I Went to Canby Hall and All I Got Was This Stupid Recap

Monday, September 9, 2019

Who's the New Girl (Book 12) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book. Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: There's something about Nicole....

From the Back of the Book: She looks so innocent...but - When French Nicole Brisbet arrives at Canby Hall, everyone is charmed by her sweet, quiet manner. Shelley, Faith and Dana find her long braids and jumpers a bit old-fashioned, but decide they should help her feel at home. Nicole seems to adapt to American ways a bit too quickly when she buys provocative new clothes and acts much too friendly with the roommates' boyfriends. The girls are looking forward to an exciting trip to Ft. Lauderdale. But will Nicole spoil their fun?

Is it just me or is the fact that they underlined the word "too" in that blurb a little weird? Shouldn't they have emphasized "much" instead? Maybe I'm just being picky.

TRIGGER WARNING: there is a lot of talk about weight and dieting in this book. If that is something that will steal your joy or harm your soul in any way, please don't read this recap.

This book was published in 1985 and I'm pretty sure I've never read this one. I guess I read far less of these than I originally thought. The ghostie for this book is M.L. Kennedy and I'm pretty confident that it's the same person as Mary Lou Kennedy who wrote Make Me a Star. Goody goody gumdrops.

The cover is pretty stupid. I'm fairly sure no human being on Earth walks like that girl in green is walking. Why is her tiny hand on her stomach like that? ((My manager just commented that it looks like Nicole has Barbie arms - you know, one straight and one bent.)) It also looks like Shelley is feeling up Dana and Faith is photographing it. Weird. This cover model for Dana really reminds me of Sloane from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Mary Beth, Ginny and Ellie are all missing once again. Poor lasses didn't get to go to Florida.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gale makes a repeated appearance in this book.

So we begin in room 407 with Dana bitching about snow. She got caught in a freak snowstorm on the way back from the grocery store and now her precious Italian boots are ruined. Please excuse me while I press 'F' on the world's tiniest keyboard for Dana. #momentofsilence

We hop into Shelley's head with no warning and all she can think about is how thin Dana is and how fat and disgusting she is. GALE!!!!!! Oh, how we've missed you.

I have a feeling we might need to put a count on this book.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 1

Shelley tells us that she's watching her weight pretty seriously now but a page ago Dana told us that Shelley sent her to the store for Twinkies so there's that.

It's almost dinner time and Shelley suggests they get all bundled up to go to the dining hall. She only had a salad for lunch and she's hungry. Dana and Faith don't want to go out in the cold They have snacks and they figure they'll just skip dinner and graze instead. Shelley is appalled. To her, dinner is meat, potato, vegetable and dessert and she can't understand why Dana and Faith are always so willing to skip meals. She comments on it and Dana says that she has to “starve herself to fit into the samples” her mother sends her. They're all a size 6 which means she has to stay thin if she wants to wear them. I fear we're headed into dangerous territory here again and I'm going to have to trigger warning this recap.

Don't starve yourself, kids. It's not a healthy path.

They decide to take their snacks up to Alison's room and have a picnic with the housemother-extraordinaire. She invites them in but decides she wants something with a little more substance than chips and Twinkies. Quickly she whips up a pot of chili and they all sit around her table to eat. For the most part, the conversation revolves around how miserable the weather is and how much they want to get out of the cold and the snow. Dana suggests they all go to Florida on semester break and I'm just sitting here wondering what kind of parents would let 15-16 year old girls go alone to Florida.

Shelley seems to be on my wavelength for once (which means I need to get on another one, stat) and questions whether they'd be allowed to go. Faith says that Alison and Michael can chaperone them and they should go to Fort Lauderdale because her sister went there for Spring Break once and had a blast. Soon they're all talking about swimming and laying on the beach and........is Fort Lauderdale warm all year round? I'm going to Google.

Okay, I'm not sure if this semester break is at the end of December or the beginning of January but the average temp in Fort Lauderdale in those months is 76-78. It might be swimming weather for some but it's definitely not going to be warm enough for most. I also Googled the water temps in case those might be different but I got about the same thing (average water temp is 77). Do research, ghostie.

The next day over breakfast the girls fill Casey in on the plan even though they haven't gotten a definite 'yes' from Alison yet and don't have actual permission from any of their parents. Casey is in to go because her parents will be traveling over break anyway. Pamela overhears and wants to come too. I'm starting to wonder just how many girls Michael and Alison are going to be chaperoning on this maybe-trip.

Shelley goes off to class feeling a mixture of excitement and trepidation. There's no way she's beach ready with Gale firmly planted around her hips and thighs. She vows to live only on celery sticks for the foreseeable future.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 2

The talk around the lunch room that day is about the new transfer student they are getting from Paris. Her name is Nicole and PA (head bitch in charge) has specifically requested her to be placed in Baker House and asked the girls from 407 to “be in charge” of her because they're so very awesome and just stellar examples of the kinds of friendships that can be developed at Canby Hall. #gag #allhailroom407

There's some boring discussion of where Nicole is actually going to be roomed (a single at the end of the hall) and then they start talking about Florida again. They still don't know if they're going but that doesn't stop them. Shelley goes on a three-page bender about how fat she is compared to her friends.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 10

Shelley finds a place called Heavenly Bodies in the phone book and makes herself an appointment for that afternoon. She doesn't tell her friends or her boyfriend, wanting to keep it a secret and surprise them with her results. The woman in the leopard-print leotard behind the counter weighs her and measures her and provides her an analysis of her problem areas.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 11

She tells Shelley that the machines there will take care of everything and I'm not entirely sure if this is a regular gym or one of those toning places with the tables that pretty much do the work for you. She wants Shelley to start immediately but Shelley balks. It's almost time for dinner. Leopard-leotard scoffs and encourages Shelley to skip dinner because she has “no time to waste” if she wants to evict Gale before Fort Lauderdale (which isn't even a sure thing yet).

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 12

Later that evening, Shelley is is MIA but Dana and Faith head up to Alison's room to meet Nicole. Casey is already there for some reason. Nicole surprises Dana who was expecting someone poised and glamorous. She's dressed in saddle shoes and bobby socks and looks about 12 years old. Dana can't figure out why she's dressed like someone from the 50's and decides that Nicole definitely needs a makeover.

Fuck you, Dana. Maybe she likes that look. Maybe her parents forced her to wear it and she actually has a suitcase full of clothes better than yours. You know nothing about this girl or her life. Isn't it Faith's job to be judgmental up in this bitch? Stay in your fucking lane.

Faith is firmly in her area of expertise. When we hop into her head she's judging Nicole pretty hard-core thinking she looks like a “baby” and her dress looks like “kitchen-curtains”. She's further scandalized that Nicole isn't even wearing “a touch of mascara”. How does she expect to fit in here? She thinks it's a good thing that her and her friends are going to take Nicole under their wing because everyone will accept her as long as the 407 girls do. #allhailroom407

When they return to their room, Shelley is there sprawled across her bed looking pale and tired. She tells us she's incredibly sore and isn't even sure she can make it into her pajamas. Dana and Faith hassle her about missing the meeting and then drill her about why she's moving so slow and painfully but Shelley evades the questions by getting snippy with them. She goes to take a long, hot shower and then stops by Nicole's room on her way back. Nicole seems nice enough but Shelley gets a funny vibe off her.

