs into Gigi. It's nice to see her above the soil.

The only thing of note that comes from the Gigi encounter is that she reminds Andy of some paper they have due and Andy decides to go to the library in town so she doesn't run into any fellow students.

We time hop to Monday. Andy's weekly care package had arrived back on Friday but she hasn't picked it up yet. The entire dorm is waiting on tenterhooks for her to open it. They want that food! Maggie, Dee and Penny circle the thing like vultures. PENNY STILL EXISTS, Y'ALL!!! She's looking a little mossy and there's earthworms in her hair but she's above ground for the first time in four books!

Andy comes in and announces that she's decided Canby Hall should have a winter carnival and PA (head bitch in charge) agreed because she knows she's just a decorative figurehead at the place and the girls from 407 are the real bosses. Not only that, but Andy has named her roommates, Dee, Maggie and Penny as her planning committee and she won't take no for an answer. She doesn't actually wait to hear how they feel about it – or to ask Penny why there's clumps of dirt falling out of her clothes – before she rushes off. Her committee isn't very thrilled.

This isn't the first time Andy's done this either. She truly doesn't care what other people want as long as she's happy. #allhailtheQueen

We hop into Jane's head now. She and Toby have decided to eat at the diner in town. Cary's working and he joins them for a few minutes to ask Jane to go to a Beatles movie in town the next night. Because their movie theater is apparently stuck in the 60's and is still showing Beatles movies. I suppose it could be a classic film fest or something so I'll let this one slide but I swear the ghosties are stuck in a whole different decade. Jane isn't sure whether to accept. She isn't into all that “wild rock and roll music.”

Would ANY child of the 80's consider the BEATLES to be “wild rock and roll music”? Seriously?  This was the era of hair bands.  The Beatles would not be considered wild by anyone.

Cary assures her that her ears can handle it but then she remembers that they have a planning meeting the next evening and she has to attend because Queen Andy has proclaimed it so.

Meanwhile Toby is reading her second letter from her father in three days. This is unusual because he never has much to say and writes infrequently. It doesn't say much – in fact it repeats some of the things he said in his previous letter. She wonders if something's wrong that he's not telling her and our B plot emerges.

We hop to the next evening and the meeting. Dee didn't come at all because she's just a badass that way and Toby is running late so Andy is already annoyed when they start. She can't believe they'd dare disobey her like this. She announces that they'll have a snow-person building contest, an ice hockey match and a snowball fight and asks if any of them have any other ideas. Maggie asks what will happen if the snow melts before then and Andy is furious. She vows to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes because she's certain Maggie is trying to plan a coup. Jane and Penny begin to discuss food and cider that they might opt to have at the carnival and Andy gets royally pissed that they aren't sticking to the subject. Even though they ARE. She grabs her coat and tells them to stay and keep working until they make up for all her time that they've wasted and she leaves the room.

Andy is heading for the city library again. There's a particular book she's been looking for and someone has it checked out. Instead of asking a librarian and reserving the damn thing, she decides that angrily standing in front of the empty shelf is a better way to solve her problem. She's mega-pissed at all her friends and particularly at her roommates. She can't believe how they always let her down. She decides to just plan the whole damn carnival herself since no one else is interested.

Andy seriously needs to be told what the definition of VOLUNTEER is. If she actually asked for volunteers instead of just ordering people to help her, she might find people who are genuinely interested in planning things.

Andy spots a library employee (a boy about her age) getting ready to shelve a cart full of books and she begins to search through the cart for the book she wants. She's making a huge mess of things and he seems a little annoyed with her but she doesn't much care. She offers him a weak apology and moves on with her life leaving him to completely re-alphabetize his entire cart. #considerate

We hop into Toby's head and our B plot. Her father has written his third letter in four days and she's freaking out because they all say something about enjoying life while you can. She's convinced that something terrible is going on. She ends up finding Jane to confide her worries. Seems like a poor choice to me but I guess it's better than Andy. She should have gone to the ranch to talk to Randy but I guess he's rotting under the ground this book.

