The Roommate and the Cowboy (book 27) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: This is something they never expected!

From the Back of the Book: Who would ever think Jane would feel so at home on the range?  Life on Toby's Texas ranch isn't exactly what Andy and Jane expected - Texas is so big.  And hot.  And Toby's father isn't used to having three teenage girls around.  When Jane meets a handsome young cowboy who keeps teasing her about her city ways, things get more complicated.  Toby wants her roommates to enjoy their visit - but it's beginning to look like the only thing they will enjoy is leaving!  Will she ever be able to make Andy and Jane understand just how wonderful her home on the range can be?

I feel like this blurb is unfair to Andy who was a very gracious house guest.

This book was published in 1988 and it's another one I haven't read. I'm starting to wonder if I stopped at Princess Who or something. I really don't remember any of the ones after. Lynn Zednick is the ghostie this time around. You might remember her from But She's So Cute. I did a quick skim to refresh my memory about Ms Zednick's writing. She had a tendency to have her characters repeat themselves a bit too much but otherwise she was pretty unexceptional – not awful but not great.

My hopes that Toby would get a cover were clearly dashed. There's Jane. Again. AND SHE'S CHEATING ON CARY!!!! I curse her with the fire of a thousand suns. Also, why is she wearing a prom dress when everyone else seems to be in jeans and western shirts? This makes no sense already.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, our intrepid girls remained at Canby Hall for the first month of summer break for reasons that are 100% unexplained. They needed summer jobs and pretended to have a decorating firm in order to land a job renovating a house while it's occupants were on vacation. They were to do yardwork, painting, stair repair, carpet cleaning and clean/decorate a sun porch. Things went miserably, naturally, since these girls are qualified to do NONE of those things. Jane and Cary fight. Jane and Andy fight. Jane and the water pipes fight. Penny selflessly gave up the first month of her summer vacation to help (for no pay or recognition) and Jane ended up contracting out the work to some Canby employees who needed extra cash. They made very little profit but who cares because they're such great friends!!!! #hearthands

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: I'm not sure we can do this one, y'all. This book takes place during summer vacation so pretty much everyone is missing.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Ditto.

We begin with Toby in Texas. It's August which means summer break is nearly over by this time. She's feeling oddly restless considering she's in her favorite place on earth. We also meet her father (name currently unavailable) who seems nice and a ranch hand named Abe who lives in the bunk house. Toby misses Andy and Jane and just the general activity of Canby Hall. She didn't think she'd ever get used to the school, but now that she has, the ranch feels boring.

We hop into Jane's head briefly. She's discontent at home and missing Canby Hall. Then we land in Andy's head for a page and a half. She's working the lunch rush at her parents' restaurant and she, too, is Canby Hall-sick.

Well it makes perfect sense because Canby Hall is the most magical place on the face of the earth. #fuckDisney

Back with Toby, her dad has noticed that she seems down. He suggests that she invite Andy and Jane down to the ranch for a couple of weeks so they can watch her compete in the barrel racing contest at the rodeo. Toby is excited and runs to call them. Andy is first and she isn't sure her parents will want her to go. They've barely seen her that summer and they are counting on her help in the restaurant. When she asks, though, they say yes right away. Jane is also on board and soon the two of them are arriving in Texas.

Toby's dad (he finally gets a name! - Bill) thinks they're an odd trio. Toby is the tallest with Jane almost as tall. Andy comes up to their chins. Which......wouldn't that mean that Toby and Jane are like a foot taller than Andy?? Okay, I measured and from chin to top of head on both me and my manager is about 10”. So Jane and Toby are 10” taller than Andy? Either they are very, very tall or she is very, very short. This is the first we've heard of this height difference. Also....WHAT THE FUCK....look at the cover pictures. THEY'RE THE EXACT SAME HEIGHT.

Jane and Andy are both a little dismayed to see how small the town is. They're worried they won't have enough to keep them occupied for two weeks. Since boredom was their main reason for going, they think they might have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. THIS MAKES NO SENSE. They both knew she came from a tiny town and lived on a ranch in the middle of nowhere. They've teased her about it all year. There's no way this is a surprise. Man, this author is even worse at the continuity thing than usual. Why is it so hard for these people?

The next morning Toby takes them on a jeep tour of the ranch. Jane is her usual charming self, complaining internally about Toby's driving, the bumpy roads, the lack of shopping malls and the horrific Texas heat. Toby worries that she's not having much fun but Andy shrugs it off as Jane just being Jane. Truer words were never spoken. There's a strange conversation inserted into the end of the chapter where Jane and Andy marvel at how Toby knows her way around HER OWN RANCH THAT SHE'S LITERALLY LIVED ON FOR HER ENTIRE LIFE and Toby thinking to herself that she's never worried about getting lost. It feels super tacked on and non-organic so I'm sure it won't be important later or anything.

About the only thing Jane is enjoying on the ranch is Abe's cooking. She pretty much just complains about everything else. Andy is interested in meeting a cow, so Abe invites them to ride out and inspect the stock the next morning. Andy is thrilled despite not knowing how to ride a horse. Jane isn't so thrilled but doesn't say anything. Ghostie mentions that Jane hasn't ridden before either which.....#bullshit.....because there's no way someone as privileged as Jane didn't have riding lessons when she was a kid.  (Note from future me: and then this whole thing is useless because they go in a damn jeep and not on horseback at all.  Ghostie, keep track of your story!)

After they eat, Toby suggests they go down to the swimming hole to cool off. Again, Andy is game while our delicate princess is aghast. She doesn't want to get anywhere near the “murky water” but she puts on her suit and joins them. Toby and Andy take turns using the rope swing to jump into the water and generally having a great time. Jane refuses to get in the disgusting water at all and wonders why anyone would want to live in such an awful place.

She's hot and miserable and finally decides to dip her delicate feet in the disease-ridden water. A snake slithers by and she screams and bolts out of the water. Before she can get very far, she runs headfirst into a very large, very cute cowboy. He makes a joke about women swooning at his feet and helps her get her balance again. She's super sweet and grateful.

Nah.

This is JANE we're talking about.

She acts like a total shrew of course. It's what she does best. She's haughty and superior and then pissed when he just laughs at her for being afraid of a tiny, harmless water snake. It turns out Toby knows Beau from way back and he's arrogant and irritating and....well, very Jane-like.

The next morning Jane fakes a headache to get out of going on the cow-meeting-expedition. All she wants to do is sleep in. When she wakes up, however, she's annoyed that they left her alone. She quickly gets bored and hot. She isn't happy with the food selection and can't believe she's expected to make her own sandwich for lunch. Luckily (for her but not him) Bill comes in and gets out the sandwich supplies. Jane turns her nose up at such fare {delicate sniff} and eats half a sandwich only.

After lunch, Bill goes back out to work in the equipment shed and Jane is left to regret all her life choices. She wishes she'd stayed in Boston because at least she wasn't being broiled alive there. She decides to take a walk because that's a logical response to being too hot. While she's standing aimlessly on some grassy knoll, Beau thunders up on his enormous horse.

They talk about Canby and about life after high school. Beau mentions that he'll probably attend college close to home and Jane gets sarcastic and judgey about it. He tells her that his brothers are away at college and if he leaves too,his father will have no help on the ranch. She tells him she has to get back to the house and out of this oppressive heat {delicate sniff} and he offers her a ride back on the horse. On the way, he mentions that he'll be riding bulls in the upcoming rodeo and that there's a dance afterwards. Jane imagines them together at the dance. She thinks briefly of Cary but decides that a summer fling with Beau won't count because it will never amount to anything long-term.

Here we go again.  

Someone shove a thermometer up Jane's ass because I do believe we have..........

Later that night, the girls sit around and talk in their pajamas. Jane is intrigued to learn that there are oil wells on Beau's family's ranch. Toby mentions that oil prices are down and they're not bringing in as much as they did in previous years but Jane dismisses that. She smells some money and she's not going to be dissuaded by world markets or serious boyfriends or committed relationships. Jane tells them about Beau mentioning the dance and Andy's ears perk up. Toby says they'll definitely go but the girls will need some Wranglers and boots first.

The next day they drive into the tiny town of Rio Verde and go to the equally tiny general store. When Jane sees the western-style clothes they offer, her “nose wrinkled in distaste” and she haughtily states that she'd rather skip the dance than wear that trash. Toby persists in trying to find something Jane will accept but Jane turns her nose up at every single thing. Why is ANYONE friends with this person?

Jane finally grabs a shirt and a pair of jeans and heads for the dressing room. She hates the way the jeans are tight at the top and flare out at the bottom. She hates the way the shirt clings to her. She steps out to tell Toby that she needs different sizes and meets the appreciative stare of Beau. He tells her that she looks great and he wouldn't change a thing. She dashes back into the dressing room declaring that all these clothes are stupid and she hopes Beau breaks his neck riding bulls in the rodeo. Because that's the normal reaction a person has when told they look nice.

After lunch Toby frets about how bored the girls seem. They've only been there 5 days out of 14 and even Andy's enthusiasm is flagging a bit. She suggests they go look for arrowheads at the Native American battleground site on the ranch property and Andy is super excited about it. Jane reluctantly deigns to go because she doesn't want to be left behind alone in the house again. Andy finds an arrowhead pretty much right away and Jane becomes excited. She comes from such a historical family that she thinks she's destined to have a piece of history like this. She begins to look around and ends up finding a spearhead because of course she does. Even the Texas section of the universe knows Jane must always get what she wants.

Toby suggests they camp out for the night. Andy is super excited about this and, again, Jane reluctantly agrees because she has major FOMO. They're not going to use a tent or anything. They'll set up air mattresses and an army cot out under the stars. What do you want to bed that the princess gets the cot? Jane is alarmed when they go so far from the house but Toby tells her it won't be camping out if it's in the backyard. They build a campfire and roast marshmallows. Andy asks Toby to tell them a ghost story.

Toby begins to tell them about a woman who lived in a shack nearby. One day she was out walking and she found a tomahawk partially buried in the ground. She carried it home and........it was a decision she would come to regret as they say on Paranormal Witness. Her life became a living hell and she was tormented by the ghost of the Chief who had died holding the tomahawk. Jane is up all night wondering if she'll endure endless torment for digging up the spearhead.

#wecanonlyhope

The next day Jane is groggy and barely able to keep her eyes open. They go up to bed early but then...somehow....a massive pillow fight breaks out. In the midst of the ruckus, an ugly old lamp gets broken. Bill goes up to see what the commotion is and sees the lamp. He asks to talk to Toby out in the hall. Toby isn't sure why he's upset over such an ugly lamp but he explains that he and her mother bought it on their honeymoon and it's a souvenir of their first shopping trip together as a married couple. She feels bad and apologizes. He feels bad for getting upset and reminds her that he's just not used to having so many young people in the house. Andy and Jane feel bad about the whole thing and decide to make Bill a candlelight dinner the next night to make up for it. Because making a candlelight dinner for your friend's dad isn't creepy at all.

Andy decides to make BBQ ribs. She's never done it before and doesn't have a recipe but she thinks she's seen her mom do it often enough that she knows what to do. When they get to the store, though, most of the ingredients she needs aren't available so the girls start substituting other ingredients in.

They get back home and begin preparing the bread and pies for baking. Andy accidentally adds chili powder to the apple pie instead of cinnamon but nobody realizes it. Which. #bullshit Those two things might look similar but smell vastly different. You'd notice if you used the wrong one. Jane finds some cut-glass crystal candle holders and decides to use those for the dinner. I'm betting that they are another precious heirloom that will get ruined.

Toby and Andy decide to try to glue the lamp back together so they leave Jane in charge of the baking bread. She's too hot in the kitchen with the oven on so she steps out onto the back porch, fanning herself with a torn out page of an old cookbook they found in the kitchen. Which again is probably something that belonged to Toby's mom. Sheesh, people. Beau comes up while she's out there and two flirt a bit. Then he starts teasing her about being a city girl and she takes him to task for being prejudiced against Yankees. It's super tedious to read. He invites her to sit a spell and tell him all the ways being a Barrett is superior to being a regular human.

This could take awhile.

Also, it's Jane's favorite topic.

Also, what about the bread?

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE BREAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Sure enough, it burns to a complete crisp and is uneatable. Way to go, Jane.

Andy, in turn, burns the ribs and blames it on the fact that the Houston's oven is hotter than her oven in Chicago. So....do these ovens not have temperature controls? Or does one of these ovens have a malfunctioning temperature control? Because otherwise, she should know what temperature the oven is. So we have burned ribs, burned bread and an apple pie made with chili powder.

#yum

Bill and Abe come in for dinner and I feel super sorry for them. They have no idea what they're in for. Sure enough when Bill sees the candle holders, his eyes get very sad. He doesn't say anything, though, and sits down to eat. The ribs are burned, tough and covered with thick, globby sauce. The baked potatoes are still as hard as a rock inside. The only edible thing on the table is the green beans so they all eat a ton of those. Toby brings out the pie and they quickly discover that it is inedible too. Andy bursts into tears and runs outside.

Toby and Jane follow and try to make her feel better but they just make things worse. Seriously, did Jane really think saying “You can't help it things turned out unfit to eat.” would make Andy feel better? Andy yells at them to leave her alone and they go back inside. Bill and Abe are making PBJs so Toby and Jane join them. When Andy peeks inside and sees them all eating sandwiches at the table, she runs crying into the dark night.

Well, this won't turn out badly or anything.

Remember that foreshadowing we almost stepped in earlier?

Toby and Jane discover Andy is missing. They go in and tell Bill and he says he'll get Abe and they'll go out looking. He wants Jane and Toby to stay at the house so one of them doesn't end up getting lost too. Bill and Abe search for a bit but it's a cloudy night and there's no visibility. They realize they'll never find her in the dark and they return to the ranch. Toby and Jane are frantic. No one wants Andy to be outside alone all night so they decide to call in some neighbors to help with the search. Bill and Abe go back out in the Jeep and Toby takes off on Max. Jane is supposed to stay at the house in case Andy returns but Beau shows up and she takes off with him instead.

We hop into Andy's head for a very brief paragraph wherein she's hopelessly lost and hears a rattling sound and thinks there's a snake nearby.

Back at the ranch, time has passed. Jane, Beau and Toby all come back in to check and see if anyone else has found Andy. Jane is upset and begins to cry so Beau holds her close to comfort her. Jane is so attracted to him that she trembles in his arms.

#gag

#emancipateCary

Back with Andy. Sure enough, there's a rattlesnake directly over her head on a rock. Lucky for her, Abe and Bill arrive and shoot it before it can bite her. High drama on the range, y'all. Andy is suitably rescued and all is now well.

We're back with the others. Jane is sleeping in Beau's arms on the porch swing and Toby is sleeping on the porch rocker. Beau is watching for signs of the rescue party. Finally he sees the Jeep come over the hill. The girls are joyfully reunited and the ghostie got 10 pages closer to her required count. Everyone wins!!!!

Later Andy teases Jane about Beau and Jane replies that he's awful. He's the most obstinate ill-mannered boy in the world. Andy replies that he seems just like Jane's type.

For one minute I was all “GO ANDY!!!! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND FOR LIFE!!!!” because I thought it was a dig at Jane. Then I realized it was a dig at Cary and I was all “BITCH, YOU ARE DEAD IN MY EYES!!” Cary is not ill-mannered. I'm not even sure he's all that obstinate. Jane keeps calling him stubborn but the writing rarely bears that out.

The next day, Jane can't get Beau off her mind. She thinks about Cary and how furious she would be if he met someone else over the summer. It's different when it's her, though. She can do what she wants but he has to remain loyal to her. She decides to give him a call, sticking poor Bill with the...bill. Cary is super sweet, asking her how her vacation is going and telling her how much he misses her and wants to see her. As they're saying goodbye, he tells her not to fall in love with any goat ropers because he KNOWS her and he knows she falls in love with any boy who talks to her twice. Jane thinks to herself that she's already fallen in love with Beau. You know....because they've spent SO MUCH time together and she knows him SO well.

The day of the rodeo begins. All the contestants have been warned that #room407cannotbedefeated so Toby wins her event handily. Jane is anxious about Beau's turn on the bull. Unfortunately the rules for room 407 don't apply to the people they date and Beau gets thrown. He hits his head but is fine.  I mean, it's obviously empty to begin with if he picked Jane over the other two.  Jane is in tears over this boy she barely knows.

Since Beau is mildly injured, Jane is sure he won't be at the dance. She doesn't really want to go if he won't be there but she valiantly pushes ahead and puts on her blue sundress. She knows it isn't western but she doesn't care. Personally I can't even bag on that because I think people should always wear what they're comfortable in (as long as it's appropriate obviously).

Andy has a blast at the dance and immediately knows all the steps to the unfamiliar dances because she's just awesome like that. Beau shows up and Jane dreamily dances in his manly arms before they disappear outside to make out. Toby wonders about poor Cary but decides it's none of her business.

#emancipateCary

The next day they all go down to the watering hole for a swim and a picnic. Bill and Abe try to convince Jane to get in the water but she still refuses to sully herself that way. Beau shows up in time to eat. Jane wonders to herself if Cary ever made her feel like Beau and if her heart every raced when Cary looked at her. I want to flip her off and cheer all at the same time. Maybe she'll finally set poor Cary free and he can go find a girlfriend who would actually treat him decently. Like Penny. Or Laura Lee if she wasn't dead and buried in the tulip bed. #momentofsilenceforLauraLee

Beau tells her to make sure her boyfriend back home holds on tight to her because if Beau ever makes it back east, he plans to steal Jane away. TAKE HER PLEASE. Jane is sure she's never loved anyone like she loves Beau and she can barely even remember Cary's face at this point. I seriously can't stand this bitch, y'all.

The book ends as the girls are getting ready to return to their homes. Bill invites them to come stay again the next summer and Toby thinks to herself that they'll all be taking a little bit of Texas home with them.

I didn't even get to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes.  I feel so incomplete somehow.

The Least Annoying Person in (Texas) Award: I'm going to give this to Abe because he tried to graciously eat Andy's petrified ribs and he was really patient and sweet with the city-slickers.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Um....JANE. It's always Jane. I feel like it will always be Jane. She's awful. She's spoiled and entitled and a big fat cheater. I wish she would transfer or drop out or explode or something.

Coming Up Next: It's Jane's 16^th birthday and things aren't going according to plan.