Who's Got a Crush on Andy? (Book 32) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Andy has a secret admirer!

From the Back of the Book: How do you mend a broken heart?  Andy found her prince at the royal wedding, but it didn't work.  So she's never going to fall in love again.  And she's keeping very, very busy to make sure she doesn't.  The new, too-busy-for-love Andy is making her roommates, Toby and Jane, crazy.  But how can they get her to slow down and act like her old, warm, caring self?  Nothing works!  Then a secret admirer starts sending Andy terrible love poems and beautiful flowers.  Andy says she's not interested.  But if her roommates have anything to do with it, she will be.  Jane and Toby know that the best cure for Andy's broken heart is a new love - and a little help from her friends.

It's amazing how many people subscribe to the theory that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.  I'd just like to say that the best way to get over someone is to allow yourself time to heal before you rush into the next relationship.  Okay, Agony Aunt out.

This book was published in 1989 and I've never read this one before. We are two from the end, y'all. Just this one and one more and this ride will be all over. (I'm refusing to acknowledge that I have to recap the old girls.) The ghostie for this book is Carol Ellis. She's done two book so far in this series (Princess Who and Help Wanted). We know her well from the PH books I've done on my other recap blog so I won't bore you with details. I mostly like her. Usually.

The cover seems pretty typical. Andy and Jane are front and center while poor Toby is pushed to the background again. I'm trying decide if Toby is wearing a dress or a nightgown. If it's a dress, that seems pretty out of character for her. If it's a nightgown, it looks super uncomfortable. Also, Jane and Andy look like they're about to start making out.....which I could get behind. It would set Cary free.

Also, Andy is never given roses at any time in this book.  Just sayin'. 

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy was invited to be a bridesmaid in Princess Allegra's wedding so the girls left school and flew off to Montavia. These three American teenagers who can barely function as human beings were asked to give Allegra lessons on how to be a queen which caused me to call #bullshit an unprecedented amount of times. They were assigned escorts for all the wedding events. Toby's turned out to be a decent guy and they became friends. Jane's was annoying and almost ruined the reception. Andy's was a sexist prince who was determined to make her his sheltered and controlled princess. And she almost turned her entire life over to a guy she met FOUR TIMES. But the most remarkable thing of all was that JANE DIDN'T CHEAT ON CARY!!!!!!!

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Laura Lee is just bones and dust now, y'all.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee  Yolanda is definitely buried under the tulips again and poor Randy wasn't mentioned even once so I fear he's fertilizer as well.  But I 💖Randy.  {{{Pouty Face}}}

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gigi is topside again but most surprising of all, PENNY is back!!!! After four books with no mention, I thought we were going to have to have a moment of silence for her as well.  Nice to see you on the ground instead of under it, Penny.  We've missed you.

We begin with two of our protagonists (Jane and Toby) hanging out in their room on a Saturday. It's snowy and cold outside and there isn't much to do inside, so they're waiting on the mail to come. I actually get this. When I was living in the dorms at college, sometimes the best part of the day was when the mail came. Then again, I was always hoping for a letter from the love of my life, so..........

Anyway, it's cold in the room. The heaters aren't working properly and, again, I call #bullshit. I've said it before and I'll say it again – this is an expensive private school. Parents would not be standing for this nonsense when they pay so much for their kids to be fed well and kept warm.

They give us a review of the last book and then settle in to start talking about Andy. She's so morose over leaving her one true love (#fuckMatt #fuckSteve) that she hasn't been herself lately. She's been trying to keep herself very busy and they barely see her. She's putting on a fake front of cheerfulness that's giving her roommates the creeps.

With that, we hop on over to Andy's head. She's mooning over Ramad (the prince from the previous book) and generally moping around. She doesn't want to talk to anyone because her heart is just too raw and broken right now, so she's thinking of everything she can to stay away from the dorms and her roommates. I can't really blame her there. She's leaving the studio and trying to figure out what to do next when she runs into Gigi. It's nice to see her above the soil.

The only thing of note that comes from the Gigi encounter is that she reminds Andy of some paper they have due and Andy decides to go to the library in town so she doesn't run into any fellow students.

We time hop to Monday. Andy's weekly care package had arrived back on Friday but she hasn't picked it up yet. The entire dorm is waiting on tenterhooks for her to open it. They want that food! Maggie, Dee and Penny circle the thing like vultures. PENNY STILL EXISTS, Y'ALL!!! She's looking a little mossy and there's earthworms in her hair but she's above ground for the first time in four books!

Andy comes in and announces that she's decided Canby Hall should have a winter carnival and PA (head bitch in charge) agreed because she knows she's just a decorative figurehead at the place and the girls from 407 are the real bosses. Not only that, but Andy has named her roommates, Dee, Maggie and Penny as her planning committee and she won't take no for an answer. She doesn't actually wait to hear how they feel about it – or to ask Penny why there's clumps of dirt falling out of her clothes – before she rushes off. Her committee isn't very thrilled.

This isn't the first time Andy's done this either. She truly doesn't care what other people want as long as she's happy. #allhailtheQueen

We hop into Jane's head now. She and Toby have decided to eat at the diner in town. Cary's working and he joins them for a few minutes to ask Jane to go to a Beatles movie in town the next night. Because their movie theater is apparently stuck in the 60's and is still showing Beatles movies. I suppose it could be a classic film fest or something so I'll let this one slide but I swear the ghosties are stuck in a whole different decade. Jane isn't sure whether to accept. She isn't into all that “wild rock and roll music.”

Would ANY child of the 80's consider the BEATLES to be “wild rock and roll music”? Seriously?  This was the era of hair bands.  The Beatles would not be considered wild by anyone.

Cary assures her that her ears can handle it but then she remembers that they have a planning meeting the next evening and she has to attend because Queen Andy has proclaimed it so.

Meanwhile Toby is reading her second letter from her father in three days. This is unusual because he never has much to say and writes infrequently. It doesn't say much – in fact it repeats some of the things he said in his previous letter. She wonders if something's wrong that he's not telling her and our B plot emerges.

We hop to the next evening and the meeting. Dee didn't come at all because she's just a badass that way and Toby is running late so Andy is already annoyed when they start. She can't believe they'd dare disobey her like this. She announces that they'll have a snow-person building contest, an ice hockey match and a snowball fight and asks if any of them have any other ideas. Maggie asks what will happen if the snow melts before then and Andy is furious. She vows to #keeponeeyeonMaggieatALLtimes because she's certain Maggie is trying to plan a coup. Jane and Penny begin to discuss food and cider that they might opt to have at the carnival and Andy gets royally pissed that they aren't sticking to the subject. Even though they ARE. She grabs her coat and tells them to stay and keep working until they make up for all her time that they've wasted and she leaves the room.

Andy is heading for the city library again. There's a particular book she's been looking for and someone has it checked out. Instead of asking a librarian and reserving the damn thing, she decides that angrily standing in front of the empty shelf is a better way to solve her problem. She's mega-pissed at all her friends and particularly at her roommates. She can't believe how they always let her down. She decides to just plan the whole damn carnival herself since no one else is interested.

Andy seriously needs to be told what the definition of VOLUNTEER is. If she actually asked for volunteers instead of just ordering people to help her, she might find people who are genuinely interested in planning things.