The next morning they all take Nicole to the dining hall for breakfast. She turns up her nose at the food and says she only has coffee in the mornings. Shelley seems to take this as a personal insult for some reason. I have no idea why she feels like she has to defend breakfast. It's a little odd, sweetie. Nicole comes across Pamela and the two really hit it off right away. They've been to some of the same places and seen some of the same things. Nicole is really name dropping countries here. I think she mentioned a dozen in two pages, making sure everyone knows how wealthy she is. But when Pamela asks her where she lives, Nicole is oddly vague. None of them pick up on it though. #clueless Pamela invites Nicole to go to the french restaurant in Greenleaf that evening and Nicole accepts.

Later that night Dana goes to the movies with Randy who she is calling her boyfriend again because I guess it suited this ghostie's agenda. Nothing really happens except Dana tells us how wonderful it is to date Randy which is factual but not consistent with the past eleven books. #fuckcontinuity

The next morning, Shelley gets up early to go to Heavenly Bodies. Her personal exercise plan is to do one hour of aerobics and one hour on the toning machines. She's still sore from the day before but determined to get rid of Gale.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 13

We get a page and a half of Shelley thinking about various swimsuits and how she can't wear them and then we're back in 407 where Alison is doing room inspection. She tells Dana and Faith that the Florida trip is a go, mostly because PA wants Nicole to see as much of the country as possible for some reason. Then Alison asks them to take Nicole out and about that afternoon and to find her a date for that night. Faith and Dana are dismayed. There's no way they can get Nicole a date when she wears such babyish clothes. Faith says they can give her a makeover and Dana agrees to ask Randy to find a date for her. Randy isn't too thrilled with the idea. He's kind of anti-blind-date but he eventually agrees to rustle someone up for her.

Nicole is super resistant to the makeover. She doesn't want to look like an American girl and feels like the clothes are too boyish. She says that French girls like to look like girls and they have their own unique style. I'm not sure what she's continuously wearing is actual French high fashion and the girls should probably be picking up on that. #clueless Finally Nicole picks out a stylish black pencil skirt with buttons down one side and a low cut blouse. Shelley whispers to her friends that it seems off brand for Nicole but she's hushed. It's a sad state of affairs when Shelley is the woke one.

So apparently the date will be a triple: Dana/Randy, Shelley/Tom and Nicole/??. Faith and Johnny are having dinner with his relatives instead. They all get dressed and the ghostie makes a point to say Shelley “wiggles” into every single pair of pants. I let it go twice but this third time means we have to add to the count.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 16

Dana and Shelley go downstairs where Tom and Randy are waiting and they're stunned to see Nicole has given herself a little makeover. The braids and frilly dresses are gone and in their place is the low cut blouse and the pencil skirt. She has several of the buttons on the skirt undone so it's slit up to her thigh and she's wearing patterned stockings underneath. She looks pretty fabulous and Tom has definitely taken notice. She's flirting with the guys pretty hard and Shelley's fangs come out a little. She and Dana hurry over to pee a circle around their territory and that's when Dana notices there isn't a date for Nicole.

Randy admits that he wasn't able to set Nicole up with anyone but he and Tom encourage her to come along anyway. She plays like she's protesting but then dashes off to get her coat. Dana is pretty pissed at Randy but what the hell was he supposed to do? He had next to no notice and it's not like he has a huge circle of friends. I'm sure every guy he asked was wondering why the hell this girl needed a date last minute and probably thought she was a complete dud.

Nicole returns and Shelley notices that she's speaking with a heavier accent than usual. It seems to be a show for the guys and they are definitely eating it up. Randy tells her she can ride in the truck with him and Dana but Tom rushes to say he has a car which will be more comfortable and an 8-track player. Did cars still have 8-track players in 1985? Maybe he has a super old car or something. Still, it's weird. I feel like a lot of these ghosties are really stuck in the 60's and 70's. Anyway, Nicole can't decide who she wants to ride with so she suggests they walk. She links arms with both boys and leads them away.

Dana and Shelley are seething. Neither of them have any fucking ground to stand on here because they've both cheated on those guys more than once. Plus the boys don't seem to be flirting really. To me, it just seems like they find Nicole a little fascinating because she's new and different and she hasn't cheated on them repeatedly. In fact, ghostie says more than once that Randy looks uncomfortable with Nicole's overt flirting but Dana still accuses him of eye-fucking Nicole later. He snaps back at her saying he doesn't exactly like it when she goes on dates with Chris Canby either and she hotly says that it's different when she does it. Because reasons. In the end he tells her that she has no reason to be jealous and they make out.

#runRandyrun

The next chapter is just a bunch of chatter about Florida. The trip is open to all of Baker House which seems like #bullshit to me because there's no way that Alison and Michael are going to chaperone all those girls. Pamela is going for sure and that kind of dampens 407's enthusiasm but none of them are giving up the trip. They'd better hurry. The book is half over already and they're still in Massachusetts.

There's one interesting scene in this when Nicole starts talking about her family's chalet but she mentions a different town than she did the first time. Pamela picks up on it right away because she's way smarter than the rest of these paper dolls but Nicole rapidly explains it away. Pamela seems suspicious but she doesn't call Nicole out as a liar.

Eventually Faith and Dana clue into the presence of the B-plot and vow to figure out what Shelley's been keeping from them. Took 'em long enough.

Back with Shelley. She's not seeing results like she hoped she would so her aerobics teacher suggests she start coming twice a day instead of once. She says that Shelley needs a lot of work on her thighs and Shelley admits they look like two big hams.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 17

Shelley can't figure out how to fit another session in and tells the teacher she'll think about it. As she's walking home, Tom pulls up beside her and offers her a ride. She refuses at first, pretty mad at him for being so into Nicole but the temps are below zero and she's freezing. Within a minute of getting into the car, she falls asleep and doesn't wake up until he shakes her outside of her dorm. She's ready to go up to bed but Tom asks to come in and have a cup of coffee like they're 40 or something. I can't tell if he genuinely wants to spend more time with her or if he's hoping to see Nicole.

Nicole is in the lounge charming all the boyfriends of the Baker House girls. Tom immediately goes to sit at her feet and apparently Randy is also hanging around. They're hanging on Nicole's every word and Dana and Shelley are pissed. Some random student named Renee comes in. I don't think she's ever been mentioned before (and I bet she'll never be mentioned again) but she's an exchange student and she also seems to be from France. Nicole gets super nervous when Renee addresses her in French and then the nervousness increases when Renee asks a very specific question about where Nicole is from. Nicole answers and then takes off. Renee seems to find her answer odd but doesn't tell anyone why.

I find this scenario very vexing. If they have a French exchange student living in Baker House, why didn't PA and Alison ask her to befriend Nicole instead of the 407 girls? It makes no sense that Renee would just be meeting Nicole now.

