The Ghost of Canby Hall (Book 25) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language."

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: No one believes in ghosts - do they?

From the Back of the Book: Has Julia Canby come back?  Jane knows she's seen the ghost of 13-year-old Julia Canby, in whose memory Canby Hall was founded long ago.  Toby thinks Jane could be right.  Andy is disgusted with both her roommates.  Ghosts?  Impossible!  No such thing!  Then other people begin to see the mysterious figure in the old-fashioned clothes - including Toby.  And Andy.  Has Julia Canby returned to haunt the school?  With exams ahead, and Jane's essay for the Literature Award competition due, the last thing anyone needs is a distraction, especially a supernatural one.  Can Andy get her roommates to agree to work together to solve the mystery of the ghost of Canby Hall?

That blurb is a mess as always.  Andy was never disgusted with Toby and Julia was 14, not 13 when she died.

This book was published in 1987 and I have never read this one. In fact, I don't think I was even aware of its existence Ordinarily I'd be excited to read one of these for the first time, but the ghostie for this book is Diane Hoh. Sigh. She shows up a lot on my other blog and other recappers seem to absolutely love her but I just....don't. Why? Why did it have to be Hoh? It's just not fair!!!!!

Before we begin, we should talk about this cover. Who does this effing bedroom belong to? Because it's not 407. The walls are the wrong color, the bedspreads aren't right, the position of the beds is all wrong and that window should not be in that spot. I suppose I should give the cover artists credit for not having Toby in a huge shadow for once. You know, like the one that's eating Andy. But even though Toby is the only character standing...and should therefore be the prominent one....my eye goes straight to Jane. I think she's better lit or something. Why do these cover artists love Jane so much?  

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, the 407 girls were tasked with showing a legitimate princess around Canby Hall. It turned out that HRH Princess Allegra was a pretty chill chick who just wanted to be a regular girl for awhile. This involved eating cafeteria food and watching the girls study for finals. Riveting. It also involved falling in love with the magical Randy and enlisting the help of the student body to escape her bodyguards so that she and Randy could make out with each other's faces in private. Allegra was betrothed to an old man in her own country, so she and Randy were destined for heartache but the girls of 407 stepped in and convinced her to fight for her right to marry for love. AND THE GIRLS OF 407 MUST BE FUCKING OBEYED. Oh, and Andy had some kind of super important audition for an advanced dance class being held during the fall term which she rocked, of course, because the 407 girls are universally worshiped for everything they do.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee and Yolanda are still buried in the garden, as is Michael-the-school-shrink.  To my complete surprise, Randy is 99.9% absent from this book and I fear there might be a fresh mound of dirt somewhere on campus.  His name is uttered once when Toby thinks of inviting him somewhere but decides to ask Neal instead (probably because a decomposing rancher at dinner would raise too many questions).  Other than that.....nothing.  These books are scary without Randy.  For what it's worth, Allegra is probably pushing up the tulips as well.  No one talks about her at all this book.  She was the subject of the entire thing last time and you'd think someone would at least mention her in passing.  It's like the last book never existed.

Risen From the Tulip Bed:  No one is resurrected this book.

We begin with Toby and Jane walking across campus, rhapsodizing about early spring in Massachusetts.....which confuses me. Several books ago, they held the Almost SUMMER Carnival and last book they were studying for finals. Which, by all rights, should be taking place in May. It's been spring for a very long time now. So why are the trees just beginning to bud?

#fuckcontinuity

We get the standard paragraph about how the roommates are all very different. Toby likes the outdoors, Jane likes being a shrew, Andy likes judging them all, but they all come together when there's a body to bury in the tulip bed. You know, the usual. Andy is waiting for them in the cafeteria and musing about how Jane is always late. She supposes it's because Jane thinks the world revolves around her and that's a pretty astute observation but a bitchy one to make about your best friend.

Jane and Toby finally arrive and they all get in line to get their food. I was waiting for the standard paragraph about how awful the food is in this expensive, exclusive private school (#Istillcallbullshit) but it doesn't come. Weird. Penny shows up, though, and announces that she, Jane and Gigi are up for some literary award. It's nice to see Gigi in the land of the living again. The award will be given at some banquet that the entire student body attends and Jane immediately fantasizes about being the star of the night.

When the girls get back to Baker House, there's a note tacked to the door from their housemother Merrie. All it says is “I dropped by to say Hi” which makes me wonder what the point of it even was. Why go to all the trouble of finding paper, a pin and a tack just to write “I dropped by to say Hi”???? The girls decide to put off studying for finals for awhile so they can go upstairs to Merrie's room and return the hi. When they get there, they find Merrie in the following outfit:

“She was wearing a beige skirt unbuttoned down the front over white shorts and a white t-shirt.”

What the actual fuck?

First of all, I can't even figure out the skirt unbuttoned down the front part. How the hell does it stay on? And why the hell does a skirt even button down the front? Maybe the better question is, why is Merrie wearing a t-shirt UNDER her skirt? Is she topless above? THIS OUTFIT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it possible it was a typo and Hoh meant she was wearing a beige SHIRT unbuttoned down the front? I'm so confused.

Anyway, Merrie tells them that an estate in England just gifted Canby Hall with some items that once belonged to Julia Canby. Julia is the reason that the school is named Canby Hall. She died tragically at the age of 14 from a fever and her father went on to found the school in her memory. Merrie hasn't actually seen the items but she thinks they include a music box and a diary. The items are displayed in the library for everyone to see.

The girls are less than enthusiastic and Merrie is puzzled by their disinterest. I guess she forgot these girls don't give a flying fox about anything that doesn't directly involve them. Toby sees Merrie's disappointment and says they'll check everything out when they go to the library to study. They head back downstairs and Andy is extremely put out that Merrie didn't congratulate Jane on the lit award nomination. For no reason that I can determine, Jane then snaps at Andy and says Merrie can't play favorites. Way to escalate things for no reason, Hoh.

#creatingdramawherenoneexists

The girls reach the library where a small crowd is gathered around the exhibit. Toby is fascinated by the porcelain music box with the painting of an ice skater on the top. It plays a song called the Skater's Waltz which everyone seems to recognize right off the bat. I looked it up and I DID recognize parts of it but not enough to actually identify it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zirn3M3ewQc

There you go. I'm a full-service recapper.

Jane is fascinated by the diary and asks the librarian if she can take it to a quiet corner to read. The librarian gives her permission because there's no one else in the exhibit (where a small crowd had been just a few sentences before - what the hell, Hoh?) but she tells Jane that if anyone else comes in, she'll need to share the diary. This enrages Jane who “feels a strong sense of ownership toward the diary”. You know, the diary she doesn't actually own? The one that belongs to the school?

#entitledmuch?

Jane quickly settles in with the diary and we're treated to a few entries. It seems Julia, at the tender age of 14, is resentful that she's being treated like a child.  She's also resentful about someone named Mathilde who is preventing her from having fun.  And her father for taking her to London away from her friends.  So basically she just resents everyone and everything.  Sounds like she'd fit right in with our protagonists.

At dinner that night, everyone is congratulating Penny and Jane on their lit award nominations but no one is congratulating Gigi. She gets mad and swears that the other two won't win. Andy is concerned by the “threat” even though it didn't sound threatening at all. I guess Hoh wants us to think it's threatening so she had one of her characters comment on it. SHOW DON'T TELL, HOH.

#writing101

Jane and Andy then get in a bizarre fight. Andy wants to call Oakley Prep and see what the guys are up to. Jane doesn't want to get distracted by Cary's “gorgeous smile” and says she needs to study. Andy is furious and asks her if she's really going to study or if she's just going to read some dumb old diary all night. Jane tells Andy that she (Andy) got the lowest score in room 407 on the history midterm so maybe she should spend a little time reading historical documents herself. Then she stomps away.

What the fuck was that?

#dumbestreasonforafightever

Andy asks Toby to do something fun with her but Toby says she has to go back to the room to study for her geometry final. Andy calls Matt and asks him to a movie but he also declines in order to study. For some inexplicable reason, all this rejection makes her stare deeply at a painting of Julia hanging in Baker House. She tries to imagine what Julia was thinking and feeling as she sat for the portrait. Probably the same thing I'm thinking and feeling........ “this is mind-numbingly boring”. As she stares at the painting, the figure seems to wink at her. I suppose this is meant to be suspenseful and spooky but Hoh makes a mash of it.

