But She's So Cute (Book 23) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Can anyone be that helpless?

From the Back of the Book: Being a good friend isn't always easy.  Even though newcomer Penny Vanderark can't seem to do anything for herself, Andy thinks she's sweet.  Jane can understand why Penny has a hard time keeping her room neat, and she likes Penny's funny stories.  Only Toby notices that Penny isn't as helpless as she seems.  She suspects it's all an act, especially when boys are around.  Then Jane makes a date with Cary even though she has already promised to help Toby and Andy during a weekend for prospective students.  Her roommates are hurt and angry.  How can anyone trust someone who has no loyalty to her friends?  Both Penny and Jane have some tough lessons to learn about friendship - the sort of lessons only good friends can teach each other.

This book was published in 1987 and I'm pretty sure I owned it and read it back then. The cover looks really familiar. I don't remember anything about it, though. The ghostie for this book is Lynn Zednick. When I looked her up, the only thing that popped up was this book and the last book of the series. That doesn't really bode well. The cover again is pretty Jane-centric. She's front and center with the new girl du jour while Andy and Toby are relegated to the back of the shot.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. That is, she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, the staff of Canby Hall went on strike forcing the students to fill in and do janitorial, cooking and gardening chores. Everything almost fell apart but the day was saved by the room 407 girls. As usual. Also, Jane was a spoiled bitch. Also as usual.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious. Hey, just because they graduated and moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee. Remember her? She was a damn big deal a couple of books ago and then completely missing from the last book. As was Gigi. I wonder if they ended up buried under those flowers Toby ruined?

We begin with Andy carrying a huge care package into Baker House. She reminds us about how much her parents love and miss her and how many wonderful care packages they send her.  Andy is a legend in her own mind.  She's wondering what goodies are in store for her when she collides with another girl who is loaded down with boxes. In this case, they aren't care packages though. Penny is moving into Baker House from one of the other dorms that was hit hard by the storm from the last book. Since the year is almost over, they are simply relocating the girls and they'll do the repairs in the summer when the dorms are empty. Wow. Continuity. Good job, ghostie.

The two girls knock each other down and food and clothes go everywhere. Andy offers a hand to help the tiny Penny to her feet but Penny is looking dazed and doesn't take it right away. Andy assumes it's because she's black because Andy assumes everything is because she's black. However, Penny is merely stunned by the amount of food spilling out of the care package.

Penny helps Andy get the food into room 407 and Andy rewards her with a few chocolate chip cookies. We get the standard deets on the room. You've heard it all before.....rainbows, antique quilt, etc etc. This time, though, Andy's bedspread is described as a “modern print of earth tones” instead of “striped” or “geometric print”. I guess her bedspread is as magical as Randy's age.

Andy goes back into the hall to help Penny grab all the things she dropped. When they get to Penny's room, Andy is shocked to see she's even messier than Jane. She offers to help Penny unpack and organize and Penny takes her up on it. As Andy folds clothes, Penny tells her that her maid helped her get settled in when school began and she had no idea it was so much work. I don't know if Andy is aware that she's doing all the work while Penny just sits there and watches but, if she is, she doesn't say anything about it.

Wait a minute.

Remember in book one when Jane thought she had a single room? PA (head bitch in charge) told her that they over-enrolled the school and all girls were having to double or triple up. So where the hell did this extra room come from all of a sudden? I think it's a #fuckcontinuity moment but I'll extend the benefit of the doubt to the ghostie. A lot of girls went home early due to the strike and the damage to the dorms. Maybe that's why there is an empty room suddenly available.

Andy manages to clear the bed so Penny will have somewhere to sleep while Penny regales her with “Tales from the Deep South – Privileged Brat Edition”. Andy thinks she finally met someone more entitled and useless than Jane. Penny's roommate went home already so Andy invites Penny to eat supper with the 407 crowd and then leaves to get ready.

Toby and Jane are poking through the care package when Andy gets back to the room. Toby is impatient to head to the cafeteria because she's hungry, but Andy says they have to wait for Penny. Neither Jane or Toby knows who Penny is but, being the saints that they are, they are more than happy to include her in their little group.

Be careful, Penny. They included Laura Lee in their little group once too and no one's heard from her since.

{{{a moment of silence for Laura Lee}}}

Penny comes in and is all gracious and charming with her southern drawl and her sweet manners. Toby isn't buying it. She tells us that she's seen girls like this before and she'll have to explain it to her clueless roommates. This is why I love Toby. On the way to the cafeteria, Penny has them all laughing when she tells them the story of how she asked a senior where the library was on her first day of school and the senior directed her to PA's house. When she got inside there was tea and cookies on the table so she helped herself before she decided to search for the card catalogue. PA found her sitting on the couch, just as comfy as could be.

In the cafeteria they run into Dee and Maggie from room 409. Maggie has the unfortunate distinction of being Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister. It's a shame because Maggie seems like such a nice girl but DNA don't lie, friend. Blood will out.

#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes

Penny holds court at the table telling funny story after funny story. Everyone is soon under her spell except Toby. Later, Andy and Jane ask what Toby has against Penny. Toby tells them that she knows Penny's type. They pretend to be helpless and charming and soon people are doing everything for them. She warns her roommates not to fall for it but they think she is just being grumpy again. I almost can't blame them after how she acted a couple books ago.

Merry (the current housemother) comes to room 407 and the ghostie spends several paragraphs rhapsodizing about Alison (the former housemother) because this book series just can't let people move on with their lives. We also get a big hunk of review about how Merry was strict when she first arrived but okay now.

Merry tells them that PA is having a special meeting tomorrow at 10 and she wants all the 407 girls in particular to be there. I've never understood WHY the adults in these books seem to hold these girls in such high regard. They bungle EVERYTHING.

At the meeting PA reveals that they will be having an open house soon to showcase Canby Hall to prospective new students and their parents.

Um.

One of your dorms is completely uninhabitable. Is this REALLY the time for tours?

Anyway, she invited our lovely girls and a few others because they are model examples of the wonderful friendships that can exist at Canby Hall. You know.....when they aren't screaming at each other. She wants them to lead special tours to show the students what life at Canby is really like. They're each going to be assigned to a girl (or girls? I wasn't super clear on this point) and they'll write her (them?) a welcoming letter and then accompany them (her?) around during the open house.

Penny seeks out Andy later that day but we're never told why. They talk about future ambitions. Penny only wants to find a husband who will keep her in the style in which she is accustomed. Andy thinks this is deplorable. She can't believe Penny doesn't have some kind of dream. Penny says her dream is to have a husband make all the money while she stays home and plays tennis and goes to movies with her friends. Hey, they might not be the kind of goals Andy likes but they are goals. {{shrug}}

The next day, Andy stops by 407's mailbox before heading up to her room. There's a letter for Toby from April, one of the girls they will be showing around for the open house. Andy is hella curious. She dashes upstairs, hoping Toby will open the letter right away. It turns out Toby isn't in the room and Andy assumes she went to Randy's. She tries to read the letter through the envelope with no luck. Penny comes in during her attempt to snoop and suggests that they just take the letter to Toby at the ranch. Andy agrees and the two of them set out.

Penny entertains Andy along the way with stories about how awful she was at home ec in middle school. All of Penny's stories seem to be about how hopeless she is at things. I guess that's how she reminds everyone else that she shouldn't be given any responsibilities of any kind. Cool trick.  It also serves the purpose of keeping everyone's expectations of her very low.

They get to the ranch and Penny is immediately smitten with Randy.  You can't blame her - he is pretty magical.  She starts telling him how much she loves horses, hinting that she'd like to ride. Randy offers to let her ride his but she says it's too big.  #unintentionallydirty  She asks to ride Toby's horse instead because Maxine is smaller but Toby says that Maxine is still a bit too wild. Penny pouts a bit, so Randy offers his horse again. She accepts this time as long as he'll hold the reins so she's safe.

Penny attempts to mount the horse and Toby notices immediately that Penny has ridden before. She knows just how to put her foot in the stirrup and where to grab the saddle. Penny pretends she can't make it and Randy comes around to lift her into the saddle. He takes the reins and leads her in slow circles. Toby rather thinks Randy is being led around too and she isn't too happy about it.

Randy ends up behind Penny on the horse and he takes her on a gallop around the yard. Toby is fuming by the time they get back. Penny tells him that she'd love to go again some time and he invites her to come out with Toby anytime she wants. Toby can't believe Randy can't see right through Penny.

#boysaredopes

Later that evening, the 407 girls are discussing what to do with their open house guests when Penny shows up again. Toby isn't happy to see her and decides to go to the library to work on a paper that's due soon. As she's leaving, she hears Andy invite Penny to join in on their tour guide duties. Toby tells them that they should clear that with PA because she might not want them bringing extra people. Penny puts on her glum face and sighs and say's it's okay. She'll probably have some boring job to do anyway. Then she goes slumping back to her room for maximum pity effect.