We suddenly skip ahead two weeks because it's 50 pages from the end of the book and ghostie just realized she needs to actually send them to Florida. This really feels like an afterthought at this point. Dana is excited because she's hoping to meet some cute boys. Hypocrite they name is Dana. How dare she get pissed off at Randy for being nice to Nicole and then turn around and say she wants to hook up with some random surfer dude while she's gone? I hate her so much.

Ghostie then calls a mulligan and has Dana tell us that Randy isn't really her boyfriend at all. He's just a good friend. EXCEPT YOU WROTE IN THIS ACTUAL BOOK THAT HE WAS HER BOYFRIEND. THIS HAS HAPPENED WITH TWO DIFFERENT GHOSTIES NOW. YOU GUYS GIVE ME WHIPLASH.

#Ihatealltheghosties

We finally get to Florida and the hotel has goofed up so they are one room short for the week. Nicole ends up being put in with the 407 girls. She pretty much immediately goes off on her own to shop despite needing to check in with Alison and Michael first. The 407 girls head for the beach. Faith wants to lay in the sun and relax but Dana and Shelley want to explore so they split up. At one point, Dana steps on an actual human being and then gets pissed off when he's annoyed by it. He gets over it fast and introduces himself as Rick from Jersey. He's there with his friend Terry from “the midwest” and everyone starts flirting with each other.

#herewegoagain

The boys are freshman at Penn State and they're down there with their fraternity. Dana tries to be all sophisticated so Rick won't think she's a total baby. It's pretty grim. Rick asks her to dinner but she has to have dinner with the group so they make plans to meet back at the beach the next day. It doesn't end up happening, however. Alison and Michael have them scheduled from 10:00-10:00. Dana is annoyed she missed her chance for a date and Shelley is hella frustrated that she hasn't been able to go shopping for a new swimsuit.

The next day, Alison hands Dana a message from the front desk. It's from Rick and Terry asking Dana and Shelley to meet them at the cafe in their hotel for lunch. Alison isn't too hip on the idea but Michael manages to convince her that the girls can't get into too much trouble in the hotel cafe. #soundslikeachallengetome Pamela and Nicole overhear the entire exchange and Pamela makes some kind of comment about Dana and Shelley working fast with the men.

After the discussion about Dana and Shelley's lunch plans, the entire group gets onto the bus for another morning of scheduled activities. This time Alison has a tour of a wax museum planned and we get several pages of them talking about the figures they're seeing. Along the way, Dana notices that Pamela and Nicole don't seem to be with them but no one seems to know where they are.

They're running a few minutes late getting back to the hotel and Rick and Terry are nowhere to be found. I'm predicting that Nicole and Pamela absconded with them and I kind of hope it turns out to be true so Shelley and Dana can't cheat YET AGAIN. The girls sit around waiting for a bit and then decide to just head to the beach. Rick and Terry just kind of cease to exist at this point. I hope y'all weren't too attached to them.

That evening a group from a prep school in Georgia checks into the hotel and invites all the Canby girls to a luau on the beach. Everyone has a great time. Shelley makes dates with three different guys and Dana makes dates with two others. #Tomwho? #Randywho? Just as the party is finishing up, Pamela comes stomping up. Apparently she and Nicole went to a French restaurant instead of the luau. The chef came out to talk to them and that's when it was exposed that Nicole isn't French at all. She's actually from Kansas. Pamela got so mad she just left Nicole there with no way to pay for dinner.

I FUCKING CALL BULLSHIT! There's no fucking way that PA didn't know exactly where that girl was from. There's all kinds of paperwork involved in attending a boarding school, including TRANSCRIPTS from their former schools and other records like that. There's is no fucking way this could have happened.

Alison panics and she and Dana rush off to see if they can find Nicole. They locate her in a movie theater beside the French restaurant. Alison carts her back to the hotel and she orders Pamela, Casey and the 407 girls up to her room so they can sort this all out. Um......shouldn't it just be her and Nicole? Why the hell would she ask all those other people to come too? I mean, I know ghostie needs them there so she can tell the story and all but it isn't even remotely realistic.

Nicole explains that her parents are controlling and they treat her like a baby. They decided to send her to a boarding school for some better discipline and she realized it was her chance to make a new start and a new persona. Once she started she couldn't exactly stop and she felt trapped. Dana asks why she tried to steal everyone's boyfriends and Nicole whines that it wasn't her intention at all. It was just a natural consequence of her allure. #gag Pamela is pissed and refuses to forgive her but everyone else does. Of course. Casey advises her to talk things out with her parents and stop trying to be someone she isn't. She says that Nicole can't run from her problems forever and she needs to face them head on.

Shelley gets up early the next morning to buy a new bathing suit. She can't believe how much her body has changed. She just knows her friends are going to be blown away. Only they don't notice anything different. Even when Shelley demands that they look at her thighs and try to pinch some fat on her stomach, they say she looks just the same to them. It's incredibly insensitive of them. They're her friends. They could at least tell her she looks good. Shelley is really hurt but then decides it doesn't matter if she has thin thighs or big thighs. Then the book rather abruptly ends.

So what the fuck was the message there? I'm not sure I got it.

Number of times Gale is mentioned: 18

That's a lot of Gale for one book.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I'm going to hand this one to Casey. She was pretty benign all book and actually gave some good advice here and there.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Dana and Shelley can share this for ONCE AGAIN CHEATING ON THEIR BOYFRIENDS.

Coming up next: Canby Hall flirts with being Co-Ed and enrolls three penis-bearers.

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

With Friends Like That (Book 11) by "Emily Chase"

Tag Line: Who needs enemies?

From the Back of the Book: Only a miracle will save Canby Hall. Shelley, Faith and Dana are stunned when they hear that their school will be shut down unless money is raised by the end of the semester. But what can the girls do? Time is running out...Each of the girls comes up with a plan, but will any of them work? When Dana meets the young Chris Canby, son of the current owner, she thinks he's the answer. But he seems like a carbon copy of his father. Will he be a friend or an enemy - or a new romance? The girls had better think fast if they're going to save the school.

This book was published in 1985 and I've never read it before. The ghostie for this book is Judith Sachs who wrote the super creepy The Big Crush where guidance counselor Michael behaved all kinds of inappropriately with his students. I hate that book so I'm not going into this one with high hopes.

The cover is okay. All three girls get equal billing and they're the same models from the last cover so they look consistent. Shelley is pouting directly at us which is a little disturbing but otherwise there's nothing to really bitch about here. I'll admit that I don't really understand what the title has to do with the story but maybe it will become clear as I read. (((Note from Future Me: It did not. This title still makes no sense.)))

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). For now, Dana is dating the magically delicious Randy, Faith is seeing wannabe-cop Johnny and Shelley is dating Tom from Greenleaf High while on a break from her one-true-love Paul. In the last book, PA decided to let a film company shoot part of a movie on campus and everyone auditioned. Dana got a part in order to cheat on Randy with a production assistant named Peter and Shelley ended up an extra due to some horrible advice from Pamela. Faith ran around taking horrible, unauthorized pictures of the cast and delighting in how awful she was making everyone look. Shelley met star Troy who fed her a huge line of BS about putting her in a movie but it all ended up being just smoke up Shelley's ass. Peter ended up throwing Dana over for Pamela in the hopes that her mother could further his career and then the book mercifully ended.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Gale. There wasn't a single mention of Shelley's extra pounds in this book.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Mary Beth, Ginny and Ellie are all back in action. I guess everyone came topside for this crises.

