Sunday, May 6, 2018

Surprise! (Book 30) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Guess who's come to visit Jane!

From the Back of the Book: Jane's in the middle - again!  Beau, the boy Jane met while visiting Toby in Texas, pays Jane a surprise visit at Canby Hall.  Jane's glad to see Beau, but she's determined to keep him from meeting her boyfriend, Cary.  Andy and Toby don't like it, and they think Jane is neglecting her job as one of the organizers of the Halloween dance.  Then troublemaker Gigi decides she'd like to date Cary herself.  She makes sure he finds out about Beau.  Will the Halloween hoedown turn into a showdown?

That back blurb is full of lies, y'all.

This book was published in 1988 and I've never read it before. I thought I had read more of these than I had. The ghostie for this book is Lynn Zednick again. She also did But She's so Cute and A Roommate and a Cowboy.

The cover isn't very noteworthy other than Jane looks stiff as a board. It truly looks like Beau is lifting up a mannequin. Also, I highly doubt Jane would EVER wear cargo pants. The look on Toby's face is hilarious.

I'm fully expecting this book to piss me off, y'all. Just warning you in advance.   


Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Shelley-the-drama-llama returned to star in a play that opened and closed on the same night. Afterwards she became so depressed that she was incapable of leaving Canby Hall for weeks. Neal boarded a dressage horse at Randy's ranch that frustrated Toby because she couldn't figure out how to ride it. Andy hurt her foot and became convinced that she'd never dance again despite having no evidence to back that up. And Shelley-the-drama-llama eventually saved the day....somehow.


Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: I think we've all just accepted that Laura Lee has a permanent place on this list.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee  Penny is vapor again in this book.  Her name isn't mentioned at all.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gigi is back from the dead, wandering around campus and devouring unsuspecting rock gods.

We begin with Andy. She's enjoying the fall day at Canby but she tells us that she's still all little depressed from her foot ordeal. She wanders around campus for a bit looking for something to brighten her day. Finally she sees a notice on the bulletin board that Merrie is holding a caucus to vote on how to spell her name.  Actually she's looking for help planning the big Halloween party. Andy decides this is exactly what she needs. She decides to volunteer Toby and Jane as well because they've been so heartbroken over what happened to Andy that they need a pick-me-up too. She actually believes this, y'all. So self-absorbed.

Gigi and Yolanda rock up as Andy is leaving and they exchange words. Andy tells us that Gigi is tall and athletic looking but the only sport she plays is being a bitch. #BULLSHIT Check your facts, ghostie. Gigi is a VERY good tennis player. She kicks everyone's ass on the court and Toby's been trying to beat her for more than a year. #fuckcontinuity

After Andy walks off we bounce between Yolanda and Gigi's head for a few paragraphs. It's really annoying. Pick a character!!! Gigi decides she and her evil henchwoman are going to volunteer for the party as well.

Andy goes up to 407 and announces that they're going to be on the party committee. Toby and Jane are less than thrilled. Winter is coming and Toby wants to spend every waking moment outside while she still can. Jane is busy with the school newspaper and doesn't really have time. Andy throws herself on the bed and dramatically moans that they are just roommates now and not friends because they won't do this one little thing for her. Not knowing what else to do, Toby and Jane capitulate.

I've noticed that the ghostie isn't giving us our standard "the roommates are very different but still very good friends" speech.  I wonder why.  She's also avoided describing the room to us which means we have no idea what kind of bedspread Andy has in this book.  I feel slightly cheated.

They go up to Merrie's and find Gigi and Yolanda already there trying to pin Merrie down on how to spell her name. By the way, this ghostie is skipping it entirely and just calling her Meredith. The 407 girls are incensed when they realize someone else has the audacity to think they might plan something for the school. Room 407 runs the fucking place and no one better forget it. Merrie asks them all to meet with her on Monday afternoon and then shoos them all out. Can't blame her there. She probably has some deep soul-searching to do about her name.

The 407 girls deign to stop by 409 to tell Dee and Maggie their trials and tribulations of having to work with Yolanda and Gigi on something. Dee and Maggie agree to volunteer too. I'm sure Maggie has something nefarious in mind. #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes Toby is concerned. Gigi is the only person on campus that Toby is afraid of.

We time hop to the meeting and it's not going well. Merrie is fed up with all the fighting. They spend half an hour discussing music. Gigi doesn't want to hire Ambulance because she thinks they're awful. You guys know how much I adore Cary, but for all I know she could be right. It's not like I've ever heard them play and that song he serenaded Jane with back in the first book was pretty damn awful. Gigi wants to hire a DJ to play “the latest records” because that's how we rolled in 1988. Sheesh. Merrie tells Jane to ask Cary how much Ambulance would charge to play and tells Gigi to price a DJ and they'll make a decision later.

Then they argue about a theme. Dee suggests a fairy tale theme and Gigi counters with a horror theme. Toby offers a compromise of having everyone dress as their favorite TV or movie character. It's quickly approved. They decide Jane will do table decorations and Gigi and Yolanda will figure out the haunted house. By this time, Merrie is at the end of her rope with all their bickering and she tells them all to leave.

We get a few paragraphs from Merrie telling us how wonderful the 407 girls are and how awful everyone who doesn't live in 407 is. But then she tells us that she purposely put up the notice to give some other girls a chance to plan something because 407 has pretty much been running the show around campus for a long time. This seems directly contradictory to what she JUST told us about 407 being the best. It was really weird and I'm starting to think maybe there's a reason that Merrie can't figure out how to spell her own name. Maybe she has DID. MERRIE is team 407 all the way baby and MERRY just wishes those bitches would get out of her face.

#teamMerry

We take a rare head hop into Cary's head now. He's sitting waiting for Jane to come out of her second committee meeting. I guess we just took a huge time hop too without me knowing it. He greets her with a smile and a kiss but she pulls away from him. He sadly thinks to himself that things have changed between them since she came home from Texas. He feels like she's very far away sometimes and he doesn't understand what's going on.

I can tell you, Cary. Your girlfriend is a cheating bitch.

They go for pizza and Gigi comes up to the table. She starts flirting with Cary pretty hard-core telling him he's the most talented member of his band and he should go solo like Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens.

Um.

When is this book supposed to take place? Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens died in 1959. Why would she use them for an example? I was sure this book took place in the 80's. The clothes sound like the 80's with lots of neon and slouchy socks and jams. So why are all the pop culture references so damn old?

Gigi begins to eat the pepperoni's right off the piece of pizza in Cary's hand and he's more than a little startled by this. After a few more attempts to shove her boobs in his face, she takes off. Jane is SUPER pissed at Cary because Gigi was flirting with him. Never mind the fact that he wasn't flirting back or that she's made out with several boys during this series that weren't Cary. #hypocritebitch Cary reassures her that Gigi isn't his type and he loves Jane. Poor Cary.

We flash into Gigi's head where she tells us that Cary is far too hot to be with Jane and she intends to take him away. While I'm all for Cary getting the hell out of Jane's clutches, Gigi is not better.

#emancipateCary

At dinner that night, Jane is telling Andy and Toby how Cary betrayed her by being flirted with by Gigi. They both put the blame squarely on Gigi's shoulders where it belongs. Suddenly Beau appears by Jane's side like it's perfectly normal for some boy who doesn't go to school there to just wander onto campus and into the cafeteria. He tells Jane that he had to come to Massachusetts because of his heart. She panics thinking he's dying of some mysterious disease but he just laughs and says his heart missed her so he hopped a plane and came to visit. Like 17-year-old high school seniors just do these things.