After she's gone, Andy snaps at Toby for being rude. Toby counters by telling her roommates that Penny isn't nearly as helpless as she pretends to be and she can't believe no one else can see it. Andy and Jane are still firmly #teamPenny and get mad at Toby for her opinion.

I miss Cary. He should be in the book by now. Things are just better when Cary is around.

Toby decides the only course of action she really has open to her is to give Penny a lot of rope in the hopes that she'll hang herself. Not literally. It's an expression. She's just going to keep her mouth shut and wait for Penny to mess up like she did about the horse. Toby's sure it will happen sooner or later.

She goes back into 407 and gets the cold shoulder from Andy. Jane has gone downstairs to call Cary. When she gets back, she tells the roommates that Ambulance is going to be playing in town the next evening. Toby says they should all go and invite Penny. Andy is shocked by Toby's sudden reversal and Toby expresses remorse at her earlier rudeness. Andy thinks Toby should apologize to Penny and Toby agrees to do so.

Andy is super mcjudgypants about this whole thing.

Penny accepts the invitation to see Ambulance AND Toby's apology and all is well. When they get to the gig, Cary jumps off the stage to greet the girls. Penny notices how gorgeous he is, although she hates his long hair. She flirts with him and he's polite to her as he always is which earns a frown from Jane.

Hypocrite thy name is Jane.

She's cheated on him more than once but as soon as he smiles at a friend of hers, he's the bad guy.

Seriously #emancipateCary.

Toby watches as Penny turns the charm up to level 10. Soon boys are tripping all over themselves to bring her drinks and dance with her. Toby is disgusted but keeps her mouth shut.

We skip ahead to English class where the teacher reads aloud Penny's essay about a disastrous Disney trip. The entire class is practically peeing themselves with laughter by the time she's done. Jane doesn't look amused though. She's used to being the best in class and she's not ready to hand her crown and sash to Penny. Andy encourages Penny to submit the essay to the Canby Hall Journal (a once-a-year publication of the best writing in the school). Jane has been planning to submit and she doesn't look too happy to be competing with Penny.

Jane and Toby head up to the room but Andy hangs back with Penny. She starts to give her a hard press to major in journalism so that she can have a future that Andy can accept. Penny again says she really just wants to get married and this is so fucking unacceptable to Miss McJudgypants that she can't drop it. She continues to berate Penny about her life choices and about submitting the essay. Penny doesn't want to submit anything. She gives Andy the essay and tells her to keep it.

Andy decides to submit the essay without Penny's permission.

Dude.

Don't do this, people. NEVER do this. I don't care how pure your intentions are. You should NEVER submit a person's work without their permission.

Jane warns Andy not to do it. She says that Penny might not appreciate it when she sees her piece published and Andy might lose a friend. Andy is so sure she's right and so sure that she's the hero of this story all poised to save Penny from a life of unfulfillment, that she doesn't listen and submits it anyway.

Ghostie launches into several pages of the girls discussing the open house and their English essays. It's so boring I literally dozed off. At one point, Toby is walking around to clear her head so she can focus on the essay and she ends up in Penny's room. Penny is still upset that her essay was read aloud to the class. She says everyone is expecting something great from her now and she doesn't like it when people expect things out of her.

Cary calls that evening to tell Jane that Ambulance got their first major gig. They've been hired to play at the Westfield Inn which is a very swanky place in town on Saturday night.  For the record, this does NOT seem like a place a band like Ambulance would be hired to play.  Jane is excited because that's the night they will host the two open house students and they've been struggling to come up with something to do. Cary tells her that the party is private and there's no way he can sneak five girls in there. But he thinks he can sneak one. Jane is thrilled. She's never been to the Westfield Inn and she's heard it's a spectacular place. She figures Andy and Toby can handle the girls just fine for one evening. After all, she'll be with them the entire afternoon.

I predict this won't go over well.

#tornadoesarelessdramaticthanAndy

Also, another #fuckcontinuity moment because these girls have a phone IN THEIR ROOM which can receive calls. And yet, they are always heading down to the lounge to use that phone instead. Why?

Jane returns to the room and tells Andy and Toby about the gig. Andy is hopeful that they can all go but Jane tells them it's not possible. Both Andy and Toby express regret that Jane has to miss such a special evening and that's when she tells them she won't be missing it. Toby calls her out for being selfish and she's not wrong. Jane is always about Jane. Andy predictably loses her cool and shouts at Jane for awhile about canceling plans with them for Cary. Girl code, yo. Jane is defensive and refuses to feel bad for doing something that she's sure the other two would do in a heartbeat if they had a boyfriend who cared to invite them to something elegant and classy.

#whoa

I have to call bullshit on this anyway because Neil is all about elegant and classy and Cary.....well, is not. Still love you, Cary. <3 Heart hands 4 lyfe!!! <3

The next morning, Andy deigns to give Jane a chance to change her mind. Jane asserts that this evening is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her and Cary. Andy says it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for their friendship too which seems pretty dumb. Jane points out that they still have two years at Canby and they'll have many, many more opportunities to be together and make memories. Toby replies that Jane might turn around some day and find out that her friends don't want to be friends with her anymore.  Or something like that. It comes off completely snotty in the book but it's a valid point. Jane is only friends with them when it's convenient for her and they shouldn't have to be her second choice all the time.

#beentheredonethat

I think our ghostie has short term memory issues. She's had Toby say the exact same line (“I can't believe Jane would desert us like this”) multiple times to the same exact person (Andy). And Andy never says “Hey, bro, you've said that already” so it's like it's the first time she's said it each time. Get it together, ghostie.

Andy and Toby go on a two-woman mission to make sure everyone knows what a selfish bitch Jane is being and it just makes me dislike both of them. They are SO whiny and judgmental. Honestly, I'm even over Toby at this point. She's back to being childish and petulant. Andy ends up inviting Penny to join them in place of Jane on Saturday evening and Toby seems to have no problem with it now that her personality transplant is complete.

The girls attend a meeting about open house where PA goes over the schedule of events in minute detail. It's as riveting as it sounds. {{YAWN}}

Saturday arrives and Andy realizes they won't set a good impression for their guests if they're giving Jane the silent treatment. Psuedo-Toby reluctantly agrees to actually converse with her roommate and treat her nicely for the day but THIS DOESN'T MEAN SHE FUCKING FORGIVES HER OR ANYTHING.

April and Jennie show up for their grand tour and the day gets started. First there's an assembly and we spend the next several pages being told the history of Canby Hall. Sorry if you're interested in that because I skipped it. {{YAWN}}

#buythedamnbookandreadityourself

In the biggest scam ever perpetrated, Canby caters in lunch so the prospective students will have no idea what horrors await them if they actually enroll in the school for the fall. After lunch is a baseball game and, for once, the girls from 407 don't win at something.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{THUNK}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sorry. I just fell out of my chair.

#unbelievable

Jane is having a good time and starts to regret that she's going to have to leave for her special evening with Cary. She even calls him at one point, hoping he might tell her the date is off. Instead he tells her how excited he is and she chickens out of telling him that she really doesn't want to go anymore. The other girls leave for Pizza Pete's and Jane begins to get dressed for her date. The whole time she's feeling guilty and reluctant to go.

She's trying to decide how to do her hair when she comes to a decision. She strips off her dress and puts on shorts and a polo shirt. She decides that she's not going to the gig where she'll just sit at a table and watch Cary play because that would be too much like being a supportive and loving girlfriend.  Instead, she's going to go out with the others and have fun. Naturally, she never tells Cary about this and he comes to pick her up only to hear she isn't going. Considerate.

Cary is confused and doesn't understand. When she explains that she promised Jane and Toby, he points out that she promised HIM too. Which is fair. But Jane doesn't feel remorse. She's doing what she wants to do and that's always what matters to her. She figures Cary will come around eventually and forgive her like he always does.

#emancipateCary

The open house weekend goes well and PA is very happy with the examples of friendship that the girls showed their guests. Afterwards, everyone gets back to the real world of English essay-ing. Jane's working on hers when she hears that she has a visitor downstairs. It's Cary. Of course. This boy really needs to be told he can do much, much better than Jane.

Cary tells her he understands that she had to honor the commitment she made to her roommates but she should have told him she had plans when he asked her to go instead of accepting the date.  Jane promises she learned her lesson and he believes despite the fact that Jane has done this BEFORE and not learned her lesson. 

Sigh. He forgives her. Again.

Jane gets a second victory when her submission is accepted into the Canby Hall Journal. Penny also gets accepted. Which is a complete surprise to her considering she didn't even know she submitted anything. Penny is angry and hurt and tells Andy she had no right to do this. #truth Andy is unapologetic and says that Penny gave her the essay so she could do whatever she wanted with it.