We begin with Faith which is kind of a medium way to begin. At least it's not Shelley. She's struggling to carry a little table up to room 407 when Alison (housemother extraordinaire) stops her and asks her if she can pass out some fliers. Apparently PA (head bitch in charge) is holding yet another special assembly tomorrow. Faith eventually makes it up to her room with the little marble table and ghostie takes this opportunity to give us a quick review. Dana is a sociopath, Shelley has histrionic personality disorder and Faith is a narcissist, blah, blah, yada, yada. You know all this already.

Suddenly it's the next morning and the girls are all grumbling about being forced to get up early. PA starts the assembly with a quick history lesson about how Horace Canby allowed a school to be built on his land in memory of his daughter Julia who died young of a fever. Unfortunately he didn't contain wording in the will that would let the school exist on the land “in perpetuity” and the new heir Owen feels that a school isn't the best horse in his financial stable. There is talk that the school will be permanently closed at the end of the semester. Panic ensues because the girls of 407 know the magic only exists on campus and they will go back to being normal teenagers and not revered goddesses as soon as they get home.

#allhailroom407

Dana immediately says they should call a meeting in Baker house because she just knows they'll be able to solve the problem themselves. I'd roll my eyes but it's useless. That's exactly what's going to happen because we all know these girls are geniuses and possess the ability to make all adults defer to them in all things.

Nearly all of Baker house gathers in the lounge and the 407 girls take charge of the meeting. No one questions them about it because they all know the girls of 407 are the only ones who truly matter in this hellhole. Alison comes up with the only decent idea in this entire meeting – going to talk to Owen – but she's instantly shot down by the girls. They can't do this reasonable thing! They need some kind of hare-brained scheme!!! That's just how things work around here. #seriouslyAlison? #areyounew?

Team 407 skips classes to go to the library to plan. They decide they need to get an endowment from someone. If they get one it will show Owen that the school can be financially beneficial to him (or at least not a financial burden). They come up with a figure of 1.5 million dollars and a plan to ask everyone's parents and people in the town for donations. High on their list is Pamela's mother Yvonne.

Dana goes for a jog after classes in the hopes of coming up with another stellar idea in case they have trouble raising 1.5 million fucking dollars. She's deep in thought and not paying attention to where she's going and ends up colliding with a slightly older (senior year) redheaded boy. He asks her if she's a Canby girl and then matter-of-factly tells her that her school will be closing soon. Dana gets hella pissed as she's wont to do and demands to know who he is. He introduces himself as Chris Canby, Owen's son.

Dana immediately regrets being her usual bitch self. She needs Chris on her side after all. She tries to pour some sugar on him instead, flattering him and then waxing poetic about the legions of girls who have passed through Canby's “hallowed portals” (direct quote, folks) and how the area is drenched in historical importance. It's VERY VERY stupid. Chris isn't moved. He likes money and getting rid of Canby will give his family plenty of it. There's some kind of corporation coming to look at the campus in a few days to see if they want to build there. Ghostie named it Data-Tech because she couldn't be arsed to come up with anything better.

Dana switches tactics and asks Chris if he ever just wants to go to a ball game like a normal teenager rather than worrying about his stocks and portfolio. He says they have box seats but that doesn't impress her. She wants him to try a “normal” day with her and he says he will if she tries out a day of privilege with him. This is all so very stupid. I feel my brain dying. Dana goes back to campus and tells her friends that she's going to try to use her feminine wiles to convince Chris to convince Owen to change his mind. #Godhelpusall

It's another day I think and Shelley has a date with Tom. He's taking her to Pizza Pete's in the hopes of ambushing someone named Mr Sampton. He's one of the oldest men in town and somehow Tom thinks he might be able to help. The guy is practically a hermit but he always goes to Pizza Pete's on Tuesday to get the senior discount or something. Tom tells her that she can move in with his family and finish school at Greenleaf High if Canby closes but she isn't sure that's the answer.

Shelley tells him they figured out the approximate tuition revenue for Canby and Tom tells her that it's nowhere near what it costs to run a school. When she asks what he means he says it costs a lot more than that to run a private school and he knows this “because of his sister's college”. What the fuck does that even mean? Tom produces a list of about ten people who might be persuaded to make a donation to save Canby. Bankers and such. Tom doesn't have much hope about getting enough money to keep Canby open but Shelley refuses to let it get her down.

They approach Mr Sampton (gonna call him Sam from now on) to tell him that Owen is going to sell Canby to Data-Tech and ask him if he can help suggest some kind of solution to them. Because he's old I guess? None of this makes any sense at all. He takes some notes down because of course he's interested in the problem of these random teenagers that he's never met before in his life. He says he doesn't like the idea of a corporation being built in their small town but doesn't really offer anything else before dismissing Tom and Shelley.

They leave Pizza Pete's and go to the first name on Tom's list which happens to be a doctor. They have to wait 45 minutes in the lobby for him to have a free moment. Shelley tells him all about the school potentially shutting down and he whips out his checkbook and writes her a check for $100 which just seems like a really stupid thing to do. He has no idea if she's telling him the truth or not. I mean, she is, but he has no way to know that and could have just given $100 to a scammer. It might all be for nothing anyway because Shelley is in no way capable of keeping track of this check. It's as good as gone.

Faith, meanwhile, decides to try her luck with Pamela. I'm not sure why. She and Pamela outright hate each other. Shelley would have been a better choice for this assignment.....or Casey. Casey and Pamela are sometimes friendly to each other at least. Faith tries to ease into things by pretending she and Pamela have something in common to casually talk about but Pamela is way too smart for that ish. Faith tells her they need an endowment to save the school and Pamela asks her why they should bother. Faith lists out things like dances and apple butter from their own orchard and maple syrup from their own trees but none of this impresses Pamela much. Finally Faith changes tactics and reminds Pamela how she was kicked out of a bunch of private schools before Canby and she might end up in a public school after this. This scares Pammy enough that she agrees to talk to her mom about donating money.

Faith is so proud of herself. We get this......

“She couldn't wait to call Johnny now! He was always going on about what a great mind she had, and she usually shrugged in embarrassment when he talked about her super brainpower, but right now she had to agree with him.”

Faith is feeling so up herself that she isn't even paying attention to where she's walking and she barrels right into Michael-the-guidance-counselor who is carrying a big brass lamp and thus didn't see her coming. He asks her what she's so chipper about and she tells him that they are well on their way to raising the million dollars Canby needs to run for a year. (Which is a total lie since Yvonne Young hasn't agreed to donate anything yet. #countingchickensbeforetheyhatch) He gives her a sympathetic look and tells her it costs three million dollars a year to run Canby. Faith suddenly feels incredibly stupid for celebrating too early.

