A Roommate Returns (Book 29) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Shelley has come back!

From the Back of the Book: Is an ex-roommate about to become a new star?  Former 407 roommate Shelley Hyde has come back to Canby Hall - to invite Toby, Andy and Jane to the opening night of a play in Boston.  Shelley has a part in it, and it could be her big break!  But things don't turn out the way Shelley planned, and she ends up staying on at Canby Hall with a bad case of the blues.  Then a foot injury threatens Andy's plans to be a ballerina, and Shelley has to lose her blues to help.  Because no matter how far away from Canby Hall a roommate goes, the rules of friendship she learns there never change.

This book was written in 1988 and I've never read it before. I don't particularly want to read it now. I don't think I've dreaded a book this much since “Something Old, Something New” or whatever it was called. I seriously can't stand Shelley. She gives me hives.

The ghostie for this book is Lucille Warner. She hasn't appeared yet in this series and a quick Goodreads search only turned up a couple of Wildfire books. Wildfire was a teen romance series so maybe we'll get some nice romantic moments with our characters. {{snort}}

There's nothing particularly noteworthy about this cover. Jane seems to be the focus as usual.  I don't know where the rest of Andy's body went.  She looks hollow.  She's also the same height as Toby again which means the ghostie in The Roommate and the Cowboy is a lying liar who lies.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Jane celebrated her sweet 16 with a strand of heirloom pearls and a $300 check from her mumsy. She took her friends on a sailing/picnic trip where she lost her pearls in cake batter and unknowingly baked them into the cake. There was a lot of general panic when they were discovered missing and instead of fessing up she tried to lie her way out of it as usual. There was also a B Plot where Cary nearly missed a gig due to being grounded but the 407 girls saved the day with a money tree.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Gigi.  She was only mentioned in passing last book and not at all this book so I fear she might be under the dirt.  And our homegirl Laura Lee is most definitely fertilizer by this point.  They never even mention her.  I fear a resurrection is not in the stars for her.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee

Risen From the Tulip Bed: We had a huge exodus from the tulip bed this book.  Allegra was mentioned more than once.  PA (head bitch in charge) finally made an appearance toward the end of the book.  Randy and Penny both had actual dialogue again!  I have to say, I missed Randy, y'all.  He is just always so nice and these books often need a huge dose of niceness.

We begin with our protagonists spending Sunday morning eating their way through one of Andy's care packages. Andy is in a good mood. She and Matt spent the evening before walking and talking through town and she's still feeling the romantic glow. Toby is in a good mood. She's getting ready to head to Randy's house to ride Maxine. It's the horse, people. Get your minds out of the gutter. Jane is NOT in a good mood. I know that's shocking. She has to spend the day doing Geometry homework with Maggie. For once, I feel Jane. That's a crap way to spend a day.

A voice at the door breaks into their conversation and it's none other than Shelley-the-drama-llama. She's wearing a head-to-toe bright orange outfit like she's planning on going hunting with Dick Cheney or something. They invite her in and she asks if they're “pozz” because she doesn't want to interrupt them. If I had a gun I'd shoot her myself for using the word “pozz” as if it exists.

Shelley swoops in and starts rhapsodizing dramatically about her Canby Hall days. She tells them about the Tab can pyramid that used to be on the window sill and how glorious her “forever friends” are and how someday they'll realize that these are the golden days. She's extremely condescending to all three girls at once and it's ridiculous and irritating. I'm the only one allowed to talk to them like that, bitch.

P.S. In THIS book Andy's bedspread is a “modern print” in “warm tones”.

They finally ask her what the hell she's doing there and she dramatically tells them: “Tomorrow is the first day of the beginning of my life!” Toby is internally rolling her eyes just as hard as the rest of us and that reminds me of why I am always (except that one book we shall not mention) #teamToby. Shelley tells them that she's starting a play in Boston the next morning and it's her first big break. She wanted to visit Room 407 one last time before she skyrockets into stardom. Shelley's a little hard to take this early in the day, y'all.

Shelley goes on and on and on. Finally Toby just tells her goodbye and leaves the room. Jane ends up leaving soon after to do her Geometry homework. As much as I like to warn everyone to keep #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes since she's Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister, I think Jane made the better choice here. Andy is left with Shelley but she really doesn't mind. She feels a kinship with the other girl since they're both artistic and ambitious. They wander around campus so that Shelley can relive the first half of the series for Andy who didn't get to read it since she was working at the Rib Shack so often.

The next day Toby gets a letter from Neal. He'll be in town that weekend to look at a horse that's going to be at Randy's ranch. Toby is surprised that Neal wants to look at a horse since he's afraid of horses and this confuses Jane. She and Neal were once a couple and she's known him all her life and she's fairly certain he isn't afraid of horses at all.

Jane muses a bit after that. She admits to herself that although she and Neal were once “romantic friends”, he never felt for Jane what he seems to feel for Toby. Then she thinks of Beau, the cowboy she met while visiting Toby's ranch, and wonders if Toby and Neal feel the same passion for each other as Jane and Beau.

Um.

Excuse me?

Did this ghostie not get the CARY memo? Jane isn't dating Beau. I know that smug asshole is showing back up in the next book and I'm sure they told the ghostie she had to work a mention of him in here somewhere but this was not the place to do it. Jane should have been thinking about her actual boyfriend here.

We take an abrupt hop to Saturday because the ghostie can't make a school week sound interesting. What is she a magician? Neal arrives at Baker House to pick up Toby. They have a sweet but rather awkward kiss and Neal actually says “Gee it's good to see you.” It's so wholesome it squeaks. Jane interrupts because she thinks the world can't turn without her help. She's suddenly remembered she has an actual boyfriend named Cary and she invites Toby and Neal to join her at one of his gigs that evening. They agree.

Toby and Neal head for Randy's ranch. She sees a pair of riding boots in the back of the car and asks him who they belong to. He tells her that they're his and she gets angry. She can't believe he isn't actually afraid of horses like she thought and seems to feel betrayed by this. They get to the barn and Randy brings out a horse with a funny saddle. Neal explains its a dressage horse and he wants to explain to Toby how to ride it. Toby won't listen to him. She jumps on and tries to get the horse to move. It doesn't respond to any of her commands. Neal continues to try to get her to listen to him but she refuses, getting angrier and more embarrassed. She finally dismounts and goes running to his car to pout.

Here we go again.

Another ghostie out to kill Toby. Sigh.

#saveToby #ghostieassassin

I might be inclined to give the ghostie the benefit of the doubt here - Toby is VERY proud of her skills on a horse and doesn't like to be told how to do something she's done all her life - BUT the ghostie went hugely overboard on Toby's rude and sulky behavior.  It just isn't true to the character and, therefore, an assassination attempt.

Neal drives Toby back to the dorm and they meet Jane and Cary coming out. Cary asks her how Barnaby (the horse) was and Toby realizes that he must have heard about the horse from Jane and Jane clearly heard about it from Neal. She sees Neal and Jane talking quietly beside the car and instantly gets super suspicious and jealous. She just knows that Neal hates her and he's going to get back with Jane the next time she randomly forgets about Cary.....which happens every other chapter. She leaves them all standing there and races back into the dorm.

#saveToby #ghostieassassin

We now skip ahead to Wednesday. The girls from 407 and Merrie (current housekeeper who can't decide how she spells her name) are headed to Boston to see the opening night of Shelley's play. How good can this play possibly be if it's opening on a Wednesday night? The theater is tiny and the girls are secretly disappointed. Andy reads the little blurb about Shelley in the program and notes that it says “attended” college rather than “is attending”.

The play gets underway and Andy thinks Shelley is awesome but the play itself is awful. It doesn't seem to make much sense and the dialogue is very stilted. At the end of the play, everyone agrees that Shelley was the only good thing about it. Because of course she was. She may not be a current resident of Room 407 but even past residents must be worshipped by the entire universe at all times and always be the best at anything they undertake.

#thestinkofadorationdoesn'twashoffsoeasily

Afterwards the entire cast goes to a restaurant to await the reviews on TV. Do they really expect us to believe that this tiny production in a tiny theater on a Wednesday night is being covered by the media outlets?

Shelley invites Merrie and the girls to join her. While they're there, everyone makes a huge point of telling them how talented Shelley is. It's ridiculous. The reviews come in and they're horrific. The director stands up and announces that the play will be closing. There will be no second performance. Shelley looks stunned. Merrie and the girls quietly leave at the advice of one of the veteran actors. As they walk out, Jane and Toby talk about how awful the play was and Andy suddenly starts screaming at them to shut up. She says that could be her someday.

