Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book. Because you know at least one of them did.
Tag Line: They're brand new godmothers!From the Back of the Book: There's nothing the 407 girls can't handle. Is there? All the girls of 407, old and new, converge on Boston to be godmothers at the christening of their former housemother Alison's new twins. And not everyone is happy about it. Then Alison sprains her ankle and her wrist, and her husband has to go on a business trip. Who will take care of the twins? The girls of 407 volunteer. But a romantic rivalry is brewing between Shelley and Jane, Toby is avoiding the babies, and the older girls are acting so superior. Before they can become the perfect godmothers, Andy, Jane and Toby, and Faith, Dana and Shelley have a lot to learn about babies - and themselves!
I find the title of this book to be totally misleading. My guess is that they were trying to ride the tails of 3 Men and a Baby but the fact is that it was Six Roommates and TWO Babies.
This book was published in 1989 and
it's my first time reading through it. It's the last one of the
series. I don't know if they knew it was the last one when they
wrote it or if that came as a bad surprise later but maybe we'll be
able to tell at the end. All I can say is they better tell us what
that tea bag means or I recapped this bloody series for nothing. I
won't be happy if that's the case. The ghostie for this book is Lynn
Zednick again. She gave us But She's So Cute, The Roommate
and the Cowboy and Surprise!.
I 100% cannot remember if I like her or hate her and I'm not about
to reread those recaps to find out.
Hey,
y'all, TOBY GOT A COVER!!!! It took a hundred books but she's
finally the most important one!!! Do you think that's what ended the
series? Is it kind of like hell freezing over? When Toby gets a
cover, everything ends? PS That baby is huge and Andy looks like a
30-year-old.
Canby Hall Catch-Up: You
guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane
– high society princess, Andy
– urban ballerina and Toby
– small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god
from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named
Matt
who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and
sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's
dating Matt when she's not dating Steve
who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her
geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper
Neal
from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex),
and crushing on local rancher Randy
who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in
every book. In the last book, Andy was completely self-absorbed and
bitchy because she was heart-broken over losing her one true love
Ramad
(or whatever his name was). #fuckMatt #fuckSteve She volunteered
the other girls for some committee they didn't want to be on and then
threw epic fits when she thought they weren't working hard enough on
it. There was a lame secret admirer named Todd
that I didn't care about at all. In the B plot, Toby thought her dad
was dying but it turned out he was only engaged. #samediff Oh, and
Neal and Cary were absolutely amazing during Toby's crises and I fell
in love with them all over again.
Where
was Randy during said crises you ask??? Good fucking question.
#digupRandy
Oh.
On second thought, DON'T dig up Randy. Dana-the-life-ruiner
is in this book and I don't want her to get her disgusting hands on
him again. Poor Randy.
Those
Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner,
Shelley-the-drama-llama
and Faith-the-sanctimonious
and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison.
Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship
them at least once every book.
Missing, Presumed
Dead: Um.....So our six roommates, Neal and Alison were the only recurring characters in this book. Randy was mentioned twice and Cary was mentioned a few times but NO ONE else was even brought up. Not even Maggie whose sister was in town for an entire week. They are all, missing, presumed dead. #amomentofsilencefortheentiretownofGreenleafMassachusetts
I didn't get to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes. Sigh. Rest in peace, Maggie. I'll miss you. Kind of.
Risen From the
Tulip Bed: THEY'RE ALL BURIED FOR ETERNITY!!!!!!
Here we go. Our
last rodeo, y'all.
We begin with our
protagonist Toby. She's a little melancholy as she often is in the
winter. She's trying to work on a paper but her mind keeps
wandering. She's happy to be at Canby Hall – a fact that surprises
her a little given her rocky start there a year ago – but she still
misses home. Home is changing now that her father is getting married
and she has very real concerns about her place in his new life. I
think everyone goes through this when their parent remarries.
Jane and Andy
eventually join her. Jane is excited because Alison (former
housemother-extraordinaire) is going to christen her babies that
weekend in Boston and she's invited the girls to attend. The babies
(Nicole and Jennifer) are six months old now and Alison
wants them to be honorary godmothers.