Faith goes back to the room to break the news. Casey rocks up with a possible solution. She's made a list of Fortune 500 companies that regularly give grants to companies struggling to stay afloat. She's planning to contact them to see if one of them might give Canby a grant. It's a better idea than fundraising but that doesn't surprise me. Casey has always been more practical than the others.

Alison comes by to tell them that the letters to the parents will go out after PA's meeting with Owen on Saturday. The 407 girls make plans to be at the meeting. Surely Owen will recognize their magicalness and change his mind. No one says no to 407!!! #allhailroom407

Friday Chris calls to ask Dana to the movies the next afternoon. She can't go because of the meeting so she turns him down. He tells her he's been working on a business proposal for one of his classes to get the businesses in Greenleaf to offer summer internships to students in the area. (Possible future plot? Probably not because continuity has never been strong in this series. #fuckcontinuity) He mentions that they would try to open it for Canby girls too but they probably won't be around after June. Dana gets pissed, yells at him and hangs up the phone. Way to go, Dana. That's the way to get him to change his mind.

On Saturday several girls gather outside PA's house where the meeting is scheduled to happen. They tell PA that they are the “Save Canby Hall Committee” and they ask to speak to Owen. For some reason she lets them. I imagine poor PA is feeling pretty desperate at this point. They file in and immediately start presenting their case. Which basically comes down to they like the school and don't want it to close. They beg him to give them time to raise the money and he seems sympathetic but nothing they say changes anything.

Time passes. Suddenly it's Friday again and Shelley and Tom are out riding around on his motorcycle when they come across Sam broken down on the side of the road. Tom takes a look under the hood while Shelley chats with the old man. He asks her how the fundraising is going and she tells him they've managed to collect $5000 but it doesn't matter because the deal is pretty much already done. He's still upset about the idea of a big corporation being in town but doesn't really offer any solution other than to say that Owen Canby has always been a jackass. Tom gets the car going enough that Sam is able to make it into town to the repair shop.

Saturday arrives and Yvonne visits campus. Faith hits her up with the sob story and an appeal for money and Yvonne offers to help. She even says she'll get some of her Hollywood friends involved. Faith is super excited and again feels like she just solved the problem. Then Yvonne says she'll handle everything when she returns. Turns out she's going to be on location in Europe for at least three months and doesn't plan to do anything until she gets back. Faith is crushed again.

I seriously have NO idea why this chapter was even in the fucking book. Shelley talked to Sam and Faith talked to Yvonne but NOTHING actually happened. Ghostie is padding her page count again.

Now it's Saturday night. Shelley and Faith both have dates so they take off leaving Dana alone. Apparently Randy is in Kentucky at some horse auction for the winter. I'm not sure what kind of auction takes an entire winter but whatevs. At least he's out of Dana's clutches for awhile. She's down in the lounge reading when Chris calls again. He says his father just called to ask him to Sunday brunch and he wants Dana to come along with him. Dana isn't super psyched to see Chris again but she can't pass up an opportunity to talk to Owen.

She's stunned when she actually gets to their house. It's a complete mansion and she's afraid to even walk on the pristine floors. A butler opens the door and a maid takes her parka. Chris brings her into the drawing room to meet his mother. Mrs Canby refers to her as Chris's “little friend” which pisses Dana off because she's tall and practically a woman!! #thisisridiculous #ghostieisn'teventryinghere

Owen isn't super happy to see Dana given that the last time he met with her she was a complete bitch. Get used to it Owen. It's a personality trait, not a mood. They go to breakfast and Dana is socially awkward, not knowing how to eat the kippered herring and putting things on the wrong plate and using the wrong silverware. Chris tries to show her by example what she should be doing and she's a little grateful for that at least.

Owen brings up the deal which is just an asinine thing to do but Dana uses the opportunity to make a suggestion. Maybe they can find an old building that could be converted into a dormitory for Canby students. Canby teachers could use empty Oakley classrooms to hold classes and all would be well. Does Oakley just have a bank of unused classrooms? That seems odd. And keep in mind that Dana doesn't actually know of any suitable properties nor has she cleared any part of this plan with PA or Oakley. She's just sure it's a solution though, Owen finds it as ridiculous as I do but Chris tries to help by mentioning an old mill that might work. You know....the one that Shelley was held in after she was kidnapped in book two. #wow #continuityforonce

Owen changes the subject and the rest of the meal passes awkwardly. On the drive home, Chris apologizes. He says that he still thinks the sale of the land is good business but he's starting to realize that Canby is a community asset (HOW???) and that the girls deserve to get an education. He's still hoping some kind of solution can be found. When they get back to the dorms, he and Dana make out for awhile and here we go again.

Poor Randy.

#Danacandie

Monday comes along with an announcement that PA is going to be gone all week. Michael and Alison are left in charge which pisses Alison off for some reason. She and Michael have been arguing a lot because she thinks the girls need to start submitting applications to other schools and Michael thinks they should hang onto Canby until their last breaths. This is all very dumb, y'all. This whole book idea is dumb.

Owen's company (or maybe Data-Tech's company???) is coming on the following Saturday to do an inventory and Casey comes up with some amazing plan that ghostie spends half a chapter talking about without telling us what it actually is. All I know is that every girl in school will have to participate for it to work, it involves some kind of mass flier and it will give them a public forum. I'm sure it's the most brilliant plan that was ever planned by planners before in the history of the world. \\sarcasm font//

So apparently the plan is to stage a sit-in and block the buildings so the men can't get in to do inventory. They get chains from the drama department, bike locks and belts because........reasons. I guess they are locking or belting themselves to each other to make them more difficult to move. #sigh At the last moment they tell Alison and she immediately begins looking for PA's number.

The girls have posters that say “A School Is A School!” and “Give Canby Back To The Students!” Faith made a special one with a picture of mist rising out of the fountain like a ghost that says something about Horace Canby being pissed at the sale. Seriously?? A school is a school??? That's the best these girls can come up with? I'm not so sure they should be trying to save Canby. They're clearly not getting a stellar education here.

Michael agrees to alert the media so they get the exposure they want but he warns Dana that sit-ins rarely work. She's not dissuaded at all. Owen arrives with the Data-Tech representatives and he's pretty pissed to find the building blocked by girls who have literally belted themselves together. #sigh He tries to reason and then he tries to bully but nothing gets them to budge. The newspaper shows up and interviews everyone. Nothing new is said or learned. Owen eventually calls the sheriff and the 407 girls along with Casey are put into a squad car.

In the end, about 40 girls are arrested. I'm not sure how they decided who to arrest and who to leave. There are only two jail cells in the jail and the sheriff isn't very keen on actually locking them up so they're basically just hanging around the office. Owen signs a complaint against them for trespassing or something and the sheriff tells them that they'll have to be bailed out before they can leave. They're all pretty much freaking out at the idea that their parents are going to find out they were arrested.

Sam sees the news coverage and arrives at the Sheriff's office to bail them out. The Sheriff says bail totals $1000 for all of them which means $100 dollars must be paid. Sam goes through all his pockets and his shoes and manages to get $100 dollars out in rumpled bills and piles of coins. Before the transaction can be complete, however, PA arrives. She pays for the bail herself, tells the girls how very disappointed she is in all of them and then shepherds everyone outside to a waiting bus.

