Princess Who? (Book 24) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: A princess is coming to Canby Hall!  (Well, that was a lame tag line.)

From the Back of the Book: She's a real live princess!  The Princess Allegra of Montavia is touring boarding schools, and Jane, Andy and Toby are put in charge of her during her visit to Canby Hall.  Everyone is excited, and Jane gives plenty of advice on how to treat royalty.  But the princess is more interested in real life than Jane's royal treatment.  She takes immediately to Andy's with-it ways - as well as to Toby's not-quite boyfriend Randy.  Then Princess Allegra disappears!  Has she been kidnapped?  Only Toby suspects the real truth.  But is she willing to help a princess in distress?

Okay...."Andy's with-it ways" made me snort.

This book was published in 1987 and I think I read it at the time. I don't remember anything about it. Some of these just seem really forgettable. I'm guessing that means there isn't much Cary in it because I tend to remember the books better when he is around. The ghostie for this book is Carol Ellis whose name you will recognize from my other blog. She wrote a lot of Point Horror. Some were great and some were awful, so I have no idea what to expect from her with this book.  (Note from future me: She ruined everything!!!!!  But not in a way you'd expect.)

Jane is still pretty prominent on the cover but Andy gets out of the background for this one. Poor Toby is still in the shadows though. Someday it will be her turn to shine!

#giveTobyadamncoveralready

On a side note, this recap almost didn't happen. I had the hardest time finding a copy of this book. I went through four different booksellers and the transactions kept getting canceled because they couldn't find it in their inventory. Finally the fifth time was the charm, but it was a real nail-biter wondering if it would get here in time. I learned my lesson and ordered the next few early.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I guess I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, a girl named Penny transferred over into Baker House after her dorm was damaged by the storm in the ASC book. Penny charmed everyone with her amusing stories and her oh-so-helpless act. Everyone except Toby who saw right through her from the beginning. The B-plot involved taking prospective students around on a tour, a literary contest and Jane double-booking AGAIN when she promised Cary she'd go to a gig with him on the same night she had campus-tour obligations with her roommates.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama, Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee is still notably absent.  I truly fear she's buried under the tulips with Yolanda and Michael-the-school-shrink.  

Risen from the Tulip Bed: Gigi makes a four sentence appearance!!  Way to go, Ellis, for remembering the little people.

We begin with Jane who is too distracted to study for finals. She tells us how beautiful the spring day is outside and then describes the room to us. Last book, Andy's bedspread was “a modern print of earth tones” but this book it's “diagonal earth-toned stripes”. Why is her bedspread so magical????? It's been checked and striped. It's been a geometric print and a modern print. I'm so confused. Does she have five of these damn things and rotate them on a regular basis?

Do the ghosties actually read the prior books before they write theirs? I'm betting not. But Jane's bedspread and Toby's bedspread never change. It's just weird that Andy's does.

Andy comes in the room with a care package so we get the standard paragraphs about how much her big family from Chicago misses her and how her care packages are legendary around Baker House. Today's box contains caramel corn and the girls are committed to stuffing themselves so they won't have to eat their dinner. Which leads us to the standard paragraph of how awful the food is at this expensive private school.

#Istillcallbullshit

The three of them settle in to study although none of them can keep their minds on their work. Andy is thinking about her upcoming audition for next year's advanced dance class. Toby is thinking about her horse Max who has a cough. Jane is thinking about Cary and wondering what he's up to. Finally Merry (current housemother) shows up and they can stop pretending to be studious. She tells them that PA (head bitch in charge) wants to see them all before supper. The girls are apprehensive but head for her house.

PA sits them down and tells them she has a special assignment for them. A prospective student has contacted the school and asked for a tour. Ordinarily it would be too late because admission letters have already been sent out but this is a special case. No one else but the girls of 407 will do because they are universally worshipped by every student and adult at Canby for reasons I have been wholly unable to determine. These girls are assholes and stop speaking to each other at least once a book but they are still held up as a shining example of friendship and PA in particular seems to think they are very best of what Canby has to offer. Which just makes me think Canby isn't a very good school at all.

PA tells them that the prospective student is Her Royal Highness Princess Allegra of Montavia which is apparently a small European country that Jane conveniently just learned all about in her History book. She's making a tour of a bunch of American private schools and will be at Canby for a week.

Why would it take a week for this? It's pretty inconsiderate of PA to expect the girls to babysit for a week when finals are coming up.

They leave PA's house and decide they can't face Tuna Surprise in the cafeteria, so they head for Pizza Pete's. Apparently every other girl on campus had the same, unsurprising thought because the place is packed. Fortunately for the ever-blessed 407 girls, Dee and Maggie (the girls from 409) and Penny from the last book are there and willing to share a table. So nice to see Penny isn't buried in the garden with Laura Lee and Yolanda.

The 407 girls fill the others in on their assignment. Jane is really the only one excited. She says it will boost Canby's reputation to have a member of royalty in attendance and Jane is all about reputation. Andy is just miffed because she has too much to do. Toby is apprehensive because she knows she and the princess will have nothing in common and Dee is just generally unimpressed with the entire thing. Maggie is strangely quiet on the whole topic. She's probably planning an assassination. I can't possibly trust anyone who shares blood with Dana-the-life-ruiner.

#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes

Cary pops into Pizza Pete's on his way to work at the diner and asks Jane to take a short walk with him. Ellis kind of glosses over how he found her there. Jane tells him about the princess and he jokes that maybe Ambulance (his punk band) should preform for her. Jane gets her anus in a pucker at the thought. We get the standard Jane-and-Cary-are-from-two-different-worlds paragraphs. Cary is happy that Jane is so excited about the princess thing but sad he won't see her much while she's busy with it. Jane tells him that she and her roommates are in charge of cleaning and painting the room the Princess will be in and if he helps, they can spend all kinds of time together.

What?

PA put them in charge of getting the room ready for a super-important visit?

There's no way in hell I'm buying that, Ellis. Move along because you aren't selling that bullshit here.

Cary agrees to help paint and the two part ways.

Toby and Andy wait for Jane to come back so they can walk back to campus together. Andy remarks that Jane seems really excited for HRH's visit and she wonders if Jane might want to do most of the actual entertaining herself. Toby would be happy to let Jane take the reigns on this visit. They both acknowledge that they can't refuse to help but they both hope Jane will take it out of their hands.

The next few days are busy with preparations. In addition to painting the room HRH will use, the room has to be furnished and decorated and an additional room has to be constructed in the basement for HRH's bodyguards.  Jane is running around collecting houseplants, lamps and fluffy towels from the other girls to decorate the room. Everyone is super excited to meet a real, live princess.

Matt and Cary are among the painters. They're both happy to be spending time with their girlfriends. Jane is being a royal know-it-all and giving mini etiquette lessons about royalty which no one is really paying attention to. Andy is worried about her dance routine for auditions. Matt offers to watch it and give his true opinion. In a normal book, I would think this was a dangerous idea because he's her boyfriend, but this is a 407 girl so I know her dance will be breathtaking and awe-inspiring and the most perfectly perfect thing that has ever been danced.

Everyone gets hungry and Toby volunteers to go for pizza. Her mind is on her horse but she doesn't share it with anyone because she thinks they couldn't possibly understand. On the way to Pizza Pete's, Randy appears and offers her a ride. We get the standard super-hot-rancher-too-old-for-Toby paragraph here which segues into the standard Neal-the-proper-Bostonian paragraph. Toby talks to Randy about her worries over Max's cough and her apprehension about having to entertain a princess. He tells her to feel free to bring the princess out to the ranch for a ride.

We skip to Sunday when HRH arrives. The girls of Baker House are literally hanging out their windows to get a glimpse of her as she steps out of her limo. She's pretty – slim with long, loose curls and saucer-like eyes. She greets everyone politely and then the 407 crew shows her to her room. Later Jane takes her on a campus tour while Andy and Toby get back to their regular lives. Maggie comes to pump them for information but they don't really have any. HRH is very quiet.

