Warning: Contains Spoilers!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book. Because you know at least one of them did.
Tag Line: A princess is coming to Canby Hall! (Well, that was a lame tag line.)From the Back of the Book: She's a real live princess! The Princess Allegra of Montavia is touring boarding schools, and Jane, Andy and Toby are put in charge of her during her visit to Canby Hall. Everyone is excited, and Jane gives plenty of advice on how to treat royalty. But the princess is more interested in real life than Jane's royal treatment. She takes immediately to Andy's with-it ways - as well as to Toby's not-quite boyfriend Randy. Then Princess Allegra disappears! Has she been kidnapped? Only Toby suspects the real truth. But is she willing to help a princess in distress?
Okay...."Andy's with-it ways" made me snort.
This book was published in 1987 and I
think I read it at the time. I don't remember anything about it.
Some of these just seem really forgettable. I'm guessing that means
there isn't much Cary in it because I tend to remember the books better
when he is around. The ghostie for this book is Carol Ellis
whose name you will recognize from my other blog. She wrote a lot of
Point Horror. Some were great and some were awful, so I have no idea
what to expect from her with this book. (Note from future me: She ruined everything!!!!! But not in a way you'd expect.)
Jane is still pretty prominent on the
cover but Andy gets out of the background for this one. Poor Toby is
still in the shadows though. Someday it will be her turn to shine!
#giveTobyadamncoveralready
On a side note, this recap almost
didn't happen. I had the hardest time finding a copy of this book.
I went through four different booksellers and the transactions kept
getting canceled because they couldn't find it in their inventory.
Finally the fifth time was the charm, but it was a real nail-biter
wondering if it would get here in time. I learned my lesson and
ordered the next few early.
Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the
basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society
princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small
town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the
nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt
who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and
sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I guess I should say she's
dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her
family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at
the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal
from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on
local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow
him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, a girl
named Penny transferred over into Baker House after her dorm
was damaged by the storm in the ASC book. Penny charmed everyone
with her amusing stories and her oh-so-helpless act. Everyone except
Toby who saw right through her from the beginning. The B-plot
involved taking prospective students around on a tour, a literary
contest and Jane double-booking AGAIN when she promised Cary she'd go
to a gig with him on the same night she had campus-tour obligations
with her roommates.
Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former
407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama, Faith-the-sanctimonious
and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison.
Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship
them at least once every book.
Missing, Presumed Dead:
Laura Lee is still notably absent. I truly fear she's buried under the tulips with Yolanda and Michael-the-school-shrink.
Risen from the Tulip Bed: Gigi makes a four sentence appearance!! Way to go, Ellis, for remembering the little people.
We begin with Jane who is too
distracted to study for finals. She tells us how beautiful the
spring day is outside and then describes the room to us. Last book,
Andy's bedspread was “a modern print of earth tones” but
this book it's “diagonal earth-toned stripes”. Why is
her bedspread so magical????? It's been checked and striped. It's
been a geometric print and a modern print. I'm so confused. Does
she have five of these damn things and rotate them on a regular
basis?
Do the ghosties actually read the prior
books before they write theirs? I'm betting not. But Jane's
bedspread and Toby's bedspread never change. It's just weird that Andy's does.
Andy comes in the room with a care
package so we get the standard paragraphs about how much her big
family from Chicago misses her and how her care packages are
legendary around Baker House. Today's box contains caramel corn and
the girls are committed to stuffing themselves so they won't have to
eat their dinner. Which leads us to the standard paragraph of how
awful the food is at this expensive private school.
#Istillcallbullshit
The three of them settle in to study
although none of them can keep their minds on their work. Andy is
thinking about her upcoming audition for next year's advanced dance
class. Toby is thinking about her horse Max who has a cough. Jane
is thinking about Cary and wondering what he's up to. Finally Merry
(current housemother) shows up and they can stop pretending to be
studious. She tells them that PA (head bitch in charge) wants to see
them all before supper. The girls are apprehensive but head for her
house.