Dana, Faith, Shelley, Casey, Ellie, Cheryl, Ginny and someone named Joan are summoned to PA's house being the ringleaders of the grand plan and all. In private she hugs them and tells them how proud she is of all of them and how she will remember them fondly. She says she has to take a hard line in public, though, for the good of the school. They are astounded but grateful they aren't in extra trouble.

The whole campus is “docked” for a month meaning they can't leave campus or something and all is settled.

The media coverage is very anti-Owen/Data-Tech and pro-Canby. Chris manages to convince his dad to drop the charges against the Canby girls. None of them will have an actual police record from their protest. Dana, of course, finds it all very dreamy.

A day or so later, PA calls another early morning assembly. She announces that she's handed in her resignation. She's not leaving and she's staying on as leader of the school but she'll no longer be on the payroll because she can't take money from the people who are closing her beloved school. She says it will make a statement to the board that she doesn't believe in what they're doing. Except.....the board isn't closing Canby down. Owen is. This makes no sense.

As she's talking, her secretary comes in and says she has an important note and a pile of shoe boxes. In the note is a message saying that “this” should do them for the first year. The shoe boxes are stuffed full of money (3 million dollars worth).

Owen arrives later that day to announce the Data-Tech deal fell through. They were spooked by all the adverse publicity and decided to look for another property to buy. PA lets him know they have an endowment for the first year anyway and he laughs when he sees it arrived in old shoe boxes. He says something about “that old nut” and leaves.

It turns out that Sam's dad made it big in the early 1900's mining gold in Alaska. Right before the stock market crash, he withdrew all his money and put it into shoe boxes and then bricked it up in the barn. There was 8 million dollars at that time. When his father died, he and his brother split it and Sam bricked his 4 million back up. Even after giving Canby 3 million of it, he still has a million left to last him the rest of his life and he's okay with that considering he's never ever spent any of it anyway.

The book ends with ghostie proclaiming that no matter what happens, no one can take Canby from their hearts and minds. #gag

Not only was this book stupid but there was no #Bplot. We always have one of those.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Um.....was it just me or was no one super annoying in this book? I can't give it to everyone. I think I'll give it to Joan. I have no idea who the fuck she is or where the fuck she came from but she definitely didn't annoy me.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I have no idea who to hand this to either. Everyone was pretty okay. I guess I'll hand to to Dana for cheating on Randy AGAIN!!!

Coming Up Next: The girls are getting ready to vacation in Ft Lauderdale but a new girl throws a spanner in the works.

Monday, June 10, 2019

Make Me a Star (Book 10) by "Emily Chase"

Tag Line: Hollywood comes to Canby Hall.

From the Back of the Book: Lights! Camera! Action! Shelley, Dana and Faith are sure that winter at Canby Hall is going to be the pits - until a film crew arrives to shoot a movie right on campus. For Shelley this could be a dream come true. For Dana it will mean unexpected romance with a young production assistant. For Faith it's a chance to shoot some film of her own. But what begins as fun soon pits the girls against one another in the competition surrounding the movie. Will they ever be best friends again?

This book was published in 1985 and I don't think I read it before. If I did, I don't remember anything about it. (((Note from Future Me: I did read it. Literally the only thing I remembered was the description of one of Dana's outfits.))) The ghostie for this one is Mary Lou Kennedy which is a new name in the series. I did a search for her and it seems like she did some ghosting for the Babysitter's Club books as well which makes sense. Those were definitely written for a younger audience so we'll see how this goes.

If this cover looks familiar to you, it's because it was the back cover of Something Old, Something New in the new girl series. I think these are my favorite three models as far as the covers go but that's about the only good thing I have to say about it. Why is the hairspray called “Raw”? That's a terrible name for hairspray.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you know the drill. We have three protagonists: Dana (sophisticated fashionista), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (small-town farm girl). For now, Dana is dating the magically delicious Randy, Faith is seeing wannabe-cop Johnny and Shelley is dating Tom from Greenleaf High while on a break from her one-true-love Paul. In the last book, Dana asks Shelley to go to a movie with Randy as a favor so she can do some homework which kicks off the complete and total assassination of Randy's character (#ghostieassassin #saveRandy). Randy and Shelley start to sneak around and date. Dana and Tom eventually find out. Dana forgives them because she doesn't really give two fucks about Randy anyway (#Danacandie) but Tom is pretty pissed at Shelley. The Bplot had Casey, Ellie, Mary Beth and Pamela wrecking a grocery store with teenage shenanigans and then being rude and refusing to apologize to staff. A massive boycott against Canby students was waged by every merchant in town and the entire campus ended up being restricted to grounds until apologizes were made. Ellie and Mary Beth apologized immediate, Casey did eventually and Pamela only succumbed after the entire student body gave her the silent treatment.

Missing, Presumed Dead: As expected, Mary Beth and Ellie used up their usefulness in the last book's Bplot and were not mentioned once in this book. May they rest peacefully under the tulips. Also missing, yet again, was Gale. Shelley's extra 5-15 pounds wasn't mentioned once and, in fact, Faith pointed out how slim Shelley is now.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: No one was buried last book so there are no zombies wandering about this time around.

Kennedy starts out by reviewing the girls for us. Dana likes to steal souls and ruin lives but she does it while wearing a red bandanna and a chunky silver belt so at least she's “fashionable”.....Faith likes to sit on a pedestal and pass judgment on everyone but it's okay because she's “urban”......Shelley is a complete lump of overdone drama but they find her endearing because she's “folksy”. #yawn There's pages and pages about them talking about snow but I can't be arsed to care.

Every Wednesday morning before class there's a school-wide assembly. I can hear your thoughts: What assembly? We're ten books in and they've never mentioned this weekly assembly before!! I know this is hard to believe, y'all but a ghostie just completely invented something and tried to make it canon just to fit her needs for the story. #shock! #fuck continuity

PA (head bitch in charge) makes the announcement that a movie company has asked permission to shoot some scenes on Canby's campus. She hasn't granted permission yet because she's still considering what a disruption like that might mean to the school but she warns them that they might see some “scouts” around the next few days. Shelley loses her fucking mind at this point and becomes even more annoying that usual which is 😱ASTRONOMICAL😱. She can't shut up about the possibility of a movie being shot on campus.

They all go to the Tutti Frutti after class and Shelley is going on and on while Dana eats something so disgusting I'm afraid to actually blog it (a marshmallow, lemon and walnut sundae). Dana makes the mistake of telling her that Maggie's friend was discovered at an earring counter in Bloomingdales while #keepingoneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes. Shelley instantly pushes her banana split away and declares that she's on a diet and must dash home to get her beauty sleep because she's on the verge of being “discovered” and becoming a big star.

#gag

No, that wasn't a Gale sighting. Gale was never mentioned. I maintain that she is under the tulips again. Fight me.

Two days later an official announcement is made. A movie will be shot on campus but students are to go about their lives as if nothing unusual is happening. I'm sure that will work out fine. It turns out the movie is about a ghost who haunts a girls' boarding school and Pamela's mom Yvonne has a small part in it. I don't know why it's a small part if she's such a big star but maybe it's a Drew Barrymore in Scream kind of thing. They will be casting a few extras and small parts from the student body but Alison (headmother extraordinaire) emphasizes that their studies must come first and they can't skip school to participate in any way. I'm sure that will all work out fine.