We hop over to Jane who is frustrated by HRH's lack of interest in the buildings on campus, the history of Canby Hall and the traditions of the students. In fact, Allegra seems bored out of her mind and Jane is offended. Suddenly Gigi appears to snark on Jane's failure to captivate the princess. Wow....someone remembered Gigi existed. I guess I can cross her off my “Missing” list.

#continuityforachange

To Jane's surprise, Allegra snarks back on Gigi and Gigi is left sputtering in shock. She stomps off and Allegra bursts out laughing. She tells Jane that she enjoyed that immensely and then asks if it's time for lunch. Jane suggests they go into town and dine at the Greenleaf Inn but Allegra shoots that down real damn fast. She's tired of being treated like a princess and just wants to be a regular Canby girl. She wants to play pranks and break rules and get into snark fights. Jane doesn't think this describes a “regular Canby girl” at all but she dutifully leads Allegra to the dining hall.

Later Jane tells Andy all about Allegra wanting to be a "real girl". She thinks Andy might have a better shot at entertaining the princess. Andy is disappointed. She was really hoping that Jane would carry the entire visit. She can't figure out why they have to spend so much time with Allegra anyway. Shouldn't she be okay on her own for a day or so? But she knows it's her job, so she agrees to take her turn.

Allegra comes to 407 to meet Andy and is naturally curious about the tea bag hanging over Toby's bed. You know, I have a theory about that. As a teen, I never could come up with any explanation about it but, as an adult, I'm wondering if maybe it was the bag from the last cup of tea Toby's mom made before she died. Just a theory. I guess we'll see if it pans out.

Andy is resentful of the princess and refuses to plan anything special for her. Instead, she decides that the princess is going to watch her dance rehearsal. Andy's not narcissistic at all, y'all. Just because she thinks the princess is going to be enraptured by her dancing skillz doesn't mean she's self-important. She's just realistic. Everyone on campus knows the 407 girls are just the best.

#room407worshipalldayeveryday

Andy works on her audition for 45 minutes. I'm sure HRH was riveted. Afterwards, she takes the princess into town to eat at the diner. Cary is working and Allegra is surprised to hear he's dating Jane. Andy and Allegra chat over cheeseburgers and Allegra mentions how isolated and boring her life at the castle is. 

#privilegedprincessproblems

Toward the end of dinner, Allegra drops a bombshell in the middle of the fry plate. She reveals that she is engaged to Prince Frederick of Almare. His country borders her country and the marriage will unite the kingdoms. He's 34. THIRTY FOUR. This seems illegal, Ellis. Andy is shocked. For once, Andy is all of us.

#thisisanoddfeeling

Allegra has made a deal with her parents. If they let her spend her senior year abroad, she'll return after graduation and marry the old man without protest. I guess it won't be illegal at that point but it's still super gross.

That night, the girls have a pig-out party. It never really says who is there other than Allegra but it mentions a couple of other people so I'm going to assume Dee and Maggie. They eat their way through Andy's latest care package and everyone has a great time.  It turns out the princess is a pretty cool chick.

The next day, Andy takes another turn with Allegra but she doesn't mind this time. They go to class and the cafeteria and all the normal things a Canby girl would do on a weekday. You know...go to the library....bury ancillary characters under the tulips....normal things. The next few pages continue on in this boring fashion. They study. Toby worries about Max. Jane makes a date with Cary. Andy makes an appointment for studio time. Nothing really happens except Toby finds out she has to take her turn with Allegra the next day because the other two are busy.

So, the morning of Toby's turn, the two of them (plus security of course) head out to Randy's ranch. Allegra is in full-on riding gear (jodhpurs and riding boots natch) and Toby feels dumb in her jeans and plaid shirt. The first thing Toby notices is that the place has been tidied up and some repairs have been made.  It's pretty clear they spruced the place up for the princess.  Randy is nervous but instantly charmed by Allegra. Toby's jealous streak gets a little bit wider as she notices how the two of them hit it off and instantly become wrapped up in each other.

Allegra doesn't show up for dinner that night. The 407 girls assume she's finally had enough of the sludge the cafeteria passes off for food and she's eating in her room. Maggie disabuses them of that notion, though. She went to town to buy batteries for her walkman and saw Allegra and Randy going into Pizza Pete's together. Everyone thinks it's terribly romantic. Except Toby.

Toby is crushed. She's held on to the hope that someday Randy will realize the five-year gap in their ages isn't too much and sweep her off her feet.  Or....you know....that he'll have one of his magical age changes and stick on one closer to hers.  He makes her feel something that Neal doesn't and she feels in her heart that he's her one true match. Depressed, she goes back to her room and gets right into bed.

Andy tries to talk to her when she gets back to the room but Toby isn't interested in conversation. She won't talk to Jane either and eventually her roommates give up and start studying. At some point everyone goes to bed. Andy is almost asleep when she hears a knock on the door. She and Jane get up to answer it. It's Allegra. She's fallen in love and she needs their help.

They go up to Allegra's room and she tells them all about how she and Randy are in love. You know...after one date and like 8 hours together. Clearly they're meant to be. She wants two favors. She wants to borrow some clothes from Andy and she wants the 407 girls to help her ditch her security guards for her date the next night.  I don't thing those two things are related.

So this grand plan is that Allegra is going to tell her guards that she's going somewhere with Jane and Andy and they should wait for her outside the main hall. Then Jane and Andy are to wait just inside the doors of the main hall as if they're waiting for her to come down. By the time the guards realize she isn't coming down, she and Randy will have had some private time together. Allegra knows the guards will catch back up with them, but she figures a little privacy is better than none.

The next morning, the plan begins and seems to be off to an okay start. Jane and Andy have a momentary panic when PA shows up and asks them why they're standing around instead of studying for finals. They tell her they're waiting for the princess and she carries on. A scream rings out from the top floor where Allegra's room is located and pandemonium breaks out. Everyone runs that way except Andy and Jane. Which is hella stupid, y'all. Yes, the scream is a diversion to get Allegra out the door but it's going to look mighty suspicious that they didn't react to it at all. You know.....almost like they knew it was going to happen.

#thenagaintheadultsatCanbyareidiots

The diversion turns out to be completely unintended.  Which doesn't at all explain why Andy and Jane didn't react.  Ellis tells us initially that they were expecting the scream but later she says that the scream was a lucky coincidence.  #fuckcontinuity  Anyway, the scream was a girl from another dorm. She went to get Allegra's autograph and saw a spider in the hall and screamed. Either this was or wasn't part of the original plan.  Ellis seems unclear.  The guards discover Allegra is missing and they ask Jane and Andy where she went. Jane immediately tells them that she went to Randy's ranch and they take off. All in all, Allegra got maybe 30 minutes of private time out of the chaos. Seems like a lot of work for so little payoff.

Over the next few days, Allegra plans several more “escapes” to spend some alone time with Randy. Toby becomes more and more withdrawn. Jane and Andy assume it's because she's worried about her horse. They encourage her to call home but she's terrified she'll get bad news so she refuses. Finally Jane makes the call herself. Toby's dad has a little trouble understanding Jane's Bostonian accent but finally they manage to communicate successfully. It turns out the horse is fine. Toby's uncle Max had a cough but he's feeling better now. And the B plot concludes satisfactorily.

Back to the A plot....Allegra is growing depressed about her imminent departure. She doesn't want to leave Randy. She knows her parents are going to be mad when they hear she's been spending so much time with him. In fact, they might be so mad that they won't let her come back to Canby in the fall.

After Allegra leaves, it finally dawns on Jane and Andy that Toby has been so quiet and miserable because of Allegra and Randy.

#duh

They feel awful for going on and on about this fairy tale romance in front of Toby who has been suffering with every word. Toby comes back to the room and they try to talk to her about it but she shuts them down. She says talking doesn't fix anything and she'd rather just sleep.

The next day Toby is gone before they wake up. The sign out sheet says she's gone into town. Andy heads off to rehearse her audition number again. Cary calls Jane and invites her to breakfast at the diner. He says he needs her advice about something, so she gets dressed and heads that way.