Andy spots a library employee (a boy about her age) getting ready to shelve a cart full of books and she begins to search through the cart for the book she wants. She's making a huge mess of things and he seems a little annoyed with her but she doesn't much care. She offers him a weak apology and moves on with her life leaving him to completely re-alphabetize his entire cart. #considerate

We hop into Toby's head and our B plot. Her father has written his third letter in four days and she's freaking out because they all say something about enjoying life while you can. She's convinced that something terrible is going on. She ends up finding Jane to confide her worries. Seems like a poor choice to me but I guess it's better than Andy. She should have gone to the ranch to talk to Randy but I guess he's rotting under the ground this book.

Toby is convinced her dad has cancer or something but Jane tries to reassure her that it might be something less terrifying. Toby tries several times that night to call him but there's no answer. She spends the rest of the week calling him with no luck. By Friday she's a nervous wreck. She gets up super early and decides to go for a walk.

She wakes Andy up as she's getting dressed and Andy tells her she wants some winter carnival ideas ASAP. Toby tells her no and Andy goes on and on about how awful and self-absorbed Toby is. Poor Toby completely loses it at this point and screams at her that she has actual problems and Andy can shove the carnival up her ass. Well, she actually said Andy could cancel it but my way is much more satisfying. #teamToby

Toby decides she needs to go home and talk to her dad in person. There's a lot involved with this. She has to find a ride to the train or bus station in Greenleaf, take said train or bus to Boston, get a ride from the station to the airport and then get a ticket. She also needs permission to leave campus and money. Jane and Andy jump in to help her.

First the ride to the station is taken care of. Jane calls Cary and he says he'll be happy to help because he's awesome. I 💖Cary💖. Neal agrees to pick her up at the station in Boston and drive her to the airport and he also gets the ticket, saying Toby can just pay him back. I 💖Neal💖.

Either something's wrong with Cary's car or the ghostie has forgotten he owns one (#fuckcontinuity) because he has to borrow one from someone on his floor. It's a bit of a junker and Jane and Andy bitch about it the whole way because they're super grateful that way. They're all super sweet and supportive to Toby and she goes off on her little trip.

Well, we made it to page 63 before Ellis remember there was an A plot – you know, the one that the book is named after? Andy picks up her mail and finds that someone has sent her one of her lost mittens with the following note......

“Dear Andy Cord,

It's cold outside, there's snow and ice. You'll need this to keep your fingers warm and nice.”

#inspired

Why do the notes in these things ALWAYS rhyme? And a better question....why are the rhymes always so LAME?

She reveals she got a second note earlier as well.......

“Dear Andy,

Tomorrow night I'll see you dancing. Moving to music, you're sure to be doubly enchanting.”

Lame.

And also......

The girls are excited that this creepy stalker is coming to Andy's recital.

We hop into Toby's head. Her father doesn't have cancer or anything and she's grateful for that but he's thinking about getting married and she's not sure how to feel. It's just been her and her dad for a very long time and she doesn't even know who this woman is yet. I completely understand how she feels.

It's Sunday now. Don't worry, you didn't miss much on Saturday – just the girls chattering about the stalker. Andy's recital went well, of course, because #room407isfailproof. Toby calls to tell Jane she's headed home and she'll need a ride from the station in Greenleaf back to school. She doesn't need Neal this time, though, because she's discovered a bus that goes from the airport in Boston to the tiny, insignificant town of Greenleaf. #credible She tells Jane her father isn't sick but doesn't reveal anything else.

Andy receives a bouquet of daisies and another note......

“Dear Andy,

I was there last night as I promised I'd be, and just as expected, you danced magnificently.

PS Not a bad rhyme, huh?”

Cary takes Jane to pick up Toby at the station. Andy is too 'busy' to bother. They go to the diner because Cary is actually supposed to be working and the girls have dinner there. Toby tells Jane about Emma, the woman her father is engaged to. She admits that Emma seems nice and she seems to make her father really happy but she's still just a little unsure of everything because she's human. She vows to make the best of things, though, because she wants her father to be happy.

We hop into Andy's head. She's rushing through the library looking for a lost notebook full of notes for her paper and that book she refuses to reserve. Sure enough, the book is gone again. She runs toward the front desk and collides with that poor guy and his book cart. She ends up tipping the damn thing over and all the books go flying so he'll have to re-alphabetize them yet again. If I were him, I'd hate her hard but I have the feeling he's our stalker.

The B plot is all wrapped up so we get around to the A plot again but it mostly consists of Toby and Jane discussing the stalker and vowing to find him.....somehow. They're discussing it when Andy comes in all pissed because that “creep” at the library ran her over with the book cart. #alternatefacts Toby tries to tell her about her father and Emma but Andy can't be bothered to listen.

Jane and Toby plan to stake out the places Andy goes often to try to find some boy acting mysteriously and then they'll know who the stalker is. This.....this is a REALLY stupid plan, y'all. Of course it's going to work because #room407isfailproof.  Jane starts out by loitering around the diner. Toby takes the theater building which is apparently also used by Oakley Prep.

Andy's notebook mysteriously appears in the common room of Baker House and she's excited that she won't have to do all that research again. It also comes with a note........

“Dear Andy,

I was glancing around and look what I found. When you get it you'll smile. I hope for awhile.”

Jane makes a total fool of herself questioning some poor guy at the diner who is only trying to eat his hamburger in peace. He's not the stalker so it was a waste of about four pages. Toby awkwardly questions some engaged guy in the theater building and makes a total fool of herself as well.

The girls are still playing drunken Nancy Drew when Andy gets another note......

“You haven't been in and I think I know why. If you don't come again I surely won't die – but I'll sigh.”

On Saturday, Jane and Toby interview fifteen boys at the library. The get suspicious of some guy in a red coat that seems to be wandering aimlessly with no purpose. Jane decides he's stealing rare books for some reason and she and Toby end up football tackling him as he tries to leave. Turns out he goes to Oakley and he was taking part in some kind of scavenger hunt. One of the clues led him to the library where he found some hidden donuts.

Eventually Jane is in the right place at the right time and she sees a boy leaving a note for Andy at Baker House. She follows him all the way back to the Greenleaf library which is not a surprise at all. She goes in and introduces herself. His name is Todd and he's liked Andy for a very long time – before she went to Montavia. He says she was different after she came back and he didn't think she'd accept if he just asked her for a date so he decided to stalk her instead.  

Jane arranges for Todd to come to the carnival and then she heads home to tell Toby she finally found the stalker.

The day of the carnival arrives and most of the snow has melted and gone. The carnival has to be canceled and Andy is in a savage mood. The other girls aren't happy either because now she and Todd can't meet. Todd suggests they all come to the festival that Greenleaf High is having on Saturday and Jane agrees to try to get Andy there to meet him.

Todd is running the booth selling sweatshirts at the festival. Ellis tells us that Andy collects sweatshirts and I love getting this TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION in the next to the last book of the fucking series. Sheesh. Andy goes to buy a sweatshirt with the Greenleaf High logo because it makes total sense she'd want a shirt from a school she doesn't go to. She's not too happy to see Todd. He persists in trying to have a civil conversation with her and finally ends up revealing himself as her stalker by quoting one of the notes.

Afterwards, Andy wanders around the empty hallways of the school for more than an hour like this is totally normal behavior on her part. Finally she goes back to the booth and asks Todd's name.

The book ends on the next day. Andy is back to normal, just like that. She doesn't apologize for a damn thing but I didn't expect her to. She's already had an early morning walk with Todd and she's well on her way to being in love.

#fuckMatt #fuckSteve #fuckRamad

We don't get a cheesy ending line but we DO find out what was in that care package that Andy never opened. Sheets. Yep. Sheets.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award:  I'm giving this to Cary.  He was helpful, sweet and funny through the entire book.  He was really there for Toby when she needed help and put up with Jane with so much grace and love.