God, please help
those poor babies.
I cannot imagine
worse godmothers for a child.
Jane and Andy are
pretty thrilled at the honor of being asked. Toby is slightly
terrified. She thinks it involves a little more than the occasional
birthday card that the other girls are imagining. Godparents mean
different things to different people and I have a feeling Alison
intends them to serve in name only but I guess we'll see.
We skip ahead to
the weekend. The girls are going to stay with Jane's parents and
Toby is super excited to see Neal. I can't blame her. He was a
total asshole for one book but then he morphed into this marvelous
person that I adore. They eat lunch at Jane's house and then head
over to Alison's apartment. They're surprised when
Faith-the-sanctimonious answers the door.
Here we go.
Sigh.
Dana-the-life-ruiner
and Shelley-the-drama-llama are both present as well. There are some
tense moments as the girls realize they've all been asked to be
godmothers but then they relax and start to chat. Finally someone
asks to see the babies and Alison leads them to the nursery. Nicole
has blonde hair and Jennifer has brown hair. That's all I really get
from these pages.
Naturally the
younger girls bumble about and wake the babies up in the most
clownish ways possible and the older girls are annoyed because they
just got them to sleep. Any chance for those original girls to be
superior and condescending.......
Eventually the
babies wake up from their naps and everyone but Toby fights over them
like they're toys or something. I guess Alison just lets it happen.
I bet she's exhausted. One baby is hard enough, I can't imagine two.
Finally the younger set leaves to have dinner at Jane's house.
The next day they
go over early to help get the babies ready. From the very beginning
there's a lot of static with the older girls. They're all acting
smug and superior and telling the younger girls that they're doing
everything wrong. While everyone else is fighting over baby duty,
Toby slips out to the living room. She wants no part of any of this.
The doorbell rings
and it's some handsome 18-year-old godfather named Ryan that
I'm sure everyone but Toby will fight to the death over. Who will be
the first to succumb to cheater fever? Please. We all know the answer. Ryan is David's (Mr
Alison) nephew and godfather to Jennifer. David's brother Ted
is going to be Nicole's godfather. All the girls (except Toby) seem
pretty hot for Ryan.
Shelley goes
full-on flirt and Jane is PISSED. She saw him before Shelley and
that means he belongs to her.
Sigh.
Poor Cary.
The christening
goes as most christenings do. The babies cry the entire time.
During the reception we take a turn in Alison's head. She's warm and
the crowd feels a little suffocating to her. She decides to step
outside and get a breath of fresh air. The stairs are slick with
snow and she ends up falling down them, feeling a horrible pain in
her ankle and wrist.
We flash into
Jane's head for a bit. She's furious that Shelley is flirting so
shamelessly with Ryan. Ryan is a year younger than Shelley and Jane
finds that disgusting. She thinks Shelley should find someone her
own age. #fuckCary
We spend about
eight pages reading descriptions of various people searching for
Alison and of Alison feeling stupid for going outside and getting
hurt. There's a lot of shuffling twins around and Jane glaring at
Shelley and then Alison is finally located and rescued. She's taken
to the hospital where it's discovered that she has a severe sprain to
her ankle and a regular sprain to her wrist. They put her foot in a
cast and she's not able to use crutches because of her wrist.
Naturally, David is set to go on some business trip for five days so
she's in a hopeless situation until the 407 girls (old and new)
volunteer to stay with her to help. Then we get this....
“How could anything
possibly go wrong with six of the best girls Canby Hall ever had
coming to her rescue?”
Are these girls
seriously the best Canby Hall ever had?
That school must
SUCK, y'all.
I wouldn't send my
kids there if that's the best they can turn out.
Also.
So we settle into a
comfortable routine of the older girls being condescending and the
younger girls being butthurt and the innocent lives of two babies
hanging precariously between them. Seriously, Alison should have
hired a home health aide for five days. I get the feeling she
doesn't love her children much.