WHAT PLANET IS THIS GIRL FROM????????????????

Penny demands that Andy go tell the people she made a mistake and Pseudo-Toby resurfaces from the depths of hell and snaps that Andy certainly DID make a mistake. She made a mistake thinking that Penny could ever want to do anything except pretend to be hopeless and cute. Then she tells Penny that she's going to keep this shtick up for so long that she's not going to know HOW to make an effort when she finally decides she wants to. Penny leaves the room in tears.

Toby has a point. I'm not denying that. But the way she handled it was awful.

Then, because the girls from 407 are worshipped throughout Canby, Penny decides that Toby and Andy did her a huge favor and she'll just change her life and all her hopes and dreams to fit in with what they want because they are the Almighty and must be obeyed without question.

#fuck407

Penny ends up thanking Toby for being so perceptive and Andy for being so encouraging and decides she wants to be a writer now. Yay. I guess. {{shrug}}

We end with a typically sappy sentence: “No one looking at the quiet campus on that late spring afternoon would ever have believed the dreams being born and the excitement that was exploding behind closed doors.”

#whowritesthesethings?

You know, for a book that's supposed to be about how manipulative Penny is......she wasn't really a factor in most of it. Weird.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Wow. This was hard. I feel like everyone was annoying in this book. Oh! Randy. I give this one to Randy who is always polite, comforting, honest and magical.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Another toughie since so many deserve it. I'm giving this one to Andy because you should never submit a person's work, be it writing or art or whatever, without their permission. It's basically stealing.

Coming up next: A real-life princess is headed to check Canby Hall out! And I'm sure the 407 girls will be hosting her because they are the Almighty ones.

The Almost Summer Carnival (Super Edition) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl was a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them was.

Tag Line: Who's idea was this, anyway?  (Lame tag line.  Super lame.)

From the Back of the Book: One strike and they might be out.  Everyone is working hard on the big annual Almost Summer Carnival when the Canby Hall maintenance crew goes on strike!  The headmistress wants to close the school and cancel the carnival, but Toby and Andy persuade her to let the students take over the most essential jobs.  Suddenly laundry comes back in strange colors and the cafeteria produces even stranger food.  But the girls discover unexpected new talents.  Work is piling up and time is short.  Can the carnival be saved?  The girls of 407 get a totally unexpected answer to their question.

This was published in 1987 which means I've owned this particular book for 30 years, y'all. This is one of the few Canby books I kept so I feel like I must have loved it. (???)  The funny thing is, I haven't reread it. I reread books all the time. I just finished my billionth reread of The Westing Game. Awesome book, by the way.  So why have I never reread this book that I went to all the trouble of keeping for 30 years? Hmmmm. There must be a reason. I don't know whether to look forward to this or not.

The ghostie for this book is Diane Hoh, which only increases my dilemma. I have a long-standing history of finding Hoh irritating even though the rest of the PH-blogging universe loves her. So why did I keep this book? I guess we're going to jump in and find out but my gut suggests it probably has to do with Cary.

#teamCary

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating a boy from town named Matt who does lighting for Cary's band. Or Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It just depends on her geographic location at the moment. Toby is dating Jane's ex Neal (which is just fine with Jane) and crushing on Randy a local rancher who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a new age in every book. In the last book, the ghostie pulled off an all-out character assassination on Toby turning her into a whining, selfish shrew. Toby was depressed because of the long winter, so Jane offered to throw her (and Dee from 409) a party. Andy was consumed with a term paper she'd neglected until the last moment and Gigi made life miserable for the occupants of 407. We also met Laura Lee with her bad heart PTSD and the 407 girls rallied all of Baker House to bully Gigi into submission. It was a train wreck of a book.

I hope Hoh redeems Toby this book. Last book almost made me cry.

I just noticed something odd. Have you all noticed that these covers seem to be Jane-centric? With a couple of exceptions, the covers usually feature Jane doing something and Toby and Andy off to the side reacting to it. Even the “Andy” book which focused on the girls being in Chicago has Jane front and center on the cover. Why? If these were real people, Toby and Andy would be bitching to their managers to get them better cover positions. Why is Jane so effing special? Because she's a blue-eyed blonde? Hmmmmmmmmmm.

I've stalled long enough. It's time to actually read this thing.

We open with our three protagonists from Room 407 on the front lawn with various other Canby and Oakley Prep students.  For some reason, in this book, Matt is now an Oakley Prep student.  A book ago he was a "townie".  (#fuckcontinuity)  They are painting signs for the Almost Summer Carnival (ASC - it gets bolded like Kelly's hat because it's practically a character) that the schools hold jointly every year. In the first few pages, Hoh makes sure we know Toby has a Texas twang, Andy does everything super gracefully and Jane is elegant and wears solid gold hair clips. Which.....would be SUPER heavy, Hoh. Cary makes a joke about Jane getting dunked in the tank and messing up her proper Bostonion clothes and Jane fumes, wishing he had just a fraction of Neal's class. Glad we're back to normal here.  It really shattered me when I had to name Jane the Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf last book.

 #whatabitch 

 #teamCary

By the way, Hoh reminds us that Cary's hair is nearly as long as Jane's. Judging by the front cover, that's pretty damn long. So why do the cover artists always give him short hair? READ THE BOOK!

Jane insists that the girls should be exempt from the dunk tank because it will ruin their hair. Matt calls her out for being sexist but she doesn't care. Andy firmly tells her that the girls will be doing all the things the boys will be doing. Before they can get down to assigning volunteers, a girl comes out to tell them that Merrie (housemother) wants to see the 407 girls in her room immediately.

The girls are instantly concerned. When they get up to Merrie's room, she looks upset. She tells them that the maintenance staff has gone on strike because they are being asked to perform the same amount of work in fewer hours. This includes plumbers, electricians, janitorial staff, carpenters, cleaners (which is different from janitorial exactly how, Hoh???) and some of the food service workers. As a result, PA (head bitch in charge) has cancelled the ASC and might have to close the school.

Oh noes.

Why are the girls from 407 the only ones being told about this?  It's like the adults in this universe see them as some kind of supreme beings or something.  Given their penchant for fucking everything up, this view has no basis in reality whatsoever.  I'm actually surprised no one contacted Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama or Faith-the-sanctimonious to solve this little dispute.  Considering how much they are worshipped in these books, you'd think it would have been an obvious move.

Jane and Toby don't understand what a strike is or what it means to the operation of the school. Jane throws an entitled little fit about things being messed up by those awful workers who should just come back and do their jobs. Andy immediately jumps up and says that the students will just have to pitch in with things like laundry and cleaning and lawn work while the strike is going on. Merrie points out that they'll be undermining the workers who want the school to feel the burden of their absence, but Andy doesn't give any fucks about that. She just wants to keep the school open so they can have the carnival because that's all that matters to her.

#scabs

#screwtheworkers

The girls leave to rally the troops. They decide to make chore charts so that they'll have a battle plan to take to PA to make their case for the school and the ASC. Each dorm will be responsible for running itself, while the three dorms will take turns in the dining hall. Jane is not too thrilled about any of this. She's a Barrett and they have help to do this kind of thing for them. {delicate sniff} The other students seem more or less on board. For now.

The girls take their plan to PA who is dubious but willing to give them a chance. She doesn't want the school to be closed either. She tells them that they can still have their carnival if everything goes well but it's pretty clear that she's expecting this to go horribly wrong. Smart woman.

Hoh treats us to a description of Room 407 which I'm going to skip because you've heard it all before. The one thing to note is that Andy's bedspread is now being called “geometric patterned” instead of “striped”. I guess Hoh noticed the plaid bedspread on the last cover too. The girls get to work on copying the chore charts for everyone in the school. By hand. Which I don't think is even humanly possible. Even doing one per room for all three dorms would take bloody forever. 

Pesky logic aside, the trouble starts immediately.

Jane-the-entitled is pissed off at the employees for creating all this extra work for her. Andy comes down on the side of the employees and makes a rather unkind remark about Jane siding with management because they're “her people”. Which is completely true, but still unkind to actually say out loud. Then Jane tries to avoid putting her name on the chart beside any of the chores. She claims that organizing the schedule is enough work for her and she's going to be busy with the ASC and school. Andy shuts that down right damn quick. Everyone has to do her share. She assigns Jane to clean the bathroom on their floor. Jane's never done that before and she's horrified at the very idea.

The next morning everyone is tired from staying up late to copy the chore charts. They drag themselves out of bed and report to work. Andy and Toby are assigned to help in the dining hall and they find it much more difficult than working at the rib shack. Jane heads for the bathroom but everyone is trying to get their showers and get ready for the day so she goes back to her room to take a nap and wait for them to finish up so she can clean. Naturally Andy comes to check on her and finds her asleep.  