The Bitch of Baker House Award:  Andy definitely wins this one.  I never thought I'd say this, but she is even more self-absorbed than Jane.

Coming up Next: The old girls and the new girls are reunited to be godmother's to Allison's offspring.  I'm sure hilarity will ensue.

Here Comes the Bridesmaid (Book 31) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did. 

Tag Line: It's a wedding they'll never forget.

From the Back of the Book: What could go wrong at a wedding?  Andy has been invited to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of Princess Allegra, with whom she became friends at Canby Hall.  Toby and Jane have been invited to the wedding, too.  From the moment the girls arrive at the Palace in Montavia, they get the royal treatment.  Everything is fantastic, until Andy and a visiting crown prince fall in love.  Suddenly Andy doesn't have time for anyone but him.  Then Toby and Jane discover a plot to spoil the wedding.  They need Andy's help to foil the plan, but being in love has changed Andy.  Is the friendship among the girls of 407 over forever?  And is the royal wedding going to turn into a royal disaster? 

Is it just me or is the blurb particularly bad this time around?

This book was published in 1988 and I'm pretty sure I've read this one. I really remember nothing about it except the cover. I was super jealous of Jane's hair as a 13-year-old with stick straight hair. The ghostie for this book is B.B. Hiller. I didn't recognize the name, but when I looked her up I realized that she was the writer for The Saddle Club series (under the name Barbara Bryant). She wrote at least 38 of those before turning the series over to ghosties of her own. She also wrote novelizations of movies like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Karate Kid and collaborated in the ghosting of at least one Babysitter's Club book. So, I'm hopeful here. Clearly she was published often. She must be good, right?

Finally we get a non-Jane-centric cover. Toby is still shoved into the background but at least she's visible for a change. I'd like to point out that Andy looks taller than Jane here and she's supposed to be about chin-high according to a couple of books ago. Sigh. #fuckcontinuity

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy volunteered the entire gang to plan a Halloween party, Gigi started a full-press campaign to get into Cary's pants and Beau from Texas showed up to spend the week with Jane (WHY WASN'T HE IN SCHOOL?????). Cary found about about Beau and Beau found out about Cary and Jane schemed to keep them both. Neal and Randy were amazing as usual and, in the end, Jane ends up unscathed and with her ever-devoted boyfriend still firmly at her side.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: So we're away from Canby in this book which means that our regular crew isn't present.  Most of them are at least mentioned in this book so I'm assuming they're above ground.  However, MATT, Penny and Gigi are never mentioned once and I can only presume that they are choking on dirt under the tulips back on campus.  This is the second or third book that Penny has been completely left out of.  I'm starting to suspect she's going to be another Laura Lee.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Allegra's back y'all but you knew that from the blurb.

We begin in room 407 with our intrepid protagonists. Jane is lying across her bed and she announces dramatically that she's bored. Andy tries to cheer her up by telling her how hard she's been working on her dance solo as if that's supposed to make Jane less bored. Toby sighs and we get our standard the roommates are from different planets but still very good friends when they're not screeching shrilly at each other spiel. You know how it goes by now......Jane sacrifices goats to the love gods in order to keep Cary firmly under her spell but she's a really good writer....Andy has a demon living in her soul that feeds on puppy livers but, boy, can she dance.....Toby is sweetheart who only talks to horses because her roommates are pure evil....that kind of thing.

They try to think of something exciting to cheer Jane up. Toby mentions that Eleanor Masters was all excited about something yesterday but she has no details. Who the fuck is Eleanor Masters? We've been in this damn series for half a million books now and Eleanor Masters has NEVER been mentioned. I hate it when ghosties add in characters for a single book and then forget they ever existed. :::cough:::Laura Lee:::cough Jane replies that Eleanor was excited about adding a stamp from Sri Lanka to her collection and I guess that's that.

There's an essay contest coming up on the topic of “The Most Interesting Person I've Ever Met” and they briefly discuss who they're going to write about. Andy says she's writing about Allegra and I'm impressed she even remembers the Princess' name. Allegra was definitely buried in the tulip bed for a long, long time there. Ghostie gives us a review in a nutshell about how Allegra fell in love with Randy but she was already engaged to a man named Frederick before she was even born. It was all very tragic but then completely forgotten by the next book.

Jane remembers that her mom sent her a newspaper clipping about Allegra weeks ago but she lost it in the mess on her desk. She digs around a little and finally finds it. It's a picture of Allegra and a man described as her fiancee leaving an opera. The girls are stunned to see that the man in the picture is not Frederick. Even though they've never actually SEEN a picture of Frederick and have no idea what he looks like. It doesn't matter – they've been shined on by the goddesses of 407 and they know all.

#room407isfailproof

The next day Andy coincidentally gets two letters from Allegra. Allegra will be marrying Frederick's younger brother James in just four weeks and she wants all of them to come. It seems like old Frederick fell in love with a commoner and romantically abdicated the throne to marry her so Allegra is off the hook with the old goat. She tells Andy in the letter that the royal family will gladly pay to fly all three girls to Montavia and she wants Andy to be a bridesmaid. She also wants the girls to help her learn how to be a queen. Which.....makes NO sense. Sorry. Crown Princesses who are engaged to Crown Princes for their entire lives would have been brought up being instructed how to be a queen. And three teenage girls from America would not be very effective tutors in this subject anyway. Frankly the only thing these girls are qualified to teach anyone is how to bully people into giving you what you want.

The girls are excited about going to a royal wedding and all but aren't sure if the school and their parents will okay the time away. Toby is also nervous about being around so many fancy people.

The girls secure permission from their parents first and then scheme with Merry (it's spelled with a “y” so far this book) to come with a plan to get PA (head bitch in charge) on their side. Merry suggests inviting her to tea at Baker House. During tea, Andy blurts out the real reason for the invitation and asks permission for them to go to Montavia. She says in return the girls will write a paper about monarchy in the modern times. PA is not super surprised to be blindsided in this fashion. She gives her consent for the trip if they all work ahead in their subjects and turn in the paper that Andy proposed.

The next few weeks pass in a flurry of preparations. The girls need passports and they have extra schoolwork to do. They borrow formal dresses from everyone in the dorm and then Andy's bridesmaid's dress arrives for a fitting. There's no one there to measure or alter though so it's a pretty poor excuse for a dress fitting. She just tries it on in her room and worships her pink silk-covered reflection for awhile.

We time hop – and country hop – and end up in Montavia for the royal wedding. The girls have a four-hour train ride to get to the palace so they're spending their time figuring out how to instruct Allegra into being a good queen. Jane's brought a long a history book and discovered that the first thing ancient monarchs did was drain the swamps to provide more grazing ground for the peasants. So they put that first on the list.

This is beyond ridiculous, y'all.

We get a mini history lesson on British monarchs and Shakespeare and I'm not even sure how historically accurate it is but I can tell you it's extremely tedious to read. Andy fills a page with notes but we aren't told what she found so noteworthy in all of that other than the swamp draining. Jane thinks maybe Allegra really wants them to teach her something more personal. Jane volunteers to teach her how to curtsy and use the correct fork.

She's freaking kidding me, right?

Seriously, Jane, do you think you know more about manners than a princess? I'm sorry but these people have special instruction all their damn lives for this stuff.

Andy and Toby don't really have anything special they can teach Allegra either. Andy can dance but not teach dancing and Allegra already knows how to ride a horse. So they give this topic up and look out the windows at all the quaint little villages rolling by.

