Troublemaker (Book 22) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl was a total bitch in this book.  Because you know at least one of them was.

Tag Line: She's out to get the girls in 407.

From the Back of the Book: There's a troublemaker on the loose.  Toby is down in the dumps until Andy and Jane promise her a special party to cheer her up.  But first they have to get their headmistress's permission.  Then Andy has to devote every spare minute to a major term paper.  And Gigi "The Worst Person in the World" Norton decides to throw a rival party of her own, with a truly nasty theme.  When Andy's term paper disappears and Toby is the victim of a cruel letter, the girls of 407 realize that someone is out to get them.  Who is causing all the trouble?  And how much worse can it get?

This book was published in 1987.  I don't think I ever read this one. I guess we'll see if I recognize anything about it as we go along.  The back blurb doesn't sound familiar and I don't recognize the cover at all. (Note from future me: Never read this one.  I must have spent my allowance on something else that month.)  By the way, let's talk about this cover. Jane's eyes look really bizarre and Andy's arms are awkwardly placed. Usually if you're holding your arms in that position, the bottom one is against your stomach or chest or whatever and the top one is braced on it. This looks like both arms are held out from her body and it's just odd. Jane appears to be looking at Toby with her bizarre eyes but Toby is glancing off toward the head of Andy's bed. Is there someone there “off-screen”? (Another note from future me: Toby wasn't even IN this scene.)  And is THAT supposed to be the "striped earth-tone bedspread" we keep hearing about in every book? Those are squares. Squares and stripes are not really the same thing. And I've never thought of blue as an earth-tone. So....not as much of a win as the last cover.

The ghostwriter for this book is Eileen Hehl. A Goodreads search of her names brings up lots of “Sweet Dreams” titles (80's teenage romance). We haven't read one by her yet. We'll see how she does.  (Yet another note from future me: she's awful.)

Canby Hall Catch-Up: You guys know the basics. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating Cary-the-rock-god from the neighboring boys' school Oakley Prep. Andy is loosely dating Matt who does the lighting for Cary's band. Or Steve who works in her parents' rib shack. It depends on her current geographic location. Toby is kind of dating Jane's ex-boyfriend Neal (which it totally cool with Jane) and crushing on Randy who has magical aging powers that allow him to be a different age in every book. In the last book, Toby and Andy spent a weekend at Jane's house to attend the annual Barrett Landing Party. Jane treated them horribly throughout the entire book but they forgave her because they are contractually obligated to do so. Toby and Andy became cliches that didn't know how to act around rick folks. And Cary saved the lame party with his guitar and a little “disco madness”. The B-plot was the arrival of the new housemother Merry who started out by being too strict and giving everyone bazillions of demerits to make up for the fact that she was wild as a teen. You know, that really doesn't make as much sense as we were led to believe last book.

We begin with Toby ranting about snow. She's sick of snow and says it shouldn't still exist because it's March. Wow, we really jumped ahead this book. Last I knew it was just after New Year's. Time flies in Massachusetts I suppose. Jane diagnoses her with “Winter Blahs” as Andy peeks out from under her “pale pink comforter”. You know.....the one that has earth-tone stripes. Apparently no one gave Eileen the memo and she made it pink. This is what I hate about reading a series where every book is written by a new ghostie. Continuity isn't even a thing.

Jane says the only cure for Winter Blahs is to have a party. They'll invite all of Baker House and have food and music and general frivolity.

Insert descriptions of each girl and how they're different but still really good friends. #twee

Jane wants to hire Cary's band Ambulance and make it a boy-girl party. Andy decides she'll invite Matt since she's only with Steve while in Chicago. Toby considers Randy but decides inviting Neal makes more sense even though she's terrified to actually call him up and do it. They go to Merry's room on the top floor to secure permission. Unfortunately the boy-girl thing means the girls must go to the head mistress (Patrice Allardyce aka PA) instead to get permission. Toby loses her party buzz, certain that PA will say no.

Over breakfast (where we get the standard spiel about the food being awful which I still think is unrealistic considering this is an expensive boarding school where nutrition would be a priority) the 407 gang fills in the 409 gang (Dee and Maggie) about the party plans. Maggie, who only exists so everyone can talk about her sister Dana-the-life-ruiner, is excited about the idea. Dee pouts about the party being in Toby's honor when it's also her first New England winter and Jane says the party will be for Toby AND Dee.

We head-hop over to the next table where Gigi is eating with her only friend Yolanda. Gigi, if you will remember, was Jane's roommate the previous year and is pretty much thought to be the most awful girl at Canby. Although, to be honest, I don't remember her actually doing anything awful. I have a vague memory of her being snotty to Toby during the whole tennis storyline but nothing specific comes to mind. Gigi has overheard the plans for the party and she's seething inside. She tells Yolanda that she's going to wire her parents for money to throw her own party – something bigger and better than whatever Jane is planning. Yolanda points out that Gigi doesn't exactly know where her photographer parents are and just like that, Gigi suddenly has a back story.

Gigi slithers over to the other table and announces that she's planning to have a catered affair in a rented hall on Saturday. She tells them she hopes that her party won't interfere with theirs. Jane replies that they haven't set a date yet but she's sure they'll pick a different one. Gigi tells them that they are invited to her party and the group hastily claims to have plans. I know I'm not supposed to feel sorry for Gigi here, but I mostly do.

Gigi starts to get upset that they aren't falling all over themselves to come to her party so she announces that she's going to have a hilarious and fun theme that they don't want to miss. She pauses for drama and then announces her theme will be “come as someone you hate”. Toby immediately dislikes it. She tells Gigi that it's evil and tacky and just plain bad manners. This really pisses Gigi off and she starts insulting Toby which just makes everyone else at the table mad. They tell her that they won't be attending and she swears revenge before stomping off in a huff.

The next chapter opens up with Andy dramatically declaring her own demise. She's apparently been spending a lot of time in the dance studio and has forgotten about her history term paper. It's due the next week and she has no idea how she's going to finish on time. Jane asks her the topic and Andy replies that she chose Black History because Faith-the-sanctimonious (former 407 resident and roommate of Dana-the-life-ruiner) recommended she learn more about the subject.

At dinner, they run into Laura Lee. She's a quiet girl who lives in the room at the end of the hall. Jane thinks it's odd that they rarely see her since she lives on the same floor. She mentions the party that they still don't have permission to have, but Laura Lee says she really isn't into parties and then she walks off leaving Jane stunned behind her. Jane tells her friends what just happened and announces that she's going to make Laura Lee the B plot of this book. Toby points out that Andy's term paper is already the B plot and they really shouldn't force Laura Lee to be a major portion of the book until she's ready. Jane thinks she knows best, though.

As they days go by, Jane worries more and more about getting permission for a boy-girl party. She's sure PA will deny it. You know, it seems to me that the simplest solution is to just throw a party for the girls in Baker House.  Without the boys, they don't need PA's permission - Merry's will do. It won't kill them to not have boys there. Toby wasn't too excited about inviting Neal anyway, so I don't think she'd mind. What she definitely WOULD mind is not being able to have the party at all.

Jane decides to catch PA first thing in the morning when she leaves her house to head to her office. As soon as Jane steps foot outside, though, she realizes that they've had an ice storm overnight and the entire campus is covered with a dangerous sheet of ice. She heads back inside in time to intercept Toby who is headed to Randy's ranch for an early morning ride. They call the head of maintenance and find out he's sick with a virus.  He's been attempting to call PA but apparently her phone was taken out by the storm.  He tells them that all the dorms have barrels of salt/sand for times like this and Jane and Toby get to work. They work their way around the dorms and then head down to PA's house. They are able to stop her before she falls down her steps and they make her path safe as well.  She invites them inside for hot tea and croissants when they are done.

PA is thankful that they made the campus safe for her and for the other students. She mentions that Merry has told her about the party and she's just been waiting for one of them to come ask her. A party like this has never been allowed on campus before, but PA is so grateful to them that she grants permission.

We head-hop into Gigi's head now. She and Yolanda are out by the pond talking about her party. She couldn't reach her parents so she had to settle for the back room of Pizza Pete's instead of something more fancy. She's still furious that the 407 and 409 crowd have refused to come. She sees Toby and Dee approaching the pond with ice skates and ducks behind a tree to eavesdrop.

Toby is complaining that Andy wouldn't stop working on her term paper for half an hour to teach her and Dee to skate. Dee tries to point out that the paper is important but Toby is uncharacteristically bitter and judgmental about the amount of time Andy is putting into it. She gripes to Dee that she was expecting Andy to work on her party and Dee points out that Toby's being a little self-important. Toby just puffs up her chest at this and says it's pretty special having a party thrown in your honor. She says that Jane is a true friend because she's focused on Toby while Andy is a crap friend because she's focused on herself.

Oh, ghostie, WHAT are you doing to Toby?   You're totally assassinating her character.  This character is nothing like the girl we've all come to know and love. I have a big pouty face going right now in case you're interested.