Later they're all back in their room. Toby and Andy are studying, but Jane is reading some copies she made of the diary pages. For some reason, Jane being so obsessed with the diary seems to be a bee up Andy's butt. She won't drop the subject and spends several paragraphs berating Jane for being so useless. I can't figure out why this matters so much to either of them. Jane says that it's fun reading a diary written by a girl just like her. I'm not sure how she concluded that Julia Canby was just like her, but okay. Andy's behavior is a bigger mystery, though. Why should she care if Jane enjoys reading the diary? This affects her life in NO WAY WHATSOEVER.

Toby and Andy eventually fall asleep but Jane stays up with the pages late into the night. When she finally does decide to turn out her light and get some sleep, she suddenly hears “The Skater's Waltz” playing from somewhere in Baker House. She immediately assumes that someone has the music box in Baker and she's puzzled because it isn't supposed to leave the library. I suppose this is reasonable because clearly there can only be one thing in the entire world that could possibly play that song.

#wearen'tidiotsHoh     #butyourcharacterssureare

The next morning is somehow Sunday. Not sure how that happened. Jane asks her roommates what they're going to be doing that day. Andy says she's going to blackmail Matt into coming over to study with her by telling him if he doesn't, she'll tell the entire campus he only has to shave twice a week. Dumbest threat ever. Jane asks Toby if she wants to go to the library with her and Andy immediately says in a “warning tone” that she hopes Jane isn't going to spend all day with the diary. Jane replies that she intends to study but she doesn't intend to spend the whole day studying and Andy replies “grumpily” that she should. She secretly hopes that the exhibit will be busy so Jane won't even be able to read the diary.

What IS this? It makes no sense that Andy would be so upset with this. It's starting to come across as if Andy thinks people can only care about the things she cares about and if they care about something else she's going to tell them over and over how wrong they are. Which.....isn't so unbelievable really if you think about it but I really doubt that was the aim here. We're just going to hashtag this so I can quit saying it over and over.

#thismakesnosense    #Andy'swayorthehighway

At breakfast they meet up with Maggie (#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes) and Dee from next door and the adorable Penny. Dee asks if they heard the waltz music late last night and Penny confirms that she did. Jane says nothing but she's surprised that anyone else heard it. After all, it's only the 407 girls that special things happen to and the entire campus should know this.

Andy meets up with Matt after and gives him a long, bitchy speech about how ridiculous Jane and Toby (who is fascinated with the music box) are acting. She wants him to agree with her but he points out that Andy is a person who lives solidly in the present. She doesn't worry about the future and she doesn't care about the past. Toby and Jane just have a “stronger sense of history” than she does. Andy is furious. In her head she actually thinks that he wasn't supposed to find the logic in the situation and point it out, he was supposed to agree with her point of view. 

Wow.

I definitely think there's going to be a Bitch of Baker House this book.

Matt is reasonable for a few more paragraphs and Andy reluctantly agrees to stop nagging Jane about the diary IF she starts making time to study. Because Andy is the boss of Jane, dontchaknow, and therefore in charge of how Jane manages her time. She tells Matt that “dummies” aren't allowed in Baker House so Jane best get her fucking act together.

We switch to Jane who is reading the diary in the library. The entries are full of whine about how Julia is isolated from her peers and not allowed to socialize with anyone. Mathilde is there to make sure she doesn't talk to anyone when they're out and about. Jane puts the diary back and reads some of the letters. They describe a popular, fun Julia who is missed by her friends in America. None of this is interesting at all. This entire book is a throwaway I think.

Jane leaves the library, intending to get some studying done. On her way back to the house, she sees someone dressed like Julia walking out by the pond.  The figure disappears into the woods before she can get closer.  Jane is startled.

It's totally Gigi, isn't it? She's “haunting” Jane so that Jane will be too distracted to worry about winning the lit award.

Later that evening when they're all studying in room 407, Toby mentions that Merrie told Maggie and Dee that the nominees for the lit award will have to write an essay. It can be about any topic they want. I'm not sure WHY Merrie told Maggie and Dee and not the actual nominees, but whatever, Hoh. Jane immediately says she'll do her essay over the diary and Andy blows her top. She demands that Jane pick another topic because she's sick to death of hearing about “the dumb old book”. Jane refuses to back down and Andy seethes because clearly she's the best person to decide what Jane writes about.

That night, after everyone else is asleep, Andy hears the music box music.

The next day Andy calls Cary. She's sure he will take her side and order Jane to stop reading the diary. Cary, bless his soul, does not. He tells Andy that he's happy Jane has found something she cares about deeply and he thinks it's cool that she's interested in something that no one else seems to care about. Andy tries to plant “seeds of doubt” in his mind by saying that Jane doesn't care about him anymore and she doesn't want to spend any time with him now. It's pure evil. What the hell?

#thismakesnosense    #Andy'swayorthehighway

Oh! And #teamCaryalldayeveryday

Andy is fuming as she crosses campus to go to class. She can't believe that Cary isn't on his way to the library right this minute to “yank Jane out of the past”. Why can't they see that her way is the ONLY FUCKING WAY and anyone who disagrees is a complete idiot? As she's walking she sees a figure dressed in Victorian clothes walking across the lawn. She immediately assumes it's Gigi.....which means my theory must be wrong, dang it.....and starts yelling. She tells Gigi to stop being a bitch and the figure laughs at her before vanishing. When I first read this, I thought Hoh meant it vanished in thin air, but Andy doesn't react to it at all and she still thinks it's Gigi so the figure must have just walked away.

Andy turns the corner and runs right into Gigi who is dressed in her regular clothes and shows no signs of having been a fake Julia just seconds before. Sigh. Disappointing. I was so sure I was onto something.

Later Andy decides to find Toby and tell her what she saw. Toby is a reasonable human being and has a unique way of looking at things, so Andy feels like Toby will be able to explain away the ghost. Before she can even mention it, Toby tells her that other girls have been seeing the ghost of Julia around the pond in recent days. Andy begs Toby not to tell Jane because she doesn't want Jane's obsession with Julia to grow but Toby reasonably points out that the entire campus is talking about it and Jane probably already knows.

Back in room 407, the girls are joined by Dee and Maggie. Jane does, indeed, know about the ghost and she reveals that she saw it the day before. Andy gets huffy and tells Jane that she can't believe a smart girl like her is falling for a stupid joke. Never mind that Andy actually saw the “ghost” too. She doesn't bother to mention that little fact as she tears Jane apart. Andy is so unlikable in this book, y'all.

Andy makes a brief visit to Oakley where she gripes to Matt for awhile. Matt recognizes that she's gone to the dark side and he's unsure how to get her back so he resolves to just support her the best he can until she returns to normal. I like Matt. He deserves better than Andy. Andy drags Matt and Cary back to campus. She's still hoping that Cary will tell Jane to snap out of it. Instead, Cary is amazing because of course he is. He tells Jane that he doesn't know if ghosts are real but he believes she saw what she saw. He has a very open mind about the entire thing and points out that no one understands everything about the world. I heart Cary. Both these boys need better girlfriends.

It's page 71 before we take our first head-hop into Toby's brain. Jane and Andy have been monopolizing this book in their usual self-centered fashion. Toby is taking a walk by the pond before returning to her studies. She sees the “ghost” in the trees and tries to talk to it but it just runs away. She goes back to the room to wait for her roommates. As soon as they return, she tells them about seeing Julia. Jane is intrigued but Andy continues to insist that it's someone playing a prank. As much as it pains me to say this, I agree with Andy on this one. Not that I don't believe in ghosts because I've seen them myself, but this definitely feels like a student prank.

While they're arguing, the music begins to play again. This time Andy decides she's going to track down where it's coming from. Unfortunately, tracking it down is easier said than done. When she gets into the hall, she realizes that the place it can be heard the best is just outside 407. Still she knocks on all the 4^th floor doors and inspects the hallway for speakers or wires. She finds nothing.

The next day, Jane, Penny and Gigi are summoned into Merrie's room. She tells them that the winner of the lit award will be determined by essay contest. They have to turn in a ten-page essay in one week. This really seems inhumane considering they are supposed to be preparing for finals and probably have projects due in other classes as well. I think I'd say “thanks but no thanks” to this award and just get on with my life. Jane, however, feels like she needs to win the award for room 407 because Toby and Andy are counting on her to bring home the glory.