Toby is convinced her dad has cancer or something but Jane tries to reassure her that it might be something less terrifying. Toby tries several times that night to call him but there's no answer. She spends the rest of the week calling him with no luck. By Friday she's a nervous wreck. She gets up super early and decides to go for a walk.

She wakes Andy up as she's getting dressed and Andy tells her she wants some winter carnival ideas ASAP. Toby tells her no and Andy goes on and on about how awful and self-absorbed Toby is. Poor Toby completely loses it at this point and screams at her that she has actual problems and Andy can shove the carnival up her ass. Well, she actually said Andy could cancel it but my way is much more satisfying. #teamToby

Toby decides she needs to go home and talk to her dad in person. There's a lot involved with this. She has to find a ride to the train or bus station in Greenleaf, take said train or bus to Boston, get a ride from the station to the airport and then get a ticket. She also needs permission to leave campus and money. Jane and Andy jump in to help her.

First the ride to the station is taken care of. Jane calls Cary and he says he'll be happy to help because he's awesome. I 💖Cary💖. Neal agrees to pick her up at the station in Boston and drive her to the airport and he also gets the ticket, saying Toby can just pay him back. I 💖Neal💖.

Either something's wrong with Cary's car or the ghostie has forgotten he owns one (#fuckcontinuity) because he has to borrow one from someone on his floor. It's a bit of a junker and Jane and Andy bitch about it the whole way because they're super grateful that way. They're all super sweet and supportive to Toby and she goes off on her little trip.

Well, we made it to page 63 before Ellis remember there was an A plot – you know, the one that the book is named after? Andy picks up her mail and finds that someone has sent her one of her lost mittens with the following note......

“Dear Andy Cord,

It's cold outside, there's snow and ice. You'll need this to keep your fingers warm and nice.”

#inspired

Why do the notes in these things ALWAYS rhyme? And a better question....why are the rhymes always so LAME?

She reveals she got a second note earlier as well.......

“Dear Andy,

Tomorrow night I'll see you dancing. Moving to music, you're sure to be doubly enchanting.”

Lame.

And also......

The girls are excited that this creepy stalker is coming to Andy's recital.

We hop into Toby's head. Her father doesn't have cancer or anything and she's grateful for that but he's thinking about getting married and she's not sure how to feel. It's just been her and her dad for a very long time and she doesn't even know who this woman is yet. I completely understand how she feels.

It's Sunday now. Don't worry, you didn't miss much on Saturday – just the girls chattering about the stalker. Andy's recital went well, of course, because #room407isfailproof. Toby calls to tell Jane she's headed home and she'll need a ride from the station in Greenleaf back to school. She doesn't need Neal this time, though, because she's discovered a bus that goes from the airport in Boston to the tiny, insignificant town of Greenleaf. #credible She tells Jane her father isn't sick but doesn't reveal anything else.

Andy receives a bouquet of daisies and another note......

“Dear Andy,

I was there last night as I promised I'd be, and just as expected, you danced magnificently.

PS Not a bad rhyme, huh?”

Cary takes Jane to pick up Toby at the station. Andy is too 'busy' to bother. They go to the diner because Cary is actually supposed to be working and the girls have dinner there. Toby tells Jane about Emma, the woman her father is engaged to. She admits that Emma seems nice and she seems to make her father really happy but she's still just a little unsure of everything because she's human. She vows to make the best of things, though, because she wants her father to be happy.

We hop into Andy's head. She's rushing through the library looking for a lost notebook full of notes for her paper and that book she refuses to reserve. Sure enough, the book is gone again. She runs toward the front desk and collides with that poor guy and his book cart. She ends up tipping the damn thing over and all the books go flying so he'll have to re-alphabetize them yet again. If I were him, I'd hate her hard but I have the feeling he's our stalker.