Eventually they get to the palace and are shown up to their suite. It's enormous with a “sleeping room” a “sitting room” and a huge bathroom. Allegra has arranged three beds in the same configuration as the beds in 407 and she's even put a tea bag on the ceiling for Toby. Home Sweet Home.

Allegra fills them in about James. She seems ridiculously happy and in love. I'm sure our protagonists will take care of that before long. Who can forget what they did to Alison at her wedding? It's helps that the old crew isn't here but I'm still banking on these girls causing major chaos. Allegra asks for their help in queenly instruction and they tell her to drain the swamps. She has a good laugh about that since there aren't any swamps for thousands of miles and then hands them their schedule of important events. Tea with a Grand Duchess is first on the list and Allegra tells them they'll all be assigned “escorts” for the events.

Y'all know what's coming right? I predict a major case.

They go to the GD's tea party and Jane is introduced to her escort for the events. His name is Prince Armand and he's James' snotty little brother. Jane offers her hand and he sniffs at it, telling her that “one does not shake hands with royalty”. I love it when people out-snoot Jane.  Armand is not very happy with this whole royal wedding thing.  He thinks the future queen should be from Almare and not Montavia.

Toby is introduced to Allegra's cousin Andre and he raises horses so the two of them are fast friends. Andy meets Ramad who is the crown prince of some North African country. Andy is in love at first sight which makes her the first victim of the Cheater Fever.  Someone pop a thermometer in her mouth and get her one of those paper masks so she doesn't infect the others.  😷

The next day, Ramad sends Andy four dozen roses (red, pink, white, yellow) because he couldn't decide what color she'd like best. She goes into a major swoon but Toby pulls her back, reminding her that she's set to teach Allegra and James how to waltz in an hour.

#MAJORbullshit

Allegra and James as a legit princess and prince would know how to waltz.

Seriously.  😒

After Andy “teaches” them to dance, the girls go to lunch. They give Allegra more useless information on how to be a queen that she doesn't need at all. What she really needs is advice on how to deal with Armand who is making her and James both miserable. Jane suggests they send him to another country to be a royal ambassador and it might be the only useful thing Jane has ever said in her life.

Hey, it had to happen at some point.

After lunch, Allegra arranges for Fenster the butler dude to take the roommates on a helicopter tour of the city. I have mega sympathy for Fenster, y'all. I can't even imagine being trapped in a helicopter with those three. Luckily, ghostie must not have been able to imagine it either because she didn't bother writing about it at all.

We time-hop to later that evening. The girls are dressed up and headed for the palace in Almare (James' kingdom). Andy is worried whether Ramad will like her dress or not because she's forgotten her two boyfriends in the States even exist. Jane is pissed about having to spend another evening with Armand. Somehow it's become her job to keep him from insulting other people which just makes me laugh hysterically because all Jane does is insult other people.

Jane has her hands full right from the beginning trying to smooth things over with Armand and the rest of the country. He even manages to insult Allegra's parents when they come to say hi. The King invites Armand skeet shooting with a bunch of other royal people and Jane nearly has a heart attack. She doesn't think Armand should be around people armed with guns without her to act as a buffer so she quickly asks the king if she can come along too.

Ramad finally shows up and whisks Andy off her feet. The two go to share a romantic interlude on the veranda or balcony or something. I forgot to pay attention. Anyway, the girls have the next day free so Ramad invites Andy to go skiing with him. Andy is worried that the activity might end her dreams of being a dancer but Ramad gallantly tells her he'll take no chances with her precious feet so she agrees.

Ugh. Why is Andy so dramatic all the time??????????????

Meanwhile, Toby and Andre are just hanging out like two people who have only met twice actually would. They make small talk and watch the other people in the room. Andre invites her to go horseback riding the next day and she's happy to get the hell away from all the fancy people for awhile so she accepts. I'm not calling this Cheater Fever because there's no romance going on at all.  These two are just being friendly.

We skip ahead to the next day and the girls are all getting ready for their various activities with their escorts. Toby is the easiest to dress because she always travels with jeans and boots so she just throws those on with a sweatshirt and she's ready to ride. Jane takes a little longer because she doesn't even know what a person is supposed to wear to shoot skeet. She ends up with a tweed skirt, cashmere sweater and knee-high boots. I'm sure that's what everyone will be wearing. #eyeroll Andy has nothing suitable to ski in so they call for Fenster and he brings her some ski outfits from Allegra's closet.

Jane reminds Andy before they leave that she has dance practice that afternoon and a “dinner dance” whatever the fuck that is afterwards. She warns Andy not to lose track of time so I'm sure that's exactly what's going to happen. Jane realizes that Andy's watch is still set for Massachusetts time (six hours different) but doesn't tell her. I guess this is supposed to be foreshadowing but it really tests the limits of my suspension of disbelief. Andy's been there for days at this point and she's had to show up on time for some very important things. Surely she's noticed her watch is off by now. And even if she hasn't.....which is just hella dumb.....Ramad should know what time it is. This has to be the dumbest set up for a “Canby Hall Crises” that I've never seen and that's saying a lot with these books.

We end up going with Andy on her ski date first and it's....predictable. She's never skied before but that #407magic is strong and she ends up being good at it almost immediately. She spends most of the date talking about herself and dancing which I'm sure fascinates Ramad to no end. She finally gets around to asking him about himself but keep interrupting him to tell him he's not telling her the parts she wants to hear and at every opportunity she turns the conversation back to herself. Ramad tells a story about the dogs he raises and Andy turns that into a story about her sister Nancy. Ramad talks about his kingdom and that instantly reminds Andy of a story about the restaurant. We all know people like this and it's SO ANNOYING. Just let the man talk!! The two eventually end up making out on the slopes because who the hell cares that she has two other boyfriends?

#infectious 

Andy waltzes into the palace 45 minutes before the “dinner dance” and Jane is incensed. She demands to know why Andy missed practice and Andy tells her that she doesn't need to practice. Besides, she might not do the performance at all. Ramad told her that women in his country would never show so much of their bodies in public and that their beauty is saved only for their husbands.

So Andy is apparently ready to hand all her dreams over to a guy she's met exactly three times. Nice.

That night the older crowd is attending a dinner in Almare and the younger crowd is having their own “dinner dance” in Montavia. Y'all “dinner dance” is a stupid name for something. #justsayin'  The ballroom is decorated like a disco because the ghosties on this series are perpetually stuck in the 70's and everyone is wearing “neon strings” somewhere on their bodies. Armand is remarkably unstuffy for this occasion and Jane realizes he's kind of fun when he's not trying to be so formal and proper.

Andre asks the girls about Canby Hall and they launch into a huge monologue about each book in the series. They really should have just passed him the URL to this blog. It might have been faster. Andre and Armand enjoy the stories and laugh along with the girls but Ramad gets more and more serious. He asks Andy to dance with him and pulls her away from the table. We don't get to hear what he said to her, if anything, because the ghostie ends the chapter and skips to the next morning and never mentions it again.

Allegra stops by the room to tell Andy that she'd like her to do a dance performance during the rehearsal dinner that evening and that the ballroom will be free for practice that morning since Andy missed her practice time the day before. Andy tells her she can't practice because she has plans to go hiking and have a picnic with Ramad and since she hasn't danced since she arrived in the country, there's no way she can perform that night. Jane and Toby are both shocked. Andy was so excited to be doing a dance in front of all the royal people and they can't believe she's punking out. Allegra is disappointed but understanding. She tells Andy that the rehearsal starts at 1:30 and she can't be late.