They keep changing how they spell “Merry/Merrie” by the way. One ghostie does it one way and another does it the other. I can't keep up.

When Jane gets back to her room, Andy tells her that they're all going out for pizza with Cary and Matt. Jane doesn't want to go. Now that she has to write this essay, she really needs to stop doing frivolous things like eating and sleeping. Andy won't take no for an answer which makes NO DAMN SENSE since she's been nagging at Jane all fucking book to get to work.

The group goes to Pizza Pete's where Matt spills the beans about Andy having seen the ghost. Jane is incensed. Here Andy's been making fun of her when she saw it for herself. Andy defends herself by saying that what she saw was a person in a costume but Jane is not mollified. Cary asks why Andy didn't bother to mention she'd seen it when she was trying to convince him to talk Jane out of having seen it. That's it for Jane. She starts yelling and banging on the table at this point. The people at Pizza Pete's must just be loving this. I hope they have popcorn.

Andy jumps up from the table and dramatically announces that she's leaving. She grabs Matt's arm and literally yanks him from the chair, telling him that he's leaving too. He actually doesn't want to, but he also can't let her walk back to the campus by herself, so he reluctantly leaves with her. This is supposed to be late spring, almost summer, at dinnertime. There's no way it's dark yet. She'd be fine walking back to campus by herself. But he cares for her and he's a gentleman so I'll give him a pass for being spineless in this case.

After dinner, Jane goes to the library to read more of the diary. She justifies it in her own mind as being research for her award essay. The last entry tells of a boy bringing Julia violets but her father getting mad and ordering him away. Julia mentions feeling hot and achy and Jane knows it's because she's already contracted the illness that killed her. She's sad after reading it. The ghost appears outside the library and Jane tries to chase it down but loses sight of it. When she gets back to her room, there's a tiny bouquet of violets on her bed.

Dun dun dun.

Jane immediately accuses Andy of leaving the flowers as some sort of dumb prank. Andy denies involvement and points out that she hasn't read the diary and didn't know about the connection between Julia and violets. This is reasonable but Jane doesn't care. The two of the trade insults at a high volume until Jane stomps back out of the room. Andy tells Toby that she's going to get to the bottom of this. There's a joint study day between Oakley and Canby that Andy planned for Saturday. Andy tells Toby that she's going to skip her own study party to try to track down the flowers. Toby offers to help her because she just wants the campus to go back to normal.

On Saturday, the two girls visit the floral shop in Greenleaf to see if someone remembers selling violets to a student. The florist remembers the bouquet because it was such an old-fashioned thing to order. She can't tell them a name, though, because the girl paid in cash. She describes the girl as tall and thin with long dark hair. Not super helpful, really, since, as Andy points out, it could be about anyone wearing a wig.

We hop to Jane who is sitting out on the lawn with the other study session participants. They're bitching about finals and talking about the ghost when Gigi walks out of the main building with a tall, thin girl with long dark hair. Subtle, Hoh. Verrrrrrry subtle. I mean, I didn't make a connection AT ALL with the person just described at the floral shop. How could I? Your writing is too complex and deep to give anything like that away. Someone asks who the girl is and Jane says it's Agnes as if we're all supposed to know who the fuck Agnes is. Dee distractedly chimes in that Agnes and Gigi have been hanging out a lot together recently.

Jane wonders if Agnes could be the person pretending to be the ghost but Dee says there were a couple of occasions where the ghost was seen but Agnes was somewhere else. So clearly, the two of them are in this together.

Back in 407 that evening, things are tense as the girls study. Jane is resentful because Andy isn't pissed off at Toby for seeing the ghost. The music begins to play and again it is louder in front of 407 than anywhere else. Andy is convinced someone hid a tape recorder in the room and she wants to search every square inch. This just pisses Jane off because Andy won't accept that the cause is paranormal. You know....despite the fact that Jane herself just wondered if Agnes was the ghost. I guess it's okay for Jane but not for Andy. These girls are EXHAUSTING.

Jane refuses to let Andy search her side of the room and the two bicker loudly about it. In the meantime, the music stops. Andy gives up her idea of a search and they lapse into tense silence again.

Andy decides to tail Gigi the next day. The first hour or so is pretty boring as Gigi runs errands around campus. Then she heads to Baker House and goes into Anges' room. Andy watches as Gigi begins making mysterious trips to the broom closet. Girls often use the broom closet as a private place to cry but (1) Gigi is not upset and (2) Gigi doesn't even live in Baker House and could just go home if she was. Andy wonders why Gigi is spending so much time in the broom closet of Baker House.

After Gigi leaves, Andy methodically searches the broom closet. She finds the tape recorder loaded with a recording of The Skater's Waltz, the “Julia” clothes and a wig. She knows she can't prove that Gigi is the one who put it there since every girl in Baker uses the broom closet but she's determined to put a stop to this nonsense once and for all. Later she tells Jane and Toby what she found. Jane gets upset. She accuses Andy of being smug and overly pleased with herself and then she storms out of the room.

Toby follows Jane out and Andy takes advantage of the quiet room to think about her next move. She decides to sabotage Gigi's tape recorder. She replaces the tape of the Skater's Waltz with a rock tape and turns the volume up high. She isn't sure where Gigi normally hides the tape recorder but she's still hopeful to catch Gigi in the act later.

After dinner, Andy hides behind a potted plant in the hall. Yeah, you read that right. The hall is crowded with lots of people going to and fro and yet no one notices Andy Cord hiding behind a potted plant. She watches the hall for awhile and then sees Gigi coming out of Agnes' room. Gigi goes to the mail slot just outside 407 and puts an envelope inside. Then she runs away. Seconds later, loud rock music comes blasting from the mail slot. Andy realizes Gigi must have wedged the tape recorder in the slot earlier in the day and then used the pretense of mailing a letter to push the play button.

Gigi rushes back to the mail slot as soon as the music begins and then other girls start pouring into the hall. Gigi pretends to discover the tape recorder and plays it off like she isn't involved. Andy starts hurling accusations at her and Gigi begins hurling them right back, accusing Andy of being behind the music. Then Gigi changes tactics and says that maybe the ghost has been using the tape recorder. Andy scoffs because how the hell would Julia even know what a tape recorder was, let alone how to use it? But the other girls want to keep their resident ghost and they accept Gigi's story immediately. Andy is disgusted and goes back to her room.

When Jane and Toby come in, Andy is sure Jane is going to take Gigi's side. Instead, Jane apologizes for not listening to Andy before and says they need to find a way to prove Gigi is behind the haunting. Unfortunately they have no idea how to do that.

The next day Jane and Penny are excused from their lit classes to go to the library to work on their essays. Penny is in a panic because she has no idea what to write about. She asks Jane for a suggested and, at first, Jane is irritated and angry at the interruption of her own work. Then she realizes that she's lucky to have friends and not live the lonely life that Julia lived, and she brainstorms a bit with Penny. Penny ends up deciding on an essay about mass hysteria and the ghost sightings around campus. Jane gets to work on her own essay, focusing on the tragic loneliness and short life of Julia Canby. As she works, she cries.

Andy decides to test out a theory after her own classes. She goes to the drama department and asks if they ever used a maroon dress and black cloak like the ghost has been appearing in. Sure enough, they used it the year before in a play. Andy asks to see it and the costume keeper takes her back to the storage area. unsurprisingly, the dress and cloak are missing.

In a clandestine meeting in room 407 later, Andy, Jane, Toby, Dee and Maggie put their heads together to come up with a plan. Ideas range from putting glue in the wig to putting spiders in the dress. This is a real braintrust, y'all. Andy says they need to set Gigi up and force her to confess. Then she puts her head to the others and whispers her plan out of our hearing. All we know is that Jane says it's a terrific plan which probably means it's hella dumb.

It's hella dumb.

I don't even want to recap it.

You suck, Hoh.

So the BIG PLAN is that a taped recording will play over the loud speaker during dinner while Gigi is in attendance. Andy tapes it, disguising her voice.

“Gigi? Gigi Norton? I wish to speak to Gigi Norton please.”