PA sits them down and tells them she
has a special assignment for them. A prospective student has
contacted the school and asked for a tour. Ordinarily it would be
too late because admission letters have already been sent out but
this is a special case. No one else but the girls of 407 will do
because they are universally worshipped by every student and adult at
Canby for reasons I have been wholly unable to determine. These
girls are assholes and stop speaking to each other at least once a
book but they are still held up as a shining example of friendship
and PA in particular seems to think they are very best of what Canby
has to offer. Which just makes me think Canby isn't a very good
school at all.
PA tells them that the prospective
student is Her Royal Highness Princess Allegra of Montavia
which is apparently a small European country that Jane conveniently
just learned all about in her History book. She's making a tour of a
bunch of American private schools and will be at Canby for a week.
Why would it take a week for this?
It's pretty inconsiderate of PA to expect the girls to babysit for a
week when finals are coming up.
They leave PA's house and decide they
can't face Tuna Surprise in the cafeteria, so they head for Pizza
Pete's. Apparently every other girl on campus had the same,
unsurprising thought because the place is packed. Fortunately for
the ever-blessed 407 girls, Dee and Maggie (the girls
from 409) and Penny from the last book are there and willing
to share a table. So nice to see Penny isn't buried in the garden
with Laura Lee and Yolanda.
The 407 girls fill the others in on
their assignment. Jane is really the only one excited. She says it
will boost Canby's reputation to have a member of royalty in
attendance and Jane is all about reputation. Andy is just miffed
because she has too much to do. Toby is apprehensive because she
knows she and the princess will have nothing in common and Dee is
just generally unimpressed with the entire thing. Maggie is
strangely quiet on the whole topic. She's probably planning an
assassination. I can't possibly trust anyone who shares blood with
Dana-the-life-ruiner.
#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes
Cary pops into Pizza Pete's on his way
to work at the diner and asks Jane to take a short walk with him.
Ellis kind of glosses over how he found her there. Jane tells him
about the princess and he jokes that maybe Ambulance (his punk band)
should preform for her. Jane gets her anus in a pucker at the
thought. We get the standard
Jane-and-Cary-are-from-two-different-worlds paragraphs. Cary is
happy that Jane is so excited about the princess thing but sad he
won't see her much while she's busy with it. Jane tells him that she
and her roommates are in charge of cleaning and painting the room the
Princess will be in and if he helps, they can spend all kinds of time
together.
What?
PA put them in charge of getting the
room ready for a super-important visit?
There's no way in hell I'm buying that,
Ellis. Move along because you aren't selling that bullshit here.
Cary agrees to help paint and the two
part ways.
Toby and Andy wait for Jane to come
back so they can walk back to campus together. Andy remarks that
Jane seems really excited for HRH's visit and she wonders if Jane
might want to do most of the actual entertaining herself. Toby would
be happy to let Jane take the reigns on this visit. They both
acknowledge that they can't refuse to help but they both hope Jane
will take it out of their hands.
The next few days are busy with
preparations. In addition to painting the room HRH will use, the
room has to be furnished and decorated and an additional room has to
be constructed in the basement for HRH's bodyguards. Jane is running around collecting houseplants,
lamps and fluffy towels from the other girls to decorate the room.
Everyone is super excited to meet a real, live princess.
Matt and Cary are among the painters.
They're both happy to be spending time with their girlfriends. Jane
is being a royal know-it-all and giving mini etiquette lessons about
royalty which no one is really paying attention to. Andy is worried
about her dance routine for auditions. Matt offers to watch it and
give his true opinion. In a normal book, I would think this was a
dangerous idea because he's her boyfriend, but this is a 407 girl so I
know her dance will be breathtaking and awe-inspiring and the most
perfectly perfect thing that has ever been danced.
Everyone gets hungry and Toby
volunteers to go for pizza. Her mind is on her horse but she doesn't
share it with anyone because she thinks they couldn't possibly
understand. On the way to Pizza Pete's, Randy appears and offers
her a ride. We get the standard super-hot-rancher-too-old-for-Toby
paragraph here which segues into the standard
Neal-the-proper-Bostonian paragraph. Toby talks to Randy about her
worries over Max's cough and her apprehension about having to
entertain a princess. He tells her to feel free to bring the princess
out to the ranch for a ride.
We skip to Sunday when HRH arrives.