Toby and Dee hit the ice – literally and figuratively. They are flat on their backs laughing their heads off when Gigi reveals herself. I honestly don't know what happened to Yolanda.  She seems to have gone #poof.  Dee is worried after Gigi walks off. She knows Gigi overheard Toby talking smack on Andy and knows Gigi won't hesitate to use it for her advantage. Toby isn't concerned, however. She doesn't think she said anything wrong.

This is tragic. Toby has NEVER been this person. 

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin 

Toby goes back to the room and acts like a harpy towards Andy. She resentfully tells Andy that it's all her fault that they fell so much and she can't believe Andy is choosing her paper over Toby. Jane is horrified at this attitude from Toby (#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin) and tells her that schoolwork is always a priority. Toby sniffs that friendship should be a priority too.

This is killing me. I can't believe what this ghostie is doing to Toby.

They talk about the party for a minute and Jane mentions that they still need to invite their dates. Andy says she'll ask Matt but she wishes she could ask Steve instead. She declares she's ready for a short break and she's going to use it to call Matt from downstairs and invite him to the party. As soon as she leaves, Toby starts bitching about how Andy can call Matt but she can't spare a minute to teach her and Dee how to ice skate. Jane shuts it down and tells Toby that she's being an awful person and she's going to ruin her friendship with Andy if she's not careful. Toby isn't repentant or remorseful.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Toby is terrified to call Neal and invite him to the party, so when Randy calls out of the blue to check on her since he hasn't seen her in awhile, she invites him instead. Randy is very kind and very gentle but he reminds Toby that he's too old for her and coming to this party would be sending the wrong message. She tries to convince him by saying he's the only one she knows that understands horses and ranching but he holds his ground. She laughs it off but her feelings are hurt and she's back to square one on the date thing.

To further her embarrassment, Gigi overhears the entire thing and rubs it in that Toby got turned down for a date. Toby is furious and tells Gigi to go back to her own dorm and then stomps upstairs. She runs into Maggie along the way and they return to 407 to talk about Gigi and her “evil” party. Andy is trying to work and she asks them all to keep it down. She tells them she's bitten off more than she can chew with this paper and she's having major anxiety about it. Jane and Maggie pep talk her but all Toby can do is selfishly whine that she hopes Andy won't end up missing her party because of a dumb paper.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Jane hustles Toby out of the room to give her a stern talking to. She lectures Toby in the bathroom until Toby finally promises to stop being such a bitch. They are about to leave when Laura Lee walks in with a hairbrush and some mousse. Maggie gets all excited and offers to do Laura Lee's hair for her but LL is pretty terrified at the idea. She tells them she wasn't really planning to do anything with the mousse and the hairbrush, she just randomly left the room with them. Sheesh, LL, you could do better than THAT.

Jane demands to know why LL is so afraid of people and LL replies that she isn't. She just likes to be alone. Which I can relate to. #IntrovertsUnite! Maggie asks why she came to Canby if she likes to be alone so much. Because I guess going to boarding school is something only extroverts do?? LL says she didn't want to come but she's a legacy and had no choice. Jane insists that it's a Canby tradition to make friends and be social and LL flees from the room, begging them to just leave her alone. Poor LL.

Jane declares that they can't do anything about LL at the moment but they CAN help Toby call Neal. They escort Toby downstairs and Jane dials Neal's dorm number for Toby. When someone answers, Toby nervously asks for “Nealonius” which is so hilariously adorable that I ALMOST forgive her for being so awful. Neal is amused and guesses right away that it's Toby. She fumbles around a bit and then manages to ask him to the party. He tries really hard to put her at ease and says he'd love to come. She asks if he wants to talk to Jane because that's not awkward and he gently tells Toby that she's the only one he wants to talk to. I didn't like Neal in the first book – especially when he got his MOTHER to call Jane about the breakup – but he comes across as pretty damn wonderful here.

Yolanda hears the whole thing somehow and reports back to Gigi. Gigi knows Neal from rooming with Jane the previous year. She pulls out some paper and tells Yolanda that she's going to write Neal a VERY INTERSTING LETTER that will put a hitch in Toby's giddy-up.

I guess she memorized Neal's address from the year before??  Who does that?  It's not like she ever used it so why does she remember it?  So weird, Gigi.

Toby and Jane go to Maggie's room so they won't disturb Andy. Jane asks if Maggie and Dee have dates to the party. Maggie has invited an Oakley Prep boy named Billy and Dee has asked a Greenleaf High boy named Ed. Dee is sketching on the wall by her bed the entire time they're talking and Toby finally asks her what she's doing. Dee, who is perpetually homesick for California, says she's going to paint a palm tree. This dorm has very liberal rules about the girls painting the walls. I lived in a dorm in college and we weren't even allowed to put thumb tacks in the walls to hang up posters.

We spend the next chapter in Andy's head. She's back in the library to do more research and she runs into LL who is trying to read peacefully. Andy can't let that happen, though, so she sits right beside LL and keeps talking about her paper until LL finally interjects to give Andy some advice. She says that Andy's topic is too broad and needs narrowed down. She suggests that Andy focus on black women in history and Andy is super grateful.

We skip ahead to the weekend. Jane heads to the Greenleaf Diner to talk to Cary. He's in a bad mood because the manager made him pull his hair back and take out his earring. Jane tells him she agrees with the manager which just wounds Cary's feelings. Jane is really a bitch to him. I can't figure out why he even likes her.

Team Cary!

Jane orders a coffee and tells Cary that she wants to propose a “uniform” of sorts for the members of Ambulance to wear at the party. Cary tells her that they're a rock band and they'll dress as one. She smiles and whispers to him what she wants them to wear. He emphatically says no but she's not concerned because she knows she can convince him to do whatever she wants.

That evening, the girls of 407 hide outside of Gigi's dorm so they can see who Gigi dressed as for her party. To no one's actual surprise, Gigi dressed as Toby but kind of an awful version. Yolanda is dressed as the school cook. The two of them go to Pizza Pete's while the girls from 407 return to Baker House to concoct some kind of convoluted plan.

At Pizza Pete's, the back room is empty. Gigi and Yolanda are the only ones who have showed up. Gigi is pacing around, upset, when five strange creatures come in the door. She can't figure out who they're supposed to be and she demands that they identify themselves. Two of them are pizza (yellow paper with red circles attached), two of them are dressed as Gigi's party (plates and napkins attached to a sheet) and one of them is a sock pile (socks attached to a sheet).

Seriously.

Are we supposed to think this is clever?

They lecture Gigi about being cruel to Toby and the cook and for throwing an awful party and then they march out.

That was just stupid.

On Monday, Toby is bitching about winter again when a huge bouquet of daffodils, tulips and daisies is delivered to her with a note from Neal. It's an incredibly thoughtful thing of him to do. He knows she's got the winter blues so he's sent her some spring. I can be Team Neal too, right?

Along with the flowers comes a care package from Andy's parents. They take it upstairs where Andy triumphantly announces that she's finished the first draft of the paper. They decide to open the care package in celebration of her achievement. The top is filled with health foods but the bottom has gooey, delicious tiny cakes. Toby grabs one and heads down to LL's room. She's surprised to find that LL has been napping. She invites LL to 407 to raid the care package but LL declines. Toby hands one of the cakes to LL and gives her a speech about everyone needing friends and makes a standing offer of friendship to LL before leaving.

That's better.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

That evening Toby impulsively decides to call Neal to thank him for the flowers. Jane goes along too because she wants to tell him what to wear for the party. Toby calls and finds Neal furious. He's gotten a letter from “Andy” saying that Toby never wanted him to come to the party at all. That she wanted Randy and thinks Neal is a preppy stuffed shirt. He hangs up on her as she sobs.

The ghostie tells us that Gigi and Yolanda are hiding behind chairs in the lounge, enjoying Toby's misery.

Seriously?

HOW THE HELL would Gigi and Yolanda have known to be there? HOW THE HELL could they have known she'd use the phone on that particular evening at that particular time? She hadn't planned to do it. It was spontaneous and impulsive. There's no fucking reason at all for the two of them to be there. This ghostie is awful.

Jane dials Neal back and yells at him a bit until he sees reason and apologizes to Toby. As Toby is talking to him, Jane spots LL thumbing through the “H” encyclopedia nearby. She walks over and LL tells her that she heard some giggling behind the chairs earlier. They look and no one's there but LL is sure of what she heard. Jane tells her the whole, long story and LL is horrified at how evil Gigi is. She tells Jane that she doesn't think she can handle being at boarding school when everything is so dramatic. Jane protests that things are fine when you have friends but LL takes off to her room. As an afterthought, Jane picks up the encyclopedia. She tells us that LL was either looking up Health Insurance, Hearing Aids or Hearts. She concludes it's Hearing Aids and thinks that's why LL is having trouble making friends.

Jane, don't be so dumb. It's clearly HEARTS. LL always looks pale. She sleeps during the day. She's worried dorm life is too dramatic for her to handle. Clearly she has a heart issue.