Jane finds cleaning the bathroom a Herculean task but she eventually prevails. She feels a glimmer of sympathy for the employees that have to clean the bathrooms every day but she squashes it like a bug on the kitchen floor. Those selfish employees are the reason she has chapped hands and two broken nails, yo.

By the time the Oakley Prep boys arrive that afternoon for carnival prep, Jane is exhausted and cranky. She immediately snaps at Cary who reacts with sympathy knowing she's had a hard day. He gently kisses her forehead even as she's glaring daggers at him.

#teamCary

Andy has more tragic news for the group. It turns out the maintenance crew builds new booths for the ASC every year. Since there is no maintenance crew now, they will have to build the booths themselves.

Really? They really build brand new booths every single year? No wonder this school has money issues. That's ridiculous.

The hardest thing will be making the frame around the dunk tank. The tank itself is in the basement of Baker House but they will have to build the frame and the mechanism. Hoh can't seriously expect us to believe that this group of kids knows how to wire up a dunk tank. Sheesh.  My disbelief can't be suspended that much.

Some of the other girls are pretty disgruntled by the end of the first day. There's talk about quitting so PA will close the school and let everyone go home. The 407 girls are shocked by this attitude. Don't those ungrateful bitches know how much the 407 girls have sacrificed for them? How dare they act like normal teenage girls who would rather be home lazing around instead of doing an entire dorm's laundry? Ingrates.

Merrie comes by to tell Jane that she needs to call home. Her mother has heard about the strike and she isn't very happy to have her daughter there. This seems like a normal parent reaction to me. She wants Jane to come home immediately. Jane argues that she can't because she'd miss too much in her classes and probably fail the year. I'm not sure the school could fail a student for going home during a strike but Jane's mother buys it. She says that Jane can stay for now, but at the first hint of trouble she'll be on the first train home.

Jane's mother isn't the only parent who feels this way. By the end of the second day, more than 30 girls have been pulled from school. This messes up the chore charts in a major way and Jane becomes even more annoyed. She stamps her feet and cries and rages against the strike and the workers and the parents and I just really want to smack her.

Later that afternoon, Randy arrives on campus looking like a “healthy farm man”. Seriously. That's what Hoh wrote to describe him. A healthy farm man. {guffaw} Randy is 21 again in this book despite being 19 a few books ago. He's so magical. He offers to drive some of the boys to town to pick up the wood they need to build the booths. Toby goes along too. Before getting to work on carnival business, Andy announces that she's going to dash to the dining hall to pick up cold drinks for the people on the picket line. Jane is incensed that Andy is going to “baby” the assholes that are making her work so hard. Andy and Cary both take Jane to task for being spoiled and insensitive but she's sure the problem is them and not her.

Meanwhile, Toby and the boys have run into their own trouble. She has a signed voucher from PA to put the wood on Canby's tab but the lumber yard won't accept it. Because the school might close at any minute, he has to have cash or he won't do business with them. Randy steps in and tells the owner that he's being a jackass. Canby's always paid their bills and they always will. Apparently the ranch does a lot of business with the lumberyard and Randy threatens to take his business elsewhere. The owner finally relents and lets them have the wood.

When Toby and the wood arrive back on campus so late, Jane is furious. She snaps at Toby...Cary defends Toby because Jane's being a bitch...then Jane accuses Toby of making her and Cary fight. Fun times. They call it quits for the day and head back to the dorm. Everything is in chaos. The place is filthy and there are no clean towels. Jane's sheets have met a laundry accident and are now pea green. She does a lot more whining and hair tossing. I didn't think Jane's character could get more unlikable after the Party Time book but I was wrong. Hoh has taken unlikable to epic new levels in this book.

At least Toby is back to normal.

The next day they tackle the carnival booths. It becomes apparent fairly quickly that Jane is useless as a carpenter. Cary sends her to the dining hall to bring everyone else cold drinks. Before she can accomplish this task....which she finds EXTREMELY beneath her by the way {delicate sniff}....Merrie intercepts her. PA has signed off on the cafeteria serving more simple meals for awhile. Things like soup and sandwiches and salads. The only problem is, they need groceries and no one has time to go get them. Merrie asks Jane to go into town and shop for the groceries. Jane can tell that Merrie doubts her ability to successfully complete this task and she's enraged anew. I'm running out of patience for little Miss Barrett.

Jane goes to the grocery store and deems the fare there not good enough. She can't imagine having to actually eat grocery store cold cuts or produce. She decides to buy the condiments there and go to a butcher for the meat, the bakery for the bread and a farmer's market for the produce. That way everything will be up to the standards of a Barrett. {delicate sniff} Unfortunately, Jane knows nothing and she runs completely out of money before she even gets to the farmer's market. The market only stocks fruit, so Jane is forced to return to the grocery store to buy the vegetables, all with her own money.

Well.....not TECHNICALLY her own money. She uses a credit card which I'm sure mommy and daddy pay for. So she used their money. I bet they'll love that when they get the bill.

When Jane gets back to campus, Cary is annoyed that she took off without letting any of them know where she was going.  She gets haughty with him even though he kind of has a point. A bunch of them are headed to the basement in Baker House to put away tools and check out the dunk tank. When they get down there, Andy asks if any of them know how to actually set up the mechanism. No one does. Matt points out that there's a notebook with the tank and thinks the instructions might be in there. Andy says it's too dark in the basement so she'll take the notebook back to Baker House and read it there.

Um.

Hoh.

They are IN the basement of Baker House. Unless you're trying to tell me that they keep the basement of Baker House separate from Baker House. Somehow. Also, are you trying to tell me that the basement of a dorm doesn't have lights?

At dinner that night, Andy gets up on a chair to lecture the school about slacking with their chores. The other girls are not amused. They ask her who elected her boss. Andy says they're all in this together and that the 407 girls promised PA that this would go well. A random student yells that Andy shouldn't have promised for the rest of them because none of this was their idea and they'd rather close the school and go home. Andy points out that if the school closes now, they'll have to make up their classes in the summer. I don't know where she heard this because I don't remember PA saying it. It does the trick though. The girls reluctantly agree to do better just because the students of Canby Hall automatically obey any entity that lives in room 407.  As does everyone else in this universe.

We have to pause here a second.  This book is super unrealistic. I don't know if this was Hoh's idea or if she was given an outline and told to write it. Either way, there's no way it would ever happen. The girls would not be allowed to remain in a school that had no maintenance staff. For health code reasons alone, the school would be closed. But let's say somehow it did remain open. I can't imagine a group of elite boarding school brats agreeing to do things like scrub toilets and do everyone's laundry. Sorry, Hoh, but I'm not buying this book at all.

The notebook they found with the dunk tank does have a diagram in it for the mechanism but it's indecipherable. Luckily, Andy's made friends with a maintenance man named Leo on the picket line and he explains everything to her. They figure everything out and get the tank ready. Jane volunteers to be the first one to try it out because she's tired of everyone thinking that she can't do anything. Sorry, Jane, but Hoh has given us printed evidence to back up the theory that you can't do anything.  It's not our fault we believe evidence over your lies.  The dunk tank works fine and everyone's relieved.

The hose they used to fill the tank is huge and heavy. Andy has no desire to try to put it up properly, so she and Matt just heave it down the stairs and leave it in a pile on the basement floor. If I remember correctly, this is important later so I'm mentioning it.

Meanwhile, Jane is having another fit (I'm not exaggerating – Hoh describes her as "jutting her bottom lip out" during this whole scene) because her laundry is not being returned within 24 hours like it used to be. There's a particular white blouse she's wanting to wear. Dee tells her that she'll just have to wear something else and Jane pouts that she always wears that blouse with her yellow sweater. Her attitude does not improve when Cary picks her up for their date. With her chin raised high, she churlishly demands to know why he always takes Andy's side when it comes to the strike. Cary says he takes her side because she's right. Jane imperiously demands to know why he cares about the people on strike when he doesn't personally know any of them. Cary replies that he cares because they're PEOPLE.

#teamCaryalldayeveryday

Cary tells Jane that she should really try to see things from the strikers' point of view but she gets pissed again and complains about how much work she has to do and how none of this is fair to HER because she's the only one who matters.

#screwtheworkers

Cary sighs and tells her he's going to walk her back to Baker House and leave. She sticks her nose so high in the air that she's sniffing Saturn's ass and stomps away.

Days pass and it's all very repetitive. Jane acts like an entitled asshole. Andy continues to provide drinks and snacks for the strikers. Andy/Jane and Jane/Cary continue to bicker about the strike. I think about 100 pages of this book could have been cut without losing any actual material because it's just saying the same things over and over and over.

Toby is assigned to garden duty on Saturday morning. One of her duties is to turn on the automatic sprinklers, let them run for awhile and then turn them back off. Randy drives up and asks her to go for a quick ride. She figures she can accomplish this while the sprinklers are doing their thing. She turns them on and then leaves with Randy. They're only supposed to be gone half an hour but they lose all track of time. By the time Toby returns, the beds are completely filled with water to the point that it's pouring out onto the surrounding lawn.