Everyone at Canby catches “movie fever” (hopefully less destructive than the cheater version they usually get) and since the girls from 407 know EVERYTHING, they are constantly badgered for details. Randy's dad is approached about letting them film on his land but he turns them down, not wanting all the people and equipment to spook the horses. Dana is amazed that Randy's family doesn't want the notoriety and fame and it leads to her thinking all over again that they are very different people and she doesn't understand them at all. Faith, meanwhile, is desperately hoping to take some amazing pictures of the behind-the-scenes stuff but she's unsure if the film company will allow it.

The days pass and Dana pretends that she doesn't care much about the movie. She swears she's not going to try out for a part and that, as far as she's concerned, the movie doesn't even exist. Randy is happy to hear that because Dana tends to forget he's alive when something more interesting comes along.

We take a time hop and suddenly it's the day that the production crew arrives. Shelley cannot contain herself and she's practically bouncing off the walls. She hasn't studied or done her homework in days and, for some reason, Dana seems to take this as a personal attack and she goes stomping from the room. No idea why but Dana is a life-ruining enigma so.........#shrug

By that afternoon, the campus is in complete chaos as the crew tries to ready everything. All anyone can talk about is the upcoming audition process and Shelley is extremely cranky. This movie is HER opportunity and she doesn't want anyone else auditioning and taking her dream away.

The notice finally goes up for auditions. They are looking for extras, stand-ins and walk-ons. Obviously Shelley is going to audition and Casey says she will too. She and Shelley get into a little bit of a tiff over it. Casey thinks Shelley is being WAY TOO FUCKING DRAMATIC which is just a shocker since Shelley is normally so level-headed. \\sarcasm font// Pamela promises to help Shelley get ready. She originally promises to get Shelley an advance copy of the script from her mom Yvonne but that doesn't pan out.

Tom comes by to take Shelley on a walk so I guess he's forgotten that entire Randy incident. Or someone forgot to tell the ghostie about it. #fuckcontinuity I'm a little disappointed because him throwing the coin at her and telling her to grow up was the only redeeming moment in the last book. They walk around campus and he asks her out for Friday. She tells him that she can't go because of the auditions and he's grumpy about it. She tells him that getting a part is a “sure thing” because her ego is even bigger than poor dead Gale.

Audition day arrives and Shelley is a nervous wreck despite Pamela's best attempts to calm her down. Pamela is a little braggy in this book but pretty human so far. I think someone also forgot to tell the ghostie that Pamela is an insufferable bitch. #fuckcontinuitywithachainsaw Dana has come along for moral support and Faith is there trying to get interviews. It's pretty futile, though. Before the audition, everyone is nervous and afterwards they all seem to be in a bad mood and don't want to talk to her.

When it comes Shelley's time to audition, she's only allowed to say two lines and then they tell her she can go. She's sure she's done super badly but she gets a call-back so it must have been okay. Casey is cast as an extra in the party scene and she's thrilled.

I'm a little murky on our timeline here, but at some point Dana heads off to the library to do some research for a paper. As she's passing a production area, she trips over a cable left out and goes flying into a snowbank. It's not as satisfying as the time she went sprawling face first in a mud puddle but I'll take it. An assistant named Peter comes running up to apologize and he offers to let her eat with him at craft services (“It's like the air we breathe...”) to make up for nearly crippling her.

Dana spends the next hour with Peter and is pretty much completely twitterpated. #Randywho? When it comes time for him to go back to work, she reluctantly gathers up her things to go to the library. He tells her that they'll be shooting down by the lake tomorrow and she should come and watch. She's so happy she skips all the way to the library.

On Saturday, Yvonne finally arrives on campus. Faith pretty much hates her on sight because snap judgments of people are kind of her forte. Yvonne invites all the girls to supper at the french restaurant in town but everyone except Shelley declines. She's super excited to go to dinner with a real live movie star. Yvonne spends the entire meal giving Shelley advice and Shelley is soaking it all up like a sponge. She keeps looking at Pamela and thinking about how lucky she is to have a famous mom. Then things....get interesting. Shelley catches sight of Pamela in the candlelight and thinks to herself how beautiful and alluring Pamela is. Is ghostie trying to slip some surprise lesbianism in on us? That's pretty progressive for the 80's.

I wouldn't actually mind a Shelley/Pamela pairing. Someone should write the fanfic.

Naturally, Shelley comes back to 407 and immediately gets into a fight with Dana and Faith over Yvonne and Pamela because Kennedy needs some conflict in this book. Dana and Faith aren't impressed and Shelley takes that as a personal insult for......reasons. She ends up yelling at them both and storming out and I still have no real idea what the fight was even about really.

We skip to Sunday afternoon and Dana is hanging around watching a scene being shot in the maple grove. She waits hours to talk to Peter and then he only gets a few minutes for a break. Dana tries to be understanding but she's “disgusted” that he actually has a job to do and can't focus solely on her like she deserves. Peter tells her that it would easier to spend time with her if she had a part in the movie and reminds her that they're doing the final casting that night for all the people who got call-backs. The only problem is that Dana never auditioned and, therefore, isn't being called back for anything. She's determined to crash the casting, though, and get herself a part so she can get the man. Kennedy assures us that this is okay because Randy isn't really Dana's boyfriend....he's just a “great pal”. EXCUSE ME??? You know this isn't remotely true, Kennedy. Way back on page 27 you said....and I QUOTE.... “she turned to her boyfriend Randy”. I REST MY FUCKING CASE. He's her boyfriend and you can't change that just because you don't want us to think she's cheating on him. AGAIN.

Pamela catches Shelley before she goes in and gives her the “scoop” on the director. She tells Shelley that this particular director likes his actors to underplay their parts. Pamela advises her to do her lines in a whisper with no emotion and she's practically guaranteed a part. I know Shelley is a little on the dumb side but surely she's not this dumb.

Right?

Wrong.

She does exactly what Pamela said and she gets dismissed after two lines. As she's leaving, Dana comes in and Shelley is confused. She hears the assistant tell Dana to read for the same part Shelley just read for. Shelley catches one or two of Dana's lines and feels reassured because Dana is not underplaying anything.

When Dana gets back to 407, Shelley asks her what the hell is going on. Dana explains that she needed a part in the movie to see Peter and Shelley takes that as another personal insult. She can't believe Dana would disrespect the craft like that and feels like Dana's making a mockery out of acting in general. When she asks how Dana got into call-backs, Dana says she just told them she got a notice to come and no one questioned it. Shelley is furious. When she finds out Dana got the part, she's crushed. Dana feels bad. She had no idea they'd be up for the same part but Shelley doesn't want to listen to any of that. She storms away wondering if Pamela gave her bad advice on purpose.

Do you think?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The next day, Faith gets up early to get some pictures. She keeps getting denied permission but she doesn't let that stop her. She shows up at the make-up tent and asks the make-up artist if she can snap a few photos. He's friendly and grants her permission. Not that he has the authority to do that and I really hope her sanctimonious ass gets in trouble for this.