Jane eats an alarming amount of pancakes and then asks Cary what he needs advice about. Just then Andy and Matt walk into the diner so he waves them over too. He says Allegra and Randy were at the diner the previous evening and he and Allegra started talking about music. She got excited when she heard he had a band and she begged for a performance. Cary can't decide whether it should be a private concert just for Allegra or a bigger party with people from Oakley and Canby. Jane, Andy and Matt vote for the bigger party and Cary says he'll take care of inviting everyone. They decide to have it on Saturday – Allegra's last day – and combine it with a going away party.

The rest of the chapter is Allegra crying over leaving Randy and Toby sulking over Randy being in love with Allegra. I think Randy's had three actual sentences in this book but if I did a wordle, his name would be ENORMOUS because it's uttered every other paragraph.

Saturday arrives and the party starts. Randy and Allegra aren't there yet but everyone assumes that they're having a private moment alone first. Toby isn't there either but her roommates didn't expect her to be. The party is in full swing when Randy bursts into the gym alone. He asks if anyone has seen Allegra but no one has. The guards are hot on his heels. They don't know where she is either.

Later they all gather at PA's house (including Toby) and learn that Allegra disappeared from the diner before Randy arrived for their date. She went to the restroom and slipped out a side door. A concern arises that she might have been kidnapped and PA ends up calling the police in. Toby has to hear Randy going on and on about how much he cares for Allegra and it guts her.

Toby goes for a walk to think. She just can't face going back to the dorms where everyone will be talking about Allegra. She knows the focus is on a kidnapping but Toby thinks that Allegra probably ran away. As she's walking into Greenleaf, it occurs to her that there's only two ways out of town if you don't have a car – the train and the bus. She passes the bus station first and peeks inside. Allegra is there.

Ellis. Do you really expect me to believe that no one checked the bus station. I'm sorry. #bullshit

Toby goes in and sits beside her. Allegra says she just wants out and she can't think of any other way. She's just going to disappear. Toby doesn't say anything for a bit. She's thinking about how she's been so mad at Allegra for taking Randy away but the truth is that it was Randy. He fell in love with someone else and Toby is going to have to accept that. She calls Allegra out for being selfish – for making Randy and her family worry about her. She tells Allegra that running away from your problems never solves anything.  Allegra agrees because it was uttered by a 407 girl and the two of them walk back to campus.

The next morning, Allegra comes to say her goodbyes. She tells the girls she won't be back. Her parents aren't likely to let her out of their sight again. She'll just be a good girl and marry the prince and everyone will be happy. Well, Ms Andrea Cord will not accept this! She puts her hands on her hips and delivers Allegra a lecture about standing up for herself because diplomatic relation mean nothing. Nothing, I say! She tells Allegra to fight for her rights and Allegra agrees to do it because the 407 girls MUST BE FUCKING OBEYED.

The book ends as Allegra leaves and the girls get ready to go back to their regular lives. At least Ellis has the dignity not to end with one of those super cheesy lines we've almost come to expect.

You know.....as a whole....this one WAS better written than a lot of them. But I'll deny that if you tell anyone I said it.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Guys. This is weird. No one in this book was annoying. I know, I know. I couldn't believe it either, but there it is. No one cheated on anyone or stopped talking to a friend because of something dumb. No one acted entitled or out of character. This is turning my whole world upside down. So who do I give this too? Everyone? I think it might kill me. Okay....I give this award to Joseph and Rodger (the bodyguards) because they put up with a lot of crap and never complained.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This is unprecedented but I have no one to give this too. Way to go, Ellis. You ruined my thing. Just for that, I'm giving this award to you. Enjoy it. {{mwah}}

Coming up next: A mysterious girl in old-fashioned clothing begins to appear around campus. Could it be the ghost of Julia Canby? Um.....I'm thinking, no. But, hey, what do I know?  

But She's So Cute (Book 23) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Can anyone be that helpless?

From the Back of the Book: Being a good friend isn't always easy.  Even though newcomer Penny Vanderark can't seem to do anything for herself, Andy thinks she's sweet.  Jane can understand why Penny has a hard time keeping her room neat, and she likes Penny's funny stories.  Only Toby notices that Penny isn't as helpless as she seems.  She suspects it's all an act, especially when boys are around.  Then Jane makes a date with Cary even though she has already promised to help Toby and Andy during a weekend for prospective students.  Her roommates are hurt and angry.  How can anyone trust someone who has no loyalty to her friends?  Both Penny and Jane have some tough lessons to learn about friendship - the sort of lessons only good friends can teach each other.

This book was published in 1987 and I'm pretty sure I owned it and read it back then. The cover looks really familiar. I don't remember anything about it, though. The ghostie for this book is Lynn Zednick. When I looked her up, the only thing that popped up was this book and the last book of the series. That doesn't really bode well. The cover again is pretty Jane-centric. She's front and center with the new girl du jour while Andy and Toby are relegated to the back of the shot.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. That is, she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, the staff of Canby Hall went on strike forcing the students to fill in and do janitorial, cooking and gardening chores. Everything almost fell apart but the day was saved by the room 407 girls. As usual. Also, Jane was a spoiled bitch. Also as usual.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious. Hey, just because they graduated and moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee. Remember her? She was a damn big deal a couple of books ago and then completely missing from the last book. As was Gigi. I wonder if they ended up buried under those flowers Toby ruined?

We begin with Andy carrying a huge care package into Baker House. She reminds us about how much her parents love and miss her and how many wonderful care packages they send her.  Andy is a legend in her own mind.  She's wondering what goodies are in store for her when she collides with another girl who is loaded down with boxes. In this case, they aren't care packages though. Penny is moving into Baker House from one of the other dorms that was hit hard by the storm from the last book. Since the year is almost over, they are simply relocating the girls and they'll do the repairs in the summer when the dorms are empty. Wow. Continuity. Good job, ghostie.

The two girls knock each other down and food and clothes go everywhere. Andy offers a hand to help the tiny Penny to her feet but Penny is looking dazed and doesn't take it right away. Andy assumes it's because she's black because Andy assumes everything is because she's black. However, Penny is merely stunned by the amount of food spilling out of the care package.

Penny helps Andy get the food into room 407 and Andy rewards her with a few chocolate chip cookies. We get the standard deets on the room. You've heard it all before.....rainbows, antique quilt, etc etc. This time, though, Andy's bedspread is described as a “modern print of earth tones” instead of “striped” or “geometric print”. I guess her bedspread is as magical as Randy's age.

Andy goes back into the hall to help Penny grab all the things she dropped. When they get to Penny's room, Andy is shocked to see she's even messier than Jane. She offers to help Penny unpack and organize and Penny takes her up on it. As Andy folds clothes, Penny tells her that her maid helped her get settled in when school began and she had no idea it was so much work. I don't know if Andy is aware that she's doing all the work while Penny just sits there and watches but, if she is, she doesn't say anything about it.

Wait a minute.

Remember in book one when Jane thought she had a single room? PA (head bitch in charge) told her that they over-enrolled the school and all girls were having to double or triple up. So where the hell did this extra room come from all of a sudden? I think it's a #fuckcontinuity moment but I'll extend the benefit of the doubt to the ghostie. A lot of girls went home early due to the strike and the damage to the dorms. Maybe that's why there is an empty room suddenly available.

Andy manages to clear the bed so Penny will have somewhere to sleep while Penny regales her with “Tales from the Deep South – Privileged Brat Edition”. Andy thinks she finally met someone more entitled and useless than Jane. Penny's roommate went home already so Andy invites Penny to eat supper with the 407 crowd and then leaves to get ready.

Toby and Jane are poking through the care package when Andy gets back to the room. Toby is impatient to head to the cafeteria because she's hungry, but Andy says they have to wait for Penny. Neither Jane or Toby knows who Penny is but, being the saints that they are, they are more than happy to include her in their little group.

Be careful, Penny. They included Laura Lee in their little group once too and no one's heard from her since.