The B plot is all wrapped up so we get around to the A plot again but it mostly consists of Toby and Jane discussing the stalker and vowing to find him.....somehow. They're discussing it when Andy comes in all pissed because that “creep” at the library ran her over with the book cart. #alternatefacts Toby tries to tell her about her father and Emma but Andy can't be bothered to listen.

Jane and Toby plan to stake out the places Andy goes often to try to find some boy acting mysteriously and then they'll know who the stalker is. This.....this is a REALLY stupid plan, y'all. Of course it's going to work because #room407isfailproof.  Jane starts out by loitering around the diner. Toby takes the theater building which is apparently also used by Oakley Prep.

Andy's notebook mysteriously appears in the common room of Baker House and she's excited that she won't have to do all that research again. It also comes with a note........

“Dear Andy,

I was glancing around and look what I found. When you get it you'll smile. I hope for awhile.”

Jane makes a total fool of herself questioning some poor guy at the diner who is only trying to eat his hamburger in peace. He's not the stalker so it was a waste of about four pages. Toby awkwardly questions some engaged guy in the theater building and makes a total fool of herself as well.

The girls are still playing drunken Nancy Drew when Andy gets another note......

“You haven't been in and I think I know why. If you don't come again I surely won't die – but I'll sigh.”

On Saturday, Jane and Toby interview fifteen boys at the library. The get suspicious of some guy in a red coat that seems to be wandering aimlessly with no purpose. Jane decides he's stealing rare books for some reason and she and Toby end up football tackling him as he tries to leave. Turns out he goes to Oakley and he was taking part in some kind of scavenger hunt. One of the clues led him to the library where he found some hidden donuts.

Eventually Jane is in the right place at the right time and she sees a boy leaving a note for Andy at Baker House. She follows him all the way back to the Greenleaf library which is not a surprise at all. She goes in and introduces herself. His name is Todd and he's liked Andy for a very long time – before she went to Montavia. He says she was different after she came back and he didn't think she'd accept if he just asked her for a date so he decided to stalk her instead.  

Jane arranges for Todd to come to the carnival and then she heads home to tell Toby she finally found the stalker.

The day of the carnival arrives and most of the snow has melted and gone. The carnival has to be canceled and Andy is in a savage mood. The other girls aren't happy either because now she and Todd can't meet. Todd suggests they all come to the festival that Greenleaf High is having on Saturday and Jane agrees to try to get Andy there to meet him.

Todd is running the booth selling sweatshirts at the festival. Ellis tells us that Andy collects sweatshirts and I love getting this TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION in the next to the last book of the fucking series. Sheesh. Andy goes to buy a sweatshirt with the Greenleaf High logo because it makes total sense she'd want a shirt from a school she doesn't go to. She's not too happy to see Todd. He persists in trying to have a civil conversation with her and finally ends up revealing himself as her stalker by quoting one of the notes.

Afterwards, Andy wanders around the empty hallways of the school for more than an hour like this is totally normal behavior on her part. Finally she goes back to the booth and asks Todd's name.

The book ends on the next day. Andy is back to normal, just like that. She doesn't apologize for a damn thing but I didn't expect her to. She's already had an early morning walk with Todd and she's well on her way to being in love.

#fuckMatt #fuckSteve #fuckRamad

We don't get a cheesy ending line but we DO find out what was in that care package that Andy never opened. Sheets. Yep. Sheets.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award:  I'm giving this to Cary.  He was helpful, sweet and funny through the entire book.  He was really there for Toby when she needed help and put up with Jane with so much grace and love.

The Bitch of Baker House Award:  Andy definitely wins this one.  I never thought I'd say this, but she is even more self-absorbed than Jane.

Coming up Next: The old girls and the new girls are reunited to be godmother's to Allison's offspring.  I'm sure hilarity will ensue.

Here Comes the Bridesmaid (Book 31) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did. 

Tag Line: It's a wedding they'll never forget.