Shelley confronts Pamela and Pamela says that the director must have been trying to go against his regular style this time. She's sure that Shelley can still get a part. She volunteers to speak to her mother about it and asks Shelley to meet her outside the production room at 3:00. Shelley has a math test at 3:00 but decides this is more important. After all, this could be the first step to her future and she's ready to take it.

Yvonne manages to get Shelley a meeting with the casting director (Carol) and Pamela accompanies her in. Pamela is rude and condescending to Carol and demands to know what can be done for Shelley. Carol is regretful but can only offer Shelley a part as an extra or a job as a stand-in. Pamela sniffs and says those options aren't good enough. She ushers a stunned Shelley right out of the office, saying her mother isn't going to be happy about this at all.

Shelley meets up with Faith who is still taking her illegal pictures. She's headed for the scene that Dana is in and Shelley reluctantly joins her. She spends the entire time making snide comments about Dana's lack of acting ability and feeling jealous that she didn't get the part. One of the stars – a hot guy named Troy – sees Shelley standing around during a break and makes small talk with her. He reveals that the secret to auditioning with this particular director is to OVERplay everything and that everyone in the business knows it. Shelley realizes Pamela purposefully fed her bad advice. Troy does a little flirting and invites Shelley to have some cocoa with him. Because big movie stars are always interested in spending time with naive, underaged school girls. Oh......wait........

Later an exuberant Shelley meets back up with Faith. Troy has gotten her a part as an extra in a group scene because he “admires her talent as an actress”. Faith tries to gently point out that Troy probably says that to a lot of girls in order to get them to drop their panties but Shelley is having none of it. She continues to insist that Troy admires her and wants to help her get discovered.

Oh, Shelley.

She and Faith go to dinner but Dana doesn't join them because she can use craft services since she has a speaking part. Shelley finds that a “disgusting situation” and can't believe that Dana is getting better treatment than her. On a side note, Kennedy really seems to like the word 'disgusting'. We really should buy her a thesaurus.

The next morning, Faith sneaks on set again to get some candid shots of the actors. She catches Yvonne in a very unflattering state – hair sticking up in all directions and yelling at the staff. She's pretty proud of the photos she's capturing because she is truly just the worst.

I like her even less than usual.

A few days fly by and Dana is settling into a routine of classes in the morning and then the movie in the afternoon/evening including dinner and breaks with Peter. She rarely gets to bed before midnight and is pretty tired but exhilarated at the same time. I'm just sitting here wondering why she suddenly ONLY has class in the mornings. This is not a thing, Kennedy. #fuckcontinuity On a random Wednesday, Randy surprises her by showing up on campus and she realizes she hasn't even called him in weeks. Oops.

Dana lets him walk her to set, explaining that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her. He's really understanding and says he just misses her and can't wait to see her again. He's super sweet as always and, as always, she doesn't bother to tell him she's been seeing Peter at every opportunity. Randy asks her if she'll go to a movie with him on Saturday but she says she's much too busy. At least she doesn't suggest he go with Shelley this time. Peter is heading their way so Dana quickly punts Randy into the ether so they won't accidentally meet. She's just so awful, y'all.

I think I hate everyone more than usual.

Except Pamela.

Troy comes up to Shelley on set and asks her what she's doing later. She has a date with Tom and a ton of homework but she naturally tells him she's available. He wants to have dinner with her in Greenleaf and tells her to meet him at his trailer at 6:30. She's giddy with excitement and just knows that he's totally in love with her. It makes up for the disappointment of being an extra which isn't as glamorous as she thought it would be.

Troy is kind of obnoxious on their date, looking down on everything and saying how much better life in LA is. Shelley is completely smitten with him, though, and doesn't notice his douchebaggery. He tells her that he's shooting an action movie after this one on location in Rio and he thinks she should come along. He tells her if she comes out to the coast with him, he'll introduce her to his agent and then she'll probably get a principal role. For some reason – mostly stupidity I suspect – Shelley believes this and knows she'll be a star in no time.

Oh, Shelley.

You poor, poor stupid girl.

Alison pulls Shelley into her room when Shelley gets back to the dorms. Shelley's teachers have all reported a marked downturn in her grades and Alison wants to know what's up. Shelley tells her she's been a little preoccupied but swears she'll get back on track. #sameoldstorysameoldsong Alison mentions that Tom showed up for their date and Shelley realizes she completely forgot to call and tell him she wasn't going. She figures it doesn't matter much if he's mad at her because she'll be going off to LA soon.

Weeks pass and Dana is pretty much head over heels for Peter. She knows he'll be heading out to the west coast soon but figures they'll find a way to stay together because they are so “special to each other”. She thinks they have a week or more left but Pamela surprises her by mentioning today is the last day of shooting. The wrap party is that night and Dana is surprised that Peter never mentioned it to her. She figures they'll go to the party and make plans for how they are going to conduct their long distance relationship.

Oh, Dana.

Seriously, none of these girls have a spare brain cell.

Faith compiles an album of all her shots and shows them to a few people. The make-up artist from earlier advises her to keep them under lock and key because Yvonne definitely wouldn't be happy to find out about them. Not sure if this is a plot point or not, so I mention it.

Shelley finds out it's the last day of shooting too which means everyone is headed to LA tomorrow. She pulls Faith aside and confides that she's going to go with Troy and get a big part in his next movie. Faith is immediately doubtful of any of this happening and it pisses Shelley off royally.

When Dana gets to the wrap party that night she finds out that Peter and Pamela are there together. He tells Dana that she's “a nice girl” (HA! LIES!) but Pamela has connections through her mother that could further his career. Dana stomps out angrily.

Meanwhile Shelley discovers that Troy isn't at the party at all. She goes to his trailer and he opens the door looking “sleepy”. I'm pretty sure “sleepy” is Kennedy's way of implying that he's either drunk or high without actually saying it. Anyway, Shelley asks him about tomorrow and he says he'll say goodbye but it has to be early because he's flying out before noon. He makes no mention of her joining him and she realizes he never really had any intention of taking her with him. She stomps away angrily.

Shelley and Dana end up in Alison's room telling her all about those rat fink boys. Faith wanders up eventually to report her album with all her pictures has been stolen. Alison miraculously produces it and says she caught Pamela coming out of 407 with it earlier and rescued it. I'm not sure when this is supposed to have happened because Pamela was already at the party when the other girls got there and Dana left the party to go immediately to Alison and Pamela was still with Peter then. THIS MAKES NO SENSE, KENNEDY!! Keep your story straight, please. At any rate, the book pretty abruptly ends at that point. I guess neither Randy nor Tom will ever find out they were cheated on. AGAIN.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I hated Pamela less than usual but she was pretty shady through the entire book so I can't really give it to her. I'm going to hand it to Casey who was barely in the book but definitely wasn't annoying.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Faith gets this one. Her glee over taking pictures that made people look bad was pretty gross.

Coming Up Next: Canby Hall is in danger of closing or something and it's probably going to be up to the girls of 407 to save the day.

#yawn