This is where that hella dumb watch thing is going to come into play, right? (((Note from future me: Nope. It's as if the ghostie even forgot she mentioned it. Ooops.)))

As soon as Allegra leaves the room, Jane lays into Andy. She reminds Andy that Allegra flew them halfway around the world so that Andy could dance for her and be in the wedding. Now Andy is blowing her off constantly just to be with Ramad. Andy tells her dramatically that she just doesn't understand what being in love is.

Which.  #accurate

The B Plot finally reveals itself in the late morning when Allegra joins Jane and Toby in their suite to hang out for a bit. She tells Jane that Armand has been asking some odd questions and she thinks he's up to something. Jane realizes that she made a huge error the night before by telling Armand about the “pranks” Americans play at weddings (funny toasts, tin cans on the cars, etc). They begin to plot how to head Armand off at the pass so he can't make mischief at the wedding.

The wedding rehearsal is fascinating to Jane and Toby but an ordeal for everyone else. Royal Protocol experts from Montavia and Almare fight over every little thing. The countries have different traditions and both want to be the one represented and neither wants to share. During the rehearsal, Toby notices that Armand keeps nervously pulling a piece of paper out of his pocket and looking it over before putting it back. She thinks it has something to do with whatever he has planned and she's super nervous. Jane vows to get a look at it.

The opportunity doesn't come until dinner. Jane asks Armand to dance, hoping to slip her hand into his pocket or something. Sounds like something that has #internationalincident written all over it to me. She doesn't actually manage to stick her hands down his pants, but she does ask him enough questions to determine that whatever he has planned will happen during the reception. I mean clearly it's the toast thing. Are these girls dense?

They try to enlist Andy's help but she's in dreamland. She tells them that Ramad has invited her to come to his country and meet his family. She thinks he's ready to propose and she intends to accept and become a real life princess. Jane and Toby think she's lost her fucking mind and I NEVER thought I'd say this but......

#teamToby #teamJane

That took a lot of of me, y'all. I don't even know who I am anymore.

The wedding happens the next day. The ceremony starts at 10:00am and goes off beautifully. Afterwards there is a coronation where James is made Crown Prince of Allegra's country (Montavia) and Allegra is made Crown Princess of James' country (Almare). Eventually the two of them will rule over both kingdoms. Somehow. It sounds hellishly complicated. Then a church service is held and finally the groom is allowed to kiss the bride.

During the limo ride to the wedding breakfast, Jane manages to get a peek at the piece of paper that Armand is so involved with. She sees the words “Today is a dark day for the kingdom of Almare” and panics. She knows that she has to prevent him from making the speech somehow. The roommates get together and make a plan but we don't get to hear what it is. I'm sure it will be brilliant because these girls are from Room 407 and girls from Room 407 never fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#failproof

So the plan consists of waiting until Armand stands for his toast and announces he has a surprise and then Andy cues the orchestra and performs a dance to music from Romeo and Juliet. It goes off without a hitch and all the royal people at the wedding declare that they've never seen a more talented dancer in their lives. #bullshit Armand is praised for his “surprise” and all is well in the kingdom. Naturally.

Ramad pulls Andy aside during the reception. He tells her that in his country only the men dance. Women are rarely seen in public. They do not speak unless spoken to and never speak to another man. Andy is horrified. Ramad tells her that a “woman is a flower which has blossomed for her husband's pleasure.”

Yeah.

No.

Hell no.

Ramad declares his love for a woman he's met exactly four times and Andy tells him she's never felt this way for anyone ever before.

#fuckMatt #fuckSteve

But then she tells him she can't marry him and be his private blossom. He says he'd hoped she'd give up everything and marry him – despite the fact that he's already fucking betrothed to someone in his own country – but maybe they can be friends. He's planning to go to the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard so they can see each other in Massachusetts sometime.

I can't believe that the fever spread outside of Canby Hall and infected a crown prince. That's some serious contagion, y'all.  😷

The roommates go to Allegra's room to watch her get out of her gown and into her traveling clothes. I guess she likes an audience?  {{{shrug}}}   She thanks them for teaching her about friendship and loyalty without strings. #gag

The book ends with the girls returning to Canby Hall and talking about the subject of the paper they owe PA. They decide to do it on Friendship and Loyalty since they are such experts in the subject. I mean, it was assigned to be a paper on the modern monarchy but what the fuck ever, amirite? You know PA will be bowled over by it because Room 407 is #failproof.

And that's that.  I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to keep #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes in this book.  I feel......incomplete.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award:  I'm going to give this to Jane, y'all, and I feel like I'm going to have to have intensive therapy to get over it.  She did a masterful job of managing Armand even though she hated every minute of it and she did it solely so Allegra could have a good wedding.  That was pretty self-sacrificing.  AND SHE DIDN'T CHEAT ON CARY!!!

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I guess this goes to Armand.  I know he doesn't live in Baker House but who the hell cares?  He was awful the entire book and it pissed me off having to even read his snobby attitude.

Coming Up Next: Andy has a secret admirer.  #fuckMatt  #fuckSteve

And that, dear readers, was recap #100!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Surprise! (Book 30) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Guess who's come to visit Jane!

From the Back of the Book: Jane's in the middle - again!  Beau, the boy Jane met while visiting Toby in Texas, pays Jane a surprise visit at Canby Hall.  Jane's glad to see Beau, but she's determined to keep him from meeting her boyfriend, Cary.  Andy and Toby don't like it, and they think Jane is neglecting her job as one of the organizers of the Halloween dance.  Then troublemaker Gigi decides she'd like to date Cary herself.  She makes sure he finds out about Beau.  Will the Halloween hoedown turn into a showdown?

That back blurb is full of lies, y'all.

This book was published in 1988 and I've never read it before. I thought I had read more of these than I had. The ghostie for this book is Lynn Zednick again. She also did But She's so Cute and A Roommate and a Cowboy.

The cover isn't very noteworthy other than Jane looks stiff as a board. It truly looks like Beau is lifting up a mannequin. Also, I highly doubt Jane would EVER wear cargo pants. The look on Toby's face is hilarious.

I'm fully expecting this book to piss me off, y'all. Just warning you in advance.   

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Shelley-the-drama-llama returned to star in a play that opened and closed on the same night. Afterwards she became so depressed that she was incapable of leaving Canby Hall for weeks. Neal boarded a dressage horse at Randy's ranch that frustrated Toby because she couldn't figure out how to ride it. Andy hurt her foot and became convinced that she'd never dance again despite having no evidence to back that up. And Shelley-the-drama-llama eventually saved the day....somehow.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: I think we've all just accepted that Laura Lee has a permanent place on this list.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee  Penny is vapor again in this book.  Her name isn't mentioned at all.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gigi is back from the dead, wandering around campus and devouring unsuspecting rock gods.

We begin with Andy. She's enjoying the fall day at Canby but she tells us that she's still all little depressed from her foot ordeal. She wanders around campus for a bit looking for something to brighten her day. Finally she sees a notice on the bulletin board that Merrie is holding a caucus to vote on how to spell her name.  Actually she's looking for help planning the big Halloween party. Andy decides this is exactly what she needs. She decides to volunteer Toby and Jane as well because they've been so heartbroken over what happened to Andy that they need a pick-me-up too. She actually believes this, y'all. So self-absorbed.