…... “You will think this strange, I know, Gigi Norton, but I feel a strong kinship to you, and felt the need to speak directly to you just this once. We do look a bit alike, do we not? Perhaps you are the sister I always wished for but never had. I want you to know that I, too, get lonely and wish for companionship. I have spent many lonely afternoons in London, sitting on the windowseat in my room, watching the rain stream down the window.”

“Julia” goes on to say that she understands loneliness because she didn't have many friends. If she'd had friends, she would have been sure to treat them with kindness. Then she ends with this.

“I must go now, Gigi. You are a special person. Remember....be kind....be kind.....”

Well, that's fucking awful.

Gigi flips out. She says the recording wasn't her this time. Andy pounces on that and smugly asks Gigi if she's the one who has been haunting the school and Gigi just admits it.

So dumb.

Mind-numbingly dumb.

On what planet would this actually work?

Thus, the A plot concludes. I have no idea what Gigi's end game was in this.  Why did she haunt the school?  What purpose did it serve?  Hoh doesn't bother to tell us.  The girls decide not to turn Gigi into the administration because now everyone hates her and that's punishment enough.

The B plot gets wrapped up on the next page. To no one's actual surprise, Jane wins the lit award.

#407can'tbebeat     #room407worshipalldayeveryday

At the formal dinner, Jane is super nervous about having to give a speech and read part of her essay. Cary calms her right down. He says she'll be fine because she's strong and she's smart and she won the award because she deserved it and worked hard to get it. He's just.....awesome.

The last line of the book comes after Jane gets up and begins her speech. Do you want to hear the profound sentiment that Hoh leaves us with?

Are you sure? This could affect you deeply, you know.

Okay, you asked for it.

“The audience sat quietly, listening.”

Yep, folks. That's how the book ended.

You REALLY suck, Hoh.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Cary was awesome but he really didn't get much play here. I'm award this one to Matt. He was kind and supportive to Andy without getting sucked into her crazy. He deserves so much better.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This has to go to Andy. She was so inexplicably judgmental of Jane and how Jane was choosing to manage her time. It was none of her damn business and it doesn't even make sense that she was angry about Jane being interested in the history of the school and Julia's life.

Coming up Next: Jane talks Toby and Andy into taking a crazy summer job. Wait.......didn't we read this one already???????

Princess Who? (Book 24) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: A princess is coming to Canby Hall!  (Well, that was a lame tag line.)

From the Back of the Book: She's a real live princess!  The Princess Allegra of Montavia is touring boarding schools, and Jane, Andy and Toby are put in charge of her during her visit to Canby Hall.  Everyone is excited, and Jane gives plenty of advice on how to treat royalty.  But the princess is more interested in real life than Jane's royal treatment.  She takes immediately to Andy's with-it ways - as well as to Toby's not-quite boyfriend Randy.  Then Princess Allegra disappears!  Has she been kidnapped?  Only Toby suspects the real truth.  But is she willing to help a princess in distress?

Okay...."Andy's with-it ways" made me snort.

This book was published in 1987 and I think I read it at the time. I don't remember anything about it. Some of these just seem really forgettable. I'm guessing that means there isn't much Cary in it because I tend to remember the books better when he is around. The ghostie for this book is Carol Ellis whose name you will recognize from my other blog. She wrote a lot of Point Horror. Some were great and some were awful, so I have no idea what to expect from her with this book.  (Note from future me: She ruined everything!!!!!  But not in a way you'd expect.)

Jane is still pretty prominent on the cover but Andy gets out of the background for this one. Poor Toby is still in the shadows though. Someday it will be her turn to shine!

#giveTobyadamncoveralready

On a side note, this recap almost didn't happen. I had the hardest time finding a copy of this book. I went through four different booksellers and the transactions kept getting canceled because they couldn't find it in their inventory. Finally the fifth time was the charm, but it was a real nail-biter wondering if it would get here in time. I learned my lesson and ordered the next few early.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I guess I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, a girl named Penny transferred over into Baker House after her dorm was damaged by the storm in the ASC book. Penny charmed everyone with her amusing stories and her oh-so-helpless act. Everyone except Toby who saw right through her from the beginning. The B-plot involved taking prospective students around on a tour, a literary contest and Jane double-booking AGAIN when she promised Cary she'd go to a gig with him on the same night she had campus-tour obligations with her roommates.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama, Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee is still notably absent.  I truly fear she's buried under the tulips with Yolanda and Michael-the-school-shrink.  

Risen from the Tulip Bed: Gigi makes a four sentence appearance!!  Way to go, Ellis, for remembering the little people.

We begin with Jane who is too distracted to study for finals. She tells us how beautiful the spring day is outside and then describes the room to us. Last book, Andy's bedspread was “a modern print of earth tones” but this book it's “diagonal earth-toned stripes”. Why is her bedspread so magical????? It's been checked and striped. It's been a geometric print and a modern print. I'm so confused. Does she have five of these damn things and rotate them on a regular basis?

Do the ghosties actually read the prior books before they write theirs? I'm betting not. But Jane's bedspread and Toby's bedspread never change. It's just weird that Andy's does.

Andy comes in the room with a care package so we get the standard paragraphs about how much her big family from Chicago misses her and how her care packages are legendary around Baker House. Today's box contains caramel corn and the girls are committed to stuffing themselves so they won't have to eat their dinner. Which leads us to the standard paragraph of how awful the food is at this expensive private school.

#Istillcallbullshit

The three of them settle in to study although none of them can keep their minds on their work. Andy is thinking about her upcoming audition for next year's advanced dance class. Toby is thinking about her horse Max who has a cough. Jane is thinking about Cary and wondering what he's up to. Finally Merry (current housemother) shows up and they can stop pretending to be studious. She tells them that PA (head bitch in charge) wants to see them all before supper. The girls are apprehensive but head for her house.

PA sits them down and tells them she has a special assignment for them. A prospective student has contacted the school and asked for a tour. Ordinarily it would be too late because admission letters have already been sent out but this is a special case. No one else but the girls of 407 will do because they are universally worshipped by every student and adult at Canby for reasons I have been wholly unable to determine. These girls are assholes and stop speaking to each other at least once a book but they are still held up as a shining example of friendship and PA in particular seems to think they are very best of what Canby has to offer. Which just makes me think Canby isn't a very good school at all.

PA tells them that the prospective student is Her Royal Highness Princess Allegra of Montavia which is apparently a small European country that Jane conveniently just learned all about in her History book. She's making a tour of a bunch of American private schools and will be at Canby for a week.

Why would it take a week for this? It's pretty inconsiderate of PA to expect the girls to babysit for a week when finals are coming up.

They leave PA's house and decide they can't face Tuna Surprise in the cafeteria, so they head for Pizza Pete's. Apparently every other girl on campus had the same, unsurprising thought because the place is packed. Fortunately for the ever-blessed 407 girls, Dee and Maggie (the girls from 409) and Penny from the last book are there and willing to share a table. So nice to see Penny isn't buried in the garden with Laura Lee and Yolanda.

The 407 girls fill the others in on their assignment. Jane is really the only one excited. She says it will boost Canby's reputation to have a member of royalty in attendance and Jane is all about reputation. Andy is just miffed because she has too much to do. Toby is apprehensive because she knows she and the princess will have nothing in common and Dee is just generally unimpressed with the entire thing. Maggie is strangely quiet on the whole topic. She's probably planning an assassination. I can't possibly trust anyone who shares blood with Dana-the-life-ruiner.

#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes

Cary pops into Pizza Pete's on his way to work at the diner and asks Jane to take a short walk with him. Ellis kind of glosses over how he found her there. Jane tells him about the princess and he jokes that maybe Ambulance (his punk band) should preform for her. Jane gets her anus in a pucker at the thought. We get the standard Jane-and-Cary-are-from-two-different-worlds paragraphs. Cary is happy that Jane is so excited about the princess thing but sad he won't see her much while she's busy with it. Jane tells him that she and her roommates are in charge of cleaning and painting the room the Princess will be in and if he helps, they can spend all kinds of time together.

What?

PA put them in charge of getting the room ready for a super-important visit?

There's no way in hell I'm buying that, Ellis. Move along because you aren't selling that bullshit here.

Cary agrees to help paint and the two part ways.