In what universe does this even happen? Where did he even get the fucking money for a plane ticket? This does NOT MAKE SENSE.

Naturally Gigi sees Jane with Beau and is determined to use it to her advantage.

Beau hasn't thought any of this through and has no place to stay. He asks if it's possible to stay in the dorms and Toby says she'll just take him to Randy's. I guess Randy is okay with just having random house guests shoved at him with no notice.

I πŸ’– Randy, by the way. Almost as much as I πŸ’– Cary. He's just such a nice guy.

They get to Randy's house and his parents invite everyone in and feed them apple cobbler. If Randy is surprised by their sudden appearance, he hides it well. He and Beau strike up a conversation and find they have a lot in common, both being ranch boys. Beau mentions he'll be in town for a week (WHY ISN'T HE IN SCHOOL???) and Randy automatically offers him a room without even having to be asked. Because Randy is πŸ’«awesomeπŸ’«. With that settled, Toby and Andy thank them for dessert and head home.

Beau walks Jane back. In her head, she's frantically trying to figure out how to hide Beau from Cary for a week. She goes on and on about how safe she feels with Beau and how if she were a pioneer, she'd want him by her side.

What?

A pioneer?

Where the hell did that come from?

She briefly considers reminding Beau that she has a boyfriend but then he kisses her and she can't remember Cary's name.

Grab your Purell, y'all. We have some serious disease going around up in here.


When Jane gets back to the room her roommates harsh her mellow. Andy tells her that she needs to talk to Cary ASAP before Gigi does it for her. Jane blames the whole thing on Beau saying that he should have been satisfied with all the phone calls and letters they've apparently been sending each other. Toby gets irritated with her and says she isn't being fair to either of them but particularly to Cary who has no idea Beau even exists. She also urges Jane to fess up but Jane just grumbles at them both for being bitchy and goes to bed.

A few days later, the inevitable happens. After a tour of campus, Jane and Beau are sitting on the steps of the dorm in front of the entire school cuddling when Cary drives up. We spend the next few pages bouncing from one head to another and it makes it hard to read. Cary is super confused. When he first sees the cuddling couple, he thinks Beau is Randy and assumes Jane is upset about something and Randy is comforting her. Cary isn't threatened by Randy who is such a magical being that no one could ever be upset with him.


Beau thinks Cary is ridiculous and calls him a “new age hippie” which is exactly what we called people in the late 80's. {{{face palm}}} Ghostie really has her finger on the pulse of youth culture here. Jane is frantic and wonders how she's going to get through this with BOTH boyfriends intact. The boys aren't dumb and figure things out almost immediately. Beau takes off first, clearly pissed and feeling dumb for flying halfway across the country when he should be in Geometry. Cary asks her what the hell is going on and she continues to hedge and tell half-truths. Finally he gets pissed too and takes off.

If only it would last. We all know this is too good to be true.

Jane goes back to the room all distraught and runs into Andy who is furious with the lot of them. No one is giving a fuck about the party committee and she angrily screams that she doesn't know why they volunteered in the first place if they didn't want to do the work. Toby calmly reminds her that they didn't want to volunteer at all but Andy insisted. That does not go over well and Andy goes boom.


After Andy stomps away, Jane whinges on about how her life is so impossible and it's everyone's fault but hers. Toby gets fed up with her. She goes to find Andy and apologizes for ditching the work. It's true that she doesn't care about the party and never wanted to be on the committee but Andy is her friend and she promises to be more helpful from now on. I πŸ’– Toby.

Later, Toby and Andy are in 409 carving pumpkins with Maggie and Dee to use as centerpieces for the party when Neal calls. He and Toby chat for a bit and she invites him to come to the party. He happily accepts. She fills him in on the Beau/Cary situation and Neal reminds her that not too long ago it was a Cary/Neal situation. This is a habit with Jane.

Back in 407 that night, Jane is still boo-hooing. She can't figure out which guy to call and make up with because she wants to have them both. She says she isn't ready to be tied down to one guy and that's perfectly fine IF the other guys know about it and are okay with it. Neither Cary nor Beau are okay with it currently. And Cary didn't know about Beau at all.

Jane eventually decides to make up with Beau because he'll only be there for a few more days. She figures she can make up with Cary later. She's fully confident that she'll come out of this with both boys back on her arms. Unfortunately, I am too and that makes me feel a little sick inside.

She goes to see Beau after class on Monday. He immediately takes her back and she doesn't protest when he decides to make out with her against Randy's fence. Nice girl, our Jane.

Meanwhile, Gigi is on the phone with Cary. He was hoping Jane would call but he hasn't heard from her at all and he's hurt. In his head he's imagining having to be on stage playing the party while Jane is dancing with Beau. Gigi wants some Oakley Prep boys to work the haunted house and she asks Cary if he'll round some up. He tells her he will but he's pretty heartbroken and he doesn't want to think about the party at all.

Jane eventually calls Cary and essentially says she wants a free pass for the week. She wants to date Beau while he's here and then go back to Cary when he leaves. It's stunningly selfish and Cary isn't going for it. He basically says if she can date someone else then he can too and she explodes. She can do it - he can't. He hangs up on her.

We get a couple pages of the girls discussing Halloween costumes. It's super boring and amounts to nothing because no one can decide what they want to be.

We get a couple pages of Jane whinging on about how everyone is out to ruin her life and Cary is being so awful to her.

We get a couple of pages of Gigi plotting with Yolanda to seduce Cary. We don't actually hear the plans but we're told they're planning, yo. There's lots of rubbing of hands together and eyebrow waggling so it must be pretty devious.

Yeah, right.

After class the next day, Jane and Toby head to the ranch to ask Randy and Beau to help with setup for the party. Nice they're getting roped in and neither of them actually go to school there. They need hay bales and fence posts and a scarecrow and Randy agrees to give them everything they need AND to help set up. Toby says the scarecrow will need clothes and Randy tells her to come to his room and pick out what she wants.

That would make me raise my eyebrows if it were anyone else but it's Randy.

Beau and Jane decide to take a walk. He thinks to himself that a week with Jane is just not enough. He's falling madly in love with her and he wants to take her back to Texas with him. Um, Beau? That's kidnapping and if you cross state lines the Fibbies are going to be after your ass so fast.

Now we're with Gigi. She's at Oakley Prep on the pretense of finding volunteers for her haunted house. And, of course, she needs Cary to show her around. She can't stop staring at him. She tells us how gorgeous he is and dumb Jane is for not knowing what she has. I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Gigi. #preachingtothechoir He feels her eyes on him and gives her a self-conscious little smile and that dazzles her so much that she steps off the sidewalk and twists her ankle.

Cary is immediately concerned and asks if she's okay and she tells him that she doesn't think she can walk. There's a bench a few feet away and he just swoops her right up in his arms and carries her over. She's still swooning from this when he drops down and begins probing her ankle with gentle fingers. Gigi's completely done for at this point and ready to have his children. He asks her if she needs to go to the infirmary and she says she just needs to sit and rest for a minute so he nods and sits with her. She invites him to have a pizza with her to repay him for his time and he can't think of an excuse fast enough so he agrees to go.