During all the
bumbling, the phone rings at Alison's house. Jane answers and is
pleased to find it's Ryan. He's called to ask one of the godmothers
for a personal tour of Boston and Jane pounces on that fast. She
tells him to meet her at her house, though, to make sure Shelley
doesn't get a chance. Then she tells everyone else that she has to
go home and meet her sister for awhile but she'll be back later.
Cheater Fever always comes with a side effect of
lying-out-of-your-ass.
Shelley's on to her
though. She heard Jane give her address to whoever she was talking
to on the phone (that was EXCEPTIONALLY stupid of Jane – she
needed a better lie) and she suspects it was Ryan and Jane is
bogarting her hunk. I guess this must be our B Plot. Sigh.
Dana is having a
life crises right there in the middle of a Boston condo. She's been
living with her dad for a couple of years now at his request but now
she's really missing being in school and meeting new people and doing
things with friends. Andy suggests it might be time to consider
college and Dana bites her head off and basically tells her it's
nunya.
A little simple,
free advice, Dana. If you want something to be none of someone's
business, then DON'T TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.
#commonsenseisn'tsocommon
We briefly join
Jane and Ryan during their tour of Boston. They eat and walk and she
buys a scarf because he tells her it matches her eyes. It's riveting. She tells us that she's well on her
way to being in love with Ryan already.
Someone go hug poor
Cary for me. This guy really needs a new girlfriend. One that
doesn't go to Canby Hall.
Baby care is
exhausting and it doesn't take long for the girls to get tired of
doing it. They spend a very sleepless night all getting up every
time the babies cry and then one of the geniuses finally realizes
they should be doing it on a schedule so some of them can get some
sleep. #worksmartnothard Toby is petrified but can't see a graceful
way to get out of baby care.
Neal calls to ask
Toby on a date and she's grateful for the time away. It takes her
awhile to actually get away though. First he and Jane spend forever
catching up and then she can't get him away from the babies. Neal
loves babies and that's the last nail in my coffin. 💖#swoon💖
When they finally
get away, he says he can tell she needs a little TLC. She hasn't been complaining but it's pretty evident that she's really stressed out.
He takes good care of her for the rest of the evening. When she
keeps falling asleep in the movie theater, he puts his arm around her
and offers his shoulder as a pillow (💖) and just cuddles her as she
sleeps instead of getting mad or taking it personally. He's pretty
much perfect and I'm so glad he got away from Jane. #saveCary
The next day Ryan
calls again. This time Dana answers the phone so Shelley actually
gets a chance to talk to him. He warns her not to let Jane know it's
him or she'll barge in on their date. So apparently Ryan is playing
both of them. Ordinarily this would piss me off but I HATE both Jane
and Shelley and they're both cheating on boyfriends (remember Paul, Shelley???) so they kind of
deserve what they get at this point. I hope he takes them both down,
yanks out their cheating hearts and stomps them into oblivion.
Andy is pissed
because the older girls are doing all the baby care while the younger
girls keep getting stuck with the menial jobs. She stages a coup –
without talking to Jane and Toby – and forces the older girls to
turn over the babies. The only problem is that Jane and Toby were
both happier doing the other tasks. Neither of them knows anything
about baby care. Jane is clueless but willing while Toby is
petrified. She ends up ducking out to tackle the laundry.
Dana is still
struggling with all her life choices. She decides to seek Alison's
counsel. She tells Alison that she really wants to go to college
but she's afraid she won't fit in because she's a couple of years
behind. Alison reminds her that people of all ages go to college and
she'll be just fine. Is this our C Plot? If it is, it's almost
wrapped up. Dana decides to check out some colleges in Boston and
she goes off on her merry way.
The next day Neal
calls to ask Toby to have lunch with him and then Ryan calls and asks
Jane to go to a little restaurant he discovered with his “aunt”
the day before. Stupid, Ryan. You never go to the same place with
both girls you're seeing. You could get busted by the staff. Dana
is pissed to hear they're both leaving and makes a comment about how
the younger girls are irresponsible. Dana, Shelley and Andy get into
a huge fight with the older two saying the younger ones are no help
and Andy saying the older ones don't let them do anything. Faith
finally steps in and calls a truce, saying they'll divide up the work
more fairly from now on.