Toby and Andy wait for Jane to come back so they can walk back to campus together. Andy remarks that Jane seems really excited for HRH's visit and she wonders if Jane might want to do most of the actual entertaining herself. Toby would be happy to let Jane take the reigns on this visit. They both acknowledge that they can't refuse to help but they both hope Jane will take it out of their hands.

The next few days are busy with preparations. In addition to painting the room HRH will use, the room has to be furnished and decorated and an additional room has to be constructed in the basement for HRH's bodyguards.  Jane is running around collecting houseplants, lamps and fluffy towels from the other girls to decorate the room. Everyone is super excited to meet a real, live princess.

Matt and Cary are among the painters. They're both happy to be spending time with their girlfriends. Jane is being a royal know-it-all and giving mini etiquette lessons about royalty which no one is really paying attention to. Andy is worried about her dance routine for auditions. Matt offers to watch it and give his true opinion. In a normal book, I would think this was a dangerous idea because he's her boyfriend, but this is a 407 girl so I know her dance will be breathtaking and awe-inspiring and the most perfectly perfect thing that has ever been danced.

Everyone gets hungry and Toby volunteers to go for pizza. Her mind is on her horse but she doesn't share it with anyone because she thinks they couldn't possibly understand. On the way to Pizza Pete's, Randy appears and offers her a ride. We get the standard super-hot-rancher-too-old-for-Toby paragraph here which segues into the standard Neal-the-proper-Bostonian paragraph. Toby talks to Randy about her worries over Max's cough and her apprehension about having to entertain a princess. He tells her to feel free to bring the princess out to the ranch for a ride.

We skip to Sunday when HRH arrives. The girls of Baker House are literally hanging out their windows to get a glimpse of her as she steps out of her limo. She's pretty – slim with long, loose curls and saucer-like eyes. She greets everyone politely and then the 407 crew shows her to her room. Later Jane takes her on a campus tour while Andy and Toby get back to their regular lives. Maggie comes to pump them for information but they don't really have any. HRH is very quiet.

We hop over to Jane who is frustrated by HRH's lack of interest in the buildings on campus, the history of Canby Hall and the traditions of the students. In fact, Allegra seems bored out of her mind and Jane is offended. Suddenly Gigi appears to snark on Jane's failure to captivate the princess. Wow....someone remembered Gigi existed. I guess I can cross her off my “Missing” list.

#continuityforachange

To Jane's surprise, Allegra snarks back on Gigi and Gigi is left sputtering in shock. She stomps off and Allegra bursts out laughing. She tells Jane that she enjoyed that immensely and then asks if it's time for lunch. Jane suggests they go into town and dine at the Greenleaf Inn but Allegra shoots that down real damn fast. She's tired of being treated like a princess and just wants to be a regular Canby girl. She wants to play pranks and break rules and get into snark fights. Jane doesn't think this describes a “regular Canby girl” at all but she dutifully leads Allegra to the dining hall.

Later Jane tells Andy all about Allegra wanting to be a "real girl". She thinks Andy might have a better shot at entertaining the princess. Andy is disappointed. She was really hoping that Jane would carry the entire visit. She can't figure out why they have to spend so much time with Allegra anyway. Shouldn't she be okay on her own for a day or so? But she knows it's her job, so she agrees to take her turn.

Allegra comes to 407 to meet Andy and is naturally curious about the tea bag hanging over Toby's bed. You know, I have a theory about that. As a teen, I never could come up with any explanation about it but, as an adult, I'm wondering if maybe it was the bag from the last cup of tea Toby's mom made before she died. Just a theory. I guess we'll see if it pans out.

Andy is resentful of the princess and refuses to plan anything special for her. Instead, she decides that the princess is going to watch her dance rehearsal. Andy's not narcissistic at all, y'all. Just because she thinks the princess is going to be enraptured by her dancing skillz doesn't mean she's self-important. She's just realistic. Everyone on campus knows the 407 girls are just the best.

#room407worshipalldayeveryday

Andy works on her audition for 45 minutes. I'm sure HRH was riveted. Afterwards, she takes the princess into town to eat at the diner. Cary is working and Allegra is surprised to hear he's dating Jane. Andy and Allegra chat over cheeseburgers and Allegra mentions how isolated and boring her life at the castle is. 

#privilegedprincessproblems

Toward the end of dinner, Allegra drops a bombshell in the middle of the fry plate. She reveals that she is engaged to Prince Frederick of Almare. His country borders her country and the marriage will unite the kingdoms. He's 34. THIRTY FOUR. This seems illegal, Ellis. Andy is shocked. For once, Andy is all of us.

#thisisanoddfeeling

Allegra has made a deal with her parents. If they let her spend her senior year abroad, she'll return after graduation and marry the old man without protest. I guess it won't be illegal at that point but it's still super gross.

That night, the girls have a pig-out party. It never really says who is there other than Allegra but it mentions a couple of other people so I'm going to assume Dee and Maggie. They eat their way through Andy's latest care package and everyone has a great time.  It turns out the princess is a pretty cool chick.

The next day, Andy takes another turn with Allegra but she doesn't mind this time. They go to class and the cafeteria and all the normal things a Canby girl would do on a weekday. You know...go to the library....bury ancillary characters under the tulips....normal things. The next few pages continue on in this boring fashion. They study. Toby worries about Max. Jane makes a date with Cary. Andy makes an appointment for studio time. Nothing really happens except Toby finds out she has to take her turn with Allegra the next day because the other two are busy.

So, the morning of Toby's turn, the two of them (plus security of course) head out to Randy's ranch. Allegra is in full-on riding gear (jodhpurs and riding boots natch) and Toby feels dumb in her jeans and plaid shirt. The first thing Toby notices is that the place has been tidied up and some repairs have been made.  It's pretty clear they spruced the place up for the princess.  Randy is nervous but instantly charmed by Allegra. Toby's jealous streak gets a little bit wider as she notices how the two of them hit it off and instantly become wrapped up in each other.

Allegra doesn't show up for dinner that night. The 407 girls assume she's finally had enough of the sludge the cafeteria passes off for food and she's eating in her room. Maggie disabuses them of that notion, though. She went to town to buy batteries for her walkman and saw Allegra and Randy going into Pizza Pete's together. Everyone thinks it's terribly romantic. Except Toby.

Toby is crushed. She's held on to the hope that someday Randy will realize the five-year gap in their ages isn't too much and sweep her off her feet.  Or....you know....that he'll have one of his magical age changes and stick on one closer to hers.  He makes her feel something that Neal doesn't and she feels in her heart that he's her one true match. Depressed, she goes back to her room and gets right into bed.

Andy tries to talk to her when she gets back to the room but Toby isn't interested in conversation. She won't talk to Jane either and eventually her roommates give up and start studying. At some point everyone goes to bed. Andy is almost asleep when she hears a knock on the door. She and Jane get up to answer it. It's Allegra. She's fallen in love and she needs their help.

They go up to Allegra's room and she tells them all about how she and Randy are in love. You know...after one date and like 8 hours together. Clearly they're meant to be. She wants two favors. She wants to borrow some clothes from Andy and she wants the 407 girls to help her ditch her security guards for her date the next night.  I don't thing those two things are related.

So this grand plan is that Allegra is going to tell her guards that she's going somewhere with Jane and Andy and they should wait for her outside the main hall. Then Jane and Andy are to wait just inside the doors of the main hall as if they're waiting for her to come down. By the time the guards realize she isn't coming down, she and Randy will have had some private time together. Allegra knows the guards will catch back up with them, but she figures a little privacy is better than none.

The next morning, the plan begins and seems to be off to an okay start. Jane and Andy have a momentary panic when PA shows up and asks them why they're standing around instead of studying for finals. They tell her they're waiting for the princess and she carries on. A scream rings out from the top floor where Allegra's room is located and pandemonium breaks out. Everyone runs that way except Andy and Jane. Which is hella stupid, y'all. Yes, the scream is a diversion to get Allegra out the door but it's going to look mighty suspicious that they didn't react to it at all. You know.....almost like they knew it was going to happen.