Naturally Jane and Beau are at the pizza place too. They're holding hands when Gigi and Cary walk in and Cary is pretty much gutted. He has a minute where he's glad she's seeing him with Gigi because maybe now she'll know how bad it feels to see the person you love with someone else. I think that's wishful thinking on his part. Jane has no soul. In fact, while Cary is hurt and sad about the entire thing, Jane is merely pissed that he has the audacity to date someone else.

Man, she's getting to me. I want to throat punch her.

Jane calls Cary later to tell him that Gigi will only hurt him. He replies that Jane already gutted him so she shouldn't worry about Gigi doing any damage. Jane won't listen to anything that relates to what she's done. She tells him that Gigi is cruel and he tells her that she is too. She can't believe he's talking to her this way as I'm doing cartwheels in my living room and shouting FINALLY as loud as I can. But we all know it's not going to last.


We briefly land in Gigi's head but nothing interesting is going on. She's fantasizing about kissing Cary and being his beloved for all time.

We land in Beau's head. He's staying in Randy's room and we learn that Randy has two twin beds.

Guys, what the fuck is going on with Randy? He's either 19 or 20 or 21 or 22 depending on who the ghostie is at the time. Why is he still living at home in a room with two twin beds? Why hasn't he gone off to school or gotten his own place or at least upgraded his bed to an adult bed??????

Anyway, Beau is morose because Jane seems embarrassed by him when they're out and about. He knows he doesn't fit into her world and he's starting to think that she'll never fit into his either. He decides he's going to fly home early. I'm sure he has some homework to finish after missing an entire week of school.

The next day, Randy is waiting for Jane after she gets out of class. He tells her that Beau is planning to leave the next morning and at first she is relieved because then he won't be at the party. Randy convinces her to at least talk to Beau because he seems really upset and she agrees. When she gets there, Beau is pretty down. He says he came to Massachusetts hoping to find the girl he met in Texas but she doesn't exist. She begs him to stay and come to the party which makes no damn sense because she was just relieved that he wouldn't be there. Keep track of your damn story, ghostie.

We hop into room 407 where Dee and Maggie are modeling their costumes. Dee is going as Madonna and Maggie is the Pink Panther. Andy is going as a bag of jelly beans...... which......isn't exactly a TV or Movie character. Toby is undecided and they do a huge pressure campaign to get her to dress as Raggedy Ann. She calls Neal to see what he's doing and he hasn't decided yet either. When she mentions the Raggedy Ann suggestion, he thinks it's a great idea and offers to dress up as Raggedy Andy.

Jane comes in the room bawling because Beau is leaving and won't talk to her. Toby agrees to go talk to him. Beau gives her the same “we're just too different” speech and Toby thinks he's being an idiot. She tells him that Jane is super upset and he decides to stay because a real gentleman never breaks a lady's heart.

#gag

Beau calls Jane to tell her he's staying and will be at the party. She's ecstatic about that which doesn't make any sense at all since she's been dreading it all week. She tells him he's supposed to dress up but he balks at that. Apparently Beau is too cool for costumes. Like it will matter anyway. He just has to show up in his regular clothes and say he's from Dallas or something and he's good. Beau tells her nothing has changed – they still aren't compatible for a relationship. Jane doesn't care. Neither are her and Cary but she's not intending to marry either Cary or Beau. She's just having fun. To bad Cary and Beau aren't.

Friday arrives and Neal is in town. I guess he's staying for the weekend so he can go to the party. All of these teens have very liberal parents. He arrives to take Toby to dinner and the two of them are just adorable together. They go to the Greenleaf Inn to eat and Toby can't help thinking that the elegant setting suits Neal perfectly. The firelight is making him even more gorgeous and she's grateful that he never makes her feel like she isn't good enough for him. Neal has always just accepted her for who she is and never made her feel like she should change.

Okay, okay.  I πŸ’– Neal too.

Neal is doing some thinking of his own. He's clearly smitten with Toby and grateful that she doesn't act like the last spoiled princess he dated (Jane). After dinner they go for a walk around town. Beau's manifesto about him and Jane not being right for each other because they come from different worlds seeps into Toby's brain. She knows she and Neal are in the same boat really. She can't imagine ever being happy in Boston and she knows he would hate living out on the prairie. She decides not to let it get to her though. She still has a couple years of high school left and there's plenty of time to worry about things like that later.

She and Neal head back to Canby where they park and make out for awhile. It's Toby's first “real” kiss and she's glad it's with Neal. It's all very sweet and precious.

We skip to Saturday morning and everyone is furiously setting up for the Halloween party. Neal, Randy and Beau all arrive to help and it's such a weird thing, really. Jane still acts like she and Neal are a thing whenever she sees him which would piss me off royally if I were Toby but Toby doesn't seem to care. Toby can't help her entire being lighting up when she sees Randy – and who can blame her really. Beau is super into Jane but has this huge history with Toby and the ghostie even manages to make it sound like the two of them are making eyes at each other. It's one major mass of awkward and I'm not the only one who thinks so. Gigi is watching the entire thing with interest.

Cary shows up with the band to get equipment set up and he's clearly still pretty heartbroken. He sees Jane with Beau and it's just a slap in the face so he acts like a 16-year-old boy and purposely flirts with Gigi a little. I don't get upset with Cary often, but this isn't right. I know Gigi is an awful person but she seems to genuinely like him and he's just playing with her feelings right now to mask his own hurt. It's not fair to her.

Later the girls get into costume. Jane is wearing camo and going as someone from MASH. She's complaining.....as hard as it probably is for you to believe that {{{eye roll}}}.....about how different Beau seems in Massachusetts as opposed to Texas. Toby points out that Jane barely knows him at all and he's bound to be different in an environment he's not comfortable in versus at home. Jane mostly ignores that logic and complains that the time she's spending with Beau is making it harder for her with Cary.

YOU THINK??????

Holy hell this girl is dense. Toby tells her that she needs to evaluate her life choices. She basically flirted with Beau in Texas because it was fun but Beau didn't know she wasn't serious and he got his heart involved. It wasn't fair to Beau and, Toby points out, it wasn't fair to Cary. Jane carelessly hurt both of them in different ways. Toby leaves and Jane dismisses everything she said. None of this was her fault. Boys shouldn't take her so seriously, that's all. Great, Jane. Strive to have men not take you seriously. That doesn't set the entire female species back or anything.

At the party everyone assumes that Beau is dressed as some TV cowboy. I bet he wins an award for best costume and he's just dressed like he usually is. He sits back and thinks extremely judgmental things about Cary based solely on his hair and earring. It's pretty awful. Jane and Beau get up to dance and then poor Cary has to stand there and sing a romantic song while the girl he loves slow dances with another guy. It kills him and he wants to stop right in the middle but he carries on. As soon as it's over, he puts his guitar down and tells his band he needs a break.

#sob

Gigi appears and offers Cary a private tour of the haunted house. He'd do just about anything to get out of sight of Jane and Beau. While they head that way, Merrie jumps up on stage to hand out awards for the costumes. Andy wins for most unique. Beau wins for most authentic. #calleditsuckas We don't get to hear the rest because we hop back into Cary's head. The haunted house is empty except for him and Gigi. She corners him by the coffin and plants a huge kiss on him. He manages to politely extricate himself and tells her that he has to get back to work. Jane sees him coming out and tells him that he has Gigi's lipstick all over his mouth.