We bounce ahead to Saturday morning now. We're really eating through time in this book.  Randy's going to be 30 by the time it ends.  Toby goes out to the ranch to ride Maxine. While she's there, she and Randy talk about Barnaby. Toby can tell Randy is disappointed in how she behaved while Neal was there and she ends up apologizing to him and admitting she was just embarrassed that she couldn't ride the horse. He's kind to her but basically lets her know she was definitely in the wrong.  

Later she and Jane also have a confrontation about the previous weekend. Jane tells her how hurt Neal was by her refusal to listen to him about Barnaby and her sullen attitude afterwards. Toby is stubborn for a few minutes, insisting she didn't do anything wrong but eventually the facade cracks and the real Toby shines through. She says she'll write to Neal immediately and make things right.

Ah.  The ghostie read the rest of the series and realized Toby isn't an asshole.  Yay! 

#Tobyisredeemed

The 407 girls overhear Shelley and Merrie talking in the penthouse and use the opportunity to remind everyone how amazing Alison was and how Merrie could never ever fill her shoes no matter how hard she tries. Poor Merrie. It's hard to follow a paragon like Alison. Shelley tells Alison that she can't go back home. Her boyfriend Paul is mad at her. Her parents are mad at her. She's dropped out of college. She has nowhere to go. Alison says she can stay temporarily in the room that they fixed up for Princess Allegra all those books ago and it was a nice shock to see a ghostie actually using some continuity. But shouldn't they be consulting PA about this? Does PA even still exist? We haven't heard from her since Help Wanted.

Toby is less than thrilled that Shelley will be under the same roof and this isn't even her being a brat. Shelley is just awful. Andy yells at her for it and Toby reasonably replies that you don't have to like everyone. She's not going to be mean to Shelley but she's also not going to pretend to be Shelley's best friend.

#teamToby

Sunday morning there's a meeting in 407. Dee and Maggie attend and Penny digs herself out of the tulip bed to show up as well. No one seems to mind the giant clumps of dirt falling out of her hair. You'd think they'd ask her what life was like under the earth but, no, they're focused on planning a party for Shelley.  They decide to make her the guest of honor at the Maple Syrup Day that Canby has every year. I guess we're just accepting now that the 407 girls make decisions for the entire student body. {{{Sigh.}}}

Penny makes a personalized invitation and the girls slip it under Shelley's door. She's not thrilled to have it. She tells them that she's too old for such idiocy and she doesn't want to do anything with them and she wants them to leave her alone. Everyone is stunned. Penny calls her a baby and Andy screams at her to stop being mean and bursts into sobs.

What the hell is wrong with Andy in this book? Projecting much?

All three girls independently come up with ways to cheer Shelley up. Jane decides to invite her to Boston for the weekend. Toby arranges with Randy to take Shelley out in a horse and buggy. Andy takes her a care package and a pep talk. Shelley is rude to all of them. She keeps dramatically repeating that her life is over and she has nothing to live for. She rebuffs Andy's care package, refuses Jane's invitation and tells Toby that if she wanted to go riding with Randy she'd just ask him herself because they dated once or something. I don't even remember. I blocked it out.

We leave the A plot for a bit and return to the B plot of Toby/Barnaby/Neal. Neal has sent Toby a padded envelope stuffed with something and she's convinced that he's so mad that he's returning every letter she ever wrote him. She can't bring herself to open it. When she finally does, it's a book about dressage riding. Well played, Neal.

We hop to Saturday morning again. I'm pretty sure an entire month has passed in this book. Which makes it even weirder that Shelley is still there. Toby has read the book but doesn't really understand it. Still, she resolves to go out to the ranch and meet Barnaby properly. When she gets there, Randy tells her that Barnaby is being exercised. It turns out that Neal is out with him. She can't help noticing how "elegant" and "gorgeous" he looks in the saddle. Nothing like the cowboys she's used to. This time when Neal offers to show her a few things, she listens and finds that she enjoys it. She doesn't think she wants to make dressage a big part of her life, but it's interesting and she feels proud of herself for learning to do it.

Toby and Neal spend the day together and then get burgers in town. And the B plot wraps itself up very nicely. I'm a little disappointed to have it finished. That means we have to go back to the A plot unless the ghostie is going to throw a C plot at us.

The C plot hits us right in the face on Sunday morning. Andy is dancing around the room when she does some dance-y thing and lands on her foot wrong. She ends up in a cast with a fractured foot bone. That's the technical term, ya know. PA reemerges from the tulips to personally tuck her in. Andy ends up spending the rest of the week in the infirmary for some reason that's not fully explained.  (Note from future me: I finally figured out the reason.  There's no elevator in Baker House and she can't climb the stairs safely on crutches.  That would never fly today.  The dorm would have to be handicap accessible.)  She is pretty carefree outwardly, saying that dancers get hurt and have to know how to rehab but secretly she worries about her foot healing properly.

Jane receives a bunch of boxes from a fancy riding store in Boston. It turns out Neal has sent Toby a “proper” riding outfit. Toby thinks Neal is wonderful for doing it but can't possibly accept such fancy things from him. She sends them back with a nice note.

Meanwhile back at the infirmary, Andy is now convinced that her career as a dancer is over and she falls into a deep depression. Gee, do you think Shelley and Andy are going to “cure” each other? Ugh.

Andy refuses to do any of her physical therapy exercises and barely gets out of bed.

Wait.

She's out of her cast already and doing PT?  It's been A WEEK.  Who breaks a bone in their foot and is cast free doing PT in a week?

In frustration, Toby and Jane collect quarters from everyone in Baker House and they call her parents. Her dad immediately flies out to Canby. He brings an entire rib dinner with him (somehow) and the 407 girks, the 409 girls, Matt and the nurse from infirmary all settle in for a feast. Mr Cord tries to get Andy to dance but she tells him she's accepted that she'll never be a dancer and that's that.

I actually have a super hard time believing that her parents didn't fly out without being called.  They are overprotective and overbearing where Andy is concerned.  There's no way they heard that she was injured and didn't rush to see her.  #bullshit

Later, Shelley overhears everyone taking about what a shame it is that Andy has given up on her dream for no reason and she heads for the infirmary to heal Andy with some of that 407 magic. Shelley gives Andy a pep talk and just like that everything is fine again. Both Shelley and Andy are cured of their blues and both encouraged that they'll soon reach their dreams. I know I'm making it sound like it happened very fast. It did. It resolved in TWO PARAGRAPHS, y'all.

Ridiculous.

Shelley apologizes to everyone and all's well that ends well.

The ghostie gives me a little treat with her last sentence.

“As Andy snuggled under her comforter and Jane and Toby got ready for bed and Lights Out, their hearts felt warm with the feeling of friendship and harmony and love and respect that filled every corner of their room, Room 407, Baker House, Canby Hall.”

Pure cheese. Love ya, ghostie!!

I have to say I felt really bad for Merrie in this book.  The constant Alison-worship was a little hard to take.  She was mentioned more times than Cary, PA, Penny and Dee combined.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Wow. Guys. Hold on to your socks because I'm about to blow them right the fuck off. Jane. Jane was the least annoying person in this book. How the hell did that happen? Is the sky still blue? Do pigs still have four legs? Someone hold me. I'm scared.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Shelley-the-drama-llama. Hands-down. No contest. She was awful from start to finish and she made this book hellish to read. 

Coming Up Next: Beau from Texas arrives for a surprise visit. I wonder how long it will take Jane to forget she has a boyfriend who loves her more than she deserves?

Happy Birthday, Jane (Book 28) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Jane is sixteen!  (Wow, they put a lot of thought into that one.)

From the Back of the Book: Who ever thought a birthday could be so much trouble?  First the girls of 407 have to decide the best way to celebrate Jane's birthday.  Should it be an evening at a French restaurant?  An afternoon at a baseball game?  A picnic?  A sailing trip?  Then they have to organize it, choose the right presents, and invite the right guests.  And what about the cake and ice cream?  But just when everything is working perfectly, something happens that makes Jane wish she'd never heard of special birthday celebrations  Can Toby and Andy save Jane's birthday from disaster?

This book was published in 1988 and it's my first time reading it. The ghost writer for this book is Elizabeth Spurr who hasn't come up in this series before. A Goodreads search of her name brought up mostly children's books.