{{{a moment of silence for Laura Lee}}}

Penny comes in and is all gracious and charming with her southern drawl and her sweet manners. Toby isn't buying it. She tells us that she's seen girls like this before and she'll have to explain it to her clueless roommates. This is why I love Toby. On the way to the cafeteria, Penny has them all laughing when she tells them the story of how she asked a senior where the library was on her first day of school and the senior directed her to PA's house. When she got inside there was tea and cookies on the table so she helped herself before she decided to search for the card catalogue. PA found her sitting on the couch, just as comfy as could be.

In the cafeteria they run into Dee and Maggie from room 409. Maggie has the unfortunate distinction of being Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister. It's a shame because Maggie seems like such a nice girl but DNA don't lie, friend. Blood will out.

#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes

Penny holds court at the table telling funny story after funny story. Everyone is soon under her spell except Toby. Later, Andy and Jane ask what Toby has against Penny. Toby tells them that she knows Penny's type. They pretend to be helpless and charming and soon people are doing everything for them. She warns her roommates not to fall for it but they think she is just being grumpy again. I almost can't blame them after how she acted a couple books ago.

Merry (the current housemother) comes to room 407 and the ghostie spends several paragraphs rhapsodizing about Alison (the former housemother) because this book series just can't let people move on with their lives. We also get a big hunk of review about how Merry was strict when she first arrived but okay now.

Merry tells them that PA is having a special meeting tomorrow at 10 and she wants all the 407 girls in particular to be there. I've never understood WHY the adults in these books seem to hold these girls in such high regard. They bungle EVERYTHING.

At the meeting PA reveals that they will be having an open house soon to showcase Canby Hall to prospective new students and their parents.

Um.

One of your dorms is completely uninhabitable. Is this REALLY the time for tours?

Anyway, she invited our lovely girls and a few others because they are model examples of the wonderful friendships that can exist at Canby Hall. You know.....when they aren't screaming at each other. She wants them to lead special tours to show the students what life at Canby is really like. They're each going to be assigned to a girl (or girls? I wasn't super clear on this point) and they'll write her (them?) a welcoming letter and then accompany them (her?) around during the open house.

Penny seeks out Andy later that day but we're never told why. They talk about future ambitions. Penny only wants to find a husband who will keep her in the style in which she is accustomed. Andy thinks this is deplorable. She can't believe Penny doesn't have some kind of dream. Penny says her dream is to have a husband make all the money while she stays home and plays tennis and goes to movies with her friends. Hey, they might not be the kind of goals Andy likes but they are goals. {{shrug}}

The next day, Andy stops by 407's mailbox before heading up to her room. There's a letter for Toby from April, one of the girls they will be showing around for the open house. Andy is hella curious. She dashes upstairs, hoping Toby will open the letter right away. It turns out Toby isn't in the room and Andy assumes she went to Randy's. She tries to read the letter through the envelope with no luck. Penny comes in during her attempt to snoop and suggests that they just take the letter to Toby at the ranch. Andy agrees and the two of them set out.

Penny entertains Andy along the way with stories about how awful she was at home ec in middle school. All of Penny's stories seem to be about how hopeless she is at things. I guess that's how she reminds everyone else that she shouldn't be given any responsibilities of any kind. Cool trick.  It also serves the purpose of keeping everyone's expectations of her very low.

They get to the ranch and Penny is immediately smitten with Randy.  You can't blame her - he is pretty magical.  She starts telling him how much she loves horses, hinting that she'd like to ride. Randy offers to let her ride his but she says it's too big.  #unintentionallydirty  She asks to ride Toby's horse instead because Maxine is smaller but Toby says that Maxine is still a bit too wild. Penny pouts a bit, so Randy offers his horse again. She accepts this time as long as he'll hold the reins so she's safe.

Penny attempts to mount the horse and Toby notices immediately that Penny has ridden before. She knows just how to put her foot in the stirrup and where to grab the saddle. Penny pretends she can't make it and Randy comes around to lift her into the saddle. He takes the reins and leads her in slow circles. Toby rather thinks Randy is being led around too and she isn't too happy about it.

Randy ends up behind Penny on the horse and he takes her on a gallop around the yard. Toby is fuming by the time they get back. Penny tells him that she'd love to go again some time and he invites her to come out with Toby anytime she wants. Toby can't believe Randy can't see right through Penny.

#boysaredopes

Later that evening, the 407 girls are discussing what to do with their open house guests when Penny shows up again. Toby isn't happy to see her and decides to go to the library to work on a paper that's due soon. As she's leaving, she hears Andy invite Penny to join in on their tour guide duties. Toby tells them that they should clear that with PA because she might not want them bringing extra people. Penny puts on her glum face and sighs and say's it's okay. She'll probably have some boring job to do anyway. Then she goes slumping back to her room for maximum pity effect.

After she's gone, Andy snaps at Toby for being rude. Toby counters by telling her roommates that Penny isn't nearly as helpless as she pretends to be and she can't believe no one else can see it. Andy and Jane are still firmly #teamPenny and get mad at Toby for her opinion.

I miss Cary. He should be in the book by now. Things are just better when Cary is around.

Toby decides the only course of action she really has open to her is to give Penny a lot of rope in the hopes that she'll hang herself. Not literally. It's an expression. She's just going to keep her mouth shut and wait for Penny to mess up like she did about the horse. Toby's sure it will happen sooner or later.

She goes back into 407 and gets the cold shoulder from Andy. Jane has gone downstairs to call Cary. When she gets back, she tells the roommates that Ambulance is going to be playing in town the next evening. Toby says they should all go and invite Penny. Andy is shocked by Toby's sudden reversal and Toby expresses remorse at her earlier rudeness. Andy thinks Toby should apologize to Penny and Toby agrees to do so.

Andy is super mcjudgypants about this whole thing.

Penny accepts the invitation to see Ambulance AND Toby's apology and all is well. When they get to the gig, Cary jumps off the stage to greet the girls. Penny notices how gorgeous he is, although she hates his long hair. She flirts with him and he's polite to her as he always is which earns a frown from Jane.

Hypocrite thy name is Jane.

She's cheated on him more than once but as soon as he smiles at a friend of hers, he's the bad guy.

Seriously #emancipateCary.

Toby watches as Penny turns the charm up to level 10. Soon boys are tripping all over themselves to bring her drinks and dance with her. Toby is disgusted but keeps her mouth shut.

We skip ahead to English class where the teacher reads aloud Penny's essay about a disastrous Disney trip. The entire class is practically peeing themselves with laughter by the time she's done. Jane doesn't look amused though. She's used to being the best in class and she's not ready to hand her crown and sash to Penny. Andy encourages Penny to submit the essay to the Canby Hall Journal (a once-a-year publication of the best writing in the school). Jane has been planning to submit and she doesn't look too happy to be competing with Penny.

Jane and Toby head up to the room but Andy hangs back with Penny. She starts to give her a hard press to major in journalism so that she can have a future that Andy can accept. Penny again says she really just wants to get married and this is so fucking unacceptable to Miss McJudgypants that she can't drop it. She continues to berate Penny about her life choices and about submitting the essay. Penny doesn't want to submit anything. She gives Andy the essay and tells her to keep it.

Andy decides to submit the essay without Penny's permission.

Dude.

Don't do this, people. NEVER do this. I don't care how pure your intentions are. You should NEVER submit a person's work without their permission.

Jane warns Andy not to do it. She says that Penny might not appreciate it when she sees her piece published and Andy might lose a friend. Andy is so sure she's right and so sure that she's the hero of this story all poised to save Penny from a life of unfulfillment, that she doesn't listen and submits it anyway.

Ghostie launches into several pages of the girls discussing the open house and their English essays. It's so boring I literally dozed off. At one point, Toby is walking around to clear her head so she can focus on the essay and she ends up in Penny's room. Penny is still upset that her essay was read aloud to the class. She says everyone is expecting something great from her now and she doesn't like it when people expect things out of her.