Gigi and Yolanda rock up as Andy is leaving and they exchange words. Andy tells us that Gigi is tall and athletic looking but the only sport she plays is being a bitch. #BULLSHIT Check your facts, ghostie. Gigi is a VERY good tennis player. She kicks everyone's ass on the court and Toby's been trying to beat her for more than a year. #fuckcontinuity

After Andy walks off we bounce between Yolanda and Gigi's head for a few paragraphs. It's really annoying. Pick a character!!! Gigi decides she and her evil henchwoman are going to volunteer for the party as well.

Andy goes up to 407 and announces that they're going to be on the party committee. Toby and Jane are less than thrilled. Winter is coming and Toby wants to spend every waking moment outside while she still can. Jane is busy with the school newspaper and doesn't really have time. Andy throws herself on the bed and dramatically moans that they are just roommates now and not friends because they won't do this one little thing for her. Not knowing what else to do, Toby and Jane capitulate.

I've noticed that the ghostie isn't giving us our standard "the roommates are very different but still very good friends" speech.  I wonder why.  She's also avoided describing the room to us which means we have no idea what kind of bedspread Andy has in this book.  I feel slightly cheated.

They go up to Merrie's and find Gigi and Yolanda already there trying to pin Merrie down on how to spell her name. By the way, this ghostie is skipping it entirely and just calling her Meredith. The 407 girls are incensed when they realize someone else has the audacity to think they might plan something for the school. Room 407 runs the fucking place and no one better forget it. Merrie asks them all to meet with her on Monday afternoon and then shoos them all out. Can't blame her there. She probably has some deep soul-searching to do about her name.

The 407 girls deign to stop by 409 to tell Dee and Maggie their trials and tribulations of having to work with Yolanda and Gigi on something. Dee and Maggie agree to volunteer too. I'm sure Maggie has something nefarious in mind. #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes Toby is concerned. Gigi is the only person on campus that Toby is afraid of.

We time hop to the meeting and it's not going well. Merrie is fed up with all the fighting. They spend half an hour discussing music. Gigi doesn't want to hire Ambulance because she thinks they're awful. You guys know how much I adore Cary, but for all I know she could be right. It's not like I've ever heard them play and that song he serenaded Jane with back in the first book was pretty damn awful. Gigi wants to hire a DJ to play “the latest records” because that's how we rolled in 1988. Sheesh. Merrie tells Jane to ask Cary how much Ambulance would charge to play and tells Gigi to price a DJ and they'll make a decision later.

Then they argue about a theme. Dee suggests a fairy tale theme and Gigi counters with a horror theme. Toby offers a compromise of having everyone dress as their favorite TV or movie character. It's quickly approved. They decide Jane will do table decorations and Gigi and Yolanda will figure out the haunted house. By this time, Merrie is at the end of her rope with all their bickering and she tells them all to leave.

We get a few paragraphs from Merrie telling us how wonderful the 407 girls are and how awful everyone who doesn't live in 407 is. But then she tells us that she purposely put up the notice to give some other girls a chance to plan something because 407 has pretty much been running the show around campus for a long time. This seems directly contradictory to what she JUST told us about 407 being the best. It was really weird and I'm starting to think maybe there's a reason that Merrie can't figure out how to spell her own name. Maybe she has DID. MERRIE is team 407 all the way baby and MERRY just wishes those bitches would get out of her face.

#teamMerry

We take a rare head hop into Cary's head now. He's sitting waiting for Jane to come out of her second committee meeting. I guess we just took a huge time hop too without me knowing it. He greets her with a smile and a kiss but she pulls away from him. He sadly thinks to himself that things have changed between them since she came home from Texas. He feels like she's very far away sometimes and he doesn't understand what's going on.

I can tell you, Cary. Your girlfriend is a cheating bitch.

They go for pizza and Gigi comes up to the table. She starts flirting with Cary pretty hard-core telling him he's the most talented member of his band and he should go solo like Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens.

Um.

When is this book supposed to take place? Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens died in 1959. Why would she use them for an example? I was sure this book took place in the 80's. The clothes sound like the 80's with lots of neon and slouchy socks and jams. So why are all the pop culture references so damn old?

Gigi begins to eat the pepperoni's right off the piece of pizza in Cary's hand and he's more than a little startled by this. After a few more attempts to shove her boobs in his face, she takes off. Jane is SUPER pissed at Cary because Gigi was flirting with him. Never mind the fact that he wasn't flirting back or that she's made out with several boys during this series that weren't Cary. #hypocritebitch Cary reassures her that Gigi isn't his type and he loves Jane. Poor Cary.

We flash into Gigi's head where she tells us that Cary is far too hot to be with Jane and she intends to take him away. While I'm all for Cary getting the hell out of Jane's clutches, Gigi is not better.

#emancipateCary

At dinner that night, Jane is telling Andy and Toby how Cary betrayed her by being flirted with by Gigi. They both put the blame squarely on Gigi's shoulders where it belongs. Suddenly Beau appears by Jane's side like it's perfectly normal for some boy who doesn't go to school there to just wander onto campus and into the cafeteria. He tells Jane that he had to come to Massachusetts because of his heart. She panics thinking he's dying of some mysterious disease but he just laughs and says his heart missed her so he hopped a plane and came to visit. Like 17-year-old high school seniors just do these things.

In what universe does this even happen? Where did he even get the fucking money for a plane ticket? This does NOT MAKE SENSE.

Naturally Gigi sees Jane with Beau and is determined to use it to her advantage.

Beau hasn't thought any of this through and has no place to stay. He asks if it's possible to stay in the dorms and Toby says she'll just take him to Randy's. I guess Randy is okay with just having random house guests shoved at him with no notice.

I 💖 Randy, by the way. Almost as much as I 💖 Cary. He's just such a nice guy.

They get to Randy's house and his parents invite everyone in and feed them apple cobbler. If Randy is surprised by their sudden appearance, he hides it well. He and Beau strike up a conversation and find they have a lot in common, both being ranch boys. Beau mentions he'll be in town for a week (WHY ISN'T HE IN SCHOOL???) and Randy automatically offers him a room without even having to be asked. Because Randy is 💫awesome💫. With that settled, Toby and Andy thank them for dessert and head home.

Beau walks Jane back. In her head, she's frantically trying to figure out how to hide Beau from Cary for a week. She goes on and on about how safe she feels with Beau and how if she were a pioneer, she'd want him by her side.

What?

A pioneer?

Where the hell did that come from?

She briefly considers reminding Beau that she has a boyfriend but then he kisses her and she can't remember Cary's name.

Grab your Purell, y'all. We have some serious disease going around up in here.

When Jane gets back to the room her roommates harsh her mellow. Andy tells her that she needs to talk to Cary ASAP before Gigi does it for her. Jane blames the whole thing on Beau saying that he should have been satisfied with all the phone calls and letters they've apparently been sending each other. Toby gets irritated with her and says she isn't being fair to either of them but particularly to Cary who has no idea Beau even exists. She also urges Jane to fess up but Jane just grumbles at them both for being bitchy and goes to bed.

A few days later, the inevitable happens. After a tour of campus, Jane and Beau are sitting on the steps of the dorm in front of the entire school cuddling when Cary drives up. We spend the next few pages bouncing from one head to another and it makes it hard to read. Cary is super confused. When he first sees the cuddling couple, he thinks Beau is Randy and assumes Jane is upset about something and Randy is comforting her. Cary isn't threatened by Randy who is such a magical being that no one could ever be upset with him.