Later, the 407 girls decide to go through the haunted house. They get separated fairly quick and we find ourselves hosted by Andy. One of the areas is Frankenstein's Lab. People are blindfolded and made to touch things like olives (eyeballs) and spaghetti (guts) etc. It's pretty standard and I remember doing it in the 80's. We used peeled grapes for the eyeballs though. Have you ever tried to peel a grape? Not fun, my friends.

One of the boxes actually contains live rats Gigi has stolen from the Science department. When Andy feels them moving around under her hand, she rips off her blindfold. Seeing the rats, she screams and accidentally knocks over the box with her ridiculous costume. The rats make a run for it. Everyone in the haunted house begins to scream and bash into things in their haste to get away. The entire structure comes down. The rats escape into the party room but are quickly caught safely by some of the braver students. PA (head bitch in charge) is super pissed.

The next day they all go to clean up the mess. Beau stops by to help Randy load up his hay and fence posts. He and Jane take a walk. He tells her that he's glad he got to see her but he shouldn't have come. When he gets back to Texas he intends to move on and date other people. He wants to stay friends and hopes she'll come back to Texas next summer to visit but he can't pine away for her anymore. Jane is fine with this and tells him to stay in touch.

Neal comes to say goodbye to Toby and they do a whole lot of kissing. He tells her he'll try to come back in a month because he doesn't want to go so long without seeing her. It's all very sweet.

Sometime that afternoon Cary shows up at Baker House. He's waiting in the lobby for Jane to come down and she's struck by how lonely and sad he looks. He asks her if they can take a walk and she agrees. He tells her that he didn't kiss Gigi and she tells him he had every right to do that if he wanted. She kissed Beau after all. He tells her he doesn't want to be with anyone but her but he doesn't want her to be with anyone else either. If they're going to be together he wants them to be exclusive. She agrees to this without even thinking about it and they kiss. She thinks to herself that Cary and Beau are very different kissers. Beau is stronger but Cary is more gentle. That's because Cary actually loves you, girl. He kisses you with love and not just hormones.

Jane goes back up to her room and happily announces to her roommates that she has both boys again.

But.......

Didn't Beau friendzone her?

She's completely ignoring that in her own little Jane way, isn't she?

This girl needs help, y'all.

The book ends with the three girls reminding us that they'll be friends forever. We don't even get a cheesy line. {{{sigh}}} I hate it when that happens.

Guys.....Penny wasn't mentioned ONCE in this book. She wasn't even at the party. She's worm food, isn't she?

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This could go to so many. Toby and Randy and Neal can all share it this time. I'm sure they'll devise a system to accomplish it without squabbling. Cary almost could have shared it but he dicked around with Gigi a little bit and I can't reward that.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Shall we say it together? {{{WALK IT OFF!!!}}} No, not that. What's wrong with you? Focus! It's JANE. {{{jazz hands}}} She's awful and I hate her more than Gigi which should be impossible.

Coming Up Next: Allegra is getting married and the girls are all invited!!

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

A Roommate Returns (Book 29) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Shelley has come back!

From the Back of the Book: Is an ex-roommate about to become a new star?  Former 407 roommate Shelley Hyde has come back to Canby Hall - to invite Toby, Andy and Jane to the opening night of a play in Boston.  Shelley has a part in it, and it could be her big break!  But things don't turn out the way Shelley planned, and she ends up staying on at Canby Hall with a bad case of the blues.  Then a foot injury threatens Andy's plans to be a ballerina, and Shelley has to lose her blues to help.  Because no matter how far away from Canby Hall a roommate goes, the rules of friendship she learns there never change.

This book was written in 1988 and I've never read it before. I don't particularly want to read it now. I don't think I've dreaded a book this much since “Something Old, Something New” or whatever it was called. I seriously can't stand Shelley. She gives me hives.

The ghostie for this book is Lucille Warner. She hasn't appeared yet in this series and a quick Goodreads search only turned up a couple of Wildfire books. Wildfire was a teen romance series so maybe we'll get some nice romantic moments with our characters. {{snort}}

There's nothing particularly noteworthy about this cover. Jane seems to be the focus as usual.  I don't know where the rest of Andy's body went.  She looks hollow.  She's also the same height as Toby again which means the ghostie in The Roommate and the Cowboy is a lying liar who lies.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Jane celebrated her sweet 16 with a strand of heirloom pearls and a $300 check from her mumsy. She took her friends on a sailing/picnic trip where she lost her pearls in cake batter and unknowingly baked them into the cake. There was a lot of general panic when they were discovered missing and instead of fessing up she tried to lie her way out of it as usual. There was also a B Plot where Cary nearly missed a gig due to being grounded but the 407 girls saved the day with a money tree.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Gigi.  She was only mentioned in passing last book and not at all this book so I fear she might be under the dirt.  And our homegirl Laura Lee is most definitely fertilizer by this point.  They never even mention her.  I fear a resurrection is not in the stars for her.  #amomentofsilenceforLauraLee

Risen From the Tulip Bed: We had a huge exodus from the tulip bed this book.  Allegra was mentioned more than once.  PA (head bitch in charge) finally made an appearance toward the end of the book.  Randy and Penny both had actual dialogue again!  I have to say, I missed Randy, y'all.  He is just always so nice and these books often need a huge dose of niceness.

We begin with our protagonists spending Sunday morning eating their way through one of Andy's care packages. Andy is in a good mood. She and Matt spent the evening before walking and talking through town and she's still feeling the romantic glow. Toby is in a good mood. She's getting ready to head to Randy's house to ride Maxine. It's the horse, people. Get your minds out of the gutter. Jane is NOT in a good mood. I know that's shocking. She has to spend the day doing Geometry homework with Maggie. For once, I feel Jane. That's a crap way to spend a day.

A voice at the door breaks into their conversation and it's none other than Shelley-the-drama-llama. She's wearing a head-to-toe bright orange outfit like she's planning on going hunting with Dick Cheney or something. They invite her in and she asks if they're “pozz” because she doesn't want to interrupt them. If I had a gun I'd shoot her myself for using the word “pozz” as if it exists.

Shelley swoops in and starts rhapsodizing dramatically about her Canby Hall days. She tells them about the Tab can pyramid that used to be on the window sill and how glorious her “forever friends” are and how someday they'll realize that these are the golden days. She's extremely condescending to all three girls at once and it's ridiculous and irritating. I'm the only one allowed to talk to them like that, bitch.

P.S. In THIS book Andy's bedspread is a “modern print” in “warm tones”.


They finally ask her what the hell she's doing there and she dramatically tells them: “Tomorrow is the first day of the beginning of my life!” Toby is internally rolling her eyes just as hard as the rest of us and that reminds me of why I am always (except that one book we shall not mention) #teamToby. Shelley tells them that she's starting a play in Boston the next morning and it's her first big break. She wanted to visit Room 407 one last time before she skyrockets into stardom. Shelley's a little hard to take this early in the day, y'all.

Shelley goes on and on and on. Finally Toby just tells her goodbye and leaves the room. Jane ends up leaving soon after to do her Geometry homework. As much as I like to warn everyone to keep #oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes since she's Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister, I think Jane made the better choice here. Andy is left with Shelley but she really doesn't mind. She feels a kinship with the other girl since they're both artistic and ambitious. They wander around campus so that Shelley can relive the first half of the series for Andy who didn't get to read it since she was working at the Rib Shack so often.