The girls of Baker House are literally hanging out their windows to
get a glimpse of her as she steps out of her limo. She's pretty –
slim with long, loose curls and saucer-like eyes. She greets
everyone politely and then the 407 crew shows her to her room. Later
Jane takes her on a campus tour while Andy and Toby get back to their
regular lives. Maggie comes to pump them for information but they
don't really have any. HRH is very quiet.
We hop over to Jane who is frustrated
by HRH's lack of interest in the buildings on campus, the history of Canby Hall and the
traditions of the students. In fact, Allegra seems bored out of her
mind and Jane is offended. Suddenly Gigi appears to snark on Jane's
failure to captivate the princess. Wow....someone remembered Gigi
existed. I guess I can cross her off my “Missing” list.
#continuityforachange
To Jane's surprise, Allegra snarks back
on Gigi and Gigi is left sputtering in shock. She stomps off and
Allegra bursts out laughing. She tells Jane that she enjoyed that
immensely and then asks if it's time for lunch. Jane suggests they
go into town and dine at the Greenleaf Inn but Allegra shoots that
down real damn fast. She's tired of being treated like a princess
and just wants to be a regular Canby girl. She wants to play pranks
and break rules and get into snark fights. Jane doesn't think this
describes a “regular Canby girl” at all but she dutifully leads
Allegra to the dining hall.
Later Jane tells Andy all about Allegra
wanting to be a "real girl". She thinks Andy might have a better shot
at entertaining the princess. Andy is disappointed. She was really
hoping that Jane would carry the entire visit. She can't figure out
why they have to spend so much time with Allegra anyway. Shouldn't she be
okay on her own for a day or so? But she knows it's her job, so she
agrees to take her turn.
Allegra comes to 407 to meet Andy and
is naturally curious about the tea bag hanging over Toby's bed. You
know, I have a theory about that. As a teen, I never could come up
with any explanation about it but, as an adult, I'm wondering if
maybe it was the bag from the last cup of tea Toby's mom made before
she died. Just a theory. I guess we'll see if it pans out.
Andy is resentful of the princess and
refuses to plan anything special for her. Instead, she decides that
the princess is going to watch her dance rehearsal. Andy's not
narcissistic at all, y'all. Just because she thinks the princess is
going to be enraptured by her dancing skillz doesn't mean she's
self-important. She's just realistic. Everyone on campus knows the
407 girls are just the best.
#room407worshipalldayeveryday
Andy works on her audition for 45
minutes. I'm sure HRH was riveted. Afterwards, she takes the
princess into town to eat at the diner. Cary is working and Allegra
is surprised to hear he's dating Jane. Andy and Allegra chat over
cheeseburgers and Allegra mentions how isolated and boring her life
at the castle is.
#privilegedprincessproblems
Toward the end of dinner, Allegra drops
a bombshell in the middle of the fry plate. She reveals that she is
engaged to Prince Frederick of Almare. His country borders
her country and the marriage will unite the kingdoms. He's 34. THIRTY FOUR. This seems illegal, Ellis. Andy
is shocked. For once, Andy is all of us.
#thisisanoddfeeling
Allegra has made a deal with her
parents. If they let her spend her senior year abroad, she'll return
after graduation and marry the old man without protest. I guess it
won't be illegal at that point but it's still super gross.
That night, the girls have a pig-out
party. It never really says who is there other than Allegra but it
mentions a couple of other people so I'm going to assume Dee and
Maggie. They eat their way through Andy's latest care package and
everyone has a great time. It turns out the princess is a pretty cool chick.
The next day, Andy takes another turn
with Allegra but she doesn't mind this time. They go to class and
the cafeteria and all the normal things a Canby girl would do on a
weekday. You know...go to the library....bury ancillary characters
under the tulips....normal things. The next few pages continue on in
this boring fashion. They study. Toby worries about Max. Jane
makes a date with Cary. Andy makes an appointment for studio time.
Nothing really happens except Toby finds out she has to take her turn with Allegra the next day because the other two are busy.
So, the morning of Toby's turn, the two
of them (plus security of course) head out to Randy's ranch. Allegra
is in full-on riding gear (jodhpurs and riding boots natch) and Toby
feels dumb in her jeans and plaid shirt. The first thing Toby
notices is that the place has been tidied up and some repairs have
been made. It's pretty clear they spruced the place up for the princess. Randy is nervous but instantly charmed by Allegra.