From the Back of the Book: What could go wrong at a wedding?  Andy has been invited to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of Princess Allegra, with whom she became friends at Canby Hall.  Toby and Jane have been invited to the wedding, too.  From the moment the girls arrive at the Palace in Montavia, they get the royal treatment.  Everything is fantastic, until Andy and a visiting crown prince fall in love.  Suddenly Andy doesn't have time for anyone but him.  Then Toby and Jane discover a plot to spoil the wedding.  They need Andy's help to foil the plan, but being in love has changed Andy.  Is the friendship among the girls of 407 over forever?  And is the royal wedding going to turn into a royal disaster? 

Is it just me or is the blurb particularly bad this time around?

This book was published in 1988 and I'm pretty sure I've read this one. I really remember nothing about it except the cover. I was super jealous of Jane's hair as a 13-year-old with stick straight hair. The ghostie for this book is B.B. Hiller. I didn't recognize the name, but when I looked her up I realized that she was the writer for The Saddle Club series (under the name Barbara Bryant). She wrote at least 38 of those before turning the series over to ghosties of her own. She also wrote novelizations of movies like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Karate Kid and collaborated in the ghosting of at least one Babysitter's Club book. So, I'm hopeful here. Clearly she was published often. She must be good, right?

Finally we get a non-Jane-centric cover. Toby is still shoved into the background but at least she's visible for a change. I'd like to point out that Andy looks taller than Jane here and she's supposed to be about chin-high according to a couple of books ago. Sigh. #fuckcontinuity

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy volunteered the entire gang to plan a Halloween party, Gigi started a full-press campaign to get into Cary's pants and Beau from Texas showed up to spend the week with Jane (WHY WASN'T HE IN SCHOOL?????). Cary found about about Beau and Beau found out about Cary and Jane schemed to keep them both. Neal and Randy were amazing as usual and, in the end, Jane ends up unscathed and with her ever-devoted boyfriend still firmly at her side.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: So we're away from Canby in this book which means that our regular crew isn't present.  Most of them are at least mentioned in this book so I'm assuming they're above ground.  However, MATT, Penny and Gigi are never mentioned once and I can only presume that they are choking on dirt under the tulips back on campus.  This is the second or third book that Penny has been completely left out of.  I'm starting to suspect she's going to be another Laura Lee.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Allegra's back y'all but you knew that from the blurb.

We begin in room 407 with our intrepid protagonists. Jane is lying across her bed and she announces dramatically that she's bored. Andy tries to cheer her up by telling her how hard she's been working on her dance solo as if that's supposed to make Jane less bored. Toby sighs and we get our standard the roommates are from different planets but still very good friends when they're not screeching shrilly at each other spiel. You know how it goes by now......Jane sacrifices goats to the love gods in order to keep Cary firmly under her spell but she's a really good writer....Andy has a demon living in her soul that feeds on puppy livers but, boy, can she dance.....Toby is sweetheart who only talks to horses because her roommates are pure evil....that kind of thing.

They try to think of something exciting to cheer Jane up. Toby mentions that Eleanor Masters was all excited about something yesterday but she has no details. Who the fuck is Eleanor Masters? We've been in this damn series for half a million books now and Eleanor Masters has NEVER been mentioned. I hate it when ghosties add in characters for a single book and then forget they ever existed. :::cough:::Laura Lee:::cough Jane replies that Eleanor was excited about adding a stamp from Sri Lanka to her collection and I guess that's that.

There's an essay contest coming up on the topic of “The Most Interesting Person I've Ever Met” and they briefly discuss who they're going to write about. Andy says she's writing about Allegra and I'm impressed she even remembers the Princess' name. Allegra was definitely buried in the tulip bed for a long, long time there. Ghostie gives us a review in a nutshell about how Allegra fell in love with Randy but she was already engaged to a man named Frederick before she was even born. It was all very tragic but then completely forgotten by the next book.