The next day Toby gets a letter from Neal. He'll be in town that weekend to look at a horse that's going to be at Randy's ranch. Toby is surprised that Neal wants to look at a horse since he's afraid of horses and this confuses Jane. She and Neal were once a couple and she's known him all her life and she's fairly certain he isn't afraid of horses at all.

Jane muses a bit after that. She admits to herself that although she and Neal were once “romantic friends”, he never felt for Jane what he seems to feel for Toby. Then she thinks of Beau, the cowboy she met while visiting Toby's ranch, and wonders if Toby and Neal feel the same passion for each other as Jane and Beau.

Um.

Excuse me?

Did this ghostie not get the CARY memo? Jane isn't dating Beau. I know that smug asshole is showing back up in the next book and I'm sure they told the ghostie she had to work a mention of him in here somewhere but this was not the place to do it. Jane should have been thinking about her actual boyfriend here.

We take an abrupt hop to Saturday because the ghostie can't make a school week sound interesting. What is she a magician? Neal arrives at Baker House to pick up Toby. They have a sweet but rather awkward kiss and Neal actually says “Gee it's good to see you.” It's so wholesome it squeaks. Jane interrupts because she thinks the world can't turn without her help. She's suddenly remembered she has an actual boyfriend named Cary and she invites Toby and Neal to join her at one of his gigs that evening. They agree.

Toby and Neal head for Randy's ranch. She sees a pair of riding boots in the back of the car and asks him who they belong to. He tells her that they're his and she gets angry. She can't believe he isn't actually afraid of horses like she thought and seems to feel betrayed by this. They get to the barn and Randy brings out a horse with a funny saddle. Neal explains its a dressage horse and he wants to explain to Toby how to ride it. Toby won't listen to him. She jumps on and tries to get the horse to move. It doesn't respond to any of her commands. Neal continues to try to get her to listen to him but she refuses, getting angrier and more embarrassed. She finally dismounts and goes running to his car to pout.

Here we go again.

Another ghostie out to kill Toby. Sigh.

#saveToby #ghostieassassin

I might be inclined to give the ghostie the benefit of the doubt here - Toby is VERY proud of her skills on a horse and doesn't like to be told how to do something she's done all her life - BUT the ghostie went hugely overboard on Toby's rude and sulky behavior.  It just isn't true to the character and, therefore, an assassination attempt.

Neal drives Toby back to the dorm and they meet Jane and Cary coming out. Cary asks her how Barnaby (the horse) was and Toby realizes that he must have heard about the horse from Jane and Jane clearly heard about it from Neal. She sees Neal and Jane talking quietly beside the car and instantly gets super suspicious and jealous. She just knows that Neal hates her and he's going to get back with Jane the next time she randomly forgets about Cary.....which happens every other chapter. She leaves them all standing there and races back into the dorm.

#saveToby #ghostieassassin

We now skip ahead to Wednesday. The girls from 407 and Merrie (current housekeeper who can't decide how she spells her name) are headed to Boston to see the opening night of Shelley's play. How good can this play possibly be if it's opening on a Wednesday night? The theater is tiny and the girls are secretly disappointed. Andy reads the little blurb about Shelley in the program and notes that it says “attended” college rather than “is attending”.

The play gets underway and Andy thinks Shelley is awesome but the play itself is awful. It doesn't seem to make much sense and the dialogue is very stilted. At the end of the play, everyone agrees that Shelley was the only good thing about it. Because of course she was. She may not be a current resident of Room 407 but even past residents must be worshipped by the entire universe at all times and always be the best at anything they undertake.

#thestinkofadorationdoesn'twashoffsoeasily

Afterwards the entire cast goes to a restaurant to await the reviews on TV. Do they really expect us to believe that this tiny production in a tiny theater on a Wednesday night is being covered by the media outlets?


Shelley invites Merrie and the girls to join her. While they're there, everyone makes a huge point of telling them how talented Shelley is. It's ridiculous. The reviews come in and they're horrific. The director stands up and announces that the play will be closing. There will be no second performance. Shelley looks stunned. Merrie and the girls quietly leave at the advice of one of the veteran actors. As they walk out, Jane and Toby talk about how awful the play was and Andy suddenly starts screaming at them to shut up. She says that could be her someday.

We bounce ahead to Saturday morning now. We're really eating through time in this book.  Randy's going to be 30 by the time it ends.  Toby goes out to the ranch to ride Maxine. While she's there, she and Randy talk about Barnaby. Toby can tell Randy is disappointed in how she behaved while Neal was there and she ends up apologizing to him and admitting she was just embarrassed that she couldn't ride the horse. He's kind to her but basically lets her know she was definitely in the wrong.  

Later she and Jane also have a confrontation about the previous weekend. Jane tells her how hurt Neal was by her refusal to listen to him about Barnaby and her sullen attitude afterwards. Toby is stubborn for a few minutes, insisting she didn't do anything wrong but eventually the facade cracks and the real Toby shines through. She says she'll write to Neal immediately and make things right.

Ah.  The ghostie read the rest of the series and realized Toby isn't an asshole.  Yay! 

#Tobyisredeemed

The 407 girls overhear Shelley and Merrie talking in the penthouse and use the opportunity to remind everyone how amazing Alison was and how Merrie could never ever fill her shoes no matter how hard she tries. Poor Merrie. It's hard to follow a paragon like Alison. Shelley tells Alison that she can't go back home. Her boyfriend Paul is mad at her. Her parents are mad at her. She's dropped out of college. She has nowhere to go. Alison says she can stay temporarily in the room that they fixed up for Princess Allegra all those books ago and it was a nice shock to see a ghostie actually using some continuity. But shouldn't they be consulting PA about this? Does PA even still exist? We haven't heard from her since Help Wanted.

Toby is less than thrilled that Shelley will be under the same roof and this isn't even her being a brat. Shelley is just awful. Andy yells at her for it and Toby reasonably replies that you don't have to like everyone. She's not going to be mean to Shelley but she's also not going to pretend to be Shelley's best friend.

#teamToby

Sunday morning there's a meeting in 407. Dee and Maggie attend and Penny digs herself out of the tulip bed to show up as well. No one seems to mind the giant clumps of dirt falling out of her hair. You'd think they'd ask her what life was like under the earth but, no, they're focused on planning a party for Shelley.  They decide to make her the guest of honor at the Maple Syrup Day that Canby has every year. I guess we're just accepting now that the 407 girls make decisions for the entire student body. {{{Sigh.}}}

Penny makes a personalized invitation and the girls slip it under Shelley's door. She's not thrilled to have it. She tells them that she's too old for such idiocy and she doesn't want to do anything with them and she wants them to leave her alone. Everyone is stunned. Penny calls her a baby and Andy screams at her to stop being mean and bursts into sobs.

What the hell is wrong with Andy in this book? Projecting much?

All three girls independently come up with ways to cheer Shelley up. Jane decides to invite her to Boston for the weekend. Toby arranges with Randy to take Shelley out in a horse and buggy. Andy takes her a care package and a pep talk. Shelley is rude to all of them. She keeps dramatically repeating that her life is over and she has nothing to live for. She rebuffs Andy's care package, refuses Jane's invitation and tells Toby that if she wanted to go riding with Randy she'd just ask him herself because they dated once or something. I don't even remember. I blocked it out.