The cover is pretty typical. There's actually 16 candles on the cake, so good job, cover artist. Why is Jane holding her necklace out like that though? It seems really strange. And what happened to Toby? She looks like a different person entirely. I would also like to point out that Andy is taller than Toby here. Last book the ghostie told us that Andy barely came up to Toby's chin. Maybe she's standing on Jane's ego here. No......she'd be much taller if that was the case. P.S. Are those deer hoof prints on the side of that cake???????????????

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy and Jane flew out to Texas for a couple of weeks to visit Toby on her ranch. Andy was a great houseguest and made the most of her time there but Jane was bored and condescending. Jane met a cowboy named Beau that made her tremble inside and she promptly forgot all about Cary. Andy made an atrocious dinner and ran away when everyone decided to eat PBJ instead. She got lost in the wilderness and almost eaten by a snake but was saved just in the nick of time.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Penny, y'all. She was completely missing from this book. As was PA and RANDY. Yikes. These were heavy casualties.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gigi has rejoined the land of the living. At least that's what Toby would have us believe. She mentions beating Gigi at tennis but we never actually see her, so it could be totally fabricated to cast suspicion elsewhere.

We begin back in room 407 at Canby Hall. Jane's woken up by the phone which only works when it's convenient to the plot. Her 16^th birthday is coming up and her mom wants her to bring some friends to Boston for the weekend to celebrate at the Country Club. Jane thinks the Country Club is too proper and stuffy for most of her friends and she tells her mother she'd rather celebrate at Canby instead. You know.....because Canby is the greatest place on earth. #fuckDisney Jane's mom is disappointed but offers to send Jane a $300 check so Jane can throw the party of her choice. She's also sending an “appropriate” gift. My prediction? That necklace she's cradling so oddly on the cover.

We get our basic info about the girls and the room. You know.....Jane steals souls from newborn babies, Andy hides the bodies of her rivals in the meatloaf at the Rib Shack and Toby turns invisible whenever someone tries to take a cover picture. As usual, the descriptions of Jane's side of the room and Toby's side of the room are extremely consistent (antique, rainbow). Andy's side is now described as having a diagonal striped, earth-toned bedspread. For those keeping count, so far Andy's bedspread has somehow been geometric-patterned, striped, checked, diagonal striped and plaid. GET IT TOGETHER, GHOSTIES!

We hear from Toby next. She's been out practicing tennis. She's hoping to make the team this year. That was a nice bit of continuity. Someone in the ghostie camp remembered Toby's failure to make the team the year before. #goGhostie!

Jane asks Toby and Andy for help planning her party. Thirty minutes pass with zero ideas. Jane thinks an afternoon in New York would be fun. Andy suggests Coney Island and Toby suggests the Bronx Zoo. Neither of those are what Jane had in mind. {delicate sniff} She was thinking museum and opera. Andy wonders how that would be less proper and stuffy than the country club idea Jane's mom had. Jane says they should go to the diner to ask Cary what he thinks.

Cary is in a good mood because Ambulance was hired to play some school's homecoming. What do you want to bet that it's the same day as Jane's birthday? I guess we'll have to wait and see. The girls tell him about the $300 birthday party. He suggests they all go to a rock concert which Jane promptly turns down.

Matt approaches the table. They tell him about the $300 birthday party. He suggests renting a sail boat and packing a picnic lunch. To be honest, this sounds awesome to me. On my 16^th birthday I had a picnic with my friends and we went to the zoo. They all like Matt's idea but none of them know how to sail.

I bet Neal does.

Actually I know Neal does. He was in some sailing competition early in the series, right? Back when he was still dating Jane.

Jane wants a fancy dinner which Matt, Andy and Toby veto. Jane gets pissed and says it's her birthday and it should be her choice. That's valid. I hate it when I have to admit Jane's being valid. Cary says they should all pretend to love what she comes up with even if they hate it because it's her day. #hearthands He's way too good for this evil bitch.

Finally they decide to put their choices on slips of paper and draw from a hat. To further cement my love for him, Cary writes down the name of Jane's fancy restaurant as his choice. #swoon He just wants her to be happy and he doesn't care what he has to do for that to happen. #emancipateCary

Jane draws a slip. It's “sailing”.

Neal, who does indeed know how to sail, is promptly pressed into service. He has a friend who rents out a yacht when he's not using it so they're all set. Toby checks a book on sailing out of the library and gives herself a crash course. I amuse myself by imagining a Gilligan's Island moment.

There's about four pages of sailing terms here. They're just throwing them around at each other with no real purpose. I would recap it but I really don't care. Toby's been envisioning herself impressing Neal by being a sailing savant but I really don't see that happening.

Jane's present arrives and it is, indeed, the pearl necklace seen on the front cover. More or less. It had belonged to her great-grandmother and Jane bursts into happy tears at the sight of it. It's one of those rare moments where I don't hate Jane and those are very rare, my friends. Jane puts on the necklace and and is surprised when it slides right back off. It turns out there's a safety catch on the clasp that she didn't fasten. I'm sure this won't turn out to be a plot point or anything.

Neal arrives and they go shopping for party food. The boat rental is $150 so they have $150 to spend on food. Jane realizes she forgot to order a cake but Andy says they can bake one on the boat in the galley. You know......because they've proven themselves to be such great cooks in previous books. They end up spending all but $25 of the food money.

When Jane gets back home, she calls her mother to thank her for the pearls. Her mother tells her to lock them in Merrie's safe and only wear them on special occasions. Jane doesn't want to lock them away. No one in Baker House would ever steal (except for all the times that someone already HAS) and besides, her 16^th birthday is the most special of the special occasions. I'm sure nothing will go terribly, horribly wrong here. You people are such cynics.

The day of the party dawns. Jane is wearing her pearls. They've brought along a ton of food, several coolers and different activities (baseball things, a badminton set, fishing poles, music, guitars, volleyball set, bbq, etc etc). They really have to squeeze to get all six of them in the car. It's a three hour ride to where the boat is docked and they're supposed to be there by 11:00.

They manage to reach the boat without incident. It's a 36 footer and everyone except Neal is a little nervous about handling a boat that size. Unfortunately the kitchen is much smaller than they anticipated and they brought so much food that they have to pile some of it on the beds. Neal suggests they eat lunch before they set sail to free up a little room.

After they eat, they set sail. Neal is in charge and he does it well. When they get out into open waters he lets Toby take a turn at the helm. She thinks it's just like riding a horse and she hopes Neal will see how competent she is. Andy goes below to make Jane's birthday cake and Jane soon follows. She sees Andy putting in foil wrapped parcels and asks what they are. Andy tells her they're special surprises. If you get the the ring you'll soon be married. If you get the dime you'll have fortune. Etc Etc. I'm just hoping the ring is heat resistant. Are you really supposed to bake those things?

Andy is just pouring the batter into the pan when Matt calls her upstairs to help them adjust the sails. She asks Jane to smooth the batter out and put the cake in the oven. Jane takes a minute to make sure the ring is in the center of the cake. She wants Cary to get that piece so he can give the ring to Jane and it will be super romantic. While she's holding the cake pan, there's a shout from above. Cary has fallen overboard. Then the boat lurches and Jane ends up face-planting in the cake batter.

Hmmmmmmmm. Do you think she just lost her pearls in the cake batter? Because I think she did. There's going to be a huge panic over them being missing and then someone will find them in their piece of cake. #prediction

By the time Jane gets herself cleaned up and the cake in the oven, Cary has been rescued and all is well. Toby is sitting to the side looking embarrassed and tragic and Jane surmises that she had something to do with Cary's little swim. Cary takes it all like a champ though. He laughs at himself for getting dunked and makes it sound like it was all his idea. He's so very, very sweet y'all.

Neal takes over sailing again and soon they are all sorted out. Toby beats herself up over losing control of the boat. She plays the “what if” game for awhile. What if Cary had suffered a concussion? What if he'd been knocked unconscious and drowned? I'll answer those for you, Tobes. I WOULD END YOU. There. Now you know. It's always better to know than to wonder.

Cary gets out his guitar and starts to tune it. Toby thinks maybe she should take a few pictures to preserve the moment....and to distract herself from wondering if some middle-aged suburban recap blogger is going to sneak up behind her with a pipe wrench. When she searches for the camera, it's missing. Jane says she set it on the deck earlier and Toby is terrified that it might have slid off into the water when she had her little “incident”.