Merrie comes by and is furious. She tells Toby that she needs to have more respect for other people's things and that she's going to have to bail out the water with buckets and then empty the buckets into the pond. Toby feels terrible. Randy offers to help since it was his fault this happened. As she works, she keeps having to walk past the others who are working on the carnival booths. At first everyone is pretty cold to Toby and she's mortified. But by the time she finishes and joins them, they've thawed. Cary thaws toward Jane too and gives her another chance although I'm hard pressed to figure out why he bothers with her at all.

#setCaryfree

On Sunday, the weather is cold and drizzly but the gang heads out to work on the booths anyway. To their surprise, Leo and a couple of the other picketers bring them hot chocolate and cookies. Leo says it's in return for all the cold drinks Andy's brought them over the weeks. Plus, some of the workers feel bad for the students because they're having to work so hard. Jane just can't help herself. She lays into Leo and the other workers, blaming them for everything going wrong in her life. Andy tries to shut her up but is unsuccessful. Jane's gast is flabbered when Cary gets mad at her again.

The next day, Jane is determined to make up with Cary but he's not having any of it. She tries to talk to him but he firmly tells her that he doesn't have time to gossip and he keeps right on working. Jane is furious. That night at dinner, she complains so much that both Toby and Andy are completely disgusted with her. She continues to be annoying back up in their room and poor Toby finally escapes to the showers just to get away from her. As soon as she's gone, someone comes up to say that Toby has a long distance phone call downstairs. Jane knows it's Neal and races down to talk to him.

Jane starts in with a long list of complaints and Neal listens but doesn't take her side. He refrains from addressing the Cary situation but in his head he wishes Cary luck with his handful and is grateful to be with Toby now. He tells her that he supports the workers and she is so furious that she hangs up on him. Back in the room, she doesn't even bother to tell Toby that Neal called. Andy has to do it. Toby is a little upset that Jane took the call instead of coming to get her. Jane goes to bed feeling betrayed by everyone in her life.

It's somehow Saturday again and the girls wake up to a raging storm. Hail shatters their window and several others in Baker House. They all gather in the hall for safety until the hail is over. The electricity is out but the place is insufferably hot so they assume the furnace must be malfunctioning. When the hail stops, Merrie tells them that they'll have to tack blankets up over their broken windows to keep the rain out. Although how fabric blankets are going to keep rain out is beyond me. I don't think Hoh knows what rain is.

Merrie asks someone to go down to the basement to shut off the gas to the furnace so the temperature will go down. Jane doesn't want to do any glass cleaning or blanket nailing so she volunteers to go take care of the furnace. Merrie warns her that the basement is probably flooded and tells her to take someone with her. Jane doesn't listen.

When she gets down to the basement, the floor is covered in more than an inch of water. She doesn't want to get her slippers wet, so she goes barefoot across the floor. Not something I'd do in a basement. There's no telling what you could step on. (#tetanusshot)  She finds the furnace and turns off the gas. On her way back to the stairs, she figures out why the basement is flooding. There's a hole in the wall and water is pouring in from the heavy rain outside. She looks around and finds a pile of firewood. It takes her awhile, but eventually she finds a log that will plug the hole and the rain stops coming in.

She's completely soaked and freezing now but she soon discovers she can't get out of the basement. The door won't open and no one hears her knocking and calling for help. There's a door that leads outside and she decides it would be better to be out in the storm briefly than it would be to freeze in the dark basement. Back down the stairs she goes, but this time she's halted before she can get across the floor. Something has wrapped itself tightly around her right ankle.

Remember that hose Andy just threw down there? I told you it was going to be important.

We momentarily head hop to Andy and Toby who are cleaning up glass on the first floor. They hear knocking and discover Matt and Cary have arrived. Some windows have also been broken at Oakley so they've come to see if the girls need help. Andy tells them that everything is handled. Cary is worried about Jane and asks where she is. The girls have no idea.

We're back with Jane who is struggling to free her foot from the hose. The hose has magically changed color, by the way. When Andy was wrestling with it, it was red. Now it's black. KEEP UP WITH YOUR OWN DAMN STORY, HOH! Jane can't get free because her fingers are so numb from the cold water. The more Jane struggles to free herself, the tighter the hose gets. She even manages to get her left foot tangled up as well. To add to her troubles, the log pops out of the hole and water begins to pour into the basement again. She remembers Merrie saying the basement once flooded to the top of the stairs. If that happens again, she'll drown. She begins to scream for help again.

Upstairs, Andy hears her. They all race to the basement door but they can't get it open. Toby tells them about the second door and they all dash into the storm to reach it. They're stunned when they find Jane just standing in the middle of the basement. She explains she's stuck in a hose and they all get to work freeing her. Unfortunately, Jane has struggled so much against the hose that her skin is rubbed raw and her ankles are swollen. The first time Cary touches her foot she screams in pain. He goes completely white and jumps up to hug her.

The water is so deep now that they can't even kneel down to work on the coils of the hose. Matt goes to find something to plug the hole again while Toby and Cary work to free Jane. Andy is holding her up and trying to warm her a little. They get the first foot free and Jane nearly faints from the pain of the blood rushing back into her foot. The second foot is easier because the coils of the hose have been loosened. Cary picks her up and they're shocked to see her ankles. They're both swollen to twice their normal size and the skin has been rubbed off in places where she struggled. Andy starts to cry.

Toby doesn't think Jane should be taken through the outside door because of the storm still raging outside. Andy solves the problem by taking an ax to the inside door. Cary carries Jane up four flights of stairs and I think the whole rescuing Jane scene is why I kept this book. Curse my romantic heart.

Jane gets dry and first-aided. Cary stays with her the rest of the day. Eventually the rain stops and Matt, Toby and Andy head out to see what damage was done to the carnival booths. Nine out of ten of them are completely destroyed. Andy snaps. She tells them that she's going to march to PA's office and demand that the strike be ended. Toby offers to go with her for moral support.

When they get to PA's office, the headmistress looks sad and defeated. She tells them that the school will have to be closed now. She has no choice. Andy demands she end the strike and PA is hurt. She asks Andy if Andy really believes she wouldn't have already done that if she could. PA has no power in this. The Board of Trustees are the only ones who can end the strike and they don't seem to want to. Andy feels bad that she thought PA was responsible. She asks for the names of the trustees. She intends to contact every one of them herself. PA hesitates but then smiles and wishes Andy luck.

The next morning, Toby and Andy dress in their most respectable clothes (well, JANE'S most respectable clothes) and head out with Matt chauffeuring to knock on the trustees' doors. Matt knows the first one. He advises them to just be straight-forward with the guy. I'm really not going to bore you with the details of all this. Andy and Toby meet with all but two of the board members and present their case for why the workers should get their hours back. They go home feeling like it had no impact whatsoever.

Meanwhile, Jane's mother calls. One of the girls answers and tells her about the accident. Consequently, Jane's mother phones Merrie and announces she'll be pulling Jane out of school on Wednesday.  Why not immediately you ask?  Well, because Hoh needs some emotional impact in her book and having everyone stew over Jane's departure will fit the bill nicely.

They all go to dinner that night but no one is eating. Everyone has heard the school is closing and that the carnival booths are ruined and no one has an appetite. When PA shows up, they all assume they'll be told to pack up. Instead she tells them that the strike is over. Andy and Toby for the win! Not only have the workers already started to return and get to work, but PA is going to excuse them all from classes on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday so they can get the carnival ready to go.

Jane is still morose. She's pretty sure she'll still be going home Wednesday night. She doesn't think her parents will change their minds. Andy reminds her that the carnival always has a pie eating contest and that pies are scheduled to be baked on Tuesday evening. She says that Jane can make the best pie ever and then present it to her parents as an example of all she's learned at Canby and then her parents will let her stay.

{Snort.}

Seriously?

This is REALLY the plan?

For fuck's sake, Hoh. What the hell?

Wednesday arrives. It's the first day of the carnival, so when Jane's parents arrive to collect her, she forces them to come see all the fruits of her labor. Fortunately she doesn't have to resort to the stupid pie plan because her parents have so much fun at the carnival that they decide to let her stay.

What?

Oh, I don't care anymore.

The book ends with everyone eating tacos. So....there's that.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I could give this to almost anyone since EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER was less annoying than Jane. I think I'll award it to Leo because he was awesome in the three scenes he had.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Please. You guys know who gets this. Jane, come on down. It couldn't get more annoying than Jane in this book. She reached epic new levels of awfulness. WHY IS CARY WITH HER??? This mystery is almost deeper than the tea bag, y'all.

#setCaryfree

Coming up next: Is the super cute new girl scamming everyone? {shrug}  Probably.

Troublemaker (Book 22) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl was a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them was.