We leave the A plot for a bit and return to the B plot of Toby/Barnaby/Neal. Neal has sent Toby a padded envelope stuffed with something and she's convinced that he's so mad that he's returning every letter she ever wrote him. She can't bring herself to open it. When she finally does, it's a book about dressage riding. Well played, Neal.

We hop to Saturday morning again. I'm pretty sure an entire month has passed in this book. Which makes it even weirder that Shelley is still there. Toby has read the book but doesn't really understand it. Still, she resolves to go out to the ranch and meet Barnaby properly. When she gets there, Randy tells her that Barnaby is being exercised. It turns out that Neal is out with him. She can't help noticing how "elegant" and "gorgeous" he looks in the saddle. Nothing like the cowboys she's used to. This time when Neal offers to show her a few things, she listens and finds that she enjoys it. She doesn't think she wants to make dressage a big part of her life, but it's interesting and she feels proud of herself for learning to do it.

Toby and Neal spend the day together and then get burgers in town. And the B plot wraps itself up very nicely. I'm a little disappointed to have it finished. That means we have to go back to the A plot unless the ghostie is going to throw a C plot at us.

The C plot hits us right in the face on Sunday morning. Andy is dancing around the room when she does some dance-y thing and lands on her foot wrong. She ends up in a cast with a fractured foot bone. That's the technical term, ya know. PA reemerges from the tulips to personally tuck her in. Andy ends up spending the rest of the week in the infirmary for some reason that's not fully explained.  (Note from future me: I finally figured out the reason.  There's no elevator in Baker House and she can't climb the stairs safely on crutches.  That would never fly today.  The dorm would have to be handicap accessible.)  She is pretty carefree outwardly, saying that dancers get hurt and have to know how to rehab but secretly she worries about her foot healing properly.

Jane receives a bunch of boxes from a fancy riding store in Boston. It turns out Neal has sent Toby a “proper” riding outfit. Toby thinks Neal is wonderful for doing it but can't possibly accept such fancy things from him. She sends them back with a nice note.

Meanwhile back at the infirmary, Andy is now convinced that her career as a dancer is over and she falls into a deep depression. Gee, do you think Shelley and Andy are going to “cure” each other? Ugh.

Andy refuses to do any of her physical therapy exercises and barely gets out of bed.

Wait.

She's out of her cast already and doing PT?  It's been A WEEK.  Who breaks a bone in their foot and is cast free doing PT in a week?

In frustration, Toby and Jane collect quarters from everyone in Baker House and they call her parents. Her dad immediately flies out to Canby. He brings an entire rib dinner with him (somehow) and the 407 girks, the 409 girls, Matt and the nurse from infirmary all settle in for a feast. Mr Cord tries to get Andy to dance but she tells him she's accepted that she'll never be a dancer and that's that.

I actually have a super hard time believing that her parents didn't fly out without being called.  They are overprotective and overbearing where Andy is concerned.  There's no way they heard that she was injured and didn't rush to see her.  #bullshit

Later, Shelley overhears everyone taking about what a shame it is that Andy has given up on her dream for no reason and she heads for the infirmary to heal Andy with some of that 407 magic. Shelley gives Andy a pep talk and just like that everything is fine again. Both Shelley and Andy are cured of their blues and both encouraged that they'll soon reach their dreams. I know I'm making it sound like it happened very fast. It did. It resolved in TWO PARAGRAPHS, y'all.

Ridiculous.

Shelley apologizes to everyone and all's well that ends well.

The ghostie gives me a little treat with her last sentence.

As Andy snuggled under her comforter and Jane and Toby got ready for bed and Lights Out, their hearts felt warm with the feeling of friendship and harmony and love and respect that filled every corner of their room, Room 407, Baker House, Canby Hall.”



Pure cheese. Love ya, ghostie!!

I have to say I felt really bad for Merrie in this book.  The constant Alison-worship was a little hard to take.  She was mentioned more times than Cary, PA, Penny and Dee combined.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: Wow. Guys. Hold on to your socks because I'm about to blow them right the fuck off. Jane. Jane was the least annoying person in this book. How the hell did that happen? Is the sky still blue? Do pigs still have four legs? Someone hold me. I'm scared.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Shelley-the-drama-llama. Hands-down. No contest. She was awful from start to finish and she made this book hellish to read. 


Coming Up Next: Beau from Texas arrives for a surprise visit. I wonder how long it will take Jane to forget she has a boyfriend who loves her more than she deserves?

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Happy Birthday, Jane (Book 28) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl acted like a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them did.

Tag Line: Jane is sixteen!  (Wow, they put a lot of thought into that one.)

From the Back of the Book: Who ever thought a birthday could be so much trouble?  First the girls of 407 have to decide the best way to celebrate Jane's birthday.  Should it be an evening at a French restaurant?  An afternoon at a baseball game?  A picnic?  A sailing trip?  Then they have to organize it, choose the right presents, and invite the right guests.  And what about the cake and ice cream?  But just when everything is working perfectly, something happens that makes Jane wish she'd never heard of special birthday celebrations  Can Toby and Andy save Jane's birthday from disaster?

This book was published in 1988 and it's my first time reading it. The ghost writer for this book is Elizabeth Spurr who hasn't come up in this series before. A Goodreads search of her name brought up mostly children's books.

The cover is pretty typical. There's actually 16 candles on the cake, so good job, cover artist. Why is Jane holding her necklace out like that though? It seems really strange. And what happened to Toby? She looks like a different person entirely. I would also like to point out that Andy is taller than Toby here. Last book the ghostie told us that Andy barely came up to Toby's chin. Maybe she's standing on Jane's ego here. No......she'd be much taller if that was the case. P.S. Are those deer hoof prints on the side of that cake???????????????

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the nearby boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is dating a boy named Matt who is sometimes said to be from the public school in town and sometimes said to be from Oakley Prep. Well, I should say she's dating Matt when she's not dating Steve who works in her family's rib shack. It mostly depends on her geographic location at the time. Toby is dating the ultra-proper Neal from Boston (who happens to be Jane's ex), and crushing on local rancher Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Andy and Jane flew out to Texas for a couple of weeks to visit Toby on her ranch. Andy was a great houseguest and made the most of her time there but Jane was bored and condescending. Jane met a cowboy named Beau that made her tremble inside and she promptly forgot all about Cary. Andy made an atrocious dinner and ran away when everyone decided to eat PBJ instead. She got lost in the wilderness and almost eaten by a snake but was saved just in the nick of time.

Those Who Shall Not Be Unnamed: Former 407 residents Dana-the-life-ruiner, Shelley-the-drama-llama and Faith-the-sanctimonious and former housemother-extraordinaire-Alison. Hey, just because they've all moved on doesn't mean we can't worship them at least once every book.

Missing, Presumed Dead: Penny, y'all. She was completely missing from this book. As was PA and RANDY. Yikes. These were heavy casualties.

Risen From the Tulip Bed: Gigi has rejoined the land of the living. At least that's what Toby would have us believe. She mentions beating Gigi at tennis but we never actually see her, so it could be totally fabricated to cast suspicion elsewhere.