They make it to the campground where they plan to dock for awhile only to find out that they aren't allowed to dock there at all. Neal decides to anchor the boat on the other side of the river and swim back across to the shore. For reasons that elude me, everyone else decides to do this too. They unload all the things they need to eat and play and then sail back across the river to anchor. They discover they forgot to unload the cake so Neal ends up swimming one handed across the river while holding the cake up about his head with the other arm.

#bullshit

That cake would definitely be soggy if this was the real world.

They eat (catfish and steaks and salad and potatoes and corn and mushrooms and bread and frozen pizzas and pasta salad and antipasta salad and fruit salad and on and on and on) and them make some s'mores around the campfire. The 407 girls decide to put together s'mores to take back to the rest of Baker House. They figure the girls can heat them up with their hair dryers.

I......I guess this would work......theoretically. Now I'll have to try it sometime. Thanks, ghostie.

After eating enough to kill them all, they bring out gifts. Cary recorded his infamous song that he serenaded Jane with in the early days of the series. Matt and Andy give her a journal. Neal gives her a picture frame and Toby gives her a cactus. Jane says she loves them all. I don't believe her. They all decide to lay down and have a nap before heading back.

It's not until they are back on the boat later that Jane notices her pearls are gone.

They do a thorough search while Jane sobs in a bunk. No pearls. Jane decides that someone stole them off her neck while she was sleeping because that's better than her losing them. How did someone steal pearls from around her fucking neck without waking her up? Your guess is as good as mine.

To further add to the drama, the wind goes away completely and the battery on the ship is dead. All they can do is drift with the current. Neal says they have two choices: try to drift out into the ocean and hope they catch wind there or try to drift toward the shore where hopefully they can get help. I think they pick the shore but the ghostie doesn't come right out and say.

Drifting is slow and since the battery is dead, they have no power. They play Scrabble by candlelight. Everyone but Neal is worried about making it back to the dorms in time. The girls have to be in by midnight and the boys have to be back by 2:00am. If Cary is late, he'll be restricted to campus the following weekend and unable to play his big Homecoming gig. Oh yeah. I guess I was wrong about the timing of that one. One failed prediction but I stand by the pearls in the cake.

Eventually the Coast Guard rescues them by jumping the battery and they all safely return to their respective schools. Well....I don't really know where Neal is staying. A hotel maybe? Ghostie never said.

The next morning Jane's mother calls. They're going to be in town earlier than expected and she wants to have lunch with Jane at the diner and then spend the afternoon with her before having supper and heading home. Jane is determined to hide the fact that the pearls are missing. She calls Cary because he'll be working at the diner and she wants to make sure he won't rat her out. Cary doesn't think lying to her parents is a very good idea and he encourages her to tell them the truth. Jane flippantly says the pearls will turn up and she doesn't want to worry her parents over nothing. She begs Cary to play along and he finally says he will but he doesn't like it. Before they hang up, he tells her that he hopes she'll never lie to him just to keep him from worrying.

Oh, snap.

Did a ghostie just set up a future book? Has that ever happened before?

Go, Elizabeth Spurr!

Jane goes back to the room and bitches about Cary not falling all over himself to lie to her parents. Andy isn't very sympathetic. She doesn't think Jane should be lying to her parents either. Jane repeats that the necklace will turn up because she “wished very hard” on her 16^th birthday which fell on the 16^th of September. Andy is doubtful. Jane wants Andy to join her for lunch to lend moral support but Andy doesn't want to be part of all this and refuses. Jane has a fit but Andy puts on a leotard and leaves the room.

Suck on that, Jane.

Jane goes sobbing to Dee that all of her friends have deserted her and don't care about her at all.

I hate Jane.

Dee and Maggie both offer to let her borrow a strand of pearls to try to fool her parents with. Jane picks Dee's because she's afraid Maggie's might be poisoned (#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes). Actually, she picks Dees because they're graduated like the real pearls were. I think this is a really stupid plan. Those pearls have been in her family for generations. Her parents aren't going to be fooled by $6 pearls from a swap meet.

Jane's plan is to wear Dee's pearls with a button-up shirt at lunch. The pearls will mostly be hidden by the neckline. She's banking on the fact that her mother won't want to look too closely which seems dumb to me. Then she's going to claim that Merrie was gone before dinner and she couldn't get them back out of the safe to wear again.

That afternoon, Toby touches base with Jane and asks her how lunch went. Jane says it was fine. Cary was amazing, serving their hamburgers in the fanciest way possible with radish roses and carrot curlicues. #hearthands Jane is sure she fooled her mother with the fake pearls but then her mother shows up unexpectedly and demands to see them.

Jane fesses up and goes for a walk with her mother. Her mother tells her this long story about how she once damaged an heirloom watch and lied to her parents about it. In the end, she glosses over the loss of the pearls and says they aren't important because the family will always have love.

Sure.

I buy that.

That's how things happen in the real world. This ghostie really has her finger on the pulse of realistic reactions.

That night there's a surprise “un-birthday” party for Jane in Merrie's room and they finally get around to eating that cake. Dee finds the ring and will thus be the first engaged. Toby finds a key and will have success and fame. Andy is clearly jealous of this and Toby hands it over without hesitation because she's just an awesome person. Jane finds the dime and will have wealth which everyone finds super hilarious. Maggie finds the pearls in her piece.

I CALLED THAT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane calls Cary to tell him the good news and he's happy for her. She can tell something is wrong, though, and asks him about it. He says he's on restriction the next weekend because of coming in late and he won't be able to play the Homecoming gig. Not only will they get a reputation for backing out on their gigs, but they won't get the promised $200 to go toward recording their first single.

The next day a letter from Neal arrives. Which is pretty damn amazing since he just left the day before. The post office moves fast in Massachusetts. Inside the letter is a check made out to Jane. It turns out the owner of the boat felt responsible for the dead battery so he refunded their rental fee. Jane cashes the check and asks for $1 bills. She clips the money to a small tree she gets from a greenhouse and then sends it up to Cary's dorm room to make up for the money they lost.

Okay. This is the second time in a single book that I don't hate Jane and I find it SUPER disconcerting. This can't go on.

When the dorm monitor hears why Cary was late, he lifts the restriction and Cary is able to go to the gig after all. Because that's how life works in this series, people. Just go with it.

In the end, Ambulance arrives at Homecoming just as everyone is leaving because the replacement band is horrible. They save the dance with their super cool awesome music and immediately get booked for three more gigs. JANE AND THE GIRLS FROM 407 SAVE THE DAY AGAIN WITH THEIR MAGICAL MONEY TREE!!!!!!!!!

It ends without a super cheesy line and I'm weirdly disappointed.

I feel like this book was completely useless. Nothing important happened. There was no character growth. It was a throwaway.

Also, the cover LIES. It's a lying liar who lies! At no point was Jane wearing those pearls when blowing out the candles. THEY WERE BAKED INSIDE THE CAKE!!!! Seriously, do the artists even try?

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This could go to several people but I'm going to mix it up and give it to Neal. He just seems like a really good friend and boyfriend in this book. Plus he has some kind of magical mail powers that allow him to send a letter across the state in less than 12 hours. That's pretty impressive.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This is pretty shocking but there really wasn't one. This was such a non-book. Jane is the only one even in consideration but it's kind of hard to give it to her when she gave Cary a money tree.

Coming up Next: Shelley-the-drama-llama is on her way back to Canby Hall!

The Roommate and the Cowboy (book 27) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: This is something they never expected!

From the Back of the Book: Who would ever think Jane would feel so at home on the range?  Life on Toby's Texas ranch isn't exactly what Andy and Jane expected - Texas is so big.  And hot.  And Toby's father isn't used to having three teenage girls around.  When Jane meets a handsome young cowboy who keeps teasing her about her city ways, things get more complicated.  Toby wants her roommates to enjoy their visit - but it's beginning to look like the only thing they will enjoy is leaving!  Will she ever be able to make Andy and Jane understand just how wonderful her home on the range can be?

I feel like this blurb is unfair to Andy who was a very gracious house guest.

This book was published in 1988 and it's another one I haven't read. I'm starting to wonder if I stopped at Princess Who or something. I really don't remember any of the ones after. Lynn Zednick is the ghostie this time around. You might remember her from But She's So Cute. I did a quick skim to refresh my memory about Ms Zednick's writing. She had a tendency to have her characters repeat themselves a bit too much but otherwise she was pretty unexceptional – not awful but not great.