We've moved onto a new day but I have no idea how much time has passed. Andy is in Greenleaf buying “typing supplies” for her paper. She's doing a little window shopping when she sees LL and Michael-the-school-psychologist getting out of a taxi just ahead. They disappear into a professional building that hosts doctors, dentists, lawyers and a travel agent. Andy is curious but unwilling to pry into LL's private life, so she turns to leave and runs right into Yolanda. Yolanda says she was following LL and Michael on Gigi's orders. Gigi has noticed how much time the 407 girls are spending with LL and she wants to know why. Yolanda says they've been investigating LL to see why she's so interesting to the 407 girls and all they've come up with is that LL is excused from taking gym class. Andy tells her to mind her own business and walks away.

The next chapter takes us to Wednesday. Andy is typing her final draft and feeling damn proud of herself. They want to celebrate, so Toby leaves to go into Greenleaf and buy some snacks. As soon as she's gone, the room phone rings and a strange voice informs Jane that there's an emergency dorm meeting in Merry's room and they need to come immediately. Andy is annoyed but the girls head out. They stop in 409 along the way to get Maggie and Dee and find out that their phone didn't ring. Nor do they see any other 4^th floor residents heading up to Merry's room. Which really should have been a fucking clue, but they're idiots and head up there anyway.

Gee, I wonder if someone wanted them out of their room so she could exact a little revenge??????

Sure enough, when they get back to 409, Dee's palm tree has been completely ruined. She's in tears looking at it. They go into 407 and find Andy's term paper missing. Where it used to be is a pair of red mittens. The four of them begin searching the room, hoping that Gigi merely hid the term paper and didn't really take it. Toby comes back with a sack of groceries right in the middle of all the chaos. She's upset to hear what happened and says that someone stole her red mittens as well. Andy is instantly suspicious because Toby's red mittens are right where her term paper should be AND Toby was pissed about her term paper all book. Dee provides another nail in the coffin when she finds page 5 of the research paper in Toby's dresser.

Well, at least we know why the ghostie completely destroyed Toby's character in this book. She wanted to set Toby up as a suspect which is just so ridiculous. Toby is the least likely person in that entire school to steal that paper. If ghostie had read any of the other books, she'd know that. She could have used ANY other girl in that dorm to be her suspect and it would have been more likely than Toby. Even MERRY would have been more likely than Toby.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Reason prevails almost immediately which means ghostie slaughtered Toby's character in order to create FOUR PARAGRAPHS of suspicion. That's just mean. The five of them head to LL's room to formulate a plan.

That evening, the entire cafeteria is buzzing about Toby and Andy not speaking to each other. Andy has accused Toby of stealing her term paper and Toby has accused Andy of breaking up her and Neal. Gigi is feeling mighty pleased with herself. Our Scooby Gang declares Plan A a success.

Plan B consists of Jane making Gigi nervous during creative writing class. She begins a class discussion about the missing term paper and Gigi ends up accidentally incriminating herself by saying if Andy's dumb enough to leave her history paper on the desk where anyone can take it, then she deserves what she gets. Jane hadn't mentioned the paper was a history paper or that it was on the desk and Gigi gets rattled when she realizes what she's done.

Plan C involves gym class. The entire sophomore class has it at the same time which seems....wrong. How can they fit that many students in one class? Whatever. Anyway, this must be where LL is involved since she doesn't have to take gym. Gigi skips class which is according to plan I guess. Gigi goes back to her room to retrieve her locker key. Every girl at Canby is assigned a locker in the basement of the admin building where they can store extra things that they don't want in their room. She leaves her door open while getting the key and is observed by LL. LL confronts, Gigi denies and takes a few verbal jabs at LL which don't seem to affect LL at all. Gigi stomps away.

LL meets Jane and tells her about the locker key. They come to the conclusion that Andy's paper is in the locker and Gigi is going to try to move it soon. Jane tells LL that Andy is following Gigi now and that they'll all take turns following Gigi until the paper is recovered. They are standing outside talking about this when LL recognizes a car coming in the drive. Her parents are here coming to check on her again and she knows they'll be disappointed to find that she still hasn't made friends. Jane volunteers to help her deal with her mom and dad.

Meanwhile, Andy is trailing Gigi who is just pacing around campus in an agitated fashion. Gigi knows that LL knows about the locker and she's smart enough to know that LL has probably alerted the 407 gang. So she can't go right to the locker to get the term paper. At this point, if the girls were smart, they'd alert PA and have the locker searched before Gigi can get there. However, they think they're the Scooby Gang so they're going to handle it themselves.

Merry spots Andy following Gigi and begins to follow Andy. She knows Andy's paper was stolen and she knows Gigi has been hanging around Baker House a lot lately. She puts two and two together and hangs back to see what happens.

Because that's what an adult would do in this situation.  {rolls eyes}  Sigh.

Back to Jane and LL. It turns out LL's mother knew two of Jane's aunts. They went to Canby together and were part of a secret society called the Renegade Brigade. It's not so secret if you go around telling people about it, LL's mom. They chat a bit and then LL says she has to get to biology. Jane leaves too, needing to take Andy's place following Gigi so Andy can get to her next class.

Of course, what these girls never fucking considered is that Canby is a big campus and cell phones aren't a thing yet, so Jane has no idea where Andy and Gigi might be. Luckily for her, Merry knows exactly where they are and she arrives to point Jane in the right direction. Deus ex Housemother. Jane switches with Andy and the game is afoot again.

Gigi seems to reach a decision and she's on the move toward her locker finally with Jane hot on her tail. Gigi goes to her locker and retrieves the folder and then Jane jumps out of the shadows to tell her the jig is up. Gigi is unimpressed. She threatens to start ripping up the term paper and begins doing so ever so slowly. Jane threatens to go to PA and Gigi says it will be her word against Jane's because Jane has no proof. LL emerges out of nowhere in a very “not so fast” moment. Gigi still isn't too worried.

Then things get EXTREMELY stupid.

The rest of the Scooby Gang tromps down the stairs. Dee threatens to PAINT Gigi like it's some big horrible thing. Toby is carrying a fucking lasso and threatens to hog tie Gigi. Maggie, ever the sensible one despite being Dana-the-life-ruiner's sister, has brought a camera and she begins taking pictures. Because Maggie knows that obtaining proof is 100% better than threatening to paint or lasso someone.

Team Maggie!

Andy steps forward to grab her paper which is complete and barely damaged. The Scooby Gang declares victory and heads upstairs. Outside, they all link arms and begin walking back across campus like some kind of bizarre centipede or something. Naturally they run into LL's parents who are beside themselves with joy over their daughter finally having friends. Gigi comes up and viciously proclaims that LL has no friends because she's a “sicko” and LL dramatically reveals that she has a very bad heart.

Called that one.

Gigi stomps off and LL's parents make a revelation of their own. LL was born with a congenital heart defect but she's had several surgeries and is now 100% cured. The problem is that LL doesn't believe she's cured and is afraid to live her life. The girls all promise to make LL join in on things now and her parents are so grateful that they invite everyone out for dinner.

Well, Plots B (the paper) and C (LL) have wrapped up nicely. Back to Plot A (the party).

So the secret decorations are packing peanuts. Jane's covered the floor in packing peanuts to simulate sand. This horrifies me. Those things make shivery squeaky noises when stepped on and they create so much static that they cling to everything. They would not be good floor cover at all. Everyone is dressed in some kind of beach wear and Ambulance is playing reggae music.

It's as bad as I imagined.

The next night, Gigi walks into the dining hall for dinner. No one from Baker House is there at first. Then they all come marching in wearing black wigs and too much make-up so they look like Gigi. They're holding signs saying “Costume Parade: Come Dressed as Someone You'd Like to Ship Off to a Desert Island with a One-Way Ticket”. Gigi is humilated.

How is this any less evil and tacky than Gigi's party? It's not. It's every bit as evil and tacky and I'm ashamed of all of them. And more ashamed of the ghostie. This isn't funny or cute or even justified really. This is an entire dorm of people sinking to the level of a bully and it's disgusting. They're all pretty proud of themselves and smugly congratulate each other on getting even with Gigi. See, they said it right there. They're even with her – as in level. They're on her level and they shouldn't be proud of that at all.

The book ends with them all painting a rainforest on 409's walls. Which makes perfect sense. There's a lot of rainforests in California, y'all.

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I think I'll give this one to Jane and I'm just as shocked as you are. She was pretty good this book. She tried to straighten Toby out and she tried to draw LL out (even if she WAS a tad too pushy). She didn't cheat on Cary for once and she threw Dee and Toby a party they loved.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: I can't believe I'm doing this, y'all. It's Toby. She was awful and self-centered and selfish and awful a few more times. This author really ruined her.

#SaveToby #GhostieAssassin

Coming Up Next: The staff of Canby Hall goes on strike and the girls of 407 have to save the school AND the Almost Summer Carnival. Oh, noes.