We begin back in room 407 at Canby Hall. Jane's woken up by the phone which only works when it's convenient to the plot. Her 16th birthday is coming up and her mom wants her to bring some friends to Boston for the weekend to celebrate at the Country Club. Jane thinks the Country Club is too proper and stuffy for most of her friends and she tells her mother she'd rather celebrate at Canby instead. You know.....because Canby is the greatest place on earth. #fuckDisney Jane's mom is disappointed but offers to send Jane a $300 check so Jane can throw the party of her choice. She's also sending an “appropriate” gift. My prediction? That necklace she's cradling so oddly on the cover.

We get our basic info about the girls and the room. You know.....Jane steals souls from newborn babies, Andy hides the bodies of her rivals in the meatloaf at the Rib Shack and Toby turns invisible whenever someone tries to take a cover picture. As usual, the descriptions of Jane's side of the room and Toby's side of the room are extremely consistent (antique, rainbow). Andy's side is now described as having a diagonal striped, earth-toned bedspread. For those keeping count, so far Andy's bedspread has somehow been geometric-patterned, striped, checked, diagonal striped and plaid. GET IT TOGETHER, GHOSTIES!

We hear from Toby next. She's been out practicing tennis. She's hoping to make the team this year. That was a nice bit of continuity. Someone in the ghostie camp remembered Toby's failure to make the team the year before. #goGhostie!

Jane asks Toby and Andy for help planning her party. Thirty minutes pass with zero ideas. Jane thinks an afternoon in New York would be fun. Andy suggests Coney Island and Toby suggests the Bronx Zoo. Neither of those are what Jane had in mind. {delicate sniff} She was thinking museum and opera. Andy wonders how that would be less proper and stuffy than the country club idea Jane's mom had. Jane says they should go to the diner to ask Cary what he thinks.

Cary is in a good mood because Ambulance was hired to play some school's homecoming. What do you want to bet that it's the same day as Jane's birthday? I guess we'll have to wait and see. The girls tell him about the $300 birthday party. He suggests they all go to a rock concert which Jane promptly turns down.

Matt approaches the table. They tell him about the $300 birthday party. He suggests renting a sail boat and packing a picnic lunch. To be honest, this sounds awesome to me. On my 16th birthday I had a picnic with my friends and we went to the zoo. They all like Matt's idea but none of them know how to sail.

I bet Neal does.

Actually I know Neal does. He was in some sailing competition early in the series, right? Back when he was still dating Jane.

Jane wants a fancy dinner which Matt, Andy and Toby veto. Jane gets pissed and says it's her birthday and it should be her choice. That's valid. I hate it when I have to admit Jane's being valid. Cary says they should all pretend to love what she comes up with even if they hate it because it's her day. #hearthands He's way too good for this evil bitch.

Finally they decide to put their choices on slips of paper and draw from a hat. To further cement my love for him, Cary writes down the name of Jane's fancy restaurant as his choice. #swoon He just wants her to be happy and he doesn't care what he has to do for that to happen. #emancipateCary

Jane draws a slip. It's “sailing”.

Neal, who does indeed know how to sail, is promptly pressed into service. He has a friend who rents out a yacht when he's not using it so they're all set. Toby checks a book on sailing out of the library and gives herself a crash course. I amuse myself by imagining a Gilligan's Island moment.

There's about four pages of sailing terms here. They're just throwing them around at each other with no real purpose. I would recap it but I really don't care. Toby's been envisioning herself impressing Neal by being a sailing savant but I really don't see that happening.

Jane's present arrives and it is, indeed, the pearl necklace seen on the front cover. More or less. It had belonged to her great-grandmother and Jane bursts into happy tears at the sight of it. It's one of those rare moments where I don't hate Jane and those are very rare, my friends. Jane puts on the necklace and and is surprised when it slides right back off. It turns out there's a safety catch on the clasp that she didn't fasten. I'm sure this won't turn out to be a plot point or anything.

Neal arrives and they go shopping for party food. The boat rental is $150 so they have $150 to spend on food. Jane realizes she forgot to order a cake but Andy says they can bake one on the boat in the galley. You know......because they've proven themselves to be such great cooks in previous books. They end up spending all but $25 of the food money.

When Jane gets back home, she calls her mother to thank her for the pearls. Her mother tells her to lock them in Merrie's safe and only wear them on special occasions. Jane doesn't want to lock them away. No one in Baker House would ever steal (except for all the times that someone already HAS) and besides, her 16th birthday is the most special of the special occasions. I'm sure nothing will go terribly, horribly wrong here. You people are such cynics.

The day of the party dawns. Jane is wearing her pearls. They've brought along a ton of food, several coolers and different activities (baseball things, a badminton set, fishing poles, music, guitars, volleyball set, bbq, etc etc). They really have to squeeze to get all six of them in the car. It's a three hour ride to where the boat is docked and they're supposed to be there by 11:00.

They manage to reach the boat without incident. It's a 36 footer and everyone except Neal is a little nervous about handling a boat that size. Unfortunately the kitchen is much smaller than they anticipated and they brought so much food that they have to pile some of it on the beds. Neal suggests they eat lunch before they set sail to free up a little room.

After they eat, they set sail. Neal is in charge and he does it well. When they get out into open waters he lets Toby take a turn at the helm. She thinks it's just like riding a horse and she hopes Neal will see how competent she is. Andy goes below to make Jane's birthday cake and Jane soon follows. She sees Andy putting in foil wrapped parcels and asks what they are. Andy tells her they're special surprises. If you get the the ring you'll soon be married. If you get the dime you'll have fortune. Etc Etc. I'm just hoping the ring is heat resistant. Are you really supposed to bake those things?

Andy is just pouring the batter into the pan when Matt calls her upstairs to help them adjust the sails. She asks Jane to smooth the batter out and put the cake in the oven. Jane takes a minute to make sure the ring is in the center of the cake. She wants Cary to get that piece so he can give the ring to Jane and it will be super romantic. While she's holding the cake pan, there's a shout from above. Cary has fallen overboard. Then the boat lurches and Jane ends up face-planting in the cake batter.

Hmmmmmmmm. Do you think she just lost her pearls in the cake batter? Because I think she did. There's going to be a huge panic over them being missing and then someone will find them in their piece of cake. #prediction

By the time Jane gets herself cleaned up and the cake in the oven, Cary has been rescued and all is well. Toby is sitting to the side looking embarrassed and tragic and Jane surmises that she had something to do with Cary's little swim. Cary takes it all like a champ though. He laughs at himself for getting dunked and makes it sound like it was all his idea. He's so very, very sweet y'all.

Neal takes over sailing again and soon they are all sorted out. Toby beats herself up over losing control of the boat. She plays the “what if” game for awhile. What if Cary had suffered a concussion? What if he'd been knocked unconscious and drowned? I'll answer those for you, Tobes. I WOULD END YOU. There. Now you know. It's always better to know than to wonder.

Cary gets out his guitar and starts to tune it. Toby thinks maybe she should take a few pictures to preserve the moment....and to distract herself from wondering if some middle-aged suburban recap blogger is going to sneak up behind her with a pipe wrench. When she searches for the camera, it's missing. Jane says she set it on the deck earlier and Toby is terrified that it might have slid off into the water when she had her little “incident”.