My hopes that Toby would get a cover were clearly dashed. There's Jane. Again. AND SHE'S CHEATING ON CARY!!!! I curse her with the fire of a thousand suns. Also, why is she wearing a prom dress when everyone else seems to be in jeans and western shirts? This makes no sense already.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, our intrepid girls remained at Canby Hall for the first month of summer break for reasons that are 100% unexplained. They needed summer jobs and pretended to have a decorating firm in order to land a job renovating a house while it's occupants were on vacation. They were to do yardwork, painting, stair repair, carpet cleaning and clean/decorate a sun porch. Things went miserably, naturally, since these girls are qualified to do NONE of those things. Jane and Cary fight. Jane and Andy fight. Jane and the water pipes fight. Penny selflessly gave up the first month of her summer vacation to help (for no pay or recognition) and Jane ended up contracting out the work to some Canby employees who needed extra cash. They made very little profit but who cares because they're such great friends!!!! #hearthands

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: I'm not sure we can do this one, y'all. This book takes place during summer vacation so pretty much everyone is missing.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Ditto.

We begin with Toby in Texas. It's August which means summer break is nearly over by this time. She's feeling oddly restless considering she's in her favorite place on earth. We also meet her father (name currently unavailable) who seems nice and a ranch hand named Abe who lives in the bunk house. Toby misses Andy and Jane and just the general activity of Canby Hall. She didn't think she'd ever get used to the school, but now that she has, the ranch feels boring.

We hop into Jane's head briefly. She's discontent at home and missing Canby Hall. Then we land in Andy's head for a page and a half. She's working the lunch rush at her parents' restaurant and she, too, is Canby Hall-sick.

Well it makes perfect sense because Canby Hall is the most magical place on the face of the earth. #fuckDisney

Back with Toby, her dad has noticed that she seems down. He suggests that she invite Andy and Jane down to the ranch for a couple of weeks so they can watch her compete in the barrel racing contest at the rodeo. Toby is excited and runs to call them. Andy is first and she isn't sure her parents will want her to go. They've barely seen her that summer and they are counting on her help in the restaurant. When she asks, though, they say yes right away. Jane is also on board and soon the two of them are arriving in Texas.

Toby's dad (he finally gets a name! - Bill) thinks they're an odd trio. Toby is the tallest with Jane almost as tall. Andy comes up to their chins. Which......wouldn't that mean that Toby and Jane are like a foot taller than Andy?? Okay, I measured and from chin to top of head on both me and my manager is about 10”. So Jane and Toby are 10” taller than Andy? Either they are very, very tall or she is very, very short. This is the first we've heard of this height difference. Also....WHAT THE FUCK....look at the cover pictures. THEY'RE THE EXACT SAME HEIGHT.

Jane and Andy are both a little dismayed to see how small the town is. They're worried they won't have enough to keep them occupied for two weeks. Since boredom was their main reason for going, they think they might have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. They both knew she came from a tiny town and lived on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. They've teased her about it all year. There's no way this is a surprise. Man, this author is even worse at the continuity thing than usual. Why is it so hard for these people?

The next morning Toby takes them on a jeep tour of the ranch. Jane is her usual charming self, complaining internally about Toby's driving, the bumpy roads, the lack of shopping malls and the horrific Texas heat. Toby worries that she's not having much fun but Andy shrugs it off as Jane just being Jane. Truer words were never spoken. There's a strange conversation inserted into the end of the chapter where Jane and Andy marvel at how Toby knows her way around HER OWN RANCH THAT SHE'S LITERALLY LIVED ON FOR HER ENTIRE LIFE and Toby thinking to herself that she's never worried about getting lost. It feels super tacked on and non-organic so I'm sure it won't be important later or anything.

About the only thing Jane is enjoying on the ranch is Abe's cooking. She pretty much just complains about everything else. Andy is interested in meeting a cow, so Abe invites them to ride out and inspect the stock the next morning. Andy is thrilled despite not knowing how to ride a horse. Jane isn't so thrilled but doesn't say anything. Ghostie mentions that Jane hasn't ridden before either which.....#bullshit.....because there's no way someone as privileged as Jane didn't have riding lessons when she was a kid.  (Note from future me: and then this whole thing is useless because they go in a damn jeep and not on horseback at all.  Ghostie, keep track of your story!)

After they eat, Toby suggests they go down to the swimming hole to cool off. Again, Andy is game while our delicate princess is aghast. She doesn't want to get anywhere near the “murky water” but she puts on her suit and joins them. Toby and Andy take turns using the rope swing to jump into the water and generally having a great time. Jane refuses to get in the disgusting water at all and wonders why anyone would want to live in such an awful place.

She's hot and miserable and finally decides to dip her delicate feet in the disease-ridden water. A snake slithers by and she screams and bolts out of the water. Before she can get very far, she runs headfirst into a very large, very cute cowboy. He makes a joke about women swooning at his feet and helps her get her balance again. She's super sweet and grateful.

Nah.

This is JANE we're talking about.

She acts like a total shrew of course. It's what she does best. She's haughty and superior and then pissed when he just laughs at her for being afraid of a tiny, harmless water snake. It turns out Toby knows Beau from way back and he's arrogant and irritating and....well, very Jane-like.

The next morning Jane fakes a headache to get out of going on the cow-meeting-expedition. All she wants to do is sleep in. When she wakes up, however, she's annoyed that they left her alone. She quickly gets bored and hot. She isn't happy with the food selection and can't believe she's expected to make her own sandwich for lunch. Luckily (for her but not him) Bill comes in and gets out the sandwich supplies. Jane turns her nose up at such fare {delicate sniff} and eats half a sandwich only.

After lunch, Bill goes back out to work in the equipment shed and Jane is left to regret all her life choices. She wishes she'd stayed in Boston because at least she wasn't being broiled alive there. She decides to take a walk because that's a logical response to being too hot. While she's standing aimlessly on some grassy knoll, Beau thunders up on his enormous horse.

They talk about Canby and about life after high school. Beau mentions that he'll probably attend college close to home and Jane gets sarcastic and judgey about it. He tells her that his brothers are away at college and if he leaves too,his father will have no help on the ranch. She tells him she has to get back to the house and out of this oppressive heat {delicate sniff} and he offers her a ride back on the horse. On the way, he mentions that he'll be riding bulls in the upcoming rodeo and that there's a dance afterwards. Jane imagines them together at the dance. She thinks briefly of Cary but decides that a summer fling with Beau won't count because it will never amount to anything long-term.

Here we go again.  

Someone shove a thermometer up Jane's ass because I do believe we have..........

Later that night, the girls sit around and talk in their pajamas. Jane is intrigued to learn that there are oil wells on Beau's family's ranch. Toby mentions that oil prices are down and they're not bringing in as much as they did in previous years but Jane dismisses that. She smells some money and she's not going to be dissuaded by world markets or serious boyfriends or committed relationships. Jane tells them about Beau mentioning the dance and Andy's ears perk up. Toby says they'll definitely go but the girls will need some Wranglers and boots first.

The next day they drive into the tiny town of Rio Verde and go to the equally tiny general store. When Jane sees the western-style clothes they offer, her “nose wrinkled in distaste” and she haughtily states that she'd rather skip the dance than wear that trash. Toby persists in trying to find something Jane will accept but Jane turns her nose up at every single thing. Why is ANYONE friends with this person?

Jane finally grabs a shirt and a pair of jeans and heads for the dressing room. She hates the way the jeans are tight at the top and flare out at the bottom. She hates the way the shirt clings to her. She steps out to tell Toby that she needs different sizes and meets the appreciative stare of Beau. He tells her that she looks great and he wouldn't change a thing. She dashes back into the dressing room declaring that all these clothes are stupid and she hopes Beau breaks his neck riding bulls in the rodeo. Because that's the normal reaction a person has when told they look nice.

After lunch Toby frets about how bored the girls seem. They've only been there 5 days out of 14 and even Andy's enthusiasm is flagging a bit. She suggests they go look for arrowheads at the Native American battleground site on the ranch property and Andy is super excited about it. Jane reluctantly deigns to go because she doesn't want to be left behind alone in the house again. Andy finds an arrowhead pretty much right away and Jane becomes excited. She comes from such a historical family that she thinks she's destined to have a piece of history like this. She begins to look around and ends up finding a spearhead because of course she does. Even the Texas section of the universe knows Jane must always get what she wants.