Tag Line: She's out to get the girls in 407.

From the Back of the Book: There's a troublemaker on the loose.  Toby is down in the dumps until Andy and Jane promise her a special party to cheer her up.  But first they have to get their headmistress's permission.  Then Andy has to devote every spare minute to a major term paper.  And Gigi "The Worst Person in the World" Norton decides to throw a rival party of her own, with a truly nasty theme.  When Andy's term paper disappears and Toby is the victim of a cruel letter, the girls of 407 realize that someone is out to get them.  Who is causing all the trouble?  And how much worse can it get?

This book was published in 1987.  I don't think I ever read this one. I guess we'll see if I recognize anything about it as we go along.  The back blurb doesn't sound familiar and I don't recognize the cover at all. (Note from future me: Never read this one.  I must have spent my allowance on something else that month.)  By the way, let's talk about this cover. Jane's eyes look really bizarre and Andy's arms are awkwardly placed. Usually if you're holding your arms in that position, the bottom one is against your stomach or chest or whatever and the top one is braced on it. This looks like both arms are held out from her body and it's just odd. Jane appears to be looking at Toby with her bizarre eyes but Toby is glancing off toward the head of Andy's bed. Is there someone there “off-screen”? (Another note from future me: Toby wasn't even IN this scene.)  And is THAT supposed to be the "striped earth-tone bedspread" we keep hearing about in every book? Those are squares. Squares and stripes are not really the same thing. And I've never thought of blue as an earth-tone. So....not as much of a win as the last cover.

The ghostwriter for this book is Eileen Hehl. A Goodreads search of her names brings up lots of “Sweet Dreams” titles (80's teenage romance). We haven't read one by her yet. We'll see how she does.  (Yet another note from future me: she's awful.)

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the neighboring boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating Matt who does the lighting for Cary's band. Or Steve who works in her parents' rib shack. It depends on her current geographic location. Toby is kind of dating Jane's ex-boyfriend Neal (which it totally cool with Jane) and crushing on Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Toby and Andy spent a weekend at Jane's house to attend the annual Barrett Landing Party. Jane treated them horribly throughout the entire book but they forgave her because they are contractually obligated to do so. Toby and Andy became cliches that didn't know how to act around rick folks. And Cary saved the lame party with his guitar and a little “disco madness”. The B-plot was the arrival of the new housemother Merry who started out by being too strict and giving everyone bazillions of demerits to make up for the fact that she was wild as a teen. You know, that really doesn't make as much sense as we were led to believe last book.

We begin with Toby ranting about snow. She's sick of snow and says it shouldn't still exist because it's March. Wow, we really jumped ahead this book. Last I knew it was just after New Year's. Time flies in Massachusetts I suppose. Jane diagnoses her with “Winter Blahs” as Andy peeks out from under her “pale pink comforter”. You know.....the one that has earth-tone stripes. Apparently no one gave Eileen the memo and she made it pink. This is what I hate about reading a series where every book is written by a new ghostie. Continuity isn't even a thing.

Jane says the only cure for Winter Blahs is to have a party. They'll invite all of Baker House and have food and music and general frivolity.

Insert descriptions of each girl and how they're different but still really good friends. #twee

Jane wants to hire Cary's band Ambulance and make it a boy-girl party. Andy decides she'll invite Matt since she's only with Steve while in Chicago. Toby considers Randy but decides inviting Neal makes more sense even though she's terrified to actually call him up and do it. They go to Merry's room on the top floor to secure permission. Unfortunately the boy-girl thing means the girls must go to the head mistress (Patrice Allardyce aka PA) instead to get permission. Toby loses her party buzz, certain that PA will say no.

Over breakfast (where we get the standard spiel about the food being awful which I still think is unrealistic considering this is an expensive boarding school where nutrition would be a priority) the 407 gang fills in the 409 gang (Dee and Maggie) about the party plans. Maggie, who only exists so everyone can talk about her sister Dana-the-life-ruiner, is excited about the idea. Dee pouts about the party being in Toby's honor when it's also her first New England winter and Jane says the party will be for Toby AND Dee.

We head-hop over to the next table where Gigi is eating with her only friend Yolanda. Gigi, if you will remember, was Jane's roommate the previous year and is pretty much thought to be the most awful girl at Canby. Although, to be honest, I don't remember her actually doing anything awful. I have a vague memory of her being snotty to Toby during the whole tennis storyline but nothing specific comes to mind. Gigi has overheard the plans for the party and she's seething inside. She tells Yolanda that she's going to wire her parents for money to throw her own party – something bigger and better than whatever Jane is planning. Yolanda points out that Gigi doesn't exactly know where her photographer parents are and just like that, Gigi suddenly has a back story.

Gigi slithers over to the other table and announces that she's planning to have a catered affair in a rented hall on Saturday. She tells them she hopes that her party won't interfere with theirs. Jane replies that they haven't set a date yet but she's sure they'll pick a different one. Gigi tells them that they are invited to her party and the group hastily claims to have plans. I know I'm not supposed to feel sorry for Gigi here, but I mostly do.

Gigi starts to get upset that they aren't falling all over themselves to come to her party so she announces that she's going to have a hilarious and fun theme that they don't want to miss. She pauses for drama and then announces her theme will be “come as someone you hate”. Toby immediately dislikes it. She tells Gigi that it's evil and tacky and just plain bad manners. This really pisses Gigi off and she starts insulting Toby which just makes everyone else at the table mad. They tell her that they won't be attending and she swears revenge before stomping off in a huff.

The next chapter opens up with Andy dramatically declaring her own demise. She's apparently been spending a lot of time in the dance studio and has forgotten about her history term paper. It's due the next week and she has no idea how she's going to finish on time. Jane asks her the topic and Andy replies that she chose Black History because Faith-the-sanctimonious (former 407 resident and roommate of Dana-the-life-ruiner) recommended she learn more about the subject.

At dinner, they run into Laura Lee. She's a quiet girl who lives in the room at the end of the hall. Jane thinks it's odd that they rarely see her since she lives on the same floor. She mentions the party that they still don't have permission to have, but Laura Lee says she really isn't into parties and then she walks off leaving Jane stunned behind her. Jane tells her friends what just happened and announces that she's going to make Laura Lee the B plot of this book. Toby points out that Andy's term paper is already the B plot and they really shouldn't force Laura Lee to be a major portion of the book until she's ready. Jane thinks she knows best, though.

As they days go by, Jane worries more and more about getting permission for a boy-girl party. She's sure PA will deny it. You know, it seems to me that the simplest solution is to just throw a party for the girls in Baker House.  Without the boys, they don't need PA's permission - Merry's will do. It won't kill them to not have boys there. Toby wasn't too excited about inviting Neal anyway, so I don't think she'd mind. What she definitely WOULD mind is not being able to have the party at all.

Jane decides to catch PA first thing in the morning when she leaves her house to head to her office. As soon as Jane steps foot outside, though, she realizes that they've had an ice storm overnight and the entire campus is covered with a dangerous sheet of ice. She heads back inside in time to intercept Toby who is headed to Randy's ranch for an early morning ride. They call the head of maintenance and find out he's sick with a virus.  He's been attempting to call PA but apparently her phone was taken out by the storm.  He tells them that all the dorms have barrels of salt/sand for times like this and Jane and Toby get to work. They work their way around the dorms and then head down to PA's house. They are able to stop her before she falls down her steps and they make her path safe as well.  She invites them inside for hot tea and croissants when they are done.

PA is thankful that they made the campus safe for her and for the other students. She mentions that Merry has told her about the party and she's just been waiting for one of them to come ask her. A party like this has never been allowed on campus before, but PA is so grateful to them that she grants permission.

We head-hop into Gigi's head now. She and Yolanda are out by the pond talking about her party. She couldn't reach her parents so she had to settle for the back room of Pizza Pete's instead of something more fancy. She's still furious that the 407 and 409 crowd have refused to come. She sees Toby and Dee approaching the pond with ice skates and ducks behind a tree to eavesdrop.

Toby is complaining that Andy wouldn't stop working on her term paper for half an hour to teach her and Dee to skate. Dee tries to point out that the paper is important but Toby is uncharacteristically bitter and judgmental about the amount of time Andy is putting into it. She gripes to Dee that she was expecting Andy to work on her party and Dee points out that Toby's being a little self-important. Toby just puffs up her chest at this and says it's pretty special having a party thrown in your honor. She says that Jane is a true friend because she's focused on Toby while Andy is a crap friend because she's focused on herself.

Oh, ghostie, WHAT are you doing to Toby?   You're totally assassinating her character.  This character is nothing like the girl we've all come to know and love. I have a big pouty face going right now in case you're interested.

