Warning: Spoilers Ahead!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book. Because you know at least one of them did.
Tag Line: It's a wedding they'll never forget.From the Back of the Book: What could go wrong at a wedding? Andy has been invited to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of Princess Allegra, with whom she became friends at Canby Hall. Toby and Jane have been invited to the wedding, too. From the moment the girls arrive at the Palace in Montavia, they get the royal treatment. Everything is fantastic, until Andy and a visiting crown prince fall in love. Suddenly Andy doesn't have time for anyone but him. Then Toby and Jane discover a plot to spoil the wedding. They need Andy's help to foil the plan, but being in love has changed Andy. Is the friendship among the girls of 407 over forever? And is the royal wedding going to turn into a royal disaster?
Is it just me or is the blurb particularly bad this time around?
This book was published in 1988 and I'm
pretty sure I've read this one. I really remember nothing about it
except the cover. I was super jealous of Jane's hair as a
13-year-old with stick straight hair. The ghostie for this book is
B.B. Hiller. I didn't recognize the name, but when I looked her up I
realized that she was the writer for The Saddle Club series (under
the name Barbara Bryant). She wrote at least 38 of those before
turning the series over to ghosties of her own. She also wrote
novelizations of movies like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The
Karate Kid and collaborated in the ghosting of at least one
Babysitter's Club book. So, I'm hopeful here. Clearly she was
published often. She must be good, right?
Finally we get a non-Jane-centric
cover. Toby is still shoved into the background but at least she's
visible for a change. I'd like to point out that Andy looks taller
than Jane here and she's supposed to be about chin-high according to
a couple of books ago. Sigh. #fuckcontinuity
Canby Hall Catch-Up: You
guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane
– high society princess, Andy
– urban ballerina and Toby
– small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god
from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named
Matt
who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and
sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's
dating Matt when she's not dating Steve
who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her
geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper
Neal
from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex),
and crushing on local rancher Randy
who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in
every book. In the last book, Andy volunteered the entire gang to
plan a Halloween party, Gigi started a full-press campaign to get
into Cary's pants and Beau from Texas showed up to spend the week
with Jane (WHY WASN'T HE IN SCHOOL?????). Cary found about about
Beau and Beau found out about Cary and Jane schemed to keep them
both. Neal and Randy were amazing as usual and, in the end, Jane
ends up unscathed and with her ever-devoted boyfriend still firmly at
her side.
Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former
407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama
and Faith-the-sanctimonious
and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison.
Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship
them at least once every book.
Missing, Presumed
Dead: So we're away from Canby in this book which means that our regular crew isn't present. Most of them are at least mentioned in this book so I'm assuming they're above ground. However, MATT, Penny and Gigi are never mentioned once and I can only presume that they are choking on dirt under the tulips back on campus. This is the second or third book that Penny has been completely left out of. I'm starting to suspect she's going to be another Laura Lee. #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee
Risen From the
Tulip Bed: Allegra's back y'all but you knew that from the blurb.
We begin in room
407 with our intrepid protagonists. Jane is lying across her bed and
she announces dramatically that she's bored. Andy tries to cheer her up
by telling her how hard she's been working on her dance solo as if
that's supposed to make Jane less bored. Toby sighs and we get our
standard the roommates are from different planets but still very good
friends when they're not screeching shrilly at each other spiel. You
know how it goes by now......Jane sacrifices goats to the love gods
in order to keep Cary firmly under her spell but she's a really good
writer....Andy has a demon living in her soul that feeds on puppy
livers but, boy, can she dance.....Toby is sweetheart who only talks
to horses because her roommates are pure evil....that kind of thing.
They try to think
of something exciting to cheer Jane up. Toby mentions that Eleanor
Masters was all excited about something yesterday but she has no
details. Who the fuck is Eleanor Masters? We've been in this damn
series for half a million books now and Eleanor Masters has NEVER
been mentioned. I hate it when ghosties add in characters for a
single book and then forget they ever existed.
:::cough:::Laura Lee:::cough Jane replies that Eleanor was excited
about adding a stamp from Sri Lanka to her collection and I guess
that's that.
There's an essay
contest coming up on the topic of “The Most Interesting Person I've
Ever Met” and they briefly discuss who they're going to write
about. Andy says she's writing about Allegra and I'm
impressed she even remembers the Princess' name. Allegra was
definitely buried in the tulip bed for a long, long time there.