Jane remembers that her mom sent her a newspaper clipping about Allegra weeks ago but she lost it in the mess on her desk. She digs around a little and finally finds it. It's a picture of Allegra and a man described as her fiancee leaving an opera. The girls are stunned to see that the man in the picture is not Frederick. Even though they've never actually SEEN a picture of Frederick and have no idea what he looks like. It doesn't matter – they've been shined on by the goddesses of 407 and they know all.

#room407isfailproof

The next day Andy coincidentally gets two letters from Allegra. Allegra will be marrying Frederick's younger brother James in just four weeks and she wants all of them to come. It seems like old Frederick fell in love with a commoner and romantically abdicated the throne to marry her so Allegra is off the hook with the old goat. She tells Andy in the letter that the royal family will gladly pay to fly all three girls to Montavia and she wants Andy to be a bridesmaid. She also wants the girls to help her learn how to be a queen. Which.....makes NO sense. Sorry. Crown Princesses who are engaged to Crown Princes for their entire lives would have been brought up being instructed how to be a queen. And three teenage girls from America would not be very effective tutors in this subject anyway. Frankly the only thing these girls are qualified to teach anyone is how to bully people into giving you what you want.

The girls are excited about going to a royal wedding and all but aren't sure if the school and their parents will okay the time away. Toby is also nervous about being around so many fancy people.

The girls secure permission from their parents first and then scheme with Merry (it's spelled with a “y” so far this book) to come with a plan to get PA (head bitch in charge) on their side. Merry suggests inviting her to tea at Baker House. During tea, Andy blurts out the real reason for the invitation and asks permission for them to go to Montavia. She says in return the girls will write a paper about monarchy in the modern times. PA is not super surprised to be blindsided in this fashion. She gives her consent for the trip if they all work ahead in their subjects and turn in the paper that Andy proposed.

The next few weeks pass in a flurry of preparations. The girls need passports and they have extra schoolwork to do. They borrow formal dresses from everyone in the dorm and then Andy's bridesmaid's dress arrives for a fitting. There's no one there to measure or alter though so it's a pretty poor excuse for a dress fitting. She just tries it on in her room and worships her pink silk-covered reflection for awhile.

We time hop – and country hop – and end up in Montavia for the royal wedding. The girls have a four-hour train ride to get to the palace so they're spending their time figuring out how to instruct Allegra into being a good queen. Jane's brought a long a history book and discovered that the first thing ancient monarchs did was drain the swamps to provide more grazing ground for the peasants. So they put that first on the list.

This is beyond ridiculous, y'all.

We get a mini history lesson on British monarchs and Shakespeare and I'm not even sure how historically accurate it is but I can tell you it's extremely tedious to read. Andy fills a page with notes but we aren't told what she found so noteworthy in all of that other than the swamp draining. Jane thinks maybe Allegra really wants them to teach her something more personal. Jane volunteers to teach her how to curtsy and use the correct fork.

She's freaking kidding me, right?

Seriously, Jane, do you think you know more about manners than a princess? I'm sorry but these people have special instruction all their damn lives for this stuff.

Andy and Toby don't really have anything special they can teach Allegra either. Andy can dance but not teach dancing and Allegra already knows how to ride a horse. So they give this topic up and look out the windows at all the quaint little villages rolling by.

Eventually they get to the palace and are shown up to their suite. It's enormous with a “sleeping room” a “sitting room” and a huge bathroom. Allegra has arranged three beds in the same configuration as the beds in 407 and she's even put a tea bag on the ceiling for Toby. Home Sweet Home.

Allegra fills them in about James. She seems ridiculously happy and in love. I'm sure our protagonists will take care of that before long. Who can forget what they did to Alison at her wedding? It's helps that the old crew isn't here but I'm still banking on these girls causing major chaos. Allegra asks for their help in queenly instruction and they tell her to drain the swamps. She has a good laugh about that since there aren't any swamps for thousands of miles and then hands them their schedule of important events. Tea with a Grand Duchess is first on the list and Allegra tells them they'll all be assigned “escorts” for the events.

Y'all know what's coming right? I predict a major case.