Toby suggests they camp out for the night. Andy is super excited about this and, again, Jane reluctantly agrees because she has major FOMO. They're not going to use a tent or anything. They'll set up air mattresses and an army cot out under the stars. What do you want to bed that the princess gets the cot? Jane is alarmed when they go so far from the house but Toby tells her it won't be camping out if it's in the backyard. They build a campfire and roast marshmallows. Andy asks Toby to tell them a ghost story.

Toby begins to tell them about a woman who lived in a shack nearby. One day she was out walking and she found a tomahawk partially buried in the ground. She carried it home and........it was a decision she would come to regret as they say on Paranormal Witness. Her life became a living hell and she was tormented by the ghost of the Chief who had died holding the tomahawk. Jane is up all night wondering if she'll endure endless torment for digging up the spearhead.

#wecanonlyhope

The next day Jane is groggy and barely able to keep her eyes open. They go up to bed early but then...somehow....a massive pillow fight breaks out. In the midst of the ruckus, an ugly old lamp gets broken. Bill goes up to see what the commotion is and sees the lamp. He asks to talk to Toby out in the hall. Toby isn't sure why he's upset over such an ugly lamp but he explains that he and her mother bought it on their honeymoon and it's a souvenir of their first shopping trip together as a married couple. She feels bad and apologizes. He feels bad for getting upset and reminds her that he's just not used to having so many young people in the house. Andy and Jane feel bad about the whole thing and decide to make Bill a candlelight dinner the next night to make up for it. Because making a candlelight dinner for your friend's dad isn't creepy at all.

Andy decides to make BBQ ribs. She's never done it before and doesn't have a recipe but she thinks she's seen her mom do it often enough that she knows what to do. When they get to the store, though, most of the ingredients she needs aren't available so the girls start substituting other ingredients in.

They get back home and begin preparing the bread and pies for baking. Andy accidentally adds chili powder to the apple pie instead of cinnamon but nobody realizes it. Which. #bullshit Those two things might look similar but smell vastly different. You'd notice if you used the wrong one. Jane finds some cut-glass crystal candle holders and decides to use those for the dinner. I'm betting that they are another precious heirloom that will get ruined.

Toby and Andy decide to try to glue the lamp back together so they leave Jane in charge of the baking bread. She's too hot in the kitchen with the oven on so she steps out onto the back porch, fanning herself with a torn out page of an old cookbook they found in the kitchen. Which again is probably something that belonged to Toby's mom. Sheesh, people. Beau comes up while she's out there and two flirt a bit. Then he starts teasing her about being a city girl and she takes him to task for being prejudiced against Yankees. It's super tedious to read. He invites her to sit a spell and tell him all the ways being a Barrett is superior to being a regular human.

This could take awhile.

Also, it's Jane's favorite topic.

Also, what about the bread?

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE BREAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sure enough, it burns to a complete crisp and is uneatable. Way to go, Jane.

Andy, in turn, burns the ribs and blames it on the fact that the Houston's oven is hotter than her oven in Chicago. So....do these ovens not have temperature controls? Or does one of these ovens have a malfunctioning temperature control? Because otherwise, she should know what temperature the oven is. So we have burned ribs, burned bread and an apple pie made with chili powder.

#yum

Bill and Abe come in for dinner and I feel super sorry for them. They have no idea what they're in for. Sure enough when Bill sees the candle holders, his eyes get very sad. He doesn't say anything, though, and sits down to eat. The ribs are burned, tough and covered with thick, globby sauce. The baked potatoes are still as hard as a rock inside. The only edible thing on the table is the green beans so they all eat a ton of those. Toby brings out the pie and they quickly discover that it is inedible too. Andy bursts into tears and runs outside.

Toby and Jane follow and try to make her feel better but they just make things worse. Seriously, did Jane really think saying “You can't help it things turned out unfit to eat.” would make Andy feel better? Andy yells at them to leave her alone and they go back inside. Bill and Abe are making PBJs so Toby and Jane join them. When Andy peeks inside and sees them all eating sandwiches at the table, she runs crying into the dark night.

Well, this won't turn out badly or anything.

Remember that foreshadowing we almost stepped in earlier?

Toby and Jane discover Andy is missing. They go in and tell Bill and he says he'll get Abe and they'll go out looking. He wants Jane and Toby to stay at the house so one of them doesn't end up getting lost too. Bill and Abe search for a bit but it's a cloudy night and there's no visibility. They realize they'll never find her in the dark and they return to the ranch. Toby and Jane are frantic. No one wants Andy to be outside alone all night so they decide to call in some neighbors to help with the search. Bill and Abe go back out in the Jeep and Toby takes off on Max. Jane is supposed to stay at the house in case Andy returns but Beau shows up and she takes off with him instead.

We hop into Andy's head for a very brief paragraph wherein she's hopelessly lost and hears a rattling sound and thinks there's a snake nearby.

Back at the ranch, time has passed. Jane, Beau and Toby all come back in to check and see if anyone else has found Andy. Jane is upset and begins to cry so Beau holds her close to comfort her. Jane is so attracted to him that she trembles in his arms.

#gag

#emancipateCary

Back with Andy. Sure enough, there's a rattlesnake directly over her head on a rock. Lucky for her, Abe and Bill arrive and shoot it before it can bite her. High drama on the range, y'all. Andy is suitably rescued and all is now well.

We're back with the others. Jane is sleeping in Beau's arms on the porch swing and Toby is sleeping on the porch rocker. Beau is watching for signs of the rescue party. Finally he sees the Jeep come over the hill. The girls are joyfully reunited and the ghostie got 10 pages closer to her required count. Everyone wins!!!!

Later Andy teases Jane about Beau and Jane replies that he's awful. He's the most obstinate ill-mannered boy in the world. Andy replies that he seems just like Jane's type.

For one minute I was all “GO ANDY!!!! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND FOR LIFE!!!!” because I thought it was a dig at Jane. Then I realized it was a dig at Cary and I was all “BITCH, YOU ARE DEAD IN MY EYES!!” Cary is not ill-mannered. I'm not even sure he's all that obstinate. Jane keeps calling him stubborn but the writing rarely bears that out.

The next day, Jane can't get Beau off her mind. She thinks about Cary and how furious she would be if he met someone else over the summer. It's different when it's her, though. She can do what she wants but he has to remain loyal to her. She decides to give him a call, sticking poor Bill with the...bill. Cary is super sweet, asking her how her vacation is going and telling her how much he misses her and wants to see her. As they're saying goodbye, he tells her not to fall in love with any goat ropers because he KNOWS her and he knows she falls in love with any boy who talks to her twice. Jane thinks to herself that she's already fallen in love with Beau. You know....because they've spent SO MUCH time together and she knows him SO well.

The day of the rodeo begins. All the contestants have been warned that #room407cannotbedefeated so Toby wins her event handily. Jane is anxious about Beau's turn on the bull. Unfortunately the rules for room 407 don't apply to the people they date and Beau gets thrown. He hits his head but is fine.  I mean, it's obviously empty to begin with if he picked Jane over the other two.  Jane is in tears over this boy she barely knows.

Since Beau is mildly injured, Jane is sure he won't be at the dance. She doesn't really want to go if he won't be there but she valiantly pushes ahead and puts on her blue sundress. She knows it isn't western but she doesn't care. Personally I can't even bag on that because I think people should always wear what they're comfortable in (as long as it's appropriate obviously).

Andy has a blast at the dance and immediately knows all the steps to the unfamiliar dances because she's just awesome like that. Beau shows up and Jane dreamily dances in his manly arms before they disappear outside to make out. Toby wonders about poor Cary but decides it's none of her business.

#emancipateCary

The next day they all go down to the watering hole for a swim and a picnic. Bill and Abe try to convince Jane to get in the water but she still refuses to sully herself that way. Beau shows up in time to eat. Jane wonders to herself if Cary ever made her feel like Beau and if her heart every raced when Cary looked at her. I want to flip her off and cheer all at the same time. Maybe she'll finally set poor Cary free and he can go find a girlfriend who would actually treat him decently. Like Penny. Or Laura Lee if she wasn't dead and buried in the tulip bed. #momentofsilenceforLauraLee

Beau tells her to make sure her boyfriend back home holds on tight to her because if Beau ever makes it back east, he plans to steal Jane away. TAKE HER PLEASE. Jane is sure she's never loved anyone like she loves Beau and she can barely even remember Cary's face at this point. I seriously can't stand this bitch, y'all.