Ghostie gives us a review in a nutshell about how Allegra fell in
love with Randy but she was already engaged to a man named Frederick
before she was even born. It was all very tragic but then completely
forgotten by the next book.
Jane remembers that
her mom sent her a newspaper clipping about Allegra weeks ago but she
lost it in the mess on her desk. She digs around a little and
finally finds it. It's a picture of Allegra and a man described as
her fiancee leaving an opera. The girls are stunned to see that the
man in the picture is not Frederick. Even though they've never
actually SEEN a picture of Frederick and have no idea what he looks
like. It doesn't matter – they've been shined on by the goddesses
of 407 and they know all.
#room407isfailproof
The next day Andy
coincidentally gets two letters from Allegra. Allegra will be
marrying Frederick's younger brother James in just four weeks
and she wants all of them to come. It seems like old Frederick fell
in love with a commoner and romantically abdicated the throne to
marry her so Allegra is off the hook with the old goat. She tells
Andy in the letter that the royal family will gladly pay to fly all
three girls to Montavia and she wants Andy to be a bridesmaid. She
also wants the girls to help her learn how to be a queen.
Which.....makes NO sense. Sorry. Crown Princesses who are engaged to Crown Princes for their entire lives would have been brought up being
instructed how to be a queen. And three teenage girls from America
would not be very effective tutors in this subject anyway. Frankly
the only thing these girls are qualified to teach anyone is how to
bully people into giving you what you want.
The girls are
excited about going to a royal wedding and all but aren't sure if the
school and their parents will okay the time away. Toby is also
nervous about being around so many fancy people.
The girls secure
permission from their parents first and then scheme with Merry
(it's spelled with a “y” so far this book) to come with a plan to
get PA (head bitch in charge) on their side. Merry suggests
inviting her to tea at Baker House. During tea, Andy blurts out the
real reason for the invitation and asks permission for them to go to
Montavia. She says in return the girls will write a paper about
monarchy in the modern times. PA is not super surprised to be
blindsided in this fashion. She gives her consent for the trip if
they all work ahead in their subjects and turn in the paper that Andy
proposed.
The next few weeks
pass in a flurry of preparations. The girls need passports and they
have extra schoolwork to do. They borrow formal dresses from
everyone in the dorm and then Andy's bridesmaid's dress arrives for a
fitting. There's no one there to measure or alter though so it's a
pretty poor excuse for a dress fitting. She just tries it on in her
room and worships her pink silk-covered reflection for awhile.
We time hop – and
country hop – and end up in Montavia for the royal wedding. The
girls have a four-hour train ride to get to the palace so they're
spending their time figuring out how to instruct Allegra into being a
good queen. Jane's brought a long a history book and discovered that
the first thing ancient monarchs did was drain the swamps to provide
more grazing ground for the peasants. So they put that first on the
list.
This is beyond
ridiculous, y'all.
We get a mini
history lesson on British monarchs and Shakespeare and I'm not even
sure how historically accurate it is but I can tell you it's
extremely tedious to read. Andy fills a page with notes but we
aren't told what she found so noteworthy in all of that other than
the swamp draining. Jane thinks maybe Allegra really wants them to
teach her something more personal. Jane volunteers to teach her how
to curtsy and use the correct fork.
She's freaking
kidding me, right?
Seriously, Jane, do
you think you know more about manners than a princess? I'm sorry but
these people have special instruction all their damn lives for this
stuff.
Andy and Toby don't
really have anything special they can teach Allegra either. Andy can
dance but not teach dancing and Allegra already knows how to ride a
horse. So they give this topic up and look out the windows at all
the quaint little villages rolling by.
Eventually they get
to the palace and are shown up to their suite. It's enormous with a
“sleeping room” a “sitting room” and a huge
bathroom. Allegra has arranged three beds in the same configuration
as the beds in 407 and she's even put a tea bag on the ceiling for
Toby. Home Sweet Home.
Allegra fills them
in about James. She seems ridiculously happy and in love. I'm sure
our protagonists will take care of that before long. Who can forget
what they did to Alison at her wedding? It's helps that the old crew
isn't here but I'm still banking on these girls causing major chaos.