They go to the GD's tea party and Jane is introduced to her escort for the events. His name is Prince Armand and he's James' snotty little brother. Jane offers her hand and he sniffs at it, telling her that “one does not shake hands with royalty”. I love it when people out-snoot Jane.  Armand is not very happy with this whole royal wedding thing.  He thinks the future queen should be from Almare and not Montavia.

Toby is introduced to Allegra's cousin Andre and he raises horses so the two of them are fast friends. Andy meets Ramad who is the crown prince of some North African country. Andy is in love at first sight which makes her the first victim of the Cheater Fever.  Someone pop a thermometer in her mouth and get her one of those paper masks so she doesn't infect the others.  😷

The next day, Ramad sends Andy four dozen roses (red, pink, white, yellow) because he couldn't decide what color she'd like best. She goes into a major swoon but Toby pulls her back, reminding her that she's set to teach Allegra and James how to waltz in an hour.

#MAJORbullshit

Allegra and James as a legit princess and prince would know how to waltz.

Seriously.  😒

After Andy “teaches” them to dance, the girls go to lunch. They give Allegra more useless information on how to be a queen that she doesn't need at all. What she really needs is advice on how to deal with Armand who is making her and James both miserable. Jane suggests they send him to another country to be a royal ambassador and it might be the only useful thing Jane has ever said in her life.

Hey, it had to happen at some point.

After lunch, Allegra arranges for Fenster the butler dude to take the roommates on a helicopter tour of the city. I have mega sympathy for Fenster, y'all. I can't even imagine being trapped in a helicopter with those three. Luckily, ghostie must not have been able to imagine it either because she didn't bother writing about it at all.

We time-hop to later that evening. The girls are dressed up and headed for the palace in Almare (James' kingdom). Andy is worried whether Ramad will like her dress or not because she's forgotten her two boyfriends in the States even exist. Jane is pissed about having to spend another evening with Armand. Somehow it's become her job to keep him from insulting other people which just makes me laugh hysterically because all Jane does is insult other people.

Jane has her hands full right from the beginning trying to smooth things over with Armand and the rest of the country. He even manages to insult Allegra's parents when they come to say hi. The King invites Armand skeet shooting with a bunch of other royal people and Jane nearly has a heart attack. She doesn't think Armand should be around people armed with guns without her to act as a buffer so she quickly asks the king if she can come along too.

Ramad finally shows up and whisks Andy off her feet. The two go to share a romantic interlude on the veranda or balcony or something. I forgot to pay attention. Anyway, the girls have the next day free so Ramad invites Andy to go skiing with him. Andy is worried that the activity might end her dreams of being a dancer but Ramad gallantly tells her he'll take no chances with her precious feet so she agrees.

Ugh. Why is Andy so dramatic all the time??????????????

Meanwhile, Toby and Andre are just hanging out like two people who have only met twice actually would. They make small talk and watch the other people in the room. Andre invites her to go horseback riding the next day and she's happy to get the hell away from all the fancy people for awhile so she accepts. I'm not calling this Cheater Fever because there's no romance going on at all.  These two are just being friendly.

We skip ahead to the next day and the girls are all getting ready for their various activities with their escorts. Toby is the easiest to dress because she always travels with jeans and boots so she just throws those on with a sweatshirt and she's ready to ride. Jane takes a little longer because she doesn't even know what a person is supposed to wear to shoot skeet. She ends up with a tweed skirt, cashmere sweater and knee-high boots. I'm sure that's what everyone will be wearing. #eyeroll Andy has nothing suitable to ski in so they call for Fenster and he brings her some ski outfits from Allegra's closet.

Jane reminds Andy before they leave that she has dance practice that afternoon and a “dinner dance” whatever the fuck that is afterwards. She warns Andy not to lose track of time so I'm sure that's exactly what's going to happen. Jane realizes that Andy's watch is still set for Massachusetts time (six hours different) but doesn't tell her. I guess this is supposed to be foreshadowing but it really tests the limits of my suspension of disbelief. Andy's been there for days at this point and she's had to show up on time for some very important things. Surely she's noticed her watch is off by now. And even if she hasn't.....which is just hella dumb.....Ramad should know what time it is. This has to be the dumbest set up for a “Canby Hall Crises” that I've never seen and that's saying a lot with these books.