They make it to the campground where they plan to dock for awhile only to find out that they aren't allowed to dock there at all. Neal decides to anchor the boat on the other side of the river and swim back across to the shore. For reasons that elude me, everyone else decides to do this too. They unload all the things they need to eat and play and then sail back across the river to anchor. They discover they forgot to unload the cake so Neal ends up swimming one handed across the river while holding the cake up about his head with the other arm.

#bullshit

That cake would definitely be soggy if this was the real world.

They eat (catfish and steaks and salad and potatoes and corn and mushrooms and bread and frozen pizzas and pasta salad and antipasta salad and fruit salad and on and on and on) and them make some s'mores around the campfire. The 407 girls decide to put together s'mores to take back to the rest of Baker House. They figure the girls can heat them up with their hair dryers.

I......I guess this would work......theoretically. Now I'll have to try it sometime. Thanks, ghostie.

After eating enough to kill them all, they bring out gifts. Cary recorded his infamous song that he serenaded Jane with in the early days of the series. Matt and Andy give her a journal. Neal gives her a picture frame and Toby gives her a cactus. Jane says she loves them all. I don't believe her. They all decide to lay down and have a nap before heading back.

It's not until they are back on the boat later that Jane notices her pearls are gone.

They do a thorough search while Jane sobs in a bunk. No pearls. Jane decides that someone stole them off her neck while she was sleeping because that's better than her losing them. How did someone steal pearls from around her fucking neck without waking her up? Your guess is as good as mine.

To further add to the drama, the wind goes away completely and the battery on the ship is dead. All they can do is drift with the current. Neal says they have two choices: try to drift out into the ocean and hope they catch wind there or try to drift toward the shore where hopefully they can get help. I think they pick the shore but the ghostie doesn't come right out and say.

Drifting is slow and since the battery is dead, they have no power. They play Scrabble by candlelight. Everyone but Neal is worried about making it back to the dorms in time. The girls have to be in by midnight and the boys have to be back by 2:00am. If Cary is late, he'll be restricted to campus the following weekend and unable to play his big Homecoming gig. Oh yeah. I guess I was wrong about the timing of that one. One failed prediction but I stand by the pearls in the cake.

Eventually the Coast Guard rescues them by jumping the battery and they all safely return to their respective schools. Well....I don't really know where Neal is staying. A hotel maybe? Ghostie never said.

The next morning Jane's mother calls. They're going to be in town earlier than expected and she wants to have lunch with Jane at the diner and then spend the afternoon with her before having supper and heading home. Jane is determined to hide the fact that the pearls are missing. She calls Cary because he'll be working at the diner and she wants to make sure he won't rat her out. Cary doesn't think lying to her parents is a very good idea and he encourages her to tell them the truth. Jane flippantly says the pearls will turn up and she doesn't want to worry her parents over nothing. She begs Cary to play along and he finally says he will but he doesn't like it. Before they hang up, he tells her that he hopes she'll never lie to him just to keep him from worrying.

Oh, snap.

Did a ghostie just set up a future book? Has that ever happened before?

Go, Elizabeth Spurr!

Jane goes back to the room and bitches about Cary not falling all over himself to lie to her parents. Andy isn't very sympathetic. She doesn't think Jane should be lying to her parents either. Jane repeats that the necklace will turn up because she “wished very hard” on her 16th birthday which fell on the 16th of September. Andy is doubtful. Jane wants Andy to join her for lunch to lend moral support but Andy doesn't want to be part of all this and refuses. Jane has a fit but Andy puts on a leotard and leaves the room.

Suck on that, Jane.

Jane goes sobbing to Dee that all of her friends have deserted her and don't care about her at all.

I hate Jane.

Dee and Maggie both offer to let her borrow a strand of pearls to try to fool her parents with. Jane picks Dee's because she's afraid Maggie's might be poisoned (#oneeyeonMaggieatALLtimes). Actually, she picks Dees because they're graduated like the real pearls were. I think this is a really stupid plan. Those pearls have been in her family for generations. Her parents aren't going to be fooled by $6 pearls from a swap meet.

Jane's plan is to wear Dee's pearls with a button-up shirt at lunch. The pearls will mostly be hidden by the neckline. She's banking on the fact that her mother won't want to look too closely which seems dumb to me. Then she's going to claim that Merrie was gone before dinner and she couldn't get them back out of the safe to wear again.

That afternoon, Toby touches base with Jane and asks her how lunch went. Jane says it was fine. Cary was amazing, serving their hamburgers in the fanciest way possible with radish roses and carrot curlicues. #hearthands Jane is sure she fooled her mother with the fake pearls but then her mother shows up unexpectedly and demands to see them.

Jane fesses up and goes for a walk with her mother. Her mother tells her this long story about how she once damaged an heirloom watch and lied to her parents about it. In the end, she glosses over the loss of the pearls and says they aren't important because the family will always have love.

Sure.

I buy that.

That's how things happen in the real world. This ghostie really has her finger on the pulse of realistic reactions.

That night there's a surprise “un-birthday” party for Jane in Merrie's room and they finally get around to eating that cake. Dee finds the ring and will thus be the first engaged. Toby finds a key and will have success and fame. Andy is clearly jealous of this and Toby hands it over without hesitation because she's just an awesome person. Jane finds the dime and will have wealth which everyone finds super hilarious. Maggie finds the pearls in her piece.

I CALLED THAT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Jane calls Cary to tell him the good news and he's happy for her. She can tell something is wrong, though, and asks him about it. He says he's on restriction the next weekend because of coming in late and he won't be able to play the Homecoming gig. Not only will they get a reputation for backing out on their gigs, but they won't get the promised $200 to go toward recording their first single.

The next day a letter from Neal arrives. Which is pretty damn amazing since he just left the day before. The post office moves fast in Massachusetts. Inside the letter is a check made out to Jane. It turns out the owner of the boat felt responsible for the dead battery so he refunded their rental fee. Jane cashes the check and asks for $1 bills. She clips the money to a small tree she gets from a greenhouse and then sends it up to Cary's dorm room to make up for the money they lost.

Okay. This is the second time in a single book that I don't hate Jane and I find it SUPER disconcerting. This can't go on.

When the dorm monitor hears why Cary was late, he lifts the restriction and Cary is able to go to the gig after all. Because that's how life works in this series, people. Just go with it.

In the end, Ambulance arrives at Homecoming just as everyone is leaving because the replacement band is horrible. They save the dance with their super cool awesome music and immediately get booked for three more gigs. JANE AND THE GIRLS FROM 407 SAVE THE DAY AGAIN WITH THEIR MAGICAL MONEY TREE!!!!!!!!!

It ends without a super cheesy line and I'm weirdly disappointed.

I feel like this book was completely useless. Nothing important happened. There was no character growth. It was a throwaway.

Also, the cover LIES. It's a lying liar who lies! At no point was Jane wearing those pearls when blowing out the candles. THEY WERE BAKED INSIDE THE CAKE!!!! Seriously, do the artists even try?

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: This could go to several people but I'm going to mix it up and give it to Neal. He just seems like a really good friend and boyfriend in this book. Plus he has some kind of magical mail powers that allow him to send a letter across the state in less than 12 hours. That's pretty impressive.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: This is pretty shocking but there really wasn't one. This was such a non-book. Jane is the only one even in consideration but it's kind of hard to give it to her when she gave Cary a money tree.

Coming up Next: Shelley-the-drama-llama is on her way back to Canby Hall!