Allegra asks for their help in queenly instruction and they tell her
to drain the swamps. She has a good laugh about that since there
aren't any swamps for thousands of miles and then hands them their
schedule of important events. Tea with a Grand Duchess is first on
the list and Allegra tells them they'll all be assigned “escorts”
for the events.
Y'all know what's
coming right? I predict a major case.
They go to the GD's
tea party and Jane is introduced to her escort for the events. His
name is Prince Armand and he's James' snotty little brother.
Jane offers her hand and he sniffs at it, telling her that “one
does not shake hands with royalty”. I love it when people
out-snoot Jane. Armand is not very happy with this whole royal wedding thing. He thinks the future queen should be from Almare and not Montavia.
Toby is introduced
to Allegra's cousin Andre and he raises horses so the two of
them are fast friends. Andy meets Ramad who is the crown
prince of some North African country. Andy is in love at first
sight which makes her the first victim
of the Cheater Fever. Someone pop a thermometer in her mouth and get her one of those paper masks so she doesn't infect the others. 😷
The next day, Ramad
sends Andy four dozen roses (red, pink, white, yellow) because he
couldn't decide what color she'd like best. She goes into a major
swoon but Toby pulls her back, reminding her that she's set to teach
Allegra and James how to waltz in an hour.
#MAJORbullshit
Allegra and James
as a legit princess and prince would know how to waltz.
Seriously. 😒
After Andy
“teaches” them to dance, the girls go to lunch. They give
Allegra more useless information on how to be a queen that she
doesn't need at all. What she really needs is advice on how to deal
with Armand who is making her and James both miserable. Jane
suggests they send him to another country to be a royal ambassador
and it might be the only useful thing Jane has ever said in her life.
Hey, it had to
happen at some point.
After lunch,
Allegra arranges for Fenster the butler dude to take the
roommates on a helicopter tour of the city. I have mega sympathy for
Fenster, y'all. I can't even imagine being trapped in a helicopter
with those three. Luckily, ghostie must not have been able to
imagine it either because she didn't bother writing about it at all.
We time-hop to
later that evening. The girls are dressed up and headed for the
palace in Almare (James' kingdom). Andy is worried whether Ramad
will like her dress or not because she's forgotten her two boyfriends in the States even exist. Jane is pissed about having to spend another evening
with Armand. Somehow it's become her job to keep him from insulting
other people which just makes me laugh hysterically because all Jane
does is insult other people.
Jane has her hands
full right from the beginning trying to smooth things over with
Armand and the rest of the country. He even manages to insult
Allegra's parents when they come to say hi. The King invites Armand
skeet shooting with a bunch of other royal people and Jane nearly has
a heart attack. She doesn't think Armand should be around people
armed with guns without her to act as a buffer so she quickly asks
the king if she can come along too.
Ramad finally shows
up and whisks Andy off her feet. The two go to share a romantic
interlude on the veranda or balcony or something. I forgot to pay
attention. Anyway, the girls have the next day free so Ramad
invites Andy to go skiing with him. Andy is worried that the
activity might end her dreams of being a dancer but Ramad gallantly
tells her he'll take no chances with her precious feet so she agrees.
Ugh. Why is Andy
so dramatic all the time??????????????
Meanwhile, Toby and
Andre are just hanging out like two people who have only met twice
actually would. They make small talk and watch the other people in
the room. Andre invites her to go horseback riding the next day and
she's happy to get the hell away from all the fancy people for awhile
so she accepts. I'm not calling this Cheater Fever because there's
no romance going on at all. These two are just being friendly.
We skip ahead to
the next day and the girls are all getting ready for their various
activities with their escorts. Toby is the easiest to dress because
she always travels with jeans and boots so she just throws those on
with a sweatshirt and she's ready to ride. Jane takes a little
longer because she doesn't even know what a person is supposed to
wear to shoot skeet. She ends up with a tweed skirt, cashmere
sweater and knee-high boots. I'm sure that's what everyone will be
wearing. #eyeroll Andy has nothing suitable to ski in so they call
for Fenster and he brings her some ski outfits from Allegra's closet.