We end up going with Andy on her ski date first and it's....predictable. She's never skied before but that #407magic is strong and she ends up being good at it almost immediately. She spends most of the date talking about herself and dancing which I'm sure fascinates Ramad to no end. She finally gets around to asking him about himself but keep interrupting him to tell him he's not telling her the parts she wants to hear and at every opportunity she turns the conversation back to herself. Ramad tells a story about the dogs he raises and Andy turns that into a story about her sister Nancy. Ramad talks about his kingdom and that instantly reminds Andy of a story about the restaurant. We all know people like this and it's SO ANNOYING. Just let the man talk!! The two eventually end up making out on the slopes because who the hell cares that she has two other boyfriends?

#infectious 

Andy waltzes into the palace 45 minutes before the “dinner dance” and Jane is incensed. She demands to know why Andy missed practice and Andy tells her that she doesn't need to practice. Besides, she might not do the performance at all. Ramad told her that women in his country would never show so much of their bodies in public and that their beauty is saved only for their husbands.

So Andy is apparently ready to hand all her dreams over to a guy she's met exactly three times. Nice.

That night the older crowd is attending a dinner in Almare and the younger crowd is having their own “dinner dance” in Montavia. Y'all “dinner dance” is a stupid name for something. #justsayin'  The ballroom is decorated like a disco because the ghosties on this series are perpetually stuck in the 70's and everyone is wearing “neon strings” somewhere on their bodies. Armand is remarkably unstuffy for this occasion and Jane realizes he's kind of fun when he's not trying to be so formal and proper.

Andre asks the girls about Canby Hall and they launch into a huge monologue about each book in the series. They really should have just passed him the URL to this blog. It might have been faster. Andre and Armand enjoy the stories and laugh along with the girls but Ramad gets more and more serious. He asks Andy to dance with him and pulls her away from the table. We don't get to hear what he said to her, if anything, because the ghostie ends the chapter and skips to the next morning and never mentions it again.

Allegra stops by the room to tell Andy that she'd like her to do a dance performance during the rehearsal dinner that evening and that the ballroom will be free for practice that morning since Andy missed her practice time the day before. Andy tells her she can't practice because she has plans to go hiking and have a picnic with Ramad and since she hasn't danced since she arrived in the country, there's no way she can perform that night. Jane and Toby are both shocked. Andy was so excited to be doing a dance in front of all the royal people and they can't believe she's punking out. Allegra is disappointed but understanding. She tells Andy that the rehearsal starts at 1:30 and she can't be late.

This is where that hella dumb watch thing is going to come into play, right? (((Note from future me: Nope. It's as if the ghostie even forgot she mentioned it. Ooops.)))

As soon as Allegra leaves the room, Jane lays into Andy. She reminds Andy that Allegra flew them halfway around the world so that Andy could dance for her and be in the wedding. Now Andy is blowing her off constantly just to be with Ramad. Andy tells her dramatically that she just doesn't understand what being in love is.

Which.  #accurate

The B Plot finally reveals itself in the late morning when Allegra joins Jane and Toby in their suite to hang out for a bit. She tells Jane that Armand has been asking some odd questions and she thinks he's up to something. Jane realizes that she made a huge error the night before by telling Armand about the “pranks” Americans play at weddings (funny toasts, tin cans on the cars, etc). They begin to plot how to head Armand off at the pass so he can't make mischief at the wedding.

The wedding rehearsal is fascinating to Jane and Toby but an ordeal for everyone else. Royal Protocol experts from Montavia and Almare fight over every little thing. The countries have different traditions and both want to be the one represented and neither wants to share. During the rehearsal, Toby notices that Armand keeps nervously pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket and looking it over before putting it back. She thinks it has something to do with whatever he has planned and she's super nervous. Jane vows to get a look at it.