Beau thinks Cary is ridiculous and calls him a “new age hippie” which is exactly what we called people in the late 80's. {{{face palm}}} Ghostie really has her finger on the pulse of youth culture here. Jane is frantic and wonders how she's going to get through this with BOTH boyfriends intact. The boys aren't dumb and figure things out almost immediately. Beau takes off first, clearly pissed and feeling dumb for flying halfway across the country when he should be in Geometry. Cary asks her what the hell is going on and she continues to hedge and tell half-truths. Finally he gets pissed too and takes off.

If only it would last. We all know this is too good to be true.

Jane goes back to the room all distraught and runs into Andy who is furious with the lot of them. No one is giving a fuck about the party committee and she angrily screams that she doesn't know why they volunteered in the first place if they didn't want to do the work. Toby calmly reminds her that they didn't want to volunteer at all but Andy insisted. That does not go over well and Andy goes boom.

After Andy stomps away, Jane whinges on about how her life is so impossible and it's everyone's fault but hers. Toby gets fed up with her. She goes to find Andy and apologizes for ditching the work. It's true that she doesn't care about the party and never wanted to be on the committee but Andy is her friend and she promises to be more helpful from now on. I 💖 Toby.

Later, Toby and Andy are in 409 carving pumpkins with Maggie and Dee to use as centerpieces for the party when Neal calls. He and Toby chat for a bit and she invites him to come to the party. He happily accepts. She fills him in on the Beau/Cary situation and Neal reminds her that not too long ago it was a Cary/Neal situation. This is a habit with Jane.

Back in 407 that night, Jane is still boo-hooing. She can't figure out which guy to call and make up with because she wants to have them both. She says she isn't ready to be tied down to one guy and that's perfectly fine IF the other guys know about it and are okay with it. Neither Cary nor Beau are okay with it currently. And Cary didn't know about Beau at all.

Jane eventually decides to make up with Beau because he'll only be there for a few more days. She figures she can make up with Cary later. She's fully confident that she'll come out of this with both boys back on her arms. Unfortunately, I am too and that makes me feel a little sick inside.

She goes to see Beau after class on Monday. He immediately takes her back and she doesn't protest when he decides to make out with her against Randy's fence. Nice girl, our Jane.

Meanwhile, Gigi is on the phone with Cary. He was hoping Jane would call but he hasn't heard from her at all and he's hurt. In his head he's imagining having to be on stage playing the party while Jane is dancing with Beau. Gigi wants some Oakley Prep boys to work the haunted house and she asks Cary if he'll round some up. He tells her he will but he's pretty heartbroken and he doesn't want to think about the party at all.

Jane eventually calls Cary and essentially says she wants a free pass for the week. She wants to date Beau while he's here and then go back to Cary when he leaves. It's stunningly selfish and Cary isn't going for it. He basically says if she can date someone else then he can too and she explodes. She can do it - he can't. He hangs up on her.

We get a couple pages of the girls discussing Halloween costumes. It's super boring and amounts to nothing because no one can decide what they want to be.

We get a couple pages of Jane whinging on about how everyone is out to ruin her life and Cary is being so awful to her.

We get a couple of pages of Gigi plotting with Yolanda to seduce Cary. We don't actually hear the plans but we're told they're planning, yo. There's lots of rubbing of hands together and eyebrow waggling so it must be pretty devious.

Yeah, right.

After class the next day, Jane and Toby head to the ranch to ask Randy and Beau to help with setup for the party. Nice they're getting roped in and neither of them actually go to school there. They need hay bales and fence posts and a scarecrow and Randy agrees to give them everything they need AND to help set up. Toby says the scarecrow will need clothes and Randy tells her to come to his room and pick out what she wants.

That would make me raise my eyebrows if it were anyone else but it's Randy.

Beau and Jane decide to take a walk. He thinks to himself that a week with Jane is just not enough. He's falling madly in love with her and he wants to take her back to Texas with him. Um, Beau? That's kidnapping and if you cross state lines the Fibbies are going to be after your ass so fast.

Now we're with Gigi. She's at Oakley Prep on the pretense of finding volunteers for her haunted house. And, of course, she needs Cary to show her around. She can't stop staring at him. She tells us how gorgeous he is and dumb Jane is for not knowing what she has. I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Gigi. #preachingtothechoir He feels her eyes on him and gives her a self-conscious little smile and that dazzles her so much that she steps off the sidewalk and twists her ankle.

Cary is immediately concerned and asks if she's okay and she tells him that she doesn't think she can walk. There's a bench a few feet away and he just swoops her right up in his arms and carries her over. She's still swooning from this when he drops down and begins probing her ankle with gentle fingers. Gigi's completely done for at this point and ready to have his children. He asks her if she needs to go to the infirmary and she says she just needs to sit and rest for a minute so he nods and sits with her. She invites him to have a pizza with her to repay him for his time and he can't think of an excuse fast enough so he agrees to go.

Naturally Jane and Beau are at the pizza place too. They're holding hands when Gigi and Cary walk in and Cary is pretty much gutted. He has a minute where he's glad she's seeing him with Gigi because maybe now she'll know how bad it feels to see the person you love with someone else. I think that's wishful thinking on his part. Jane has no soul. In fact, while Cary is hurt and sad about the entire thing, Jane is merely pissed that he has the audacity to date someone else.

Man, she's getting to me. I want to throat punch her.

Jane calls Cary later to tell him that Gigi will only hurt him. He replies that Jane already gutted him so she shouldn't worry about Gigi doing any damage. Jane won't listen to anything that relates to what she's done. She tells him that Gigi is cruel and he tells her that she is too. She can't believe he's talking to her this way as I'm doing cartwheels in my living room and shouting FINALLY as loud as I can. But we all know it's not going to last.

We briefly land in Gigi's head but nothing interesting is going on. She's fantasizing about kissing Cary and being his beloved for all time.

We land in Beau's head. He's staying in Randy's room and we learn that Randy has two twin beds.

Guys, what the fuck is going on with Randy? He's either 19 or 20 or 21 or 22 depending on who the ghostie is at the time. Why is he still living at home in a room with two twin beds? Why hasn't he gone off to school or gotten his own place or at least upgraded his bed to an adult bed??????

Anyway, Beau is morose because Jane seems embarrassed by him when they're out and about. He knows he doesn't fit into her world and he's starting to think that she'll never fit into his either. He decides he's going to fly home early. I'm sure he has some homework to finish after missing an entire week of school.

The next day, Randy is waiting for Jane after she gets out of class. He tells her that Beau is planning to leave the next morning and at first she is relieved because then he won't be at the party. Randy convinces her to at least talk to Beau because he seems really upset and she agrees. When she gets there, Beau is pretty down. He says he came to Massachusetts hoping to find the girl he met in Texas but she doesn't exist. She begs him to stay and come to the party which makes no damn sense because she was just relieved that he wouldn't be there. Keep track of your damn story, ghostie.

We hop into room 407 where Dee and Maggie are modeling their costumes. Dee is going as Madonna and Maggie is the Pink Panther. Andy is going as a bag of jelly beans...... which......isn't exactly a TV or Movie character. Toby is undecided and they do a huge pressure campaign to get her to dress as Raggedy Ann. She calls Neal to see what he's doing and he hasn't decided yet either. When she mentions the Raggedy Ann suggestion, he thinks it's a great idea and offers to dress up as Raggedy Andy.

Jane comes in the room bawling because Beau is leaving and won't talk to her. Toby agrees to go talk to him. Beau gives her the same “we're just too different” speech and Toby thinks he's being an idiot. She tells him that Jane is super upset and he decides to stay because a real gentleman never breaks a lady's heart.