Jane reminds Andy
before they leave that she has dance practice that afternoon and a
“dinner dance” whatever the fuck that is afterwards. She
warns Andy not to lose track of time so I'm sure that's exactly
what's going to happen. Jane realizes that Andy's watch is still set
for Massachusetts time (six hours different) but doesn't tell her. I
guess this is supposed to be foreshadowing but it really tests the
limits of my suspension of disbelief. Andy's been there for days at
this point and she's had to show up on time for some very important
things. Surely she's noticed her watch is off by now. And even if
she hasn't.....which is just hella dumb.....Ramad should know what
time it is. This has to be the dumbest set up for a “Canby Hall
Crises” that I've never seen and that's saying a lot with these
books.
We end up going
with Andy on her ski date first and it's....predictable. She's never
skied before but that #407magic is strong and she ends up being good
at it almost immediately. She spends most of the date talking about
herself and dancing which I'm sure fascinates Ramad to no end. She
finally gets around to asking him about himself but keep interrupting
him to tell him he's not telling her the parts she wants to hear and
at every opportunity she turns the conversation back to herself.
Ramad tells a story about the dogs he raises and Andy turns that into
a story about her sister Nancy. Ramad talks about his kingdom and
that instantly reminds Andy of a story about the restaurant. We all
know people like this and it's SO ANNOYING. Just let the man talk!!
The two eventually end up making out on the slopes because who the
hell cares that she has two other boyfriends?
#infectious
Andy waltzes into
the palace 45 minutes before the “dinner dance” and Jane is
incensed. She demands to know why Andy missed practice and Andy
tells her that she doesn't need to practice. Besides, she might not
do the performance at all. Ramad told her that women in his country would
never show so much of their bodies in public and that their beauty is
saved only for their husbands.
So Andy is
apparently ready to hand all her dreams over to a guy she's met
exactly three times. Nice.
That night the
older crowd is attending a dinner in Almare and the younger crowd is
having their own “dinner dance” in Montavia. Y'all
“dinner dance” is a stupid name for something. #justsayin' The ballroom is decorated like a disco because the ghosties on this
series are perpetually stuck in the 70's and everyone is wearing
“neon strings” somewhere on their bodies. Armand is remarkably
unstuffy for this occasion and Jane realizes he's kind of fun when
he's not trying to be so formal and proper.
Andre asks the
girls about Canby Hall and they launch into a huge monologue about
each book in the series. They really should have just passed him the
URL to this blog. It might have been faster. Andre and Armand enjoy
the stories and laugh along with the girls but Ramad gets more and
more serious. He asks Andy to dance with him and pulls her away from
the table. We don't get to hear what he said to her, if anything,
because the ghostie ends the chapter and skips to the next morning and never mentions it again.
Allegra stops by
the room to tell Andy that she'd like her to do a dance performance
during the rehearsal dinner that evening and that the ballroom will
be free for practice that morning since Andy missed her practice time
the day before. Andy tells her she can't practice because she has
plans to go hiking and have a picnic with Ramad and since she hasn't
danced since she arrived in the country, there's no way she can perform that
night. Jane and Toby are both shocked. Andy was so excited to be
doing a dance in front of all the royal people and they can't believe
she's punking out. Allegra is disappointed but understanding. She
tells Andy that the rehearsal starts at 1:30 and she can't be late.
This is where that
hella dumb watch thing is going to come into play, right? (((Note
from future me: Nope. It's as if the ghostie even forgot she
mentioned it. Ooops.)))
As soon as Allegra
leaves the room, Jane lays into Andy. She reminds Andy that Allegra
flew them halfway around the world so that Andy could dance for her
and be in the wedding. Now Andy is blowing her off constantly just
to be with Ramad. Andy tells her dramatically that she just doesn't
understand what being in love is.
Which. #accurate
The B Plot finally
reveals itself in the late morning when Allegra joins Jane and Toby
in their suite to hang out for a bit. She tells Jane that Armand has
been asking some odd questions and she thinks he's up to something.
Jane realizes that she made a huge error the night before by telling
Armand about the “pranks” Americans play at weddings (funny
toasts, tin cans on the cars, etc). They begin to plot how to head
Armand off at the pass so he can't make mischief at the wedding.