Party Time (Book 21) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to know which girl was a total bitch in this book. Because you know at least one of them was.

Tag Line: Will Jane's roommates spoil the party?

From the Back of the Book: Everything is going wrong. Jane doesn't understand. Her friends should be honored to attend the Barrett Landing Party, the very formal annual celebration of the arrival of the first Barrett in Boston in 1663. But Toby and Andy are not exactly up on the rules of high-society etiquette and they are in trouble from the moment they arrive for the weekend. And with Jane's boyfriend Cary behaving his most outrageous, things do not look good for Jane's keeping her friends - or her boyfriend. Meanwhile Meredith Pembroke, the new housemother, is finding new rules and reasons for giving out demerits - until Toby takes matters into her own hands. How will the girls in 407 cope with the Barrett party and Meredith's strictness?

This blurb is a mess. Cary wasn't very outrageous at all. He was himself. Jane was never in danger of losing her friends OR boyfriend but she really should have been. And Toby didn't take anything into her own two hands at all. Sheesh, blurb writers. However, the cover artists were ON POINT this book. Those are the exact outfits described in the book. I might expire from the shock.

This book was published in 1987. When I was 12, I loved the cover of this book. I just thought Jane looked so pretty and I was super jealous of her dress. Looking at it now, I wonder what Toby and Andy were thinking. Jane looks super formal and they look super casual. Andy in particular looks dumpy and under-dressed. Maybe that's part of the conflict in this book. I don't remember it at all beyond the cover.

The ghostwriter for this book is Carol Anshaw. I looked her up and the Wiki page I found listed her as a teacher, painter and short story novelist. Also, she was heralded as an important feminist. Which leads me to think that this is not that Carol Anshaw. I can't imagine a feminist writing for this series.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you all know the drill. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy– urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is doing the “just friends” thing with Neal-the-blueblood but she still thinks of him as her boyfriend half the time and doing the “dating” thing with Cary-the-rock-god but forgets this fact any time he's out of direct sight. Andy is dating Matt (maybe). Toby wishes she was dating Randy who has magical aging powers. In the last book, Jane and Toby flew to Chicago over Christmas Break to help out at Andy's family's restaurant. Jane proved to be a lousy waitress but an excellent cheater as she picked up a guy named Zach (long live Canby Hall Cheater Fever) on the plane. Too bad Zach hated rich people and Jane had to pretend she was poor. Andy also picked up a guy – a waiter named Steve. They agree to date when Andy's home on break which is fine as long as Matt is good with it (as if she's going to tell him). Toby, as usual, was awesome – at waitressing and life in general. At the end of the book she made a date to make a date with Jane's favorite blueblood Neal.

This book picks up about a week after the Christmas break restaurant fiasco. Our protagonists are back at Canby Hall and under about a foot of snow. Toby is hopelessly out of her element. Andy thinks the weather is trying to help them keep Alison (the housemother) from leaving. As you might remember, she got married around Thanksgiving time and is now ready to finally start her new life as a wife. The girls are on their way to the dining hall for Alison's going away party.

We get our standard paragraph about how the girls are so different but really good friends.

The girls of Baker House do skits and read poems and sing tributes to Alison. A good time is had by all. The 407 girls prank her with a fake cake made out of a rock. Oh, the hilarity. After they have real cake and ice cream, Alison introduces her replacement to everyone.  Has she just been standing in the corner waiting for this moment, listening to everyone say how they want Alison to stay 4eva?  Awkward.

Meredith Pembroke is the exact opposite of Alison. She's dressed formally in a skirt suit and scarf tie. Her hair is pulled back severely in a bun. She's pretty but hard looking. Naturally, everyone pretty much hates her on sight and she's not going to have a chance with this crowd. She further alienates the girls by saying they're all past curfew and, while she won't give them demerits this time, if any of them take longer than 15 minutes to get back to Baker House, they'll be written up.

Way to make a good first impression, Meredith.

We hop ahead a day (or 12 – who knows?). Cary, Jane, Andy, Matt, Toby and Randy are all tobogganing down the hill. Randy is 20 in this book. I can't remember how old he was last book. It changes because the ghostwriters really can't keep track. We're treated to THREE PAGES of how unlikely of a couple Jane and Cary are. She's stuck up and preppy and a bitch while he's friendly and a rock god and has an earring. They both come from old Boston money which Jane loves and Cary doesn't.

They have a snowball fight, drink cider and engage in a sing-a-long in the back of Randy's truck on the way back to campus. You can't really get anymore wholesome than that. After the girls are dropped off, Jane tells them that she has something important to talk to them about. In a few weeks it will be time for the “Barrett Landing Party” {delicate sniff} and she wants them to come. Every year her family hosts a “semi-formal” party to celebrate when their ancestors landed in Massachusetts. Toby and Andy are immediately skeptical. Andy thinks there won't be any other people of color there and Jane rushes to announce there will be three. Wow. Three. Diverse. Toby makes a crack about there not being any ranch people there and Jane gets exasperated with them. It's one weekend at her home and one party Saturday night. Surely they can handle that.

Why, no, Jane. No, they surely can't. If they could, we wouldn't have a book.

Also, Jane clearly told them it was a "semi-formal" party.  So why did they bring the outfits they are wearing on the cover?  Neither of those outfits are "semi-formal".

Andy and Toby don't want to go especially and they're sure they'll be super out of place, but they like Jane and they want to be there for her. Toby vows to get a book on etiquette to brush up on rich people manners. She's such a good friend.

We didn't spend any time worshipping the old girls from afar last book, so the ghostwriter makes up for it in this one. Andy decides she needs to call Faith because only Faith could understand the problems of a “black girl in a white girl's school”. For those who don't remember, Dana (sophisticated New Yorker), Faith (urban photographer) and Shelley (rural actress-wannabe) used to live in room 407. They were different but the best of friends. Sound familiar? They're also fairly awful and I hate them but the series LOVES them so much it can't let them go.

Andy explains her apprehension about Jane's party and Faith says it will be fine because “there will be other blacks there”. I'm not making that up. It's in the book. Faith reminds her that “black is beautiful” and says if she could go to Shelley's hometown in Iowa where a black person was so rare that she attracted crowds on the street (this is a fucking untrue statement – I remember that book and nothing like that happened – I hate Faith) then Andy can go to one little Boston party.

Andy heads back upstairs feeling better. WHY? All Faith did was tell her black is beautiful. I guess that was enough. Meredith stops her before she can reach 407 and gives her a demerit for making a call after 11 pm which is against house rules. Andy thinks she's joking at first because Alison never gave out demerits but Meredith assures her that things are going to be very different from now on.  And our B-plot is born.

We get three pages of room description that I'm going to skip because who cares? The tea bag is mentioned along with the fact that it was one of the greatest mysteries of Baker House because Toby refused to explain it. TELL ME WHY YOU TAPED A TEA BAG TO YOUR CEILING, TOBY!!! I keep naming you Queen of the Book. You owe me this.

Jane is getting ready to go out with Cary so it must be a new day. She wants to ask him to go to the landing party with her but she's pretty sure he'll refuse. Cary is really trying to make a break from Bostonian “society” and Jane knows he won't want to go to such a thing. As she gets dressed, she does a lot of bragging to the other two about how a Barrett was at the Boston Tea Party and it was a Barrett who gave Paul Revere a fresh horse on his famous ride. Andy makes a crack about a Barrett being at the signing of the Declaration of Independence (which is funny how?) and Jane gets pissed. She asks Andy where she gets off making fun of such an important historical family. {delicate sniff}

By the way, Jane is described as wearing dark designer jeans, a powder blue ski sweater, a pink beret and a burgundy vest with an upturned collar. The other girls think she's a snazzy dresser but the vest part is killing me.  Do vests even have collars?  Okay, I Google Imaged it and it turns out that some vests do, indeed, have collars.  Blogger 0, Ghostwriter 1.

After Jane leaves, Toby and Andy go to the dining hall with Maggie and Dee from the room next door. The ghostwriter makes sure to remind us that Maggie is only important because she's sainted Dana's little sister. There's a lot of talk about how awful the food is, which is a running thing throughout the series. I have a tough time believing that an expensive, prestigious, private school would have awful food.

Andy bitches and whines about the party and Dee says to just stick her tongue out at all the guests because that's so incredibly mature. Toby proves her wonderfulness yet again by saying they care for Jane and they would never want to do anything that would hurt her. They're going to go and do their very best to fit in.

We hop to Jane who is just finishing up dinner at Pizza Pete's. She hasn't mustered the courage to invite Cary yet. Hopefully she's learned her lesson from Alison's wedding (she invited Neal because he was more socially acceptable and then invited Cary because he was who she wanted to go with and they BOTH ended up showing up). After dinner, Cary suggests they head back to his dorm. Once a month, Oakley Prep allows residents to have their friends or girlfriends over as long as they keep their dorm doors open. Jane is a little weirded out by Cary's anti-social roommate Stu and Cary's supreme neatness but she agrees to go.