The book ends as the girls are getting ready to return to their homes. Bill invites them to come stay again the next summer and Toby thinks to herself that they'll all be taking a little bit of Texas home with them.

I didn't even get to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes.  I feel so incomplete somehow.

The Least Annoying Person in (Texas) Award: I'm going to give this to Abe because he tried to graciously eat Andy's petrified ribs and he was really patient and sweet with the city-slickers.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Um....JANE. It's always Jane. I feel like it will always be Jane. She's awful. She's spoiled and entitled and a big fat cheater. I wish she would transfer or drop out or explode or something.

Coming Up Next: It's Jane's 16^th birthday and things aren't going according to plan.

Help Wanted (Book 26) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: They're hired.  And they could be fired.  (Why do these all have such lame tag lines?)

From the Back of the Book: Suddenly it's all work - and no fun!  With a little help from photos of her family's Boston mansion, Jane has gotten the girls of 407 the perfect summer job.  It's getting a big, old house cleaned up, repaired and decorated before the owner's return.  At first the job is interesting and fun.  But as one thing after another goes wrong, from flooded bathrooms to collapsing stairs, Andy and Toby realize this might be too much to handle!  But can they convince Jane that they need help before it's too late?  Is there any way the girls of 407 can get the job done - and remain friends?

For the record: the job was never interesting or fun.  These blurb writers don't even read these things, do they?

This book was published in 1988. It's another one I've never read though the cover looks familiar to me. The ghostie for this one is Carol Ellis. She also wrote Princess Who which was a pretty good book. If I remember right, it had actual continuity and character integrity (meaning they all acted like themselves). I go into this with high hopes.

Toby almost got a cover! My eye actually went to her first for once. It only took a million books to happen! Yay, Toby! I think this cover artist did a pretty good job with their outfits. They're all wearing things I'd expect their characters to wear......except for Jane's shoes. I seriously doubt princess Jane owns a pair of high-top sneakers. Even if she did, I doubt she'd wear them outside of a gym. She's much too proper for that ish. {delicate sniff}

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, finals were looming at Canby. On top of that, Jane found out she had to write an essay for a literary contest. Reports of the ghost of Julia Canby being seen on campus proved to be very distracting for everyone. Jane became obsessed with reading Julia's diary and Andy became obsessed with trying to manage Jane's time for her. In the end, the “ghost” was revealed to be Gigi and her friend Agnes but we never really found out why they did it. Oh, and Jane won the contest because of course she did.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Guys, I think we have to accept that Laura Lee is gone and never coming back. #momentofsilence Also notably missing are Gigi, Agnes, Yolanda and Michael-the-school-shrink.  These absences make sense to the storyline, however, since school is out for the summer.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Randy is back among the living and he doesn't seem to be eating more brains than usual, so I think he's good.

We begin with Toby walking across campus. It's a beautiful day but no one is outside. School is over for the term and everyone – well, almost everyone - is busy packing to go home. For reasons that are never explained, the girls from 407 along with the 409 girls (Maggie and Dee) and Penny are being allowed to stay an extra month after everyone else goes home. I have no idea why the school is allowing this. The cafeteria will be closed and the staff gone (except Merry-the-second-best-housemother and, I assume, PA-the-head-bitch-in-charge since she lives on campus). The 407 girls are planning to get jobs for the month. Dee and Maggie are also working to help pay for some of their fall tuition.

You know, we're one page in and I have to call #bullshit already. Andy HAS a job. She works in her parent's restaurant. Futhermore her parents are extremely “Andy-sick” for their oldest daughter and barely survived the separation of the school year so there's no way they'd give her permission to stay an extra month.

We get our standard room description (which is NOT the room featured on the cover, by the way) and our paragraph about how the roommates are very different but still great friends. You know....Jane steals painting from her family's art gallery to support her cocaine habit, Andy works the pole at the Boobie Hatch in Greenleaf to put food on the table for the twins and Toby smuggles blood diamonds from Africa in tea bags (which is, omg, why she has one taped to the ceiling!!) but they all come together to drink tea, gossip and knit sweaters for Alaskan puppies with dandruff.

The roommates pour over the Help Wanted ads in the Greenleaf paper but come away disappointed. They're looking for temporary work since they'll be gone in a month and there were only two  temporary jobs listed. One is for a dog walker which Toby decides to apply for. The other is for a “junior captain” at the Greenleaf Inn. Andy tells us it's like a busboy/hostess and she's fairly certain she can handle it with her restaurant background.

The next morning, Andy is up bright and early. The open interviews at the restaurant begin at 9:00 and she wants to be the first one there. We stay in her head through her morning exercises (riveting!) and then hop into Jane's head. She decides to go to the diner in town to have breakfast, hoping she'll see Cary. He teases her about being awake so early and then asks how the job search is going. She tells him it isn't going well and we then take a three sentence hop into Cary's head while he thinks that Jane is smart and capable of doing anything she sets her mind to but doesn't give off the appearance of someone who is serious about menial labor. {delicate sniff}

First: #teamCary. He thinks so positively about that spoiled brat he loves. Second: Ellis, YOU DON'T HOP INTO A RANDOM CHARACTER'S HEAD FOR THREE SENTENCES IN THE MIDDLE OF A CHAPTER.

Cary recommends that Jane go to the employment agency in town because they might be able to point her in the right direction and she's extremely excited about the idea. She rushes home to change into more proper clothes.

Now we're back in Toby's head as she walks up to the dog client's home. She tells us her duties will be walking the five dogs in the morning and evening, grooming them twice a week and scooping poop out of the backyard. When the door opens, Toby is shocked to see that all five dogs are massive. There are two German Shepherds, a Doberman and two large mixed-breeds. They're not very well mannered and their owner, a little old lady, worries that Toby is too “slim” to walk them. Toby says she's been around animals all her life and knows how to handle them and the old lady agrees to give her a chance.

We hop into Andy's head as she awaits her interview. She's padded her resume quite a bit mentioning how she's ordered supplies and managed her father's restaurant. When she's called back, the interviewer questions her about these inflated claims and she admits that she ordered supplies once when her mom had a sore throat and she helped her brother run things for two days when her parents had the flu. The dude is not impressed and Andy is offended. She whines a bit, telling the guy she's more than qualified but he rebuffs her. He tells her the Inn is too amazing to take a chance on an inexperienced kid and sends her on her way.

Now we're with Jane at the employment agency and she's having much the same luck. The employment counselor asks her about her job skills and Jane replies that she writes well and she's good at decorating. She's informed that writing and decorating jobs for 15-year-olds aren't exactly thick on the ground in Greenleaf. Just like Andy, Jane is offended and appalled. Clearly this woman hasn't been given the brief that the 407 girls are to be worshipped and given special favors. Jane leaves the agency in a big huff.

We're back with Toby. Dog walking isn't going well at all. The dogs aren't leash trained and practically drag her to the park. When they get there, Toby ties their leashes to a bench and sits down. She's mumbling to herself about their lack of manners when Randy rocks up. They talk for a moment. She tells him she's supposed to let the dogs run loose for awhile but she's not confident that they'll come back if she does. He offers to stay and help her and she lets the dogs go. Everything goes well for a bit. She and Randy enjoy playing fetch with the dogs. Eventually it's time to go home and Toby calls for the dogs. Four of them come right back and allow her to leash them up. Charlie, one of the german shepherds, uses this opportunity to make a break for it and he jumps the hedge of the dog park.

Toby follows him on foot with the other dogs and Randy follows by truck but Charlie is tricky and easily loses them both. Dejected, Toby heads back to the owner's house. When she gets there, Charlie is sitting on the porch looking smug as hell. The owner is furious and Toby is fired.

The girls all go out for pizza and then head back to the dorms to go to bed. Jane can't sleep, though. The almost-empty dorm is way too quiet for her after an entire year of noise and chaos. She decides to go through the want ads again. This time something catches her eye.

“Family traveling in Europe needs reliable firm to prepare Greenleaf house for homecoming – 3 ½ wks. Clean-up inside & out, some painting, repair work and decorating. For details, write John Higgins, P.O. Box 721, Greenleaf.”

Jane decides then and there that the firm of “Barrett, Cord and Houston” are going to apply for the job. She tells her roommates about it over breakfast at the diner and is amazed when they don't jump up and down at the idea. Toby points out sensibly that taking care of a whole house is a big job and they're not really qualified for it. Jane gives them a huge pep talk, and when that doesn't work she calls them chicken. They reluctantly agree to at least check it out. Cary wanders over and Jane fills him in. He's skeptical because he isn't an idiot but supportive because he's awesome. He thinks they should rename their “firm”, though, because it sounds like a law office. He suggests 407, Inc.