#gag

Beau calls Jane to tell her he's staying and will be at the party. She's ecstatic about that which doesn't make any sense at all since she's been dreading it all week. She tells him he's supposed to dress up but he balks at that. Apparently Beau is too cool for costumes. Like it will matter anyway. He just has to show up in his regular clothes and say he's from Dallas or something and he's good. Beau tells her nothing has changed – they still aren't compatible for a relationship. Jane doesn't care. Neither are her and Cary but she's not intending to marry either Cary or Beau. She's just having fun. To bad Cary and Beau aren't.

Friday arrives and Neal is in town. I guess he's staying for the weekend so he can go to the party. All of these teens have very liberal parents. He arrives to take Toby to dinner and the two of them are just adorable together. They go to the Greenleaf Inn to eat and Toby can't help thinking that the elegant setting suits Neal perfectly. The firelight is making him even more gorgeous and she's grateful that he never makes her feel like she isn't good enough for him. Neal has always just accepted her for who she is and never made her feel like she should change.

Okay, okay.  I 💖 Neal too.

Neal is doing some thinking of his own. He's clearly smitten with Toby and grateful that she doesn't act like the last spoiled princess he dated (Jane). After dinner they go for a walk around town. Beau's manifesto about him and Jane not being right for each other because they come from different worlds seeps into Toby's brain. She knows she and Neal are in the same boat really. She can't imagine ever being happy in Boston and she knows he would hate living out on the prairie. She decides not to let it get to her though. She still has a couple years of high school left and there's plenty of time to worry about things like that later.

She and Neal head back to Canby where they park and make out for awhile. It's Toby's first “real” kiss and she's glad it's with Neal. It's all very sweet and precious.

We skip to Saturday morning and everyone is furiously setting up for the Halloween party. Neal, Randy and Beau all arrive to help and it's such a weird thing, really. Jane still acts like she and Neal are a thing whenever she sees him which would piss me off royally if I were Toby but Toby doesn't seem to care. Toby can't help her entire being lighting up when she sees Randy – and who can blame her really. Beau is super into Jane but has this huge history with Toby and the ghostie even manages to make it sound like the two of them are making eyes at each other. It's one major mass of awkward and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Gigi is watching the entire thing with interest.

Cary shows up with the band to get equipment set up and he's clearly still pretty heartbroken. He sees Jane with Beau and it's just a slap in the face so he acts like a 16-year-old boy and purposely flirts with Gigi a little. I don't get upset with Cary often, but this isn't right. I know Gigi is an awful person but she seems to genuinely like him and he's just playing with her feelings right now to mask his own hurt. It's not fair to her.

Later the girls get into costume. Jane is wearing camo and going as someone from MASH. She's complaining.....as hard as it probably is for you to believe that {{{eye roll}}}.....about how different Beau seems in Massachusetts as opposed to Texas. Toby points out that Jane barely knows him at all and he's bound to be different in an environment he's not comfortable in versus at home. Jane mostly ignores that logic and complains that the time she's spending with Beau is making it harder for her with Cary.

YOU THINK??????

Holy hell this girl is dense. Toby tells her that she needs to evaluate her life choices. She basically flirted with Beau in Texas because it was fun but Beau didn't know she wasn't serious and he got his heart involved. It wasn't fair to Beau and, Toby points out, it wasn't fair to Cary. Jane carelessly hurt both of them in different ways. Toby leaves and Jane dismisses everything she said. None of this was her fault. Boys shouldn't take her so seriously, that's all. Great, Jane. Strive to have men not take you seriously. That doesn't set the entire female species back or anything.

At the party everyone assumes that Beau is dressed as some TV cowboy. I bet he wins an award for best costume and he's just dressed like he usually is. He sits back and thinks extremely judgmental things about Cary based solely on his hair and earring. It's pretty awful. Jane and Beau get up to dance and then poor Cary has to stand there and sing a romantic song while the girl he loves slow dances with another guy. It kills him and he wants to stop right in the middle but he carries on. As soon as it's over, he puts his guitar down and tells his band he needs a break.

#sob

Gigi appears and offers Cary a private tour of the haunted house. He'd do just about anything to get out of sight of Jane and Beau. While they head that way, Merrie jumps up on stage to hand out awards for the costumes. Andy wins for most unique. Beau wins for most authentic. #calleditsuckas We don't get to hear the rest because we hop back into Cary's head. The haunted house is empty except for him and Gigi. She corners him by the coffin and plants a huge kiss on him. He manages to politely extricate himself and tells her that he has to get back to work. Jane sees him coming out and tells him that he has Gigi's lipstick all over his mouth.

Later, the 407 girls decide to go through the haunted house. They get separated fairly quick and we find ourselves hosted by Andy. One of the areas is Frankenstein's Lab. People are blindfolded and made to touch things like olives (eyeballs) and spaghetti (guts) etc. It's pretty standard and I remember doing it in the 80's. We used peeled grapes for the eyeballs though. Have you ever tried to peel a grape? Not fun, my friends.

One of the boxes actually contains live rats Gigi has stolen from the Science department. When Andy feels them moving around under her hand, she rips off her blindfold. Seeing the rats, she screams and accidentally knocks over the box with her ridiculous costume. The rats make a run for it. Everyone in the haunted house begins to scream and bash into things in their haste to get away. The entire structure comes down. The rats escape into the party room but are quickly caught safely by some of the braver students. PA (head bitch in charge) is super pissed.

The next day they all go to clean up the mess. Beau stops by to help Randy load up his hay and fence posts. He and Jane take a walk. He tells her that he's glad he got to see her but he shouldn't have come. When he gets back to Texas he intends to move on and date other people. He wants to stay friends and hopes she'll come back to Texas next summer to visit but he can't pine away for her anymore. Jane is fine with this and tells him to stay in touch.

Neal comes to say goodbye to Toby and they do a whole lot of kissing. He tells her he'll try to come back in a month because he doesn't want to go so long without seeing her. It's all very sweet.

Sometime that afternoon Cary shows up at Baker House. He's waiting in the lobby for Jane to come down and she's struck by how lonely and sad he looks. He asks her if they can take a walk and she agrees. He tells her that he didn't kiss Gigi and she tells him he had every right to do that if he wanted. She kissed Beau after all. He tells her he doesn't want to be with anyone but her but he doesn't want her to be with anyone else either. If they're going to be together he wants them to be exclusive. She agrees to this without even thinking about it and they kiss. She thinks to herself that Cary and Beau are very different kissers. Beau is stronger but Cary is more gentle. That's because Cary actually loves you, girl. He kisses you with love and not just hormones.

Jane goes back up to her room and happily announces to her roommates that she has both boys again.

But.......

Didn't Beau friendzone her?

She's completely ignoring that in her own little Jane way, isn't she?

This girl needs help, y'all.

The book ends with the three girls reminding us that they'll be friends forever. We don't even get a cheesy line. {{{sigh}}} I hate it when that happens.

Guys.....Penny wasn't mentioned ONCE in this book. She wasn't even at the party. She's worm food, isn't she?

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This could go to so many. Toby and Randy and Neal can all share it this time. I'm sure they'll devise a system to accomplish it without squabbling. Cary almost could have shared it but he dicked around with Gigi a little bit and I can't reward that.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Shall we say it together? {{{WALK IT OFF!!!}}} No, not that. What's wrong with you? Focus! It's JANE. {{{jazz hands}}} She's awful and I hate her more than Gigi which should be impossible.

Coming Up Next: Allegra is getting married and the girls are all invited!!