Jane comments how weird it is that Cary rejects high society but he keeps his room neat as a pin.

Huh?

Are those two things ACTUALLY related? What a bizarre thing to say.

Cary reminds her that he was taught neatness way before he became a “rebel” and that prompts Jane to launch into this massive paragraph about how much it means to her to be a Barrett and how connected she feels to her ancestors throughout history. She brings up the landing party and Cary is actually excited to go. But not for any reason that Jane feels acceptable. He has an assignment for anthropology class to observe some sort of societal ritual. He thinks the landing party will do nicely. Jane gets hella pissed. She wants him to want to go because he thinks the Barretts are the most amazing thing since canned tuna, not because he wants to study them.

Cary reminds her that they met because she was studying HIM for a class assignment about a new and interesting experience. He points out that there's no difference in what she did and what he wants to do. She can't accept this reasonableness so she literally stomps off like a three year old. I hate Jane.

TEAM CARY!

Jane stomps all the way back to her room where Andy, Toby, Maggie and Dee are playing Clue because they're adorable. She throws a massive fit about Cary and then explodes when the girls just keep playing their game. She yells that her family has been insulted and she can't believe they're not at the door with torches and then she stomps out of the room again.

Bet you can't guess who will be the Bitch of Baker House for this book.

Dee asks Toby and Andy if they can knock Jane off her high horse because she's driving everyone up the wall. They reply that they're just going to have to live with it until the party is over. Bleak but probably accurate.

Jane is awful in the remaining days before the party. She continually spouts historical Barrett facts at every given opportunity. Toby and Andy are sick of hearing about the perfect Barretts {delicate sniff} but, like good friends, they bite their tongues and hope it will pass after the party. Meredith continues to be a pain in the ass, giving out demerits for rules no one knew existed. Because Faith wasn't worshipped enough during the phone call, there's several pages of Andy writing her a letter to tell you everything I just said in four sentences.

On the day before the party, Jane takes the train to Boston so she can help her mother with some last-minute things. Cary volunteers to drive Andy and Toby AND agrees to show them around town on Saturday because he's awesome and you should all love him as much as I do. Cary is charming on the drive. He kids around with Toby and Andy and shows he can handle being teased and is capable of laughing at himself.  Unlike someone we know.  He tells them that he finds Boston high-society suffocating and he thinks Jane's parents aren't going to like him much. Toby and Andy reveal they've had the same fear. Cary says they're all awesome and if the Barretts can't see that, it's their problem.

They arrive in Boston and the girls are impressed with how pretty Jane's neighborhood is. Cary gives them some background about the area and then pulls up to Jane's house. Toby admits she's nervous to go in and Cary tells her just to go in there like she belongs and knows what she's doing. He tells her that goes for the whole weekend. Andy gives him an affectionate arm punch and tells him he's pretty amazing. Which should have been obvious from the beginning.

TEAM CARY!

Toby and Andy ring the bell and are ushered into the south parlor by Bernice the maid. They explore the room a bit and then see a rope hanging in the corner. Toby pulls on it, pretending to be a train engineer or something and, to their surprise, a butler appears. He asks them if they want tea and the girls seem to assume it's a joke and Andy says they'd love tea and crumpets. Toby pipes in that she'd like scones. She doesn't know what they are, but she knows people have them with tea. Andy adds in cherries jubilee and the butler bows and leaves.

Andy then goes over to a chessboard by the window and starts moving pieces around.  Who does that?  Has she never been a guest in someone's home before?  Toby stops her and tells her that someone might have been in the middle of a game. Andy panics because she can't remember where the pieces were. They're trying to figure out what to do when the door opens again. An overweight young woman walks into the room.  Andy is stunned to find out it's Jane's older sister Charlotte. Jane raves about her sister and Andy expected someone cool, not this fat lump.

Fuck you, Andy.

Charlotte asks about their trip and welcomes them to the house. She's about to show them to their room when Walton the butler comes in with the tea tray filled with scones and crumpets and cherries jubilee. Charlotte sarcastically replies that she's glad the girls are making themselves at home. Toby and Andy are suitably embarrassed and they invite Charlotte to join them but she replies that dinner is in an hour and she doesn't think it's appropriate to eat so much food now. {delicate sniff} She tells Walton to show them to their room after they've finished their feast and she leaves.

The room the girls will be staying in is beautiful but simple. Andy notices that Toby is a little teary and she gently asks why. Toby reveals that she's always wanted a room like this but growing up on a ranch with only men around, she's never had the chance to do any kind of decorating. Andy realizes that's why Toby only has an army blanket on her bed and no real decorations. She promises Toby they'll go second-hand shopping when they get back and they'll find her some simple, beautiful things. It's a really nice, true moment between friends. Good job, ghostwriter.

Andy jokes that they can even find a cozy for the tea bag and then asks if Toby will ever tell her why it's there. Toby actually opens her mouth to tell.....................and Jane walks in and interrupts.

DAMN YOU JANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane is there to bring them down to dinner. She then drops the bombshell that they're expected to “dress for dinner” which means a skirt or dress. Shouldn't she have told them this before they packed? How were they supposed to know. It's already been established that Jane is taller than Andy and a size bigger than Toby which means sharing clothes is more complicated. So they can't exactly borrow a dress from her. Although technically, the dress could be long on Andy and baggy on Toby and still be appropriate. Toby has a denim skirt which Jane says will have to do. {delicate sniff} Andy is already wearing a skirt but Jane asks her to change her Tina Turner sweatshirt for something more proper. {delicate sniff}  When Andy looks offended, Jane rushes to say that she wouldn't care what they wore to dinner but her parents will assume they don't care about making a good impression if they don't “dress”.

Ugh.

Toby and Andy get changed and go downstairs where everyone is seated around the dining room table. Andy thinks Mr and Mrs Barrett look like stereotypical socialites. Of course they do. Everyone is a stereotype in these books. Mr Barrett fancies himself a wit and cracks bad “dad jokes” at them. Dinner has many courses and Toby manages to bungle them all. She doesn't know how to eat artichoke or soft-shell crabs and she drinks her finger bowl. Mrs Barrett corrects her constantly and Mr Barrett mocks her, thinking he's being funny. Charlotte is silent through the entire two-hour meal.

Later that night when Toby and Andy are in their beds laughing about the horrible evening, Jane comes in. She tells them that Cary meeting her parents was pretty much awful. He didn't even try to suck up – he just acted like he always does. This infuriates her, of course, as she expected him to act more like Neal.

You know who acts like Neal, Jane? Neal. If you want a Neal, you can have a Neal. Stop trying to turn Cary into Neal.

Jane drops another bombshell on them. All the men at the party will be required to wear Pilgrim hats and all the women will be required to wear Pilgrim bonnets. They're personalized. Andy's will have a tiny ballerina on the edge and Toby's will have a horse. Neither girl is thrilled and Toby blurts out “no way” before she can think better of it.

Then we get this from Jane:

“Suddenly she wheeled around and lashed out at them. 'You are so incredibly selfish! I've had it with all of you! Cary shows up looking like Keith Richards and you two display the table manners of cave dwellers. And now you're balking at the honor of wearing Pilgrim bonnets to the Barrett Landing Party?! Sometimes I think that with friends like you...well, as they say, who needs enemies?”

Jane can suck an egg.

The next morning, Bernice wakes the girls with coffee and croissants on a tray. There's a note from Cary “Let's do Boston. Call me. Cary.” Toby couldn't be more excited to leave the Barrett house. She calls Cary immediately and makes arrangements for him to pick them up in half an hour.

Cary takes them to an old-fashioned marketplace first. It's set up like a street bazaar and has pretty much anything a person could want. Toby reveals a deep love for rainbows when she sees a rainbow shop and ends up buying a bedspread, rug and mobile there for her side of the dorm. A mobile? Like you hang over baby cribs? Odd. They roam around, having a great time. Andy buys a chocolate bar in the shape of a ballet slipper and Cary picks up a present for Jane even though she's being a complete bitch.

The next stop is a diner that serves authentic British fish and chips. Then Cary takes them on a driving tour of all the important landmarks. He stops at the museum so they can see the Barrett family collection and then even escorts them to his sister's favorite bargain shopping spot. When they get done with that, Andy stops at a payphone to let Jane know they're headed home. Jane comes to the phone screaming about how they sneaked off without telling her where they were going and how dare they when there was a party to prepare for. Andy reminds her that she set the thing up in the first place and Jane coldly says she doesn't remember doing that. Of course you did, bitch. It's YOUR boyfriend. You're the only one who really could set it up.

Andy apologizes for the miscommunication and says they'll be home soon. Jane mentions that her parents and Charlotte are VERY UPSET that Toby and Andy haven't been helping set up for a party they are supposed to be guests at. Seriously. They aren't family and they aren't hired help and NO ONE EVER ASKED THEM TO HELP. Andy is miffed. She thinks Jane ought to explain that JANE set it up for Andy and Toby to be gone. Jane says she might if she can catch anyone but they're pretty busy.