Toby's jealous streak gets a little bit wider as she notices how the
two of them hit it off and instantly become wrapped up in each other.
Allegra doesn't show up for dinner that
night. The 407 girls assume she's finally had enough of the sludge
the cafeteria passes off for food and she's eating in her room.
Maggie disabuses them of that notion, though. She went to town to
buy batteries for her walkman and saw Allegra and Randy going into
Pizza Pete's together. Everyone thinks it's terribly romantic.
Except Toby.
Toby is crushed. She's held on to the
hope that someday Randy will realize the five-year gap in their ages
isn't too much and sweep her off her feet. Or....you know....that he'll have one of his magical age changes and stick on one closer to hers. He makes her feel
something that Neal doesn't and she feels in her heart that he's her
one true match. Depressed, she goes back to her room and gets right
into bed.
Andy tries to talk to her when she gets
back to the room but Toby isn't interested in conversation. She
won't talk to Jane either and eventually her roommates give up and
start studying. At some point everyone goes to bed. Andy is almost
asleep when she hears a knock on the door. She and Jane get up to
answer it. It's Allegra. She's fallen in love and she needs their
help.
They go up to Allegra's room and she
tells them all about how she and Randy are in love. You know...after
one date and like 8 hours together. Clearly they're meant to be.
She wants two favors. She wants to borrow some clothes from Andy and
she wants the 407 girls to help her ditch her security guards for her
date the next night. I don't thing those two things are related.
So this grand plan is that Allegra is
going to tell her guards that she's going somewhere with Jane and
Andy and they should wait for her outside the main hall. Then Jane and Andy are to wait just inside the doors of the main hall as
if they're waiting for her to come down. By the time the guards
realize she isn't coming down, she and Randy will have had some
private time together. Allegra knows the guards will catch back up
with them, but she figures a little privacy is better than none.
The next morning, the plan begins and
seems to be off to an okay start. Jane and Andy have a momentary
panic when PA shows up and asks them why they're standing around
instead of studying for finals. They tell her they're waiting for
the princess and she carries on. A scream rings out from the top
floor where Allegra's room is located and pandemonium breaks out. Everyone
runs that way except Andy and Jane. Which is hella stupid, y'all.
Yes, the scream is a diversion to get Allegra out the door but it's
going to look mighty suspicious that they didn't react to it at all.
You know.....almost like they knew it was going to happen.
#thenagaintheadultsatCanbyareidiots
The diversion turns out to be completely unintended. Which doesn't at all explain why Andy and Jane didn't react. Ellis tells us initially that they were expecting the scream but later she says that the scream was a lucky coincidence. #fuckcontinuity Anyway, the scream was a girl
from another dorm. She went to get Allegra's
autograph and saw a spider in the hall and screamed. Either this was or wasn't part of the original plan. Ellis seems unclear. The guards discover Allegra is missing and they
ask Jane and Andy where she went. Jane immediately tells them that
she went to Randy's ranch and they take off. All in all, Allegra got
maybe 30 minutes of private time out of the chaos. Seems like a lot
of work for so little payoff.
Over the next few days, Allegra plans
several more “escapes” to spend some alone time with Randy. Toby
becomes more and more withdrawn. Jane and Andy assume it's because
she's worried about her horse. They encourage her to call home but
she's terrified she'll get bad news so she refuses. Finally Jane
makes the call herself. Toby's dad has a little trouble
understanding Jane's Bostonian accent but finally they manage to
communicate successfully. It turns out the horse is fine. Toby's
uncle Max had a cough but he's feeling better now. And the B plot
concludes satisfactorily.
Back to the A plot....Allegra is
growing depressed about her imminent departure. She doesn't want to
leave Randy. She knows her parents are going to be mad when they
hear she's been spending so much time with him. In fact, they might
be so mad that they won't let her come back to Canby in the fall.
After Allegra leaves, it finally dawns
on Jane and Andy that Toby has been so quiet and miserable because of
Allegra and Randy.
#duh
They feel awful for going on and on
about this fairy tale romance in front of Toby who has been suffering
with every word. Toby comes back to the room and they try to talk to
her about it but she shuts them down. She says talking doesn't fix
anything and she'd rather just sleep.