The wedding
rehearsal is fascinating to Jane and Toby but an ordeal for everyone
else. Royal Protocol experts from Montavia and Almare fight over
every little thing. The countries have different traditions and both
want to be the one represented and neither wants to share. During
the rehearsal, Toby notices that Armand keeps nervously pulling a
piece of paper out of his pocket and looking it over before putting
it back. She thinks it has something to do with whatever he has
planned and she's super nervous. Jane vows to get a look at it.
The opportunity
doesn't come until dinner. Jane asks Armand to dance, hoping to slip
her hand into his pocket or something. Sounds like something that
has #internationalincident written all over it to me. She doesn't
actually manage to stick her hands down his pants, but she does ask
him enough questions to determine that whatever he has planned will
happen during the reception. I mean clearly it's the toast thing.
Are these girls dense?
They try to enlist
Andy's help but she's in dreamland. She tells them that Ramad has
invited her to come to his country and meet his family. She thinks
he's ready to propose and she intends to accept and become a real
life princess. Jane and Toby think she's lost her fucking mind and I
NEVER thought I'd say this but......
#teamToby
#teamJane
That took a lot of
of me, y'all. I don't even know who I am anymore.
The wedding happens
the next day. The ceremony starts at 10:00am and goes off
beautifully. Afterwards there is a coronation where James is made
Crown Prince of Allegra's country (Montavia) and Allegra is made
Crown Princess of James' country (Almare). Eventually the two of
them will rule over both kingdoms. Somehow. It sounds hellishly
complicated. Then a church service is held and finally the groom is
allowed to kiss the bride.
During the limo
ride to the wedding breakfast, Jane manages to get a peek at the
piece of paper that Armand is so involved with. She sees the words
“Today is a dark day for the kingdom of Almare” and panics. She
knows that she has to prevent him from making the speech somehow.
The roommates get together and make a plan but we don't get to hear
what it is. I'm sure it will be brilliant because these girls are
from Room 407 and girls from Room 407 never fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#failproof
So the plan
consists of waiting until Armand stands for his toast and announces
he has a surprise and then Andy cues the orchestra and performs a
dance to music from Romeo and Juliet. It goes off without a hitch
and all the royal people at the wedding declare that they've never
seen a more talented dancer in their lives. #bullshit Armand is
praised for his “surprise” and all is well in the kingdom.
Naturally.
Ramad pulls Andy
aside during the reception. He tells her that in his country only
the men dance. Women are rarely seen in public. They do not speak
unless spoken to and never speak to another man. Andy is horrified.
Ramad tells her that a “woman is a flower which has blossomed
for her husband's pleasure.”
Yeah.
No.
Hell no.
Ramad declares his
love for a woman he's met exactly four times and Andy tells him she's
never felt this way for anyone ever before.
#fuckMatt
#fuckSteve
But then she tells him she can't marry
him and be his private blossom. He says he'd hoped she'd give up
everything and marry him – despite the fact that he's already
fucking betrothed to someone in his own country – but maybe they
can be friends. He's planning to go to the Kennedy School of
Government at Harvard so they can see each other in Massachusetts
sometime.
I can't believe
that the fever spread outside of Canby Hall and infected a crown
prince. That's some serious contagion, y'all. 😷
The roommates go to
Allegra's room to watch her get out of her gown and into her
traveling clothes. I guess she likes an audience? {{{shrug}}} She thanks them for teaching her about friendship and loyalty
without strings. #gag
The book ends with
the girls returning to Canby Hall and talking about the subject of
the paper they owe PA. They decide to do it on Friendship and
Loyalty since they are such experts in the subject. I mean, it was
assigned to be a paper on the modern monarchy but what the fuck ever,
amirite? You know PA will be bowled over by it because Room 407 is
#failproof.
And that's that. I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to keep #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes in this book. I feel......incomplete.
The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I'm going to give this to Jane, y'all, and I feel like I'm going to have to have intensive therapy to get over it. She did a masterful job of managing Armand even though she hated every minute of it and she did it solely so Allegra could have a good wedding. That was pretty self-sacrificing. AND SHE DIDN'T CHEAT ON CARY!!!
The Bitch of Baker House Award: I guess this goes to Armand. I know he doesn't live in Baker House but who the hell cares? He was awful the entire book and it pissed me off having to even read his snobby attitude.
Coming Up Next: Andy has a secret admirer. #fuckMatt #fuckSteve
And that, dear readers, was recap #100!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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