That evening, Jane drafts a letter to John Higgins from 407, Inc. She includes a couple of pictures from her Boston home, saying that she was instrumental in their decoration. Which....#bullshit. She probably picked out a pillow or something and now she considers herself an interior designer.

Two mornings later, Higgins calls the “firm”. He sets up an interview for later that day. Toby and Andy wait in the diner while Jane goes to Higgins' office. While they're waiting, Randy comes in. He invites them all to come out to the ranch that afternoon for a ride. Toby is thrilled. Andy is cautious. She isn't much of a rider.  They never actually seem to go on this ride so I have no idea what the point of these paragraphs was.

Jane finally returns with the news they've been hired. (#bullshit) They've been given a $1500 advance and will be paid the remaining $1500 when the job is done. They have to use some of the money to buy the supplies they need though. They have to paint a living room, shampoo the carpets, fix some stairs up to an outside deck and then decorate and furnish a sun porch. I don't think they're going to have a fortune left over, but they're all pretty excited about it. They decide to go check it out right away. Randy and Cary tag along.

When they get to the house, they discover it's enormous. The room they're supposed to paint is massive and covered with dark, forest green paint. Randy points out that it's going to take several cans of paint to even do the entire room and they'll probably have to do several coats to cover the dark color. There are a ton of rugs in the house and the sunporch they're supposed to decorate and furnish is much bigger that they expected. It's going to be a huge amount of work. Everyone is surprised that Jane took the job after seeing the house and that's when she admits she took the job without seeing the house. Both guys think the girls are over their heads and in this case they aren't being sexist. Just sensible. Jane is determined to see it through and won't listen to any dissent.

They start with the yard the next morning. It hasn't been touched since the previous summer and there are tons of limbs and things down. They spend the entire morning hauling brush to a pile at the end of the driveway. PA drives by and sees what they're doing. She stops to tell them that they'll be fined if they leave it there. They're going to have to pay someone to haul it off. Jane suggests they move the pile to a spot not visible from the street and deal with it later. By the time they do that, they're hot, sweaty and tired.

They take a lunch break at the diner where they run into Dee, Maggie and Penny. Jane keeps insisting that everything is going fine and the job is perfect for them.

The next morning things get off to a really bad start. Toby is severely sunburned and Andy can barely move her arms. Jane's back is stiff and sore and she's not moving too fast either. It's pouring down rain so they can't finish the yard work. The decide to shampoo the upstairs rugs and clear out the sunporch. Randy helps them rent the shampooer and then lugs it upstairs for them before he heads back to his ranch. Toby decides to tackle the rugs while Andy and Jane go to move the boxes out of the sunporch. To their horror, the boxes are filled with bricks.

The carpet shampooer goes psycho on Toby and ends up covering her from head to toe in blue soap before dying a noisy death. She gets cleaned up and then Penny surprises them by arriving with a picnic. She joins them for lunch on the covered deck and then offers to stay and help out a bit. Jane bristles. This is her job and she doesn't Penny around mucking things up. She tells Penny she can't help and Andy is furious. They need all the help they can get. The two argue for a bit but Toby is on Andy's side and Jane is outvoted. She relents and grants Penny permission to help them out.

A week passes and they've barely made progress. Jane is starting to worry. She's frustrated that she can't find quality decorating materials in Greenleaf and she writes her mother asking for a catalog from the design house they used to do their own sunporch. She seriously has no concept of money. I bet it's entirely gone by the time they're finished. But the owners will probably be so happy with their work that they'll give them a huge bonus. (#prediction) She takes the morning off to mail the letter and then order the supplies they'll need to paint the living room. When she returns to the house she discovers another catastrophe. Penny, Toby and Andy were headed up to the deck to sweep or something and Andy's foot went right through one of the stairs.

Andy is trapped, unable to pull her foot free because of the wood cutting into her leg. Jane gives her a scarf to work between her skin and the wood and Andy is eventually able to free herself. Andy is scraped and badly bruised but otherwise okay.

Another week passes. They manage to finish the yard but they're all pretty panicked about getting the rest down in time. On painting day, they're irritable and snapping at each other. Andy's leg hurts, Toby is coming down with a bad cold and Jane is having to admit to herself that she bit off WAY more than she could chew.

#YouTHINK?

Luckily for them, Cary, Maggie and Dee all have the exact same day off work (#carryingcoincidenceaTADtoofar) and they come to help along with Penny. Many hands make light work and they get the first coat on before lunch. They estimate it will take at least two more before the green is adequately covered. They're making so much progress that Andy decides she's going to take the next day off. Matt is coming to visit for one day only and she doesn't want to make him sit and watch her work all day. Naturally she doesn't tell Jane or Toby about this decision.

Meanwhile, Toby is getting sicker and sicker. She can't even talk at this point and she feels awful.

Jane sits with Cary under a tree in the yard to have lunch. He tries to be encouraging but realistic and she gets pissed as usual because he isn't bowing down in awe of her. (#emancipateCary) He tells her that she's stressing herself out too much and invites her to come with him to Boston the next day. He's visiting his family and going to listen to a symphony. She yells that he's the worst, most unsupportive boyfriend in the world because a supportive boyfriend would know that she can't take the day off when her reputation is on the line. She also accuses him of purposely trying to sabotage her and make her job harder.

#getoveryourself #thisdoesn'tbodewellforAndy

Cary decides to go home at that point. Can't say I blame him. I wish he'd save himself and run far, far away.

Andy never does tell her roommates that she's taking the day off. The next morning she gets up early to meet Matt's train. When she gets back from the showers, Jane's awake. She tells Jane that Matt is arriving soon. Jane comments that she hopes he won't be too bored and then says he can always pitch in and work with them. Andy tells her that she's taking the day off and.............

The ensuing screaming match wakes up Toby (and probably Dee, Maggie and Penny). Andy won't be cowed and she leaves, determined to enjoy the day with Matt. Jane resigns herself to a crew of Toby and Penny. Unfortunately Toby is much, much worse and running a fever. Merry is summoned and she takes Toby to go see a doctor. Toby is diagnosed with strep throat and given some antibiotics. Unfortunately she's going to have to spend a couple days in bed.

Jane's bad day gets worse. When she gets to the house she discovers a pipe has burst in the upstairs bathroom causing extensive damage to that room and the room below. She gets the water turned off and then heads for Higgins' office to tell him he needs to hire a plumber and someone to repair the floor/ceiling. Higgins is unhappy with her. He stopped by the house the previous evening and discovered how little work has been accomplished. She reassures him that they house will be handled and then she leaves.

Meanwhile, Andy is feeling heaps guilty about leaving off for the day. She fills Matt in on the situation and he graciously offers to go with her to the house so they can put some work in. By the time they arrive, Jane is back and Penny has shown up. Penny is really being a good friend here because the work is hard, the hours are long and she's not getting paid at all.

#TeamPenny

Things are looking bleak. The job is over in a week and there's no way that they'll be able to complete it on time. But this is Canby Hall and everything MUST turn out perfectly for the residents of 407 so a Deus ex Machina appears right on schedule. In a stunning.....and let's face it unrealistic and unbelievable....stroke of good luck, Jane hears from Merry that the school handyman and his sons are looking for odd jobs in order to make extra money over the summer. Jane can hire them and still clear a little money. All is well!!!!!!!!!!!

The house gets finished and Jane and Cary make up. He apologizes for not being sensitive to her sudden work ethic and she apologizes for acting like herself. With a massive amount of help from Cary, Randy, Penny, Dee and Maggie, 407 Inc has pulled off the impossible.

Was there ever any doubt?

The last book disappointed me with it's lack of cheesy ending line. This book delivered.

“Taking a last look at the house as they reached a curve in the drive, the three roommates realied ther were rich – not in money but in friendship.”

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This goes to Penny. She sacrificed her entire month of leisure to do hard labor for little recognition and no pay. She is a much better person than the rest of them.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I'm giving this to Jane for her blow-up at Cary and at Andy. The way she treats Cary is deplorable and I can't believe the writers think this is okay.

Coming up Next: An unexpected romance blooms when Andy and Jane visit Toby at her ranch in Texas. Does this mean Toby is finally getting a cover??? Also, neither Andy nor Jane are single and romance should definitely NOT be blooming. #fuckfidelity