#thenagaintheadultsatCanbyareidiots

The diversion turns out to be completely unintended.  Which doesn't at all explain why Andy and Jane didn't react.  Ellis tells us initially that they were expecting the scream but later she says that the scream was a lucky coincidence.  #fuckcontinuity  Anyway, the scream was a girl from another dorm. She went to get Allegra's autograph and saw a spider in the hall and screamed. Either this was or wasn't part of the original plan.  Ellis seems unclear.  The guards discover Allegra is missing and they ask Jane and Andy where she went. Jane immediately tells them that she went to Randy's ranch and they take off. All in all, Allegra got maybe 30 minutes of private time out of the chaos. Seems like a lot of work for so little payoff.

Over the next few days, Allegra plans several more “escapes” to spend some alone time with Randy. Toby becomes more and more withdrawn. Jane and Andy assume it's because she's worried about her horse. They encourage her to call home but she's terrified she'll get bad news so she refuses. Finally Jane makes the call herself. Toby's dad has a little trouble understanding Jane's Bostonian accent but finally they manage to communicate successfully. It turns out the horse is fine. Toby's uncle Max had a cough but he's feeling better now. And the B plot concludes satisfactorily.

Back to the A plot....Allegra is growing depressed about her imminent departure. She doesn't want to leave Randy. She knows her parents are going to be mad when they hear she's been spending so much time with him. In fact, they might be so mad that they won't let her come back to Canby in the fall.

After Allegra leaves, it finally dawns on Jane and Andy that Toby has been so quiet and miserable because of Allegra and Randy.

#duh

They feel awful for going on and on about this fairy tale romance in front of Toby who has been suffering with every word. Toby comes back to the room and they try to talk to her about it but she shuts them down. She says talking doesn't fix anything and she'd rather just sleep.

The next day Toby is gone before they wake up. The sign out sheet says she's gone into town. Andy heads off to rehearse her audition number again. Cary calls Jane and invites her to breakfast at the diner. He says he needs her advice about something, so she gets dressed and heads that way.

Jane eats an alarming amount of pancakes and then asks Cary what he needs advice about. Just then Andy and Matt walk into the diner so he waves them over too. He says Allegra and Randy were at the diner the previous evening and he and Allegra started talking about music. She got excited when she heard he had a band and she begged for a performance. Cary can't decide whether it should be a private concert just for Allegra or a bigger party with people from Oakley and Canby. Jane, Andy and Matt vote for the bigger party and Cary says he'll take care of inviting everyone. They decide to have it on Saturday – Allegra's last day – and combine it with a going away party.

The rest of the chapter is Allegra crying over leaving Randy and Toby sulking over Randy being in love with Allegra. I think Randy's had three actual sentences in this book but if I did a wordle, his name would be ENORMOUS because it's uttered every other paragraph.

Saturday arrives and the party starts. Randy and Allegra aren't there yet but everyone assumes that they're having a private moment alone first. Toby isn't there either but her roommates didn't expect her to be. The party is in full swing when Randy bursts into the gym alone. He asks if anyone has seen Allegra but no one has. The guards are hot on his heels. They don't know where she is either.

Later they all gather at PA's house (including Toby) and learn that Allegra disappeared from the diner before Randy arrived for their date. She went to the restroom and slipped out a side door. A concern arises that she might have been kidnapped and PA ends up calling the police in. Toby has to hear Randy going on and on about how much he cares for Allegra and it guts her.

Toby goes for a walk to think. She just can't face going back to the dorms where everyone will be talking about Allegra. She knows the focus is on a kidnapping but Toby thinks that Allegra probably ran away. As she's walking into Greenleaf, it occurs to her that there's only two ways out of town if you don't have a car – the train and the bus. She passes the bus station first and peeks inside. Allegra is there.

Ellis. Do you really expect me to believe that no one checked the bus station. I'm sorry. #bullshit

Toby goes in and sits beside her. Allegra says she just wants out and she can't think of any other way. She's just going to disappear. Toby doesn't say anything for a bit. She's thinking about how she's been so mad at Allegra for taking Randy away but the truth is that it was Randy. He fell in love with someone else and Toby is going to have to accept that. She calls Allegra out for being selfish – for making Randy and her family worry about her. She tells Allegra that running away from your problems never solves anything.  Allegra agrees because it was uttered by a 407 girl and the two of them walk back to campus.

The next morning, Allegra comes to say her goodbyes. She tells the girls she won't be back. Her parents aren't likely to let her out of their sight again. She'll just be a good girl and marry the prince and everyone will be happy. Well, Ms Andrea Cord will not accept this! She puts her hands on her hips and delivers Allegra a lecture about standing up for herself because diplomatic relation mean nothing. Nothing, I say! She tells Allegra to fight for her rights and Allegra agrees to do it because the 407 girls MUST BE FUCKING OBEYED.

The book ends as Allegra leaves and the girls get ready to go back to their regular lives. At least Ellis has the dignity not to end with one of those super cheesy lines we've almost come to expect.

You know.....as a whole....this one WAS better written than a lot of them. But I'll deny that if you tell anyone I said it.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Guys. This is weird. No one in this book was annoying. I know, I know. I couldn't believe it either, but there it is. No one cheated on anyone or stopped talking to a friend because of something dumb. No one acted entitled or out of character. This is turning my whole world upside down. So who do I give this too? Everyone? I think it might kill me. Okay....I give this award to Joseph and Rodger (the bodyguards) because they put up with a lot of crap and never complained.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This is unprecedented but I have no one to give this too. Way to go, Ellis. You ruined my thing. Just for that, I'm giving this award to you. Enjoy it. {{mwah}}

Coming up next: A mysterious girl in old-fashioned clothing begins to appear around campus. Could it be the ghost of Julia Canby? Um.....I'm thinking, no. But, hey, what do I know?  

But She's So Cute (Book 23) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Can anyone be that helpless?

From the Back of the Book: Being a good friend isn't always easy.  Even though newcomer Penny Vanderark can't seem to do anything for herself, Andy thinks she's sweet.  Jane can understand why Penny has a hard time keeping her room neat, and she likes Penny's funny stories.  Only Toby notices that Penny isn't as helpless as she seems.  She suspects it's all an act, especially when boys are around.  Then Jane makes a date with Cary even though she has already promised to help Toby and Andy during a weekend for prospective students.  Her roommates are hurt and angry.  How can anyone trust someone who has no loyalty to her friends?  Both Penny and Jane have some tough lessons to learn about friendship - the sort of lessons only good friends can teach each other.

This book was published in 1987 and I'm pretty sure I owned it and read it back then. The cover looks really familiar. I don't remember anything about it, though. The ghostie for this book is Lynn Zednick. When I looked her up, the only thing that popped up was this book and the last book of the series. That doesn't really bode well. The cover again is pretty Jane-centric. She's front and center with the new girl du jour while Andy and Toby are relegated to the back of the shot.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. That is, she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, the staff of Canby Hall went on strike forcing the students to fill in and do janitorial, cooking and gardening chores. Everything almost fell apart but the day was saved by the room 407 girls. As usual. Also, Jane was a spoiled bitch. Also as usual.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious. Hey, just because they graduated and moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee. Remember her? She was a damn big deal a couple of books ago and then completely missing from the last book. As was Gigi. I wonder if they ended up buried under those flowers Toby ruined?

We begin with Andy carrying a huge care package into Baker House. She reminds us about how much her parents love and miss her and how many wonderful care packages they send her.  Andy is a legend in her own mind.  She's wondering what goodies are in store for her when she collides with another girl who is loaded down with boxes. In this case, they aren't care packages though. Penny is moving into Baker House from one of the other dorms that was hit hard by the storm from the last book. Since the year is almost over, they are simply relocating the girls and they'll do the repairs in the summer when the dorms are empty. Wow. Continuity. Good job, ghostie.

The two girls knock each other down and food and clothes go everywhere. Andy offers a hand to help the tiny Penny to her feet but Penny is looking dazed and doesn't take it right away. Andy assumes it's because she's black because Andy assumes everything is because she's black. However, Penny is merely stunned by the amount of food spilling out of the care package.

Penny helps Andy get the food into room 407 and Andy rewards her with a few chocolate chip cookies. We get the standard deets on the room. You've heard it all before.....rainbows, antique quilt, etc etc. This time, though, Andy's bedspread is described as a “modern print of earth tones” instead of “striped” or “geometric print”. I guess her bedspread is as magical as Randy's age.