The next day Toby is gone before they
wake up. The sign out sheet says she's gone into town. Andy heads
off to rehearse her audition number again. Cary calls Jane and
invites her to breakfast at the diner. He says he needs her advice
about something, so she gets dressed and heads that way.
Jane eats an alarming amount of
pancakes and then asks Cary what he needs advice about. Just then
Andy and Matt walk into the diner so he waves them over too. He says
Allegra and Randy were at the diner the previous evening and he and
Allegra started talking about music. She got excited when she heard
he had a band and she begged for a performance. Cary can't decide
whether it should be a private concert just for Allegra or a bigger
party with people from Oakley and Canby. Jane, Andy and Matt vote
for the bigger party and Cary says he'll take care of inviting
everyone. They decide to have it on Saturday – Allegra's last day
– and combine it with a going away party.
The rest of the chapter is Allegra
crying over leaving Randy and Toby sulking over Randy being in love
with Allegra. I think Randy's had three actual sentences in this
book but if I did a wordle, his name would be ENORMOUS because it's
uttered every other paragraph.
Saturday arrives and the party starts.
Randy and Allegra aren't there yet but everyone assumes that they're
having a private moment alone first. Toby isn't there either but her
roommates didn't expect her to be. The party is in full swing when
Randy bursts into the gym alone. He asks if anyone has seen Allegra
but no one has. The guards are hot on his heels. They don't know
where she is either.
Later they all gather at PA's house (including Toby) and learn that Allegra
disappeared from the diner before Randy arrived for their date. She
went to the restroom and slipped out a side door. A concern arises
that she might have been kidnapped and PA ends up calling the police
in. Toby has to hear Randy going on and on about how much he cares
for Allegra and it guts her.
Toby goes for a walk to think. She
just can't face going back to the dorms where everyone will be
talking about Allegra. She knows the focus is on a kidnapping but
Toby thinks that Allegra probably ran away. As she's walking into
Greenleaf, it occurs to her that there's only two ways out of town if
you don't have a car – the train and the bus. She passes the bus
station first and peeks inside. Allegra is there.
Ellis. Do you really expect me to
believe that no one checked the bus station. I'm sorry. #bullshit
Toby goes in and sits beside her.
Allegra says she just wants out and she can't think of any other way.
She's just going to disappear. Toby doesn't say anything for a bit.
She's thinking about how she's been so mad at Allegra for taking
Randy away but the truth is that it was Randy. He fell in love with
someone else and Toby is going to have to accept that. She calls
Allegra out for being selfish – for making Randy and her family
worry about her. She tells Allegra that running away from your
problems never solves anything. Allegra agrees because it was uttered by a 407 girl and the two of them walk back to campus.
The next morning, Allegra comes to say
her goodbyes. She tells the girls she won't be back. Her parents
aren't likely to let her out of their sight again. She'll just be a
good girl and marry the prince and everyone will be happy. Well, Ms
Andrea Cord will not accept this! She puts her hands on her hips and
delivers Allegra a lecture about standing up for herself because
diplomatic relation mean nothing. Nothing, I say! She tells Allegra
to fight for her rights and Allegra agrees to do it because the 407
girls MUST BE FUCKING OBEYED.
The book ends as Allegra leaves and the
girls get ready to go back to their regular lives. At least Ellis
has the dignity not to end with one of those super cheesy lines we've
almost come to expect.
You know.....as a whole....this one WAS
better written than a lot of them. But I'll deny that if you tell
anyone I said it.
The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf
Award: Guys. This is weird. No one in this book was annoying. I
know, I know. I couldn't believe it either, but there it is. No one
cheated on anyone or stopped talking to a friend because of something
dumb. No one acted entitled or out of character. This is turning my
whole world upside down. So who do I give this too? Everyone? I
think it might kill me. Okay....I give this award to Joseph
and Rodger (the bodyguards) because they put up with a lot of
crap and never complained.
The Bitch of Baker House Award: This
is unprecedented but I have no one to give this too. Way to go,
Ellis. You ruined my thing. Just for that, I'm giving this award to
you. Enjoy it. {{mwah}}
Coming up next: A mysterious girl in
old-fashioned clothing begins to appear around campus. Could it be
the ghost of Julia Canby? Um.....I'm thinking, no. But, hey, what
do I know?
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