I call bullshit.

These people would HIRE help to set up. They wouldn't be doing it themselves.

Jane meets them at the door when they arrive. There are caterers and florists and maids bustling about but there's also Mrs Barrett up on a ladder hanging crepe paper.

Bullshit.

Mr Barrett is yelling on the phone about the chess game Andy fucked up. Apparently he's been playing with some guy in another country via telex. Telex is like.....the 80s version of texting. He has no idea Andy moved the pieces and he thinks the other guy is cheating. Nice. Jane rushes them up to her room to see her fancy party dress. While they're in there, Charlotte drops by to borrow some makeup and they have an odd conversation about why Charlotte doesn't have a date. Later, in their room, Toby and Andy discuss it and Andy predicts that Charlotte is having a “secret tragic romance”. I don't remember much of this book and a part of me hopes it's with a woman but I know that wouldn't fly back in the 80's.

Toby and Andy begin to get ready. Toby never unpacked and her outfit is horribly wrinkled. Andy suggests hanging it in the bathroom and turning the shower on hot so the steam will take care of the wrinkles. It doesn't work. They decide to go looking for an iron. Andy suggests they take the back stairs because they probably lead to the servant's quarters. As they're going down the stairs, Toby stumbles and falls into the wall. To their surprise, a secret door opens. Toby wants to keep going down the stairs, but Andy can't resist the allure of a secret passage.

The girls go through the passage and find another set of winding stairs that go down further into the house. They can smell lilac perfume so they know the stairs have been used recently. The stairs dead end. Andy suggests Toby “fall” into the wall again, so she does and a door clicks open again. They find themselves in a closet. On the other side of the closet door is McNulty's room. McNulty is the driver and they stumble onto him and Charlotte making out. Charlotte panics. She's been secretly seeing McNulty for over a year and her parents would never approve. Toby and Andy swear to keep her secret. Charlotte says they can tell Jane. She's been trying to figure out how to tell her for awhile now. McNulty offers to help them find an iron and all is well again.

The party is as dull as predicted. Toby and Andy are having a terrible time. Cary is getting plenty of notes for his research. In respect to Jane, he's dressed in a suit and tie and isn't wearing his sunglasses. Neal shows up and asks Toby to take a walk with him through the conservatory. They flirt a bit and Neal opens up about how trapped he feels in his life. His family has huge expectations of him and he's not sure he wants to follow the path they're laying out for him. Toby compares it to being handed a script of your life and having to just accept you'll be reading lines other people have written for you. Neal likes the way she thinks and they go through a compliment/blush cycle for a few pages before he tells her he wants her to meet his mother. You remember her – the woman who called Jane and begged her to take Neal back.

Toby and Neal leave the conservatory just as Jane and Cary go in. Cary pulls Jane behind the orchids for some smooching. Jane is glued to his face when her mom walks in. Mrs Barrett is very disapproving. She asks what people would think if they walked in there. Cary says they'd be very shocked to see mild-mannered Clark Kent, reporter, in such a situation but that's only because they don't realize he's really.....here he rips open his blazer to reveal superman suspenders......SuperCary!! Jane is mortified but her mom bursts out laughing. She tells Cary that she can see what Jane sees in him. Duh, lady, we ALL can.

Meanwhile the party is failing. Everyone is bored and several people have already left. The teens get together and decide they have to save this party.

You know.....this party that they have EVERY SINGLE YEAR exactly the same way and that everyone has previously enjoyed enough to KEEP COMING BACK. But THIS time....this year....it needs the kids to rescue it.

Sigh.

Cary talks to the band and they are going to shake things up and play something with a beat. They even have an extra guitar so he can show 'em how it's done. Jane is dubious. She isn't sure it's a rock crowd. Andy hops on stage and bellows into the microphone that she's going to give everyone "disco madness" lessons.

Oh, Lord.

At first, the crowd just stares at her, rather horrified. The teens and Charlotte rush forward to fill the dance floor and, to their surprise, several elderly people join them. Cary theorizes that the older people don't care so much about maintaining their stuffy reputations anymore. He gets the band started and Andy gets the group dancing by telling them to “merge their bodies with the music and get behind the sound”.

Oh, Lord.

Naturally this is a raging success and soon the whole place is dancing with wild abandon. The teens have saved the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

The next day Cary drives them all back to Canby Hall. The girls are met by Meredith who gives them each a demerit for signing out in pencil instead of ink. We still have about 50 pages to go so I'm guessing we're moving on to the B plot.

Sure enough, the next several pages are just a laundry list of things the girls do to get demerits (kissing Cary, having a goldfish, using a hair dryer, messy room, etc). Andy finally says they need to go see PA. PA is the principal or headmistress or president or whatever of the school. They think she might be able to talk Meredith into being more reasonable.

The girls go to see PA who invites them into her study to talk. She hears them out and admits they aren't the first girls to come and complain. She tells them that Meredith is new and sometimes when someone is new they try way too hard to make sure they do the job right. Technically Meredith is doing exactly what she's supposed to do and making sure everyone follows the rules. PA admits that Meredith is being strict but she feels like the “dust will settle” and things will resolve themselves. She thinks that will be better than her coming down like a hammer on a person who is trying to find her footing in a new situation. I can see her point. It's not the answer the girls want, though, and they glumly leave.

In the midst of all the Meredith drama, Toby gets a letter from Neal. He's coming up on Saturday to take her to Pizza Pete's and she's pretty moony over it. Saturday morning she gets up early to take a ride at Randy's to work off some of her nervous energy. She's sitting on the front steps eating a donut for breakfast when Meredith pulls up with a friend. Toby is shocked to see that Meredith's friend is hip and punk and awesome. The two of them are laughing as they get out of the car but Meredith turns all business when she sees Toby.

Technically girls aren't allowed to leave the dorms that early in the morning. Especially if they are headed off campus which Toby admits she's doing. Meredith says she's giving Toby two demerits. Toby says fine and then starts to leave. Meredith asks her what she's doing and Toby replies that since she already got the demerits despite not having actually left campus, she might as well earn them by actually leaving campus. Part of me cheered for her, but most of me knew this was a hugely bad decision. Sure enough, Meredith grounds Toby to her room until Monday (except for the dining hall).

As Toby walks away, she hears Meredith's friend (Rachel) ask “Merry” why the hell she's acting like a witch. She reminds Meredith that Meredith broke every single rule at their school and the administration even had to add new rules to the books to cover some of the things Meredith did. Meredith hurriedly hushes her.

Toby goes in the front door and out the back door. She runs all the way to the ranch. Randy comes out to the barn as she's saddling Maxine and asks her if she's sure she's ready to ride in the snow. It's something she won't be used to, being a Texas girl. She's in a bad mood and snaps at him for treating her like a kid. Then she tells him she thinks she's in love with Neal. He asks how long she's been seeing Neal and she admits that they haven't even gone on their first date yet. Randy tells her that what she's feeling is attraction. Love takes time to grow. She doesn't want to hear it and she takes off at a full gallop.

Toby rides for a bit and then decides to head back. Unfortunately, Maxine gallops into a snow drift and throws Toby off in her panic. Toby hits her ankle on a tree and can't walk. She tries calling for help. Time passes. She begins to lose consciousness from exposure. She's about to drift off when she hears Randy yelling for her. She tries to yell back, but can't manage much sound. Remembering her red scarf in her pocket, she pulls it out and waves it. He finally sees her and comes to the rescue.

Randy puts her on his horse and swings up behind her. The infirmary at Canby Hall is the closest place to get her medical attention, so he heads there. On the way, he gets flagged down by Meredith who threatens to give him a demerit for having livestock on campus. HE DOESN'T EVEN GO THERE! He's like 20. Or 23. Or maybe 19. Sometimes he's 21.  AND HE'S A BOY!  When she sees Toby on the horse, she flies off the handle and threatens her with extreme punishment. When Toby just nods, Meredith realizes something is wrong and orders Randy to take her to the infirmary. HE WAS GOING THERE ALREADY YOU IDIOT.

Jane, Andy, Randy, Dee and Maggie crowd the waiting room of the infirmary waiting to hear from the doctor. He finally appears and tells them that Toby is going to be fine. Her ankle is severely sprained and she'll need to wear a soft cast and walk with a cane for awhile. Randy asks to go up and see her. While he's gone, Meredith shows up with Rachel demanding to talk to Toby. The nurse refuses to let her but makes her come into the office to sign some paperwork. While she's gone, Rachel joins the girls and tries to strike up conversation.

It's clear that Rachel expects the girls to like Meredith and she's surprised to hear they all hate her. She says that Meredith was the wildest girl on campus in college and she was worried when she heard Meredith got this job because she was afraid she'd be too lenient. Andy and Jane think that is probably the problem. Meredith doesn't want to be too lenient so she's being too strict. Meredith reappears and tells them she'll be back because she has something important to tell Toby.