Toby and Dee hit the ice – literally and figuratively. They are flat on their backs laughing their heads off when Gigi reveals herself. I honestly don't know what happened to Yolanda.  She seems to have gone #poof.  Dee is worried after Gigi walks off. She knows Gigi overheard Toby talking smack on Andy and knows Gigi won't hesitate to use it for her advantage. Toby isn't concerned, however. She doesn't think she said anything wrong.

This is tragic. Toby has NEVER been this person. 

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin 

Toby goes back to the room and acts like a harpy towards Andy. She resentfully tells Andy that it's all her fault that they fell so much and she can't believe Andy is choosing her paper over Toby. Jane is horrified at this attitude from Toby (#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin) and tells her that schoolwork is always a priority. Toby sniffs that friendship should be a priority too.

This is killing me. I can't believe what this ghostie is doing to Toby.

They talk about the party for a minute and Jane mentions that they still need to invite their dates. Andy says she'll ask Matt but she wishes she could ask Steve instead. She declares she's ready for a short break and she's going to use it to call Matt from downstairs and invite him to the party. As soon as she leaves, Toby starts bitching about how Andy can call Matt but she can't spare a minute to teach her and Dee how to ice skate. Jane shuts it down and tells Toby that she's being an awful person and she's going to ruin her friendship with Andy if she's not careful. Toby isn't repentant or remorseful.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Toby is terrified to call Neal and invite him to the party, so when Randy calls out of the blue to check on her since he hasn't seen her in awhile, she invites him instead. Randy is very kind and very gentle but he reminds Toby that he's too old for her and coming to this party would be sending the wrong message. She tries to convince him by saying he's the only one she knows that understands horses and ranching but he holds his ground. She laughs it off but her feelings are hurt and she's back to square one on the date thing.

To further her embarrassment, Gigi overhears the entire thing and rubs it in that Toby got turned down for a date. Toby is furious and tells Gigi to go back to her own dorm and then stomps upstairs. She runs into Maggie along the way and they return to 407 to talk about Gigi and her “evil” party. Andy is trying to work and she asks them all to keep it down. She tells them she's bitten off more than she can chew with this paper and she's having major anxiety about it. Jane and Maggie pep talk her but all Toby can do is selfishly whine that she hopes Andy won't end up missing her party because of a dumb paper.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Jane hustles Toby out of the room to give her a stern talking to. She lectures Toby in the bathroom until Toby finally promises to stop being such a bitch. They are about to leave when Laura Lee walks in with a hairbrush and some mousse. Maggie gets all excited and offers to do Laura Lee's hair for her but LL is pretty terrified at the idea. She tells them she wasn't really planning to do anything with the mousse and the hairbrush, she just randomly left the room with them. Sheesh, LL, you could do better than THAT.

Jane demands to know why LL is so afraid of people and LL replies that she isn't. She just likes to be alone. Which I can relate to. #IntrovertsUnite! Maggie asks why she came to Canby if she likes to be alone so much. Because I guess going to boarding school is something only extroverts do?? LL says she didn't want to come but she's a legacy and had no choice. Jane insists that it's a Canby tradition to make friends and be social and LL flees from the room, begging them to just leave her alone. Poor LL.

Jane declares that they can't do anything about LL at the moment but they CAN help Toby call Neal. They escort Toby downstairs and Jane dials Neal's dorm number for Toby. When someone answers, Toby nervously asks for “Nealonius” which is so hilariously adorable that I ALMOST forgive her for being so awful. Neal is amused and guesses right away that it's Toby. She fumbles around a bit and then manages to ask him to the party. He tries really hard to put her at ease and says he'd love to come. She asks if he wants to talk to Jane because that's not awkward and he gently tells Toby that she's the only one he wants to talk to. I didn't like Neal in the first book – especially when he got his MOTHER to call Jane about the breakup – but he comes across as pretty damn wonderful here.

Yolanda hears the whole thing somehow and reports back to Gigi. Gigi knows Neal from rooming with Jane the previous year. She pulls out some paper and tells Yolanda that she's going to write Neal a VERY INTERSTING LETTER that will put a hitch in Toby's giddy-up.

I guess she memorized Neal's address from the year before??  Who does that?  It's not like she ever used it so why does she remember it?  So weird, Gigi.

Toby and Jane go to Maggie's room so they won't disturb Andy. Jane asks if Maggie and Dee have dates to the party. Maggie has invited an Oakley Prep boy named Billy and Dee has asked a Greenleaf High boy named Ed. Dee is sketching on the wall by her bed the entire time they're talking and Toby finally asks her what she's doing. Dee, who is perpetually homesick for California, says she's going to paint a palm tree. This dorm has very liberal rules about the girls painting the walls. I lived in a dorm in college and we weren't even allowed to put thumb tacks in the walls to hang up posters.

We spend the next chapter in Andy's head. She's back in the library to do more research and she runs into LL who is trying to read peacefully. Andy can't let that happen, though, so she sits right beside LL and keeps talking about her paper until LL finally interjects to give Andy some advice. She says that Andy's topic is too broad and needs narrowed down. She suggests that Andy focus on black women in history and Andy is super grateful.

We skip ahead to the weekend. Jane heads to the Greenleaf Diner to talk to Cary. He's in a bad mood because the manager made him pull his hair back and take out his earring. Jane tells him she agrees with the manager which just wounds Cary's feelings. Jane is really a bitch to him. I can't figure out why he even likes her.

Team Cary!

Jane orders a coffee and tells Cary that she wants to propose a “uniform” of sorts for the members of Ambulance to wear at the party. Cary tells her that they're a rock band and they'll dress as one. She smiles and whispers to him what she wants them to wear. He emphatically says no but she's not concerned because she knows she can convince him to do whatever she wants.

That evening, the girls of 407 hide outside of Gigi's dorm so they can see who Gigi dressed as for her party. To no one's actual surprise, Gigi dressed as Toby but kind of an awful version. Yolanda is dressed as the school cook. The two of them go to Pizza Pete's while the girls from 407 return to Baker House to concoct some kind of convoluted plan.

At Pizza Pete's, the back room is empty. Gigi and Yolanda are the only ones who have showed up. Gigi is pacing around, upset, when five strange creatures come in the door. She can't figure out who they're supposed to be and she demands that they identify themselves. Two of them are pizza (yellow paper with red circles attached), two of them are dressed as Gigi's party (plates and napkins attached to a sheet) and one of them is a sock pile (socks attached to a sheet).

Seriously.

Are we supposed to think this is clever?

They lecture Gigi about being cruel to Toby and the cook and for throwing an awful party and then they march out.

That was just stupid.

On Monday, Toby is bitching about winter again when a huge bouquet of daffodils, tulips and daisies is delivered to her with a note from Neal. It's an incredibly thoughtful thing of him to do. He knows she's got the winter blues so he's sent her some spring. I can be Team Neal too, right?

Along with the flowers comes a care package from Andy's parents. They take it upstairs where Andy triumphantly announces that she's finished the first draft of the paper. They decide to open the care package in celebration of her achievement. The top is filled with health foods but the bottom has gooey, delicious tiny cakes. Toby grabs one and heads down to LL's room. She's surprised to find that LL has been napping. She invites LL to 407 to raid the care package but LL declines. Toby hands one of the cakes to LL and gives her a speech about everyone needing friends and makes a standing offer of friendship to LL before leaving.

That's better.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

That evening Toby impulsively decides to call Neal to thank him for the flowers. Jane goes along too because she wants to tell him what to wear for the party. Toby calls and finds Neal furious. He's gotten a letter from “Andy” saying that Toby never wanted him to come to the party at all. That she wanted Randy and thinks Neal is a preppy stuffed shirt. He hangs up on her as she sobs.

The ghostie tells us that Gigi and Yolanda are hiding behind chairs in the lounge, enjoying Toby's misery.

Seriously?

HOW THE HELL would Gigi and Yolanda have known to be there? HOW THE HELL could they have known she'd use the phone on that particular evening at that particular time? She hadn't planned to do it. It was spontaneous and impulsive. There's no fucking reason at all for the two of them to be there. This ghostie is awful.

Jane dials Neal back and yells at him a bit until he sees reason and apologizes to Toby. As Toby is talking to him, Jane spots LL thumbing through the “H” encyclopedia nearby. She walks over and LL tells her that she heard some giggling behind the chairs earlier. They look and no one's there but LL is sure of what she heard. Jane tells her the whole, long story and LL is horrified at how evil Gigi is. She tells Jane that she doesn't think she can handle being at boarding school when everything is so dramatic. Jane protests that things are fine when you have friends but LL takes off to her room. As an afterthought, Jane picks up the encyclopedia. She tells us that LL was either looking up Health Insurance, Hearing Aids or Hearts. She concludes it's Hearing Aids and thinks that's why LL is having trouble making friends.

Jane, don't be so dumb. It's clearly HEARTS. LL always looks pale. She sleeps during the day. She's worried dorm life is too dramatic for her to handle. Clearly she has a heart issue.