Jane and Ryan end
up at the same restaurant as Neal and Toby. Toby helpfully gives us
all a rundown of all the times Jane has cheated on a boyfriend and
that takes awhile. Later, Jane catches up with Toby and gives her
the same story about Ryan that Shelley gave Dana. He's clearly told each girl that he's hiding from the other one. He needs to work
on his originality. Jane tells Toby that this is 💫it💫. True love.
She and Ryan are going to be together forever. Toby manages not to
roll her eyes and thinks that Jane and Ryan will last until Jane gets
back to Canby and sees Cary again. She also thinks about how sorry
she feels for poor Cary sometimes. #truth
That night it's
Toby's turn for baby duty. She's scared but Andy gets up with her
and kind of talks her through it. Everything goes fine and Toby gets
a huge confidence boost from it. She thinks she might even be able
to have kids someday.
The next day, Dana
decides to go apply to some college or other and she asks Andy and
Faith to go with her since they've been encouraging her to get her
life together. Andy hesitates because that will leave Jane, Toby and
Shelley alone with the babies. What Andy doesn't know is that
Shelley has plans to sneak out and see Ryan.
Jane and Toby
decide to do laundry while the babies nap. Jane has no idea what
she's doing so Toby talks her through it. A baby cries before they
get the load started so Toby goes to attend the baby while Jane
finishes up getting the washer going. Naturally Jane adds three cups
of detergent because she's just that inept.
Again, these are
the best Canby Hall has to offer, people. Girls who can't even read
the directions on a bottle of laundry detergent and follow them
correctly.
Meanwhile Ryan and
Shelley are going to all the places he went to with Jane a few days
ago. She even buys the exact same scarf that Jane bought because he tells her that it matches her eyes.
Apparently Ryan has a thing for blue-eyed blondes.
How very Aryan of him.
Back with Jane and
Toby.....the twins are super fussy so they decide to feed them. For
some reason they choose beets which is a huge mess. Then the twins
have to be bathed and redressed. They're still fussy so the girls
give them bottles. Then one of them spits up and they both panic
because it looks like blood. Eventually they figure out it was
because of the beets and all is well.
Shelley comes back
with the scarf and Jane is hella suspicious. Alison is bummed
because David will be back the next day and all the girls will leave.
Dana offers to stay a few more days to help out and Alison pounces
on the idea.
You know, it just occurred to me that Toby, Jane and Andy are missing ANOTHER week of school. Do their parents even know where they are? Does no one care about their education. I mean, they're the best Canby Hall has to offer. They have standards to uphold.
The twins begin
teething and the girls all have a very restless night trying to calm
them. Everyone is exhausted and irritable the next morning. Jane
and Shelley discover they've both been dating Ryan and it leads to a
screaming match between all six girls. Alison hobbles out of bed to
mediate it.
Eventually everyone
calms down. Jane sobs that now she knows how Cary feels when she
cheats on him and vows to be a one-man woman from now on.
#I'llbelievethatwhenIseeit
PS Right after I typed that hashtag, I went back to the book and Andy said the exact same thing out loud to Jane.
David comes home
and the younger girls get on a train to head back to school. The
book ends with the girls dreaming of getting a good night's sleep in
room 407.
So I don't think
they knew this was going to be the last book, y'all. I think they
would have had some kind of send-off or super cheesy line to end it
all and they just didn't.
Also.
WE NEVER FOUND OUT
WHAT THE FUCKING TEA BAG MEANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We didn't get to say goodbye to ANYONE. We haven't even seen Randy for ages and I need my Cary fix, y'all. This is so unfair.
I have NEVER been
so pissed off at a book in my life.
The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This is going to be a triple. Clearly Toby and Neal get it because they're awesome always. But....and I can't believe I'm even typing this....they have to share it with Faith. I know, I know. It shocked me too but out of all of them, she was the most kind and the least condescending.
The Bitch of Baker House Award: It's a two-fer for Jane and Shelley. They were both awful through the entire book.
I can't believe it's over. In some weird way I'm going to miss some of these people. Not most of them, but some of them.
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