Andy goes back into the hall to help Penny grab all the things she dropped. When they get to Penny's room, Andy is shocked to see she's even messier than Jane. She offers to help Penny unpack and organize and Penny takes her up on it. As Andy folds clothes, Penny tells her that her maid helped her get settled in when school began and she had no idea it was so much work. I don't know if Andy is aware that she's doing all the work while Penny just sits there and watches but, if she is, she doesn't say anything about it.

Wait a minute.

Remember in book one when Jane thought she had a single room? PA (head bitch in charge) told her that they over-enrolled the school and all girls were having to double or triple up. So where the hell did this extra room come from all of a sudden? I think it's a #fuckcontinuity moment but I'll extend the benefit of the doubt to the ghostie. A lot of girls went home early due to the strike and the damage to the dorms. Maybe that's why there is an empty room suddenly available.

Andy manages to clear the bed so Penny will have somewhere to sleep while Penny regales her with “Tales from the Deep South – Privileged Brat Edition”. Andy thinks she finally met someone more entitled and useless than Jane. Penny's roommate went home already so Andy invites Penny to eat supper with the 407 crowd and then leaves to get ready.

Toby and Jane are poking through the care package when Andy gets back to the room. Toby is impatient to head to the cafeteria because she's hungry, but Andy says they have to wait for Penny. Neither Jane or Toby knows who Penny is but, being the saints that they are, they are more than happy to include her in their little group.

Be careful, Penny. They included Laura Lee in their little group once too and no one's heard from her since.

{{{a moment of silence for Laura Lee}}}

Penny comes in and is all gracious and charming with her southern drawl and her sweet manners. Toby isn't buying it. She tells us that she's seen girls like this before and she'll have to explain it to her clueless roommates. This is why I love Toby. On the way to the cafeteria, Penny has them all laughing when she tells them the story of how she asked a senior where the library was on her first day of school and the senior directed her to PA's house. When she got inside there was tea and cookies on the table so she helped herself before she decided to search for the card catalogue. PA found her sitting on the couch, just as comfy as could be.

In the cafeteria they run into Dee and Maggie from room 409. Maggie has the unfortunate distinction of being Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister. It's a shame because Maggie seems like such a nice girl but DNA don't lie, friend. Blood will out.

#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes

Penny holds court at the table telling funny story after funny story. Everyone is soon under her spell except Toby. Later, Andy and Jane ask what Toby has against Penny. Toby tells them that she knows Penny's type. They pretend to be helpless and charming and soon people are doing everything for them. She warns her roommates not to fall for it but they think she is just being grumpy again. I almost can't blame them after how she acted a couple books ago.

Merry (the current housemother) comes to room 407 and the ghostie spends several paragraphs rhapsodizing about Alison (the former housemother) because this book series just can't let people move on with their lives. We also get a big hunk of review about how Merry was strict when she first arrived but okay now.

Merry tells them that PA is having a special meeting tomorrow at 10 and she wants all the 407 girls in particular to be there. I've never understood WHY the adults in these books seem to hold these girls in such high regard. They bungle EVERYTHING.

At the meeting PA reveals that they will be having an open house soon to showcase Canby Hall to prospective new students and their parents.

Um.

One of your dorms is completely uninhabitable. Is this REALLY the time for tours?

Anyway, she invited our lovely girls and a few others because they are model examples of the wonderful friendships that can exist at Canby Hall. You know.....when they aren't screaming at each other. She wants them to lead special tours to show the students what life at Canby is really like. They're each going to be assigned to a girl (or girls? I wasn't super clear on this point) and they'll write her (them?) a welcoming letter and then accompany them (her?) around during the open house.

Penny seeks out Andy later that day but we're never told why. They talk about future ambitions. Penny only wants to find a husband who will keep her in the style in which she is accustomed. Andy thinks this is deplorable. She can't believe Penny doesn't have some kind of dream. Penny says her dream is to have a husband make all the money while she stays home and plays tennis and goes to movies with her friends. Hey, they might not be the kind of goals Andy likes but they are goals. {{shrug}}

The next day, Andy stops by 407's mailbox before heading up to her room. There's a letter for Toby from April, one of the girls they will be showing around for the open house. Andy is hella curious. She dashes upstairs, hoping Toby will open the letter right away. It turns out Toby isn't in the room and Andy assumes she went to Randy's. She tries to read the letter through the envelope with no luck. Penny comes in during her attempt to snoop and suggests that they just take the letter to Toby at the ranch. Andy agrees and the two of them set out.

Penny entertains Andy along the way with stories about how awful she was at home ec in middle school. All of Penny's stories seem to be about how hopeless she is at things. I guess that's how she reminds everyone else that she shouldn't be given any responsibilities of any kind. Cool trick.  It also serves the purpose of keeping everyone's expectations of her very low.

They get to the ranch and Penny is immediately smitten with Randy.  You can't blame her - he is pretty magical.  She starts telling him how much she loves horses, hinting that she'd like to ride. Randy offers to let her ride his but she says it's too big.  #unintentionallydirty  She asks to ride Toby's horse instead because Maxine is smaller but Toby says that Maxine is still a bit too wild. Penny pouts a bit, so Randy offers his horse again. She accepts this time as long as he'll hold the reins so she's safe.

Penny attempts to mount the horse and Toby notices immediately that Penny has ridden before. She knows just how to put her foot in the stirrup and where to grab the saddle. Penny pretends she can't make it and Randy comes around to lift her into the saddle. He takes the reins and leads her in slow circles. Toby rather thinks Randy is being led around too and she isn't too happy about it.

Randy ends up behind Penny on the horse and he takes her on a gallop around the yard. Toby is fuming by the time they get back. Penny tells him that she'd love to go again some time and he invites her to come out with Toby anytime she wants. Toby can't believe Randy can't see right through Penny.

#boysaredopes

Later that evening, the 407 girls are discussing what to do with their open house guests when Penny shows up again. Toby isn't happy to see her and decides to go to the library to work on a paper that's due soon. As she's leaving, she hears Andy invite Penny to join in on their tour guide duties. Toby tells them that they should clear that with PA because she might not want them bringing extra people. Penny puts on her glum face and sighs and say's it's okay. She'll probably have some boring job to do anyway. Then she goes slumping back to her room for maximum pity effect.

After she's gone, Andy snaps at Toby for being rude. Toby counters by telling her roommates that Penny isn't nearly as helpless as she pretends to be and she can't believe no one else can see it. Andy and Jane are still firmly #teamPenny and get mad at Toby for her opinion.

I miss Cary. He should be in the book by now. Things are just better when Cary is around.

Toby decides the only course of action she really has open to her is to give Penny a lot of rope in the hopes that she'll hang herself. Not literally. It's an expression. She's just going to keep her mouth shut and wait for Penny to mess up like she did about the horse. Toby's sure it will happen sooner or later.

She goes back into 407 and gets the cold shoulder from Andy. Jane has gone downstairs to call Cary. When she gets back, she tells the roommates that Ambulance is going to be playing in town the next evening. Toby says they should all go and invite Penny. Andy is shocked by Toby's sudden reversal and Toby expresses remorse at her earlier rudeness. Andy thinks Toby should apologize to Penny and Toby agrees to do so.

Andy is super mcjudgypants about this whole thing.

Penny accepts the invitation to see Ambulance AND Toby's apology and all is well. When they get to the gig, Cary jumps off the stage to greet the girls. Penny notices how gorgeous he is, although she hates his long hair. She flirts with him and he's polite to her as he always is which earns a frown from Jane.

Hypocrite thy name is Jane.

She's cheated on him more than once but as soon as he smiles at a friend of hers, he's the bad guy.

Seriously #emancipateCary.

Toby watches as Penny turns the charm up to level 10. Soon boys are tripping all over themselves to bring her drinks and dance with her. Toby is disgusted but keeps her mouth shut.

We skip ahead to English class where the teacher reads aloud Penny's essay about a disastrous Disney trip. The entire class is practically peeing themselves with laughter by the time she's done. Jane doesn't look amused though. She's used to being the best in class and she's not ready to hand her crown and sash to Penny. Andy encourages Penny to submit the essay to the Canby Hall Journal (a once-a-year publication of the best writing in the school). Jane has been planning to submit and she doesn't look too happy to be competing with Penny.