I hope someone calls Neal and tells him Toby is sedated and won't exactly be going to Pizza Pete's.

Time passes. It's evening now. Toby wakes up to find her room full of balloons. Apparently someone DID call Neal because he brought a rainbow of balloons with him from Boston. He's also been down in the waiting room all afternoon waiting for her to wake up. He comes up and they reschedule their date for the next Saturday. He kisses her before he leaves.

Andy pulls out a white bag and says they got Chinese so Toby wouldn't have to eat the cafeteria food. Um. Like when? They had no idea when she'd wake up. Has it just been sitting there all afternoon? Are they trying to kill her? They're eating when Meredith comes in. She's wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and she just seems....different.

Meredith explains that she realized she'd gone overboard when she saw Toby on the horse and instead of wondering why, she was trying to figure out what kind of demerits she could give out. She tells them about being wild and crazy through her school years. Her dad died and her mom got sick and there was suddenly no money and she had to stop being wild and grow up. She needed a job and her family was friends with PA so PA offered her this one. But PA knew about her wild past and Meredith felt the need to prove she'd changed. She realizes she's gone too far and she wants to make a fresh start but she doesn't know how now that she's the most hated person on campus.

The girls suggest she call a house meeting and explain everything like she just did to them. She could hold an amnesty day on the demerits and start everyone out with a clean slate. Meredith thinks it's a good idea but doesn't hold much hope.

However it all turns out perfect because this is Canby Hall. “Merry” is accepted into the fold and all is perfect and pretty and wrapped up in a neat bow.

Hey.

NO ONE CHEATED ON ANYONE IN THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm........stunned.

Queen of the Book Award: Um. I should change the name of this.

Introducing.........

The Least Annoying Person in Greenleaf Award: I'm giving it to Cary. He was amazing in this book. He was understanding of Jane's altered state. He was good to her friends. He put on a suit for her party and he saved the day with a borrowed guitar.

The Bitch of Baker House Award: Jane. Was there ever any doubt. She was insufferable in this book and Cary should have dumped her ass in that conservatory.  Why did they all just let her get away with acting like that?  Someone should have roasted her for how she talked to all of them.  PLUS she interrupted Toby when we were about to find out about the tea bag!!!!!!!!!

Coming Up Next: Someone is making trouble for the girls in 407. Does this mean it's NOT the girls from 407 screwing up for once?

Friends Times Three (book 20) by "Emily Chase"

**This blog contains adult language.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to find out which girl cheated on her boyfriend this time.

Tag Line: Are they three times the trouble?

From the Back of the Book: Some lessons are only learned one way.  The hard way.  The three roommates never thought they'd spend Christmas vacation together.  But during the holidays, when Andy and her family need extra waitresses in their restaurant, Jane and Toby fly to Chicago to help.  The girls quickly find out there's a lot more to waitressing than wearing uniforms and making tips, but Andy and Toby get the hang of it.  But Jane isn't sure she's cut out to be a waitress.  She has problems balancing trays and problems filling orders.  And once she meets Zach Foster, a handsome but opinionated boy from Chicago, her life doesn't get any easier.  Can Jane be a good waitress and a good friend with boy problems too?

As usual, the blurb isn't entirely accurate.  Andy didn't have to learn to be a waitress.  In the book she's heralded as an expert.  They can't say enough about what a fabulous waitress she is.  So there was nothing for her to get the hang of.

This book was published in 1987 and I definitely read it.  I remembered a couple of random, unimportant parts but not much of the actual story.  The ghost writer for this book was Barbara B Hiller.  I looked her up on Goodreads and only found one book. It was a “Twistaplot” which sounds like a “Choose Your Own Adventure”.

Canby Hall Catch-Up: So you all know the drill. We have three protagonists (Jane – high society princess, Andy – urban ballerina and Toby – small town ranch girl). Jane is dating both Neal-the-blueblood and Cary-the-rock-god. Andy is dating Matt. Toby wishes she was dating Randy who has magical aging powers. In the last book, the old girls (Dana, Faith and Shelley the life-ruiners) showed up to sabotage housemother Alison's wedding because they thought they were the best people to run her life. Fortunately they failed and Alison and David managed their happily-ever-after. There. All caught up now.

We begin with our protagonists in their room celebrating the end of term. They are all headed home for Christmas break soon and are looking forward to two weeks off from school. Andy is excited about all the things she's going to do on break (see ballets, etc) but Jane is worried she'll be bored. Cary's band Ambulance has a gig in Colorado over the break so she'll be enduring stuffy Boston parties all by her lonesome. Do high school bands really get out-of-state gigs? Does this actually happen? And their parents let them go over Christmas? Sounds unrealistic to me. Especially since Ambulance is made up of boarding school kids who might not have been home since August. I'm betting their parents might actually like to see them before the new year.

The girls exchange presents. Jane got Andy and Toby art prints from her mother's gallery. Andy's is a print of ballet dancers and Toby's is a print of cattle. Andy got Jane some electric blue hair color to use for Cary's next concert and a Texas tea cup for Toby. Toby got both girls leather hand-tooled wallets.

Before the "party" ends, Andy gets a call from her dad that changes everything. His best waiter and waitress have fallen in love and eloped. They'll be spending two weeks in Jamaica for their honeymoon and Andy is going to have to pitch in with the rest of her family to take their place. No more ballet and theater for her.

Dee and Maggie pop in from their room next door. Maggie mentions that she'll be spending the first week of break at home but she's flying out to California to spend the second week with Dee. This puts an idea in Jane's brain. She proposes that she and Toby fly out to Chicago to spend the second week of break helping Andy out in the restaurant.

Annnnnnd I guess we know what the drama will be this book. Jane hasn't worked a day in her life and Toby is more at home on a horse than in an apron. I think Andy is going to regret accepting this offer of “help” but if she didn't, we wouldn't have a book.

We get our usual paragraph explaining how different the three friends are. I'm sure it was typed up and handed to each ghost writer to fit in somewhere in the first three chapters along with a footnote to mention Dana, Faith and Shelley in reverent tones as many times as possible throughout the book.  (Note from future me: Brace yourselves.  I don't think the life-ruiners were mentioned AT ALL in this book.  I feel like my entire world view has been altered and everything I thought I knew is a big lie.)

The girls go home for break and enjoy their very different lives. Toby is content with her plans and the world in general because Toby is awesome. Jane is nervous about waitressing. She's never done anything like this before and she's not sure she'll be good at it. She gets to the airport and finds out that first class has been overbooked so she can either travel coach and they'll give her three first class upgrades to use at a later date, or she can wait for the next flight and ride first class on that one. She chooses the coach/upgrade option thinking that she can use the upgrades to fly Andy and Toby back to school with her after break is over.

Jane boards the plan and is pleasantly surprised to see that the seat next to her is occupied by a gorgeous stunner named Zach Foster. She impatiently waits for him to start a conversation and wonders if he has a girlfriend. JANE. Seriously. I know you unfortunately got infected with Canby Hall Cheater Fever and it's a lifelong affliction but please at least TRY to remember you have TWO boyfriends already. Have mercy on this poor blogger who has to introduce all the recurring characters each blog. I don't want to have to remember Zach's name!!!

Zach finally speaks to her and, when he finds out she's going to Chicago to waitress, his “eyes lit up with admiration”. Really, ghost writer? Okay. Zach's apparently the easily-impressed type. To Jane's horror, he immediately goes on a two page rant about how much he hates rich people. Oh noes. Now she'll have to pretend to be poor so she can date this asshole and make me remember his name.

Jane pulls out needlepoint to distract herself while he goes on and on about how evil money is and how only rotten people have a lot of it. 

Needlepoint. 

Is this a Jane Austen book? What fifteen year old girl carries needlepoint around? How many fifteen year old girls even know what needlepoint is? This is so bizarre. 

Zach must be turned on by thread because he asks if he can see her while she's in Chicago and she just hands over Andy's phone number and address TO A COMPLETE STRANGER SHE JUST MET FIVE MINUTES AGO. If this was an episode of Dateline, she'd be dead two chapters from now.

Stupid. So stupid I can't even really form words about how very stupid it was.

But Jane says he looks “too nice” to be dangerous.

They said that about Bundy too, my love. It was kind of his bait for little empty-headed girls like you.

Jane meets up with Andy and Toby at the airport and the three of them head for Andy's house. Along the way Jane tells them about Zach and Toby tries to gently remind her of her two already-boyfriends. Jane replies that Neal is still mad about being one of two dates Jane invited to Alison's wedding and she thinks he has a crush on Toby now anyway.  Who could blame him?  I totally have a book crush on Toby.

At the restaurant, Jane and Toby get a crash course in waitressing that really doesn't sound very helpful at all. They change into their uniforms (navy skirts, light blue blouses, small white aprons and blue and white caps) and Andy proclaims them ready. No real training or anything. Uniform and done. This is going to turn out great.

The first day goes predictably awful. Jane messes up more times than I can recap and poor Toby got knocked down by a customer. They return back to Andy's house exhausted and disillusioned.