The opportunity doesn't come until dinner. Jane asks Armand to dance, hoping to slip her hand into his pocket or something. Sounds like something that has #internationalincident written all over it to me. She doesn't actually manage to stick her hands down his pants, but she does ask him enough questions to determine that whatever he has planned will happen during the reception. I mean clearly it's the toast thing. Are these girls dense?

They try to enlist Andy's help but she's in dreamland. She tells them that Ramad has invited her to come to his country and meet his family. She thinks he's ready to propose and she intends to accept and become a real life princess. Jane and Toby think she's lost her fucking mind and I NEVER thought I'd say this but......

#teamToby #teamJane

That took a lot of of me, y'all. I don't even know who I am anymore.

The wedding happens the next day. The ceremony starts at 10:00am and goes off beautifully. Afterwards there is a coronation where James is made Crown Prince of Allegra's country (Montavia) and Allegra is made Crown Princess of James' country (Almare). Eventually the two of them will rule over both kingdoms. Somehow. It sounds hellishly complicated. Then a church service is held and finally the groom is allowed to kiss the bride.

During the limo ride to the wedding breakfast, Jane manages to get a peek at the piece of paper that Armand is so involved with. She sees the words “Today is a dark day for the kingdom of Almare” and panics. She knows that she has to prevent him from making the speech somehow. The roommates get together and make a plan but we don't get to hear what it is. I'm sure it will be brilliant because these girls are from Room 407 and girls from Room 407 never fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#failproof

So the plan consists of waiting until Armand stands for his toast and announces he has a surprise and then Andy cues the orchestra and performs a dance to music from Romeo and Juliet. It goes off without a hitch and all the royal people at the wedding declare that they've never seen a more talented dancer in their lives. #bullshit Armand is praised for his “surprise” and all is well in the kingdom. Naturally.

Ramad pulls Andy aside during the reception. He tells her that in his country only the men dance. Women are rarely seen in public. They do not speak unless spoken to and never speak to another man. Andy is horrified. Ramad tells her that a “woman is a flower which has blossomed for her husband's pleasure.”

Yeah.

No.

Hell no.

Ramad declares his love for a woman he's met exactly four times and Andy tells him she's never felt this way for anyone ever before.

#fuckMatt #fuckSteve

But then she tells him she can't marry him and be his private blossom. He says he'd hoped she'd give up everything and marry him – despite the fact that he's already fucking betrothed to someone in his own country – but maybe they can be friends. He's planning to go to the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard so they can see each other in Massachusetts sometime.

I can't believe that the fever spread outside of Canby Hall and infected a crown prince. That's some serious contagion, y'all.  😷

The roommates go to Allegra's room to watch her get out of her gown and into her traveling clothes. I guess she likes an audience?  {{{shrug}}}   She thanks them for teaching her about friendship and loyalty without strings. #gag

The book ends with the girls returning to Canby Hall and talking about the subject of the paper they owe PA. They decide to do it on Friendship and Loyalty since they are such experts in the subject. I mean, it was assigned to be a paper on the modern monarchy but what the fuck ever, amirite? You know PA will be bowled over by it because Room 407 is #failproof.

And that's that.  I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to keep #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes in this book.  I feel......incomplete.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award:  I'm going to give this to Jane, y'all, and I feel like I'm going to have to have intensive therapy to get over it.  She did a masterful job of managing Armand even though she hated every minute of it and she did it solely so Allegra could have a good wedding.  That was pretty self-sacrificing.  AND SHE DIDN'T CHEAT ON CARY!!!

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I guess this goes to Armand.  I know he doesn't live in Baker House but who the hell cares?  He was awful the entire book and it pissed me off having to even read his snobby attitude.

Coming Up Next: Andy has a secret admirer.  #fuckMatt  #fuckSteve

And that, dear readers, was recap #100!!!!!!!!!!!!!