Jane and Toby head up to the room but Andy hangs back with Penny. She starts to give her a hard press to major in journalism so that she can have a future that Andy can accept. Penny again says she really just wants to get married and this is so fucking unacceptable to Miss McJudgypants that she can't drop it. She continues to berate Penny about her life choices and about submitting the essay. Penny doesn't want to submit anything. She gives Andy the essay and tells her to keep it.

Andy decides to submit the essay without Penny's permission.

Dude.

Don't do this, people. NEVER do this. I don't care how pure your intentions are. You should NEVER submit a person's work without their permission.

Jane warns Andy not to do it. She says that Penny might not appreciate it when she sees her piece published and Andy might lose a friend. Andy is so sure she's right and so sure that she's the hero of this story all poised to save Penny from a life of unfulfillment, that she doesn't listen and submits it anyway.

Ghostie launches into several pages of the girls discussing the open house and their English essays. It's so boring I literally dozed off. At one point, Toby is walking around to clear her head so she can focus on the essay and she ends up in Penny's room. Penny is still upset that her essay was read aloud to the class. She says everyone is expecting something great from her now and she doesn't like it when people expect things out of her.

Cary calls that evening to tell Jane that Ambulance got their first major gig. They've been hired to play at the Westfield Inn which is a very swanky place in town on Saturday night.  For the record, this does NOT seem like a place a band like Ambulance would be hired to play.  Jane is excited because that's the night they will host the two open house students and they've been struggling to come up with something to do. Cary tells her that the party is private and there's no way he can sneak five girls in there. But he thinks he can sneak one. Jane is thrilled. She's never been to the Westfield Inn and she's heard it's a spectacular place. She figures Andy and Toby can handle the girls just fine for one evening. After all, she'll be with them the entire afternoon.

I predict this won't go over well.

#tornadoesarelessdramaticthanAndy

Also, another #fuckcontinuity moment because these girls have a phone IN THEIR ROOM which can receive calls. And yet, they are always heading down to the lounge to use that phone instead. Why?

Jane returns to the room and tells Andy and Toby about the gig. Andy is hopeful that they can all go but Jane tells them it's not possible. Both Andy and Toby express regret that Jane has to miss such a special evening and that's when she tells them she won't be missing it. Toby calls her out for being selfish and she's not wrong. Jane is always about Jane. Andy predictably loses her cool and shouts at Jane for awhile about canceling plans with them for Cary. Girl code, yo. Jane is defensive and refuses to feel bad for doing something that she's sure the other two would do in a heartbeat if they had a boyfriend who cared to invite them to something elegant and classy.

#whoa

I have to call bullshit on this anyway because Neil is all about elegant and classy and Cary.....well, is not. Still love you, Cary. <3 Heart hands 4 lyfe!!! <3

The next morning, Andy deigns to give Jane a chance to change her mind. Jane asserts that this evening is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her and Cary. Andy says it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for their friendship too which seems pretty dumb. Jane points out that they still have two years at Canby and they'll have many, many more opportunities to be together and make memories. Toby replies that Jane might turn around some day and find out that her friends don't want to be friends with her anymore.  Or something like that. It comes off completely snotty in the book but it's a valid point. Jane is only friends with them when it's convenient for her and they shouldn't have to be her second choice all the time.

#beentheredonethat

I think our ghostie has short term memory issues. She's had Toby say the exact same line (“I can't believe Jane would desert us like this”) multiple times to the same exact person (Andy). And Andy never says “Hey, bro, you've said that already” so it's like it's the first time she's said it each time. Get it together, ghostie.

Andy and Toby go on a two-woman mission to make sure everyone knows what a selfish bitch Jane is being and it just makes me dislike both of them. They are SO whiny and judgmental. Honestly, I'm even over Toby at this point. She's back to being childish and petulant. Andy ends up inviting Penny to join them in place of Jane on Saturday evening and Toby seems to have no problem with it now that her personality transplant is complete.

The girls attend a meeting about open house where PA goes over the schedule of events in minute detail. It's as riveting as it sounds. {{YAWN}}

Saturday arrives and Andy realizes they won't set a good impression for their guests if they're giving Jane the silent treatment. Psuedo-Toby reluctantly agrees to actually converse with her roommate and treat her nicely for the day but THIS DOESN'T MEAN SHE FUCKING FORGIVES HER OR ANYTHING.

April and Jennie show up for their grand tour and the day gets started. First there's an assembly and we spend the next several pages being told the history of Canby Hall. Sorry if you're interested in that because I skipped it. {{YAWN}}

#buythedamnbookandreadityourself

In the biggest scam ever perpetrated, Canby caters in lunch so the prospective students will have no idea what horrors await them if they actually enroll in the school for the fall. After lunch is a baseball game and, for once, the girls from 407 don't win at something.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{THUNK}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry. I just fell out of my chair.

#unbelievable

Jane is having a good time and starts to regret that she's going to have to leave for her special evening with Cary. She even calls him at one point, hoping he might tell her the date is off. Instead he tells her how excited he is and she chickens out of telling him that she really doesn't want to go anymore. The other girls leave for Pizza Pete's and Jane begins to get dressed for her date. The whole time she's feeling guilty and reluctant to go.

She's trying to decide how to do her hair when she comes to a decision. She strips off her dress and puts on shorts and a polo shirt. She decides that she's not going to the gig where she'll just sit at a table and watch Cary play because that would be too much like being a supportive and loving girlfriend.  Instead, she's going to go out with the others and have fun. Naturally, she never tells Cary about this and he comes to pick her up only to hear she isn't going. Considerate.

Cary is confused and doesn't understand. When she explains that she promised Jane and Toby, he points out that she promised HIM too. Which is fair. But Jane doesn't feel remorse. She's doing what she wants to do and that's always what matters to her. She figures Cary will come around eventually and forgive her like he always does.

#emancipateCary

The open house weekend goes well and PA is very happy with the examples of friendship that the girls showed their guests. Afterwards, everyone gets back to the real world of English essay-ing. Jane's working on hers when she hears that she has a visitor downstairs. It's Cary. Of course. This boy really needs to be told he can do much, much better than Jane.

Cary tells her he understands that she had to honor the commitment she made to her roommates but she should have told him she had plans when he asked her to go instead of accepting the date.  Jane promises she learned her lesson and he believes despite the fact that Jane has done this BEFORE and not learned her lesson. 

Sigh. He forgives her. Again.

Jane gets a second victory when her submission is accepted into the Canby Hall Journal. Penny also gets accepted. Which is a complete surprise to her considering she didn't even know she submitted anything. Penny is angry and hurt and tells Andy she had no right to do this. #truth Andy is unapologetic and says that Penny gave her the essay so she could do whatever she wanted with it.

WHAT PLANET IS THIS GIRL FROM????????????????

Penny demands that Andy go tell the people she made a mistake and Pseudo-Toby resurfaces from the depths of hell and snaps that Andy certainly DID make a mistake. She made a mistake thinking that Penny could ever want to do anything except pretend to be hopeless and cute. Then she tells Penny that she's going to keep this shtick up for so long that she's not going to know HOW to make an effort when she finally decides she wants to. Penny leaves the room in tears.

Toby has a point. I'm not denying that. But the way she handled it was awful.

Then, because the girls from 407 are worshipped throughout Canby, Penny decides that Toby and Andy did her a huge favor and she'll just change her life and all her hopes and dreams to fit in with what they want because they are the Almighty and must be obeyed without question.

#fuck407

Penny ends up thanking Toby for being so perceptive and Andy for being so encouraging and decides she wants to be a writer now. Yay. I guess. {{shrug}}

We end with a typically sappy sentence: “No one looking at the quiet campus on that late spring afternoon would ever have believed the dreams being born and the excitement that was exploding behind closed doors.”

#whowritesthesethings?

You know, for a book that's supposed to be about how manipulative Penny is......she wasn't really a factor in most of it. Weird.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Wow. This was hard. I feel like everyone was annoying in this book. Oh! Randy. I give this one to Randy who is always polite, comforting, honest and magical.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Another toughie since so many deserve it. I'm giving this one to Andy because you should never submit a person's work, be it writing or art or whatever, without their permission. It's basically stealing.

Coming up next: A real-life princess is headed to check Canby Hall out! And I'm sure the 407 girls will be hosting her because they are the Almighty ones.