The next morning, Zach calls for Jane. He invites Jane to lunch and to the Art Institute with him. She accepts because her boyfriends are all the way in Boston and Colorado and that's way too far for her to remember that she holds their hearts in her hands. Jane briefly thinks of Cary (poor Neal) but decides that it can't be wrong to go out with Zach if she feels so happy. She borrows clothes from Toby and Andy so she doesn't look rich and away she goes.

That evening, Andy is retraining them because she did such an awful job of training them when Steve Palmer walks in. He's a waiter and he clearly has a crush on Andy WHO IS DATING MATT. I am throwing my hands up in the air, y'all. I can't believe these girls. He sings Andy's praises for a bit and then disappears into the kitchen.

That night, Andy and Steve do the smart thing and partner up with Jane and Toby to train them a little better. Steve takes Toby and Andy takes Jane. She finds she has very little patience for Jane, though. The two snap at each other all night. Jane gets through it by concentrating on her after-work date with Zach.

The next day is going to be something called a “Family Lunch”. The restaurant is closed on Wednesdays at lunch time and the staff and their families gather to test out new recipes and have a good time. Jane asks if she can bring Zach and Mrs Cord says he'll be very welcome.

Toby finds the Family Lunch a little overwhelming. She's used to a lot more silence. When everyone starts talking about their afternoon plans, Toby volunteers to watch Andy's baby sister Nancy. They bundle up and head out for the park. Toby is walking along and talking to Nancy about Jane/Zach and Andy/Steven. Before long she realizes they've been walking for an hour and a half and she's completely lost in Chicago. She panics a bit but then sees a mounted police officer and he directs her to a taxi stand where she gets a ride home. Later Andy jokes that Toby probably found the only horse in all of Chicago.

Meanwhile, Jane is spending every afternoon and every night after work with Zach and she's exhausted. To the point that she falls asleep in the break room at work and Toby has to cover two sections of the restaurant by herself. Jane wonders later why she's going from bad to worse as a waitress and Toby is handling things just fine. Well, because Toby's fucking awesome Jane and she's not sleeping through her shifts like someone I could name.

The day before New Year's Eve, Toby and Mrs Cord discuss chili. The restaurant is expecting about 250 people the next night for a buffet and Mrs Cord really wants to serve chili. She'd love to serve authentic Texas chili so Toby tells her the recipe the mess cook uses at home to the best of her ability. This is ripe for disaster. Toby doesn't usually make the chili herself and unless a person makes something themselves and makes it often, they are bound to forget an ingredient or two. She should at least call the cook and ask for the recipe but, no, the ghost writer needs some kind of conflict to make one last exciting incident before she closes up the book.  (Note from future me: there was no conflict or excitement.  It was all resolved before anything happened.)

That night Jane proves she's just not cut out to be a waitress at all. She messes up the bills, takes the wrong tray to the wrong table, gets into verbal altercations with the guests and ends up dumping an entire tray of gooey, sticky desserts on a table full of people. She realizes she's just getting worse every day instead of better and she decides to bail on her promise to help and just go home. Right before their biggest night of the year. Nice, Jane.

Zach drives Jane to the airport. He thinks she's leaving because the Cord's worked her too hard. He asks her what time her flight is leaving and she has to dig through her messy, disorganized bag to find her ticket. In the process all her credit cards fall out. Zach immediately assumes that she's stolen them. How else does a poor girl come to be in possession of gold cards? Jane reveals the cards are hers and he reads the names on them and realizes who her parents are. He makes some snide comments about how the poor little rich girl can't handle an honest day's work and she retorts that she tried but she just couldn't do it. I think she thinks she tried. I mean, I think she feels like she gave it effort but we know that wasn't really the case. She went into the whole thing thinking it was going to be fun and how awesome she was going to look for volunteering to help and feeling really good about herself. She didn't take it very seriously and then, she didn't give it real effort. Every time it got hard, she just collapsed and let Toby or Andy or Steve pick up the slack. She doesn't see it that way, but that's how it was written and presented to the rest of us.

Zach dumps Jane off at the airport and she broods for awhile about all the injustices she's suffered in this book. She thinks about changing rooms or dropping out of school because there's no way she can look Toby or Andy in the face ever again. Then she realizes she always runs away from her problems and she decides this time she's going to face them. She's hurrying through the airport to find the taxi stand when her poorly packed suitcase gives up the ghost and throws her belongings everywhere.

A basketball team from Texas stops to help her. They introduce themselves (Dan, Bob the Lobber, Sid who they call Everest because he's so tall, Rebound Pete, Buck as in Buckingham Palace because he's the guard, and PeeWee because at 6'1” he's the shortest). Jane says she can't possibly be taxed to remember all the names of people who will only be in the book for a chapter or two so Dan says they all answer to “Tex”. They've been stranded in Chicago by mechanical failure and the airport booked them rooms but they ask Jane if she knows where they can get some food and have some fun. Boy, does she!!!

Yee Haw!

Jane brings the collective Tex to the restaurant where the chili is simmering. One of them sniffs the air and says it doesn't smell right. He asks Toby if she put the cumin in and, of course, it's the one thing she forgot. Deus ex Tex. They all troop into the kitchen to offer chili suggestions and the disaster is averted and wrapped up in about four sentences. The crowd that night is bigger than the expected and Toby and “Tex” are extremely busy making new batches of chili to feed everyone. At one point they run out of onions and Toby suggests that “Tex” ask Andy or Steve to go down to the basement storeroom to get more. Charlie (Andy's brother) goes to find Andy and unbeknownst to anyone, a Tex goes to find Steve. 

Oooooooooooooooh. I bet you can't predict what's going to happen. I mean it's only 100 fucking percent obvious.

Sure enough, Andy and Steve manage to get themselves locked down in the basement together.

THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED!!

They end up talking and they have a bunch in common. Steve loves ballet and wants to be a musician. Andy loves music and wants to be a ballerina. Clearly they are destined to be together forever.  By the time Charlie comes looking for them a few minutes later, they have a date to see a ballet during Spring Break and Matt can just stick that in his eye!

At some point during the evening, Toby gets a call from Neal. He offers to pick the three of them up from the airport and then asks Toby if she'll go get pizza with him afterwards. Toby accepts. This is not a case of Canby Hall Cheater Fever because Toby has a crush on Randy but they are not going out. In fact, he's made it pretty clear that romance can never happen between them. Although, I will note that it's a bit weird of Toby to be dating Neal while Neal is still somewhat attached to Jane. I mean, he's currently mad at her and I think they mostly decided to just be friends, but the whole thing is murky and undefined really.

The next day it's time to head back to Canby Hall. Jane surprises Andy and Toby with their first class upgrades. I'm still trying to figure out how this worked. If they were Jane's upgrades, wouldn't she have to buy Toby and Andy's tickets in order to apply them? Maybe things worked different back in the 80's. I'm willing to go along with that. The enjoy the fruits of first class and Jane remarks that she never really thought about the people who served her and how much hard work it really was. She vows to pay more attention to the little people from now on. {delicate sniff}

The girls discuss their New Year's resolutions. Jane says hers is to be more honest with herself. I really think hers should be to respect Cary, but whatever. Andy resolves to be more honest with others. Which doesn't even make a huge amount of sense. She reaches this resolution because she wasn't honest with how she felt about Steve but it's not like she was lying to him and telling him she hated him when she secretly loved him. THAT would be her being dishonest with others. What she's describing is being dishonest with HERSELF.

You know, I just realized Jane and Andy made each other's resolutions. Jane's should have been to be honest with others because she is continually lying to people (about how many dates she has to a dance or wedding or how much money she has or how much work experience she has for instance). Andy's should have been to be honest with herself because she ignores her own feelings a lot of the time. Silly ghost writer. Pay attention, would ya?

Toby says her resolution is to work on her attitude. She often thinks that the way things are in Texas should be the way they are everywhere else and she wants to work on that. I totally love Toby, y'all.

All Canby Hall books seem to end with a sentence so corny that I just want to die. This one is no exception. Toby remarks that she could get used to First Class. Jane replies that there's a problem with that.

“There's no such thing as First Class at Canby Hall.”

“Oh, yes there is,” Toby corrected her. “There's First Class friendship and you can't ask for anything better than that!”

Oh, mercy. I think my book crush just died.

Queen of the Book Award: Y'all, it's honestly Toby again.  She volunteered to help Andy's family out and then ACTUALLY made an effort to do the job and be helpful.  

The Bitch of Baker House Award: It's going to Jane this time.  She did a half-assed job at the restaurant that just made more work for everyone else.  Instead of trying to improve, she just gave up and ran away.  Super unhelpful.  Plus, she cheated on Cary.  AGAIN.

Coming Up Next:  Jane's family is throwing her a super proper party {delicate sniff} and her unsophisticated roommates are sure to ruin the proper-ness with their urban and rural ways.  Whatever will poor Jane do?