Cary calls that evening to tell Jane that Ambulance got their first major gig. They've been hired to play at the Westfield Inn which is a very swanky place in town on Saturday night.  For the record, this does NOT seem like a place a band like Ambulance would be hired to play.  Jane is excited because that's the night they will host the two open house students and they've been struggling to come up with something to do. Cary tells her that the party is private and there's no way he can sneak five girls in there. But he thinks he can sneak one. Jane is thrilled. She's never been to the Westfield Inn and she's heard it's a spectacular place. She figures Andy and Toby can handle the girls just fine for one evening. After all, she'll be with them the entire afternoon.

I predict this won't go over well.

#tornadoesarelessdramaticthanAndy

Also, another #fuckcontinuity moment because these girls have a phone IN THEIR ROOM which can receive calls. And yet, they are always heading down to the lounge to use that phone instead. Why?

Jane returns to the room and tells Andy and Toby about the gig. Andy is hopeful that they can all go but Jane tells them it's not possible. Both Andy and Toby express regret that Jane has to miss such a special evening and that's when she tells them she won't be missing it. Toby calls her out for being selfish and she's not wrong. Jane is always about Jane. Andy predictably loses her cool and shouts at Jane for awhile about canceling plans with them for Cary. Girl code, yo. Jane is defensive and refuses to feel bad for doing something that she's sure the other two would do in a heartbeat if they had a boyfriend who cared to invite them to something elegant and classy.

#whoa

I have to call bullshit on this anyway because Neil is all about elegant and classy and Cary.....well, is not. Still love you, Cary. <3 Heart hands 4 lyfe!!! <3

The next morning, Andy deigns to give Jane a chance to change her mind. Jane asserts that this evening is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her and Cary. Andy says it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for their friendship too which seems pretty dumb. Jane points out that they still have two years at Canby and they'll have many, many more opportunities to be together and make memories. Toby replies that Jane might turn around some day and find out that her friends don't want to be friends with her anymore.  Or something like that. It comes off completely snotty in the book but it's a valid point. Jane is only friends with them when it's convenient for her and they shouldn't have to be her second choice all the time.

#beentheredonethat

I think our ghostie has short term memory issues. She's had Toby say the exact same line (“I can't believe Jane would desert us like this”) multiple times to the same exact person (Andy). And Andy never says “Hey, bro, you've said that already” so it's like it's the first time she's said it each time. Get it together, ghostie.

Andy and Toby go on a two-woman mission to make sure everyone knows what a selfish bitch Jane is being and it just makes me dislike both of them. They are SO whiny and judgmental. Honestly, I'm even over Toby at this point. She's back to being childish and petulant. Andy ends up inviting Penny to join them in place of Jane on Saturday evening and Toby seems to have no problem with it now that her personality transplant is complete.

The girls attend a meeting about open house where PA goes over the schedule of events in minute detail. It's as riveting as it sounds. {{YAWN}}

Saturday arrives and Andy realizes they won't set a good impression for their guests if they're giving Jane the silent treatment. Psuedo-Toby reluctantly agrees to actually converse with her roommate and treat her nicely for the day but THIS DOESN'T MEAN SHE FUCKING FORGIVES HER OR ANYTHING.

April and Jennie show up for their grand tour and the day gets started. First there's an assembly and we spend the next several pages being told the history of Canby Hall. Sorry if you're interested in that because I skipped it. {{YAWN}}

#buythedamnbookandreadityourself

In the biggest scam ever perpetrated, Canby caters in lunch so the prospective students will have no idea what horrors await them if they actually enroll in the school for the fall. After lunch is a baseball game and, for once, the girls from 407 don't win at something.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{THUNK}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry. I just fell out of my chair.

#unbelievable

Jane is having a good time and starts to regret that she's going to have to leave for her special evening with Cary. She even calls him at one point, hoping he might tell her the date is off. Instead he tells her how excited he is and she chickens out of telling him that she really doesn't want to go anymore. The other girls leave for Pizza Pete's and Jane begins to get dressed for her date. The whole time she's feeling guilty and reluctant to go.

She's trying to decide how to do her hair when she comes to a decision. She strips off her dress and puts on shorts and a polo shirt. She decides that she's not going to the gig where she'll just sit at a table and watch Cary play because that would be too much like being a supportive and loving girlfriend.  Instead, she's going to go out with the others and have fun. Naturally, she never tells Cary about this and he comes to pick her up only to hear she isn't going. Considerate.

Cary is confused and doesn't understand. When she explains that she promised Jane and Toby, he points out that she promised HIM too. Which is fair. But Jane doesn't feel remorse. She's doing what she wants to do and that's always what matters to her. She figures Cary will come around eventually and forgive her like he always does.

#emancipateCary

The open house weekend goes well and PA is very happy with the examples of friendship that the girls showed their guests. Afterwards, everyone gets back to the real world of English essay-ing. Jane's working on hers when she hears that she has a visitor downstairs. It's Cary. Of course. This boy really needs to be told he can do much, much better than Jane.

Cary tells her he understands that she had to honor the commitment she made to her roommates but she should have told him she had plans when he asked her to go instead of accepting the date.  Jane promises she learned her lesson and he believes despite the fact that Jane has done this BEFORE and not learned her lesson. 

Sigh. He forgives her. Again.

Jane gets a second victory when her submission is accepted into the Canby Hall Journal. Penny also gets accepted. Which is a complete surprise to her considering she didn't even know she submitted anything. Penny is angry and hurt and tells Andy she had no right to do this. #truth Andy is unapologetic and says that Penny gave her the essay so she could do whatever she wanted with it.

WHAT PLANET IS THIS GIRL FROM????????????????

Penny demands that Andy go tell the people she made a mistake and Pseudo-Toby resurfaces from the depths of hell and snaps that Andy certainly DID make a mistake. She made a mistake thinking that Penny could ever want to do anything except pretend to be hopeless and cute. Then she tells Penny that she's going to keep this shtick up for so long that she's not going to know HOW to make an effort when she finally decides she wants to. Penny leaves the room in tears.

Toby has a point. I'm not denying that. But the way she handled it was awful.

Then, because the girls from 407 are worshipped throughout Canby, Penny decides that Toby and Andy did her a huge favor and she'll just change her life and all her hopes and dreams to fit in with what they want because they are the Almighty and must be obeyed without question.

#fuck407

Penny ends up thanking Toby for being so perceptive and Andy for being so encouraging and decides she wants to be a writer now. Yay. I guess. {{shrug}}

We end with a typically sappy sentence: “No one looking at the quiet campus on that late spring afternoon would ever have believed the dreams being born and the excitement that was exploding behind closed doors.”

#whowritesthesethings?

You know, for a book that's supposed to be about how manipulative Penny is......she wasn't really a factor in most of it. Weird.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Wow. This was hard. I feel like everyone was annoying in this book. Oh! Randy. I give this one to Randy who is always polite, comforting, honest and magical.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Another toughie since so many deserve it. I'm giving this one to Andy because you should never submit a person's work, be it writing or art or whatever, without their permission. It's basically stealing.

Coming up next: A real-life princess is headed to check Canby Hall out! And I'm sure the 407 girls will be hosting her because they are the Almighty ones.

The Almost Summer Carnival (Super Edition) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl was a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them was.

Tag Line: Who's idea was this, anyway?  (Lame tag line.  Super lame.)

From the Back of the Book: One strike and they might be out.  Everyone is working hard on the big annual Almost Summer Carnival when the Canby Hall maintenance crew goes on strike!  The headmistress wants to close the school and cancel the carnival, but Toby and Andy persuade her to let the students take over the most essential jobs.  Suddenly laundry comes back in strange colors and the cafeteria produces even stranger food.  But the girls discover unexpected new talents.  Work is piling up and time is short.  Can the carnival be saved?  The girls of 407 get a totally unexpected answer to their question.

This was published in 1987 which means I've owned this particular book for 30 years, y'all. This is one of the few Canby books I kept so I feel like I must have loved it. (???)  The funny thing is, I haven't reread it. I reread books all the time. I just finished my billionth reread of The Westing Game. Awesome book, by the way.  So why have I never reread this book that I went to all the trouble of keeping for 30 years? Hmmmm. There must be a reason. I don't know whether to look forward to this or not.