We've moved onto a new day but I have no idea how much time has passed. Andy is in Greenleaf buying “typing supplies” for her paper. She's doing a little window shopping when she sees LL and Michael-the-school-psychologist getting out of a taxi just ahead. They disappear into a professional building that hosts doctors, dentists, lawyers and a travel agent. Andy is curious but unwilling to pry into LL's private life, so she turns to leave and runs right into Yolanda. Yolanda says she was following LL and Michael on Gigi's orders. Gigi has noticed how much time the 407 girls are spending with LL and she wants to know why. Yolanda says they've been investigating LL to see why she's so interesting to the 407 girls and all they've come up with is that LL is excused from taking gym class. Andy tells her to mind her own business and walks away.

The next chapter takes us to Wednesday. Andy is typing her final draft and feeling damn proud of herself. They want to celebrate, so Toby leaves to go into Greenleaf and buy some snacks. As soon as she's gone, the room phone rings and a strange voice informs Jane that there's an emergency dorm meeting in Merry's room and they need to come immediately. Andy is annoyed but the girls head out. They stop in 409 along the way to get Maggie and Dee and find out that their phone didn't ring. Nor do they see any other 4^th floor residents heading up to Merry's room. Which really should have been a fucking clue, but they're idiots and head up there anyway.

Gee, I wonder if someone wanted them out of their room so she could exact a little revenge??????

Sure enough, when they get back to 409, Dee's palm tree has been completely ruined. She's in tears looking at it. They go into 407 and find Andy's term paper missing. Where it used to be is a pair of red mittens. The four of them begin searching the room, hoping that Gigi merely hid the term paper and didn't really take it. Toby comes back with a sack of groceries right in the middle of all the chaos. She's upset to hear what happened and says that someone stole her red mittens as well. Andy is instantly suspicious because Toby's red mittens are right where her term paper should be AND Toby was pissed about her term paper all book. Dee provides another nail in the coffin when she finds page 5 of the research paper in Toby's dresser.

Well, at least we know why the ghostie completely destroyed Toby's character in this book. She wanted to set Toby up as a suspect which is just so ridiculous. Toby is the least likely person in that entire school to steal that paper. If ghostie had read any of the other books, she'd know that. She could have used ANY other girl in that dorm to be her suspect and it would have been more likely than Toby. Even MERRY would have been more likely than Toby.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Reason prevails almost immediately which means ghostie slaughtered Toby's character in order to create FOUR PARAGRAPHS of suspicion. That's just mean. The five of them head to LL's room to formulate a plan.

That evening, the entire cafeteria is buzzing about Toby and Andy not speaking to each other. Andy has accused Toby of stealing her term paper and Toby has accused Andy of breaking up her and Neal. Gigi is feeling mighty pleased with herself. Our Scooby Gang declares Plan A a success.

Plan B consists of Jane making Gigi nervous during creative writing class. She begins a class discussion about the missing term paper and Gigi ends up accidentally incriminating herself by saying if Andy's dumb enough to leave her history paper on the desk where anyone can take it, then she deserves what she gets. Jane hadn't mentioned the paper was a history paper or that it was on the desk and Gigi gets rattled when she realizes what she's done.

Plan C involves gym class. The entire sophomore class has it at the same time which seems....wrong. How can they fit that many students in one class? Whatever. Anyway, this must be where LL is involved since she doesn't have to take gym. Gigi skips class which is according to plan I guess. Gigi goes back to her room to retrieve her locker key. Every girl at Canby is assigned a locker in the basement of the admin building where they can store extra things that they don't want in their room. She leaves her door open while getting the key and is observed by LL. LL confronts, Gigi denies and takes a few verbal jabs at LL which don't seem to affect LL at all. Gigi stomps away.

LL meets Jane and tells her about the locker key. They come to the conclusion that Andy's paper is in the locker and Gigi is going to try to move it soon. Jane tells LL that Andy is following Gigi now and that they'll all take turns following Gigi until the paper is recovered. They are standing outside talking about this when LL recognizes a car coming in the drive. Her parents are here coming to check on her again and she knows they'll be disappointed to find that she still hasn't made friends. Jane volunteers to help her deal with her mom and dad.

Meanwhile, Andy is trailing Gigi who is just pacing around campus in an agitated fashion. Gigi knows that LL knows about the locker and she's smart enough to know that LL has probably alerted the 407 gang. So she can't go right to the locker to get the term paper. At this point, if the girls were smart, they'd alert PA and have the locker searched before Gigi can get there. However, they think they're the Scooby Gang so they're going to handle it themselves.

Merry spots Andy following Gigi and begins to follow Andy. She knows Andy's paper was stolen and she knows Gigi has been hanging around Baker House a lot lately. She puts two and two together and hangs back to see what happens.

Because that's what an adult would do in this situation.  {rolls eyes}  Sigh.

Back to Jane and LL. It turns out LL's mother knew two of Jane's aunts. They went to Canby together and were part of a secret society called the Renegade Brigade. It's not so secret if you go around telling people about it, LL's mom. They chat a bit and then LL says she has to get to biology. Jane leaves too, needing to take Andy's place following Gigi so Andy can get to her next class.

Of course, what these girls never fucking considered is that Canby is a big campus and cell phones aren't a thing yet, so Jane has no idea where Andy and Gigi might be. Luckily for her, Merry knows exactly where they are and she arrives to point Jane in the right direction. Deus ex Housemother. Jane switches with Andy and the game is afoot again.

Gigi seems to reach a decision and she's on the move toward her locker finally with Jane hot on her tail. Gigi goes to her locker and retrieves the folder and then Jane jumps out of the shadows to tell her the jig is up. Gigi is unimpressed. She threatens to start ripping up the term paper and begins doing so ever so slowly. Jane threatens to go to PA and Gigi says it will be her word against Jane's because Jane has no proof. LL emerges out of nowhere in a very “not so fast” moment. Gigi still isn't too worried.

Then things get EXTREMELY stupid.

The rest of the Scooby Gang tromps down the stairs. Dee threatens to PAINT Gigi like it's some big horrible thing. Toby is carrying a fucking lasso and threatens to hog tie Gigi. Maggie, ever the sensible one despite being Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister, has brought a camera and she begins taking pictures. Because Maggie knows that obtaining proof is 100% better than threatening to paint or lasso someone.

Team Maggie!

Andy steps forward to grab her paper which is complete and barely damaged. The Scooby Gang declares victory and heads upstairs. Outside, they all link arms and begin walking back across campus like some kind of bizarre centipede or something. Naturally they run into LL's parents who are beside themselves with joy over their daughter finally having friends. Gigi comes up and viciously proclaims that LL has no friends because she's a “sicko” and LL dramatically reveals that she has a very bad heart.

Called that one.

Gigi stomps off and LL's parents make a revelation of their own. LL was born with a congenital heart defect but she's had several surgeries and is now 100% cured. The problem is that LL doesn't believe she's cured and is afraid to live her life. The girls all promise to make LL join in on things now and her parents are so grateful that they invite everyone out for dinner.

Well, Plots B (the paper) and C (LL) have wrapped up nicely. Back to Plot A (the party).

So the secret decorations are packing peanuts. Jane's covered the floor in packing peanuts to simulate sand. This horrifies me. Those things make shivery squeaky noises when stepped on and they create so much static that they cling to everything. They would not be good floor cover at all. Everyone is dressed in some kind of beach wear and Ambulance is playing reggae music.

It's as bad as I imagined.

The next night, Gigi walks into the dining hall for dinner. No one from Baker House is there at first. Then they all come marching in wearing black wigs and too much make-up so they look like Gigi. They're holding signs saying “Costume Parade: Come Dressed as Someone You'd Like to Ship Off to a Desert Island with a One-Way Ticket”. Gigi is humilated.

How is this any less evil and tacky than Gigi's party? It's not. It's every bit as evil and tacky and I'm ashamed of all of them. And more ashamed of the ghostie. This isn't funny or cute or even justified really. This is an entire dorm of people sinking to the level of a bully and it's disgusting. They're all pretty proud of themselves and smugly congratulate each other on getting even with Gigi. See, they said it right there. They're even with her – as in level. They're on her level and they shouldn't be proud of that at all.

The book ends with them all painting a rainforest on 409's walls. Which makes perfect sense. There's a lot of rainforests in California, y'all.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I think I'll give this one to Jane and I'm just as shocked as you are. She was pretty good this book. She tried to straighten Toby out and she tried to draw LL out (even if she WAS a tad too pushy). She didn't cheat on Cary for once and she threw Dee and Toby a party they loved.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I can't believe I'm doing this, y'all. It's Toby. She was awful and self-centered and selfish and awful a few more times. This author really ruined her.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Coming Up Next: The staff of Canby Hall goes on strike and the girls of 407 have to save the school AND the Almost Summer Carnival. Oh, noes.