The ghostie for this book is Diane Hoh, which only increases my dilemma. I have a long-standing history of finding Hoh irritating even though the rest of the PH-blogging universe loves her. So why did I keep this book? I guess we're going to jump in and find out but my gut suggests it probably has to do with Cary.

#teamCary

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating a boy from town named Matt who does lighting for Cary's band. Or Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It just depends on her geographic location at the moment. Toby is dating Jane's ex Neal (which is just fine with Jane) and crushing on Randy a local rancher who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a new age in every book. In the last book, the ghostie pulled off an all-out character assassination on Toby turning her into a whining, selfish shrew. Toby was depressed because of the long winter, so Jane offered to throw her (and Dee from 409) a party. Andy was consumed with a term paper she'd neglected until the last moment and Gigi made life miserable for the occupants of 407. We also met Laura Lee with her bad heart PTSD and the 407 girls rallied all of Baker House to bully Gigi into submission. It was a train wreck of a book.

I hope Hoh redeems Toby this book. Last book almost made me cry.

I just noticed something odd. Have you all noticed that these covers seem to be Jane-centric? With a couple of exceptions, the covers usually feature Jane doing something and Toby and Andy off to the side reacting to it. Even the “Andy” book which focused on the girls being in Chicago has Jane front and center on the cover. Why? If these were real people, Toby and Andy would be bitching to their managers to get them better cover positions. Why is Jane so effing special? Because she's a blue-eyed blonde? Hmmmmmmmmmm.

I've stalled long enough. It's time to actually read this thing.

We open with our three protagonists from Room 407 on the front lawn with various other Canby and Oakley Prep students.  For some reason, in this book, Matt is now an Oakley Prep student.  A book ago he was a "townie".  (#fuckcontinuity)  They are painting signs for the Almost Summer Carnival (ASC - it gets bolded like Kelly's hat because it's practically a character) that the schools hold jointly every year. In the first few pages, Hoh makes sure we know Toby has a Texas twang, Andy does everything super gracefully and Jane is elegant and wears solid gold hair clips. Which.....would be SUPER heavy, Hoh. Cary makes a joke about Jane getting dunked in the tank and messing up her proper Bostonion clothes and Jane fumes, wishing he had just a fraction of Neal's class. Glad we're back to normal here.  It really shattered me when I had to name Jane the Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf last book.

 #whatabitch 

 #teamCary

By the way, Hoh reminds us that Cary's hair is nearly as long as Jane's. Judging by the front cover, that's pretty damn long. So why do the cover artists always give him short hair? READ THE BOOK!

Jane insists that the girls should be exempt from the dunk tank because it will ruin their hair. Matt calls her out for being sexist but she doesn't care. Andy firmly tells her that the girls will be doing all the things the boys will be doing. Before they can get down to assigning volunteers, a girl comes out to tell them that Merrie (housemother) wants to see the 407 girls in her room immediately.

The girls are instantly concerned. When they get up to Merrie's room, she looks upset. She tells them that the maintenance staff has gone on strike because they are being asked to perform the same amount of work in fewer hours. This includes plumbers, electricians, janitorial staff, carpenters, cleaners (which is different from janitorial exactly how, Hoh???) and some of the food service workers. As a result, PA (head bitch in charge) has cancelled the ASC and might have to close the school.

Oh noes.

Why are the girls from 407 the only ones being told about this?  It's like the adults in this universe see them as some kind of supreme beings or something.  Given their penchant for fucking everything up, this view has no basis in reality whatsoever.  I'm actually surprised no one contacted Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama or Faith-the-sanctimonious to solve this little dispute.  Considering how much they are worshipped in these books, you'd think it would have been an obvious move.

Jane and Toby don't understand what a strike is or what it means to the operation of the school. Jane throws an entitled little fit about things being messed up by those awful workers who should just come back and do their jobs. Andy immediately jumps up and says that the students will just have to pitch in with things like laundry and cleaning and lawn work while the strike is going on. Merrie points out that they'll be undermining the workers who want the school to feel the burden of their absence, but Andy doesn't give any fucks about that. She just wants to keep the school open so they can have the carnival because that's all that matters to her.

#scabs

#screwtheworkers

The girls leave to rally the troops. They decide to make chore charts so that they'll have a battle plan to take to PA to make their case for the school and the ASC. Each dorm will be responsible for running itself, while the three dorms will take turns in the dining hall. Jane is not too thrilled about any of this. She's a Barrett and they have help to do this kind of thing for them. {delicate sniff} The other students seem more or less on board. For now.

The girls take their plan to PA who is dubious but willing to give them a chance. She doesn't want the school to be closed either. She tells them that they can still have their carnival if everything goes well but it's pretty clear that she's expecting this to go horribly wrong. Smart woman.

Hoh treats us to a description of Room 407 which I'm going to skip because you've heard it all before. The one thing to note is that Andy's bedspread is now being called “geometric patterned” instead of “striped”. I guess Hoh noticed the plaid bedspread on the last cover too. The girls get to work on copying the chore charts for everyone in the school. By hand. Which I don't think is even humanly possible. Even doing one per room for all three dorms would take bloody forever. 

Pesky logic aside, the trouble starts immediately.

Jane-the-entitled is pissed off at the employees for creating all this extra work for her. Andy comes down on the side of the employees and makes a rather unkind remark about Jane siding with management because they're “her people”. Which is completely true, but still unkind to actually say out loud. Then Jane tries to avoid putting her name on the chart beside any of the chores. She claims that organizing the schedule is enough work for her and she's going to be busy with the ASC and school. Andy shuts that down right damn quick. Everyone has to do her share. She assigns Jane to clean the bathroom on their floor. Jane's never done that before and she's horrified at the very idea.

The next morning everyone is tired from staying up late to copy the chore charts. They drag themselves out of bed and report to work. Andy and Toby are assigned to help in the dining hall and they find it much more difficult than working at the rib shack. Jane heads for the bathroom but everyone is trying to get their showers and get ready for the day so she goes back to her room to take a nap and wait for them to finish up so she can clean. Naturally Andy comes to check on her and finds her asleep.  

Jane finds cleaning the bathroom a Herculean task but she eventually prevails. She feels a glimmer of sympathy for the employees that have to clean the bathrooms every day but she squashes it like a bug on the kitchen floor. Those selfish employees are the reason she has chapped hands and two broken nails, yo.

By the time the Oakley Prep boys arrive that afternoon for carnival prep, Jane is exhausted and cranky. She immediately snaps at Cary who reacts with sympathy knowing she's had a hard day. He gently kisses her forehead even as she's glaring daggers at him.

#teamCary

Andy has more tragic news for the group. It turns out the maintenance crew builds new booths for the ASC every year. Since there is no maintenance crew now, they will have to build the booths themselves.

Really? They really build brand new booths every single year? No wonder this school has money issues. That's ridiculous.

The hardest thing will be making the frame around the dunk tank. The tank itself is in the basement of Baker House but they will have to build the frame and the mechanism. Hoh can't seriously expect us to believe that this group of kids knows how to wire up a dunk tank. Sheesh.  My disbelief can't be suspended that much.

Some of the other girls are pretty disgruntled by the end of the first day. There's talk about quitting so PA will close the school and let everyone go home. The 407 girls are shocked by this attitude. Don't those ungrateful bitches know how much the 407 girls have sacrificed for them? How dare they act like normal teenage girls who would rather be home lazing around instead of doing an entire dorm's laundry? Ingrates.

Merrie comes by to tell Jane that she needs to call home. Her mother has heard about the strike and she isn't very happy to have her daughter there. This seems like a normal parent reaction to me. She wants Jane to come home immediately. Jane argues that she can't because she'd miss too much in her classes and probably fail the year. I'm not sure the school could fail a student for going home during a strike but Jane's mother buys it. She says that Jane can stay for now, but at the first hint of trouble she'll be on the first train home.

Jane's mother isn't the only parent who feels this way. By the end of the second day, more than 30 girls have been pulled from school. This messes up the chore charts in a major way and Jane becomes even more annoyed. She stamps her feet and cries and rages against the strike and the workers and the parents and I just really want to smack her.

Later that afternoon, Randy arrives on campus looking like a “healthy farm man”. Seriously. That's what Hoh wrote to describe him. A healthy farm man. {guffaw} Randy is 21 again in this book despite being 19 a few books ago. He's so magical. He offers to drive some of the boys to town to pick up the wood they need to build the booths. Toby goes along too. Before getting to work on carnival business, Andy announces that she's going to dash to the dining hall to pick up cold drinks for the people on the picket line. Jane is incensed that Andy is going to “baby” the assholes that are making her work so hard. Andy and Cary both take Jane to task for being spoiled and insensitive but she's sure the problem is them and not her.

Meanwhile, Toby and the boys have run into their own trouble. She has a signed voucher from PA to put the wood on Canby's tab but the lumber yard won't accept it. Because the school might close at any minute, he has to have cash or he won't do business with them. Randy steps in and tells the owner that he's being a jackass. Canby's always paid their bills and they always will. Apparently the ranch does a lot of business with the lumberyard and Randy threatens to take his business elsewhere. The owner finally relents and lets them have the wood.

When Toby and the wood arrive back on campus so late, Jane is furious. She snaps at Toby...Cary defends Toby because Jane's being a bitch...then Jane accuses Toby of making her and Cary fight. Fun times. They call it quits for the day and head back to the dorm. Everything is in chaos. The place is filthy and there are no clean towels. Jane's sheets have met a laundry accident and are now pea green. She does a lot more whining and hair tossing. I didn't think Jane's character could get more unlikable after the Party Time book but I was wrong. Hoh has taken unlikable to epic new levels in this book.

At least Toby is back to normal.

The next day they tackle the carnival booths. It becomes apparent fairly quickly that Jane is useless as a carpenter. Cary sends her to the dining hall to bring everyone else cold drinks. Before she can accomplish this task....which she finds EXTREMELY beneath her by the way {delicate sniff}....Merrie intercepts her. PA has signed off on the cafeteria serving more simple meals for awhile. Things like soup and sandwiches and salads. The only problem is, they need groceries and no one has time to go get them. Merrie asks Jane to go into town and shop for the groceries. Jane can tell that Merrie doubts her ability to successfully complete this task and she's enraged anew. I'm running out of patience for little Miss Barrett.

Jane goes to the grocery store and deems the fare there not good enough. She can't imagine having to actually eat grocery store cold cuts or produce. She decides to buy the condiments there and go to a butcher for the meat, the bakery for the bread and a farmer's market for the produce. That way everything will be up to the standards of a Barrett. {delicate sniff} Unfortunately, Jane knows nothing and she runs completely out of money before she even gets to the farmer's market. The market only stocks fruit, so Jane is forced to return to the grocery store to buy the vegetables, all with her own money.

Well.....not TECHNICALLY her own money. She uses a credit card which I'm sure mommy and daddy pay for. So she used their money. I bet they'll love that when they get the bill.

When Jane gets back to campus, Cary is annoyed that she took off without letting any of them know where she was going.  She gets haughty with him even though he kind of has a point. A bunch of them are headed to the basement in Baker House to put away tools and check out the dunk tank. When they get down there, Andy asks if any of them know how to actually set up the mechanism. No one does. Matt points out that there's a notebook with the tank and thinks the instructions might be in there. Andy says it's too dark in the basement so she'll take the notebook back to Baker House and read it there.

Um.

Hoh.

They are IN the basement of Baker House. Unless you're trying to tell me that they keep the basement of Baker House separate from Baker House. Somehow. Also, are you trying to tell me that the basement of a dorm doesn't have lights?

At dinner that night, Andy gets up on a chair to lecture the school about slacking with their chores. The other girls are not amused. They ask her who elected her boss. Andy says they're all in this together and that the 407 girls promised PA that this would go well. A random student yells that Andy shouldn't have promised for the rest of them because none of this was their idea and they'd rather close the school and go home. Andy points out that if the school closes now, they'll have to make up their classes in the summer. I don't know where she heard this because I don't remember PA saying it. It does the trick though. The girls reluctantly agree to do better just because the students of Canby Hall automatically obey any entity that lives in room 407.  As does everyone else in this universe.

We have to pause here a second.  This book is super unrealistic. I don't know if this was Hoh's idea or if she was given an outline and told to write it. Either way, there's no way it would ever happen. The girls would not be allowed to remain in a school that had no maintenance staff. For health code reasons alone, the school would be closed. But let's say somehow it did remain open. I can't imagine a group of elite boarding school brats agreeing to do things like scrub toilets and do everyone's laundry. Sorry, Hoh, but I'm not buying this book at all.

The notebook they found with the dunk tank does have a diagram in it for the mechanism but it's indecipherable. Luckily, Andy's made friends with a maintenance man named Leo on the picket line and he explains everything to her. They figure everything out and get the tank ready. Jane volunteers to be the first one to try it out because she's tired of everyone thinking that she can't do anything. Sorry, Jane, but Hoh has given us printed evidence to back up the theory that you can't do anything.  It's not our fault we believe evidence over your lies.  The dunk tank works fine and everyone's relieved.

The hose they used to fill the tank is huge and heavy. Andy has no desire to try to put it up properly, so she and Matt just heave it down the stairs and leave it in a pile on the basement floor. If I remember correctly, this is important later so I'm mentioning it.

Meanwhile, Jane is having another fit (I'm not exaggerating – Hoh describes her as "jutting her bottom lip out" during this whole scene) because her laundry is not being returned within 24 hours like it used to be. There's a particular white blouse she's wanting to wear. Dee tells her that she'll just have to wear something else and Jane pouts that she always wears that blouse with her yellow sweater. Her attitude does not improve when Cary picks her up for their date. With her chin raised high, she churlishly demands to know why he always takes Andy's side when it comes to the strike. Cary says he takes her side because she's right. Jane imperiously demands to know why he cares about the people on strike when he doesn't personally know any of them. Cary replies that he cares because they're PEOPLE.

#teamCaryalldayeveryday

Cary tells Jane that she should really try to see things from the strikers' point of view but she gets pissed again and complains about how much work she has to do and how none of this is fair to HER because she's the only one who matters.

#screwtheworkers

Cary sighs and tells her he's going to walk her back to Baker House and leave. She sticks her nose so high in the air that she's sniffing Saturn's ass and stomps away.

Days pass and it's all very repetitive. Jane acts like an entitled asshole. Andy continues to provide drinks and snacks for the strikers. Andy/Jane and Jane/Cary continue to bicker about the strike. I think about 100 pages of this book could have been cut without losing any actual material because it's just saying the same things over and over and over.

Toby is assigned to garden duty on Saturday morning. One of her duties is to turn on the automatic sprinklers, let them run for awhile and then turn them back off. Randy drives up and asks her to go for a quick ride. She figures she can accomplish this while the sprinklers are doing their thing. She turns them on and then leaves with Randy. They're only supposed to be gone half an hour but they lose all track of time. By the time Toby returns, the beds are completely filled with water to the point that it's pouring out onto the surrounding lawn.

Merrie comes by and is furious. She tells Toby that she needs to have more respect for other people's things and that she's going to have to bail out the water with buckets and then empty the buckets into the pond. Toby feels terrible. Randy offers to help since it was his fault this happened. As she works, she keeps having to walk past the others who are working on the carnival booths. At first everyone is pretty cold to Toby and she's mortified. But by the time she finishes and joins them, they've thawed. Cary thaws toward Jane too and gives her another chance although I'm hard pressed to figure out why he bothers with her at all.

#setCaryfree

On Sunday, the weather is cold and drizzly but the gang heads out to work on the booths anyway. To their surprise, Leo and a couple of the other picketers bring them hot chocolate and cookies. Leo says it's in return for all the cold drinks Andy's brought them over the weeks. Plus, some of the workers feel bad for the students because they're having to work so hard. Jane just can't help herself. She lays into Leo and the other workers, blaming them for everything going wrong in her life. Andy tries to shut her up but is unsuccessful. Jane's gast is flabbered when Cary gets mad at her again.

The next day, Jane is determined to make up with Cary but he's not having any of it. She tries to talk to him but he firmly tells her that he doesn't have time to gossip and he keeps right on working. Jane is furious. That night at dinner, she complains so much that both Toby and Andy are completely disgusted with her. She continues to be annoying back up in their room and poor Toby finally escapes to the showers just to get away from her. As soon as she's gone, someone comes up to say that Toby has a long distance phone call downstairs. Jane knows it's Neal and races down to talk to him.

Jane starts in with a long list of complaints and Neal listens but doesn't take her side. He refrains from addressing the Cary situation but in his head he wishes Cary luck with his handful and is grateful to be with Toby now. He tells her that he supports the workers and she is so furious that she hangs up on him. Back in the room, she doesn't even bother to tell Toby that Neal called. Andy has to do it. Toby is a little upset that Jane took the call instead of coming to get her. Jane goes to bed feeling betrayed by everyone in her life.

It's somehow Saturday again and the girls wake up to a raging storm. Hail shatters their window and several others in Baker House. They all gather in the hall for safety until the hail is over. The electricity is out but the place is insufferably hot so they assume the furnace must be malfunctioning. When the hail stops, Merrie tells them that they'll have to tack blankets up over their broken windows to keep the rain out. Although how fabric blankets are going to keep rain out is beyond me. I don't think Hoh knows what rain is.

Merrie asks someone to go down to the basement to shut off the gas to the furnace so the temperature will go down. Jane doesn't want to do any glass cleaning or blanket nailing so she volunteers to go take care of the furnace. Merrie warns her that the basement is probably flooded and tells her to take someone with her. Jane doesn't listen.

When she gets down to the basement, the floor is covered in more than an inch of water. She doesn't want to get her slippers wet, so she goes barefoot across the floor. Not something I'd do in a basement. There's no telling what you could step on. (#tetanusshot)  She finds the furnace and turns off the gas. On her way back to the stairs, she figures out why the basement is flooding. There's a hole in the wall and water is pouring in from the heavy rain outside. She looks around and finds a pile of firewood. It takes her awhile, but eventually she finds a log that will plug the hole and the rain stops coming in.

She's completely soaked and freezing now but she soon discovers she can't get out of the basement. The door won't open and no one hears her knocking and calling for help. There's a door that leads outside and she decides it would be better to be out in the storm briefly than it would be to freeze in the dark basement. Back down the stairs she goes, but this time she's halted before she can get across the floor. Something has wrapped itself tightly around her right ankle.

Remember that hose Andy just threw down there? I told you it was going to be important.

We momentarily head hop to Andy and Toby who are cleaning up glass on the first floor. They hear knocking and discover Matt and Cary have arrived. Some windows have also been broken at Oakley so they've come to see if the girls need help. Andy tells them that everything is handled. Cary is worried about Jane and asks where she is. The girls have no idea.

We're back with Jane who is struggling to free her foot from the hose. The hose has magically changed color, by the way. When Andy was wrestling with it, it was red. Now it's black. KEEP UP WITH YOUR OWN DAMN STORY, HOH! Jane can't get free because her fingers are so numb from the cold water. The more Jane struggles to free herself, the tighter the hose gets. She even manages to get her left foot tangled up as well. To add to her troubles, the log pops out of the hole and water begins to pour into the basement again. She remembers Merrie saying the basement once flooded to the top of the stairs. If that happens again, she'll drown. She begins to scream for help again.

Upstairs, Andy hears her. They all race to the basement door but they can't get it open. Toby tells them about the second door and they all dash into the storm to reach it. They're stunned when they find Jane just standing in the middle of the basement. She explains she's stuck in a hose and they all get to work freeing her. Unfortunately, Jane has struggled so much against the hose that her skin is rubbed raw and her ankles are swollen. The first time Cary touches her foot she screams in pain. He goes completely white and jumps up to hug her.

The water is so deep now that they can't even kneel down to work on the coils of the hose. Matt goes to find something to plug the hole again while Toby and Cary work to free Jane. Andy is holding her up and trying to warm her a little. They get the first foot free and Jane nearly faints from the pain of the blood rushing back into her foot. The second foot is easier because the coils of the hose have been loosened. Cary picks her up and they're shocked to see her ankles. They're both swollen to twice their normal size and the skin has been rubbed off in places where she struggled. Andy starts to cry.

Toby doesn't think Jane should be taken through the outside door because of the storm still raging outside. Andy solves the problem by taking an ax to the inside door. Cary carries Jane up four flights of stairs and I think the whole rescuing Jane scene is why I kept this book. Curse my romantic heart.

Jane gets dry and first-aided. Cary stays with her the rest of the day. Eventually the rain stops and Matt, Toby and Andy head out to see what damage was done to the carnival booths. Nine out of ten of them are completely destroyed. Andy snaps. She tells them that she's going to march to PA's office and demand that the strike be ended. Toby offers to go with her for moral support.

When they get to PA's office, the headmistress looks sad and defeated. She tells them that the school will have to be closed now. She has no choice. Andy demands she end the strike and PA is hurt. She asks Andy if Andy really believes she wouldn't have already done that if she could. PA has no power in this. The Board of Trustees are the only ones who can end the strike and they don't seem to want to. Andy feels bad that she thought PA was responsible. She asks for the names of the trustees. She intends to contact every one of them herself. PA hesitates but then smiles and wishes Andy luck.

The next morning, Toby and Andy dress in their most respectable clothes (well, JANE'S most respectable clothes) and head out with Matt chauffeuring to knock on the trustees' doors. Matt knows the first one. He advises them to just be straight-forward with the guy. I'm really not going to bore you with the details of all this. Andy and Toby meet with all but two of the board members and present their case for why the workers should get their hours back. They go home feeling like it had no impact whatsoever.

Meanwhile, Jane's mother calls. One of the girls answers and tells her about the accident. Consequently, Jane's mother phones Merrie and announces she'll be pulling Jane out of school on Wednesday.  Why not immediately you ask?  Well, because Hoh needs some emotional impact in her book and having everyone stew over Jane's departure will fit the bill nicely.

They all go to dinner that night but no one is eating. Everyone has heard the school is closing and that the carnival booths are ruined and no one has an appetite. When PA shows up, they all assume they'll be told to pack up. Instead she tells them that the strike is over. Andy and Toby for the win! Not only have the workers already started to return and get to work, but PA is going to excuse them all from classes on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday so they can get the carnival ready to go.

Jane is still morose. She's pretty sure she'll still be going home Wednesday night. She doesn't think her parents will change their minds. Andy reminds her that the carnival always has a pie eating contest and that pies are scheduled to be baked on Tuesday evening. She says that Jane can make the best pie ever and then present it to her parents as an example of all she's learned at Canby and then her parents will let her stay.

{Snort.}

Seriously?

This is REALLY the plan?

For fuck's sake, Hoh. What the hell?

Wednesday arrives. It's the first day of the carnival, so when Jane's parents arrive to collect her, she forces them to come see all the fruits of her labor. Fortunately she doesn't have to resort to the stupid pie plan because her parents have so much fun at the carnival that they decide to let her stay.

What?

Oh, I don't care anymore.

The book ends with everyone eating tacos. So....there's that.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I could give this to almost anyone since EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER was less annoying than Jane. I think I'll award it to Leo because he was awesome in the three scenes he had.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Please. You guys know who gets this. Jane, come on down. It couldn't get more annoying than Jane in this book. She reached epic new levels of awfulness. WHY IS CARY WITH HER??? This mystery is almost deeper than the tea bag, y'all.

#setCaryfree

Coming up next: Is the super cute new girl scamming everyone